Marked by midnight.

Chapter 11: Barely Contained. Rivers POV.

The brakes on the truck screeched, breaking the suffocating silence, the cracked dash pressing into my knee. Every jolt made the cuts under my hands sting. I didn’t care. If anything, it reminded me I could still feel something other than rage or despair, even if that something was pain.

For the last fifteen minutes I’d been staring at the radio sputtering weakly, dying sparks igniting in its frame. Anything to try to distract me from the hell I’d stumbled into.

Bay kept his eyes on the road. Calm. Focused.

But I could feel the tension coiled beneath his skin like a wire pulled too tight.

He knew me. Knew what I could do if I let Shade fully to the front in this state. Knew how easily my wolf could erase the world in a heartbeat.

And he still trusted me.

Even if he was lost in careful, tense silence.

Most of the journey had been quiet.

Bay had told me his plan. Told me what she’d agreed to. Told me that my sister and his mate were already working behind the scenes to make Saturday possible.

A lifeline I wasn’t sure I deserved.

When the pressure became too much, I’d punched the door so hard the metal splintered across my lap. The truck had fallen still.

Silence.

Pain.

Rage.

And now.. guilt.

The truck finally rolled to a stop just shy of pack territory, sputtering its last breath like it was grateful the drive was over. The dashboard was split down the center like broken ribs. My blood smeared across the wheel, the console… everywhere.

I hadn’t even noticed we’d stopped.

Not really.

Shade was still too close, still pushing. All of my strength, all of my attention was being used to keep him from taking over.

I could feel him pacing beneath my skin, scraping claws against my ribs, pressing against bone. My aura rolled out in waves I couldn’t contain, thick, dark and electric. It rattled the windows.

I dragged in a breath that didn’t ease anything.

Guilt again.

Bay stared ahead for a long moment, hands tight on the wheel.

“Riv,” he said carefully. “You need to breathe. Get some control before we hit the gate. They’ll feel you. Even I’m struggling with the intensity of it.”

I breathed or tried to.

It came out shaking.

“I’m fine.”

The lie tasted like poison..

Bay didn’t push. He never pushed unless he had to.

But his worry threaded the air like a whispered prayer.

Shade snarled at the scent of it; protective, territorial, furious.

I scrubbed a hand over my face, smearing the dried blood.

“Just drive, Bay.”

He nodded and eased the truck forward.

The moment we crossed into the outer perimeter, the patrol wolves straightened. Heads snapped our way, backs stiffening, bodies dropping into instinctive submission even though I hadn’t meant to project anything.

My aura hit them like a wall.

Brook, a good fighter, better kid, swallowed hard as we slowed.

“Alpha,” he murmured shakily, bowing his head and dropping his eyes to the ground. His voice cracked, like he was fighting the weight of my energy pressing on him.

I clenched my jaw.

I didn’t want this.

Didn’t want them crushed beneath a storm I couldn’t contain.

“Pick your head up, Brook,” I muttered.

He did, barely. Fear laced his eyes when they met mine for a heartbeat.

I must have looked feral; bloodied, wild-eyed, Shade so close to the surface that even the trees seemed to flinch. The poor kid’s mind was likely running wild with threats; thinking I’ve been battling rogues.

He probably thought some monster had followed me home.

Bay leaned in, whispering. “Shade’s bleeding into your aura, Riv. They think you’re about to shift.”

“Shit.”

He was right.

I was the reason they were scared.

The reason Brook was scared.

Shade wasn’t just bleeding through, he was pushing.

Pushing to turn the car around.

Pushing to tear through the night.

Pushing to get back to her.

My mate.

Her scent had faded from my nose, but the memory of it was carved into every inhale.

Wild. Soft. Warm.

Moonlight, forest, honey and rain.

A calm threaded with..

Fear she was hurt..

Fear she wasn’t mine.

Fear she’d reject me.. and I wouldn’t survive it.

The truck rolled through the gates and into the packlands as guilt flooded my senses.

Conversations stopped. Heads bowed. Eyes dropped.

A ripple of submission swept the courtyard.

Not respect.

Recognition. Their Alpha wasn’t fully in control. Shade was slipping in heavily. Not the united Alpha Wolf they were used to.

I grounded my teeth, forcing my breathing slower, even as my hands shook.

Bay exhaled beside me.

“You’ve got this. They love you, Riv. They won’t question you unless you give them a reason to.”

“A reason to..” I growled, shaking my head because it was easier than explaining that Shade was the reason.

I glanced at Bay. His head was bowed, struggling against my aura.

Guilt washed through me again.

