Inner Witch

Chapter 8: The trip

Tammy POV

Present

After hours of driving, I decided to stop at a hotel around 3 am, the witch hour some people say. It was a small place and fortunately they had rooms available. I decided to sleep a couple of hours before having to work. During the day I almost fell asleep a couple of times but managed to stay awake until 5 pm. Thank god it was Friday. I also talked to my manager to tell him that I was going to ask for some days off next week. He approved it without a wimp and tried to talk with me about my personal life. I kept the conversation short, not giving too much detail about my personal life, and we hung up.

I went out and found a burger place close by. It was a small place and I decided to eat a cheeseburger and an oreo milkshake while I decided if I should leave now or maybe take a nap and drive the whole night. When I stopped finishing my food, I realized that some customers were eyeing me from time to time as if they were spying on me. I became a little anxious and decided to leave the place, but on my way out I ran into a big guy that looked at me with angry eyes. I mumbled an apology and was about to leave there.

-Hey! Where are you going? - The man asked and I walked faster to my car.

A hand grabbed my arm and stopped me in my tracks.

-I asked you something! - I turned to look at him with my best poker face, trying not to show I was a little afraid, but the smirk he gave me told me that he knew.

- I don’t have to answer you anything.

- Tsk, do not stay in this town, so leave as soon as possible. We don’t like your type here.

I frowned at his words. What was he talking about? What type am I? A lot of people started to gather, making me more anxious and the wind was starting to turn crazy as if a tornado was about to form. I managed to get my arm out of his grip and kept walking to my car. I was definitely not going to stay in this place any longer, it seemed like a town of cocos.

I just went to the hotel to grab my things and left as soon as possible. After that, I felt like everyone was watching me. Maybe I was just a little scared, but I was not going to test my luck tonight.

I drove as fast as I could to the next town, but for some reason I was not feeling any safer, the road was dark and the sun was almost gone. Maybe I was just tired and my mind was a little stressed out with everything. I tried to convince myself but it wasn't working. This surely was a bad idea, right? or not? Or am I just scared of whatever is ahead of me? You know, maybe this is just a reflection of my nervousness about going back to the place I once called home and had some of my happiest memories with someone that I loved but didn’t love me back. Or maybe I was going to die at the hands of a serial killer without anyone knowing, because I do everything alone and never tell a soul…

My mind was going wild with the craziest theories and got super scared when my phone started to ring. I answered immediately to stop the noise that almost gave me a heart attack.

-Hello?

-Hello Tamara - f**k! It was John.

-Hi…

-Where are you?

-Why are you asking?

-I went to your apartment and you are never there.

- I just went out… clubbing -I lied… but not very well to be honest.

-Hmmm… where?

-John… What is the matter? I am sure that this call is not to greet me and act like a father about to ground her daughter. -I sighed, trying to change the subject.

-Definitely not.

-So?

- We have to sign the papers tomorrow.

-I can’t, I told you and Annie that I haven’t decided what to do, so stop asking me about it. I will give you a call when I have a decision. - I hung up the phone and took deep breaths.

At midnight, I was a couple of hours from the vineyard, there was an announcement of mountain Phili. My heart started to go faster and I felt lightheaded, memories of my grandmother coming to me at full speed. I decided to stop at a gas station to calm myself. It took me a couple of minutes to control my breathing and the overwhelming feeling that this was a mistake. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate and identify the sounds in my surroundings. I could hear some cars, the wind knocking at my window, a couple of animals close by. I tried to concentrate on every sound and my breathing started to calm down, my heart was no longer pounding in my chest and ears. Without knowing, I fell asleep for a couple of hours and woke up around 4 am. I went to the convenience store to buy a coffee and took my leave of the place. I distracted myself with some music and singing the rest of the trip.

Finally, I arrived… I was impressed that I was able to return here without a map. Apparently, I still remember everything. The country house was a beautiful big house made of wood with 4 rooms and bathrooms. There were a bunch of ivy plants that covered some walls. I looked for the spare key that was always hiding between the bushes, after a couple of minutes I found it and entered the house. Everything was quiet and I entered very slowly and carefully, as if my grandma would come out of nowhere to tell me that it was time to study. I realized that everything was clean, not a glimpse of dust, everything seemed in good condition, I wonder if someone had come here… I walked around the house looking at the living room, the dining room with the big round table. I passed my grandma's office, the room where I always stayed, everything was like I remembered it.

I stopped in the main room, opened the door slowly and entered. My grandmother's room was simple and none of her things were there, her hairbrush was gone, her clothes, even her creams that she bought in Paris were gone. I do not know why I was surprised she left this place after my parents married and I think she never came back.

I looked at my bag and decided to take out the letter that my grandmother gave me… maybe this is the time and place to read it… carefully I opened the envelope and started to read…

“ Tamara

You probably wonder why I left the vineyard and the country house to you, and as hard as it is to write this… this place belongs to you, it has since you were little. I know that you will take better care of the place than one of your siblings would do. I loved that place deeply and I know you did too and hope you still do. You will cherish it, and take care of it like I would. Because the memories we had there, the memories we shared are engraved in our hearts.

I don't expect you to understand why I loved that place the way I do, or did. Since you are reading this, it means I am dead. But you, my dear, are the sole existence of that place. I bought it and built that business just for you. That is why I always showed you everything that you needed to know.. grapes, wine, soil, business, everything. So, it can not belong to anyone else. For that reason, I agreed with Mister Johnson to have the papers for the property ready to be signed as soon as I was gone. I know Jules and I know my other grandchildren… they can be… difficult to say the least.

I know that you are mad with life, with everything and especially with me. You have lost so much, your mother and father… and now that I am close to death I have to admit that I don't care what people expect of me, the great Ms. Miller doesn't matter in this letter… So just in this letter allow me to be just your grandmother and nothing else and confess that one of my biggest regrets was leaving you alone… or making you think you were alone. I always kept an eye on you… but maybe I was too much of a coward, scared of what people might say, what society expected of me and my family. I was scared to admit that I loved that little girl, that little girl that could not be shown to society… I loved you… it didn't matter the situation, because you were the daughter of my son and you were my granddaughter.

The night your parents died… I should have been with you and I wasn't, I couldn’t face you, because i didn't know how to ask for your forgiveness, ask you to forgive me for leaving you alone, so when you needed me the most I wasn’t there for you… and maybe this is my way of apologizing and to tell you that… I love you deeply. You were and you are a Miller, not because I raised you to be one, you have been different since you were born. Your mother made sure of that. You, my dear, have the courage and the good values that a Miller should have, you are strong, independent and such a beautiful human being. Even that night when your parents passed away, after the funnel… after the Jules scandal, I could see the great woman you were… and I am so sorry that I wasn't the grandmother you deserved… but you have to know that you did not need me. You are the woman you are today because you were loved by your parents and you are greater than you think… so this place now belongs to you. It won't be easy but it will be worth it… I know it.

Take good care of it my dear… I trust you will.

With love, Louisa Miller”

My tears were running through my face, I was reading the words that I always wanted to hear from her… a little late but there were written in this letter. I laid down on the bed and hugged the pillows to feel a little better. I was still grabbing the letter and letting my feelings pour down through my tears. After a couple of minutes, tiredness took over me and I fell asleep peacefully after this long trip that only took me 2 days, but it felt more like a week, but I was finally here… in this country house that I once called home and hoped to call it home again very soon.