Stars
943 Words
“I need space.”
The words came out quieter than I expected.
Not angry. Not sharp.
Just… tired.
Silas didn’t argue.
That somehow made it harder.
“I’ll be right outside,” he said gently.
I nodded without looking at him and walked away before I could change my mind.
---
The bathroom felt too small.
Too silent.
Too real.
I shut the door and leaned against it for a second, my hand still on the handle like I needed something to hold me in place.
Then everything hit.
All at once.
I slid down slowly until I was sitting on the floor, my knees pulled to my chest.
My breath broke first.
Then everything else followed.
A sob escaped before I could stop it.
“I just wanted her…” I whispered, my voice cracking under the weight of it. “Just once… I wanted to keep her.”
My chest tightened painfully, like something inside me was trying to reach back to where I had been.
But she was gone.
And I was here.
Again.
I pressed my palms against my eyes, trying to stop the tears, but they didn’t listen.
Nothing listened anymore.
Not my thoughts.
Not my body.
Not whatever I was becoming.
“I don’t even know who I am,” I said into the silence.
The words echoed back at me.
Empty.
I forced myself up eventually, my legs unsteady as I turned on the shower.
The sound of water filled the space, louder than my thoughts for once.
I stepped under it without waiting.
Cold.
Then warm.
Then nothing.
I stood there, letting it fall over me, over my face, mixing with the tears I hadn’t realized were still coming.
My hands came up slowly, gripping my arms like I needed to feel something real.
Something mine.
My breathing slowed slightly.
Not steady.
Just… less broken.
I don’t know how long I stood there before something felt off.
A different kind of awareness.
Like my body wasn’t just mine anymore.
I turned slightly, my hand brushing against my back.
And I froze.
There was something there.
Not raised.
Not painful.
But… present.
I stepped out quickly, water dripping from my skin as I reached for the mirror, turning awkwardly to see.
At first, I didn’t understand what I was looking at.
Then—
I did.
Stars.
Small.
Etched into my skin like they had always been there.
But they hadn’t.
I knew they hadn’t.
My breath caught.
There were four.
Not in a perfect line.
Not random either.
Connected in a way I couldn’t explain.
One of them—
Burned brighter than the rest.
Soft, but alive.
The second was smaller.
Fainter, like it hadn’t fully formed yet.
The third—
It wasn’t still.
It curved slightly, like a shooting star frozen in motion.
And the fourth…
My fingers trembled as I touched it.
Barely there.
Faded.
Like it had already fallen.
Like it didn’t belong to the sky anymore.
“What… is this?” I whispered.
My voice sounded small.
Lost.
I turned slightly, trying to see if there were more.
And there were.
Not all together.
Spread.
One near my collarbone.
Another faint one along my side.
Pieces of something I didn’t understand.
Something that belonged to me.
But felt completely foreign.
My chest tightened again.
Too much.
Everything was too much.
My knees gave out before I could stop it, and I sank to the floor again, this time harder.
A sob tore out of me.
“I don’t want this,” I cried. “I don’t want any of this.”
The marks didn’t disappear.
They didn’t dim.
They stayed.
Like they were part of me now.
Like they had always been waiting.
I pressed my hands against my face again, shaking, breath uneven, everything inside me unraveling.
“I just want my mom…”
The door opened.
I didn’t hear it.
I didn’t hear anything until—
Arms wrapped around me.
Warm.
Steady.
Real.
Silas.
I didn’t pull away.
I couldn’t.
I turned into him instantly, gripping onto him like he was the only thing keeping me from falling apart completely.
“I don’t understand,” I whispered against him. “I don’t understand what’s happening to me.”
“I know,” he said quietly, his hand coming up to the back of my head, holding me there. “You don’t have to right now.”
“I saw her,” I said, my voice breaking again. “She was real. She was right there and now she’s gone and I can’t go back.”
His hold tightened slightly.
“I know.”
“I don’t want this,” I said again, weaker this time. “I didn’t ask for any of this.”
His hand moved slowly down my back—
And stilled.
Just for a second.
He saw them.
I felt it.
The pause.
The shift in his breath.
But he didn’t pull away.
He didn’t question.
He didn’t react.
He just held me closer.
Like it didn’t change anything.
That somehow broke me even more.
“I’m still me, right?” I whispered, my voice small, almost afraid of the answer.
He didn’t hesitate.
“Always.”
I held onto that.
Even if I didn’t fully believe it.
Even if everything inside me felt like it was changing into something I didn’t recognize.
I stayed there in his arms, shaking slowly, the water still running somewhere behind us.
And for the first time since I woke up—
I didn’t feel completely alone.
But I still felt lost.
And I didn’t know which one was worse.
- Writer