“I’m not snapping at you,” I muttered, harsher than intended. “I’m just.. I’m trying.”

“I know,” Bay said softly. “I’m here. Don’t worry about me.”

His loyalty was a knife to the ribs, because I didn’t deserve it. Not tonight.

We pulled up to the pack house. Warm lights glowed from the windows. Laughter drifted softly through the balcony. Home pressed around me like a memory I couldn’t sink into. This scene was usually my salvation.. today it made me want to tear the place apart.

Shade pushed harder.

My bones ached. My heartbeat shook the air.

And I prayed to the Moon Goddess that my pack, my family, all those that I loved would leave me alone tonight.

Before Bay even cut the engine, the front door swung open.

My Gamma stepped out with that infuriating grin, carefree, bright. His large brown eyes shining bright at the sight of us and his golden curly hair bouncing with each step he took. He looked more like a human surfer than a wolf. The man was too cheerful for a warrior who’d lived through the horrors he had.

“Boys!” Elias called. “How was the riveting Alpha meeting? Please tell me you at least let Bay pick the truck snacks this time.”

Elias froze mid-step as my aura slammed into him.

A beat.

Eyes widening, just slightly.

“Alpha.. you look like you lost a wrestling match with a semi-professional..”

Another pulse of aura slammed into him, harder this time.

His smile faltered, for half a breath I saw his recognition, then his grin returned. Elias wasn’t rattled easily. Not after everything he’d survived.

“Alright..” he said slowly. “Alpha?”

I didn’t respond.

Couldn’t.

Shade shoved against my skin, restless, desperate.

Bay got out first.

I followed. My shoes hit the ground too hard, the gravel vibrating. Another pulse of aura rolled out.

I looked toward the forest, fighting the urge to shift, to run until the world blurred. My suit felt too tight. Too restrictive. My own skin felt like a prison.

But if I shifted now.. Shade would take over.

And he’d go straight to her.

I growled in frustration before I could stop myself. The pack house rattling against the blow of my aura.

Elias lifted his palms. “Hey now, big guy. Save the intimidation for rogues.”

But his eyes tracked every twitch.

He saw more than he let on.

Bay stepped in front of me, quiet and loyal. “He’s fine. Just needs space.”

Elias raised a brow but didn’t question as I moved past.

I didn’t speak.

Shade snarled at the thought of explaining anything; at the thought of speaking her name to another wolf. Especially an unmated wolf like Elias.

I stormed up the steps, each one trembling from the aura leaking off me.

“Alpha!” Bay called.

But I was already pushing through the doors.

Warmth washed over me for a heartbeat before irritation cracked through my skin. I headed straight for my office. My footsteps echoed like gunshots down the hall.

I ignored the bowed heads and whispered greetings from my pack members. I couldn’t bear to look into their eyes and see their fear or concern. I wasn’t strong enough to carry that as well.

“Alpha,” Elias tried again.

“Leave me,” I growled too close to an Alpha command. I knew that would have hit hard, would have had him close to his knees. I didn’t mean for it to project on him.

Guilt, again.

I didn’t look back.

The office door slammed so hard the walls shook. Pictures rattled and fell. Dust drifted.

Silence swallowed the room.

Except for my breathing; sharp, fractured.

And Shade.

Pacing.

Howling silently inside me.

MATE. MATE. MATE.

My hands braced the desk as the truth of the night crashed over me. Shade roared inside my chest, demanding release, demanding her.

Fifteen years.

Fifteen years imagining her face.

Wondering if she was alive.

Wondering if I’d ever see her again.

And now that I had..

She wasn’t mine.

But she was.

Completely.

Undeniably.

I closed my eyes. The bond burned under my ribs like a brand. A cruel joke.

I didn’t know how long my control would hold.

But I knew one thing:

Nothing would be the same.

Whether she accepted me or rejected me; I would be changed forever.

But right now, I needed to get control.

I couldn’t keep leaking this power. Couldn’t let it seep through the pack like fear.

If I didn’t force Shade down, if I didn’t cage this storm before Saturday, I’d tear apart the home I was meant to protect.

Or worse.. I’d terrify her.

The thought alone nearly dropped me to my knees.

Tonight, I’d allow myself this.

Tonight, I’d allow myself to be a mate. A mate that was scared the other half of his soul loved someone else.

A mate who hated that she’d built a life without him; a family, laughter, memories.. children.. he wasn’t part of.

To be afraid she wouldn’t accept me.

To break.

Tomorrow..

Tomorrow I needed to manage this despair. To contain Shade. To live with the possibility of her rejection.

Tomorrow, I needed to be the Alpha again.

The Goddess only knows how.