That night I found out how thin the line between love and hate can be. In the time it took me to listen to that afternoon's tape I went from worshiping the ground that Helen walked on to wanting to put my hands around her throat and squeezing until she turned purple and died. But prison did not appeal to me (I had been there and done that and did not want to do it again) so I forced myself to put on a calm front while I figured out what to do about the situation.
The rage had to go somewhere and where it went was into the head of my d**k. When I got in bed with Helen that night I just grabbed her and took her. No foreplay, no hugs, no kisses, just slam it into her and f**k. I wanted to hurt her; I wanted to punish her and somehow my c**k understood that. I couldn't c*m! My c**k wouldn't l
