Hidden Gifts

1. Spirit Walk-3

“Oh, yeah. My whole life. My parents, too, and my grandparents, and — ” He stopped there and grinned. The expression lit up his dark eyes, and I had to do my best not to stare. He really was kind of gorgeous. “Well, we’ve been there a long time, but that’s not so strange. Lots of families in Santa Fe go back hundreds of years.”

That was the impression I’d gotten, hearing my parents talk about the Castillos, but of course I couldn’t exactly bring up that particular fact. I nodded. “I’d heard that,” I said vaguely.

He didn’t seem to notice my lackluster response. “I go to school at UNM,” he said. “But my car died a week ago and I’m still trying to scrape together the money to get it fixed, so it’s mass transit for now.”

Wow. How far was it from Santa Fe to Albuquerque? Around fifty miles, if memory served, but that probably didn’t take into account whatever distance Simon had to travel to get to the Railrunner station in Santa Fe, or the distance from the station in Albuquerque to the University of New Mexico campus. There was some dedication to higher learning.

I supposed you could say something similar about me. Not that I had to take the train to go to school or anything — Northern Pines University in Flagstaff was only about ten minutes from the family house there — but because I’d been determined to get my degree before I turned twenty-one and doom descended. That meant some extra summer school classes in addition to the AP credits I’d earned in high school, but I still managed to get a bachelor’s in European history despite my constrained circumstances. If nothing else, I could say that was something I’d accomplished on my own, something that was still mine, even when the rest of my life felt completely out of control.

“That must be a pain,” I said, my tone sympathetic. Because yes, while my future apparently had been decided for me, I’d had a very nice life up until this point. Both of the houses my parents owned were large and comfortable, I’d gone to good schools, and I’d never had to worry about money in my life. The McAllisters weren’t quite as prosperous as the Wilcoxes, but even so, I didn’t know a single person from either clan who couldn’t afford to repair a car, or pay for groceries, or any of the hundreds of niggling financial problems that could worry at you when you didn’t receive a stipend every month which guaranteed you’d never have to want for any essentials.

Or nonessentials, I thought with a mental grin, remembering my Uncle Lucas and his plane. All right, it was just a four-seat Cessna, and not some private jet with leather upholstery and walnut cabinets, but still. I didn’t know too many other people with their own planes.

Simon didn’t appear to notice my abstraction. Pushing up the sleeves of his long-sleeved T-shirt, probably because it was slightly stuffy in the Railrunner car, he said, “It’s not so bad. I can study on the way down in the morning. And I don’t have any Friday classes, so I’m done now until next Monday.”

How was I supposed to respond to that? Was he sending out a subtle feeler, trying to see if I’d be interested in spending any time with him over the weekend? I honestly didn’t know, since I’d spent most of my life trying to avoid male company unless it was someone I happened to be related to. At college, that sort of contact had been unavoidable, but I’d still done whatever I could to seem detached, casual, not someone you’d want to approach. The tactic had worked fairly well, but it had also left me lacking much in the way of useful skills when it came to deciphering male attitudes and responses.

“Oh, that’s good,” I said, my tone noncommittal, then turned my head so I could look out the window. There really wasn’t all that much to see; at this time of year, the open land that surrounded us was yellow and dry, so leached and sere that I wondered if it was ever truly green. Off in the distance were some high, jagged mountains, but I couldn’t remember their name.

If Simon was put off by my less than enthusiastic response to his comment about being free for the weekend, he didn’t show it. He said, “This probably isn’t the best time of year to come here. There are still some trees in Santa Fe that have some color, but earlier in October is better for that kind of thing.”

“I suppose I’ll see it next year,” I remarked as I settled back in my seat and turned away from the window, and he lifted an eyebrow.

“You’re staying that long?”

Damn. I probably should have paid more attention to what I was saying. Well, too late now to take the words back. “Um, probably,” I hedged. “It’s not all completely settled yet.”

That comment earned me a sideways glance, but he seemed to realize that maybe he was getting a little more personal than our brief acquaintance should have allowed. He shrugged again and reached into the pocket of his jeans to pull out his phone. “Well, if that’s the case,” he said, retrieving some wireless earbuds as well, “then you’ll get to see all of Santa Fe’s seasons. Winter can be hard sometimes, but if you’re from Flagstaff, you should be used to that.”

I nodded, then was relieved to see him put in the earbuds, thus saving us from further conversation. It wasn’t that I didn’t like talking to him — it was that I liked it too much. And I knew I shouldn’t be doing that, not when I had Rafael waiting for me at the end of this journey.

To make things a little less awkward, I pulled out my phone as well. It was brand-new, purchased for me only a few days before I left on this trip. The contacts list was conspicuously bare, and only contained my parents’ cell phone numbers and email addresses, and Genoveva’s phone number as well, just in case I needed to get in touch with her sometime during my travels. Yet another of the Castillo prima’s quirks — she’d insisted that I have a new phone, so my friends wouldn’t be able to reach me. That stricture also applied to not having any of their information in my contacts; I wasn’t supposed to reach out to them, either.

The whole thing was very strange. In a way, though, as much as it hurt to leave behind the people I’d known in high school and college, it would have hurt more to still talk to them after I’d reached Santa Fe, to hear how normal their lives were in comparison with mine. Better to make a clean break, to continue with this odd ritual of purification.

When a shaman went on his spirit walk, he went alone.

I didn’t try to reach my parents. I only muted the sound on the phone, then played a game until the train got to the outskirts of Santa Fe. Then I was much more interested in watching the sights outside than I was messing around with my phone. Simon also put his earbuds away, and, seeming to decide it was okay to start talking again, said, “This is the first stop here, by the National Guard armory. We’ll stop again near the 25 Freeway and Zia Road. The next stop after that is the Railyard.”

“Thanks,” I told him, although my heart began to beat a little faster at his mention of the Railyard, my final destination. I still didn’t know who would be meeting me there, only that someone from the Castillo clan would be on hand to pick me up and take me to the prima’s house off Canyon Road.

Simon gave me another of those piercing glances, as if he could somehow tell that I was hiding something. “Do you have someone picking you up there? Because if you don’t, you should use the Ryde app to call a car for you.”

“No, I’m fine,” I said hastily as we pulled away from the first station and began chugging our way along to the next. “My um — my cousin is going to be there to get me.”

The words must not have sounded too convincing to Simon, because his brows were still pulled together in a faint frown. To my relief, though, he didn’t argue, didn’t try to push it any further. “Oh, that’s good.”

He got his backpack out from under the seat and stowed his phone inside rather than returning it to his pocket. I likewise busied myself, putting my phone in my purse and then getting my sunglasses out of the side pocket where they’d been resting ever since I got on the Railrunner in Albuquerque. By the time I was done fussing around, we’d gotten to the next station, which looked like it was across the street from a fairly large shopping center. A good number of people got off here, leaving the car half empty.

And then it was on to the final stop, passing through a part of town that seemed to be a weird mix of modern commercial buildings and shops and warehouses, and older ramshackle adobe structures. The tracks cut across a busy intersection with at least four lanes going in either direction, and then we were moving through more warehouses, the train slowing down as we finally pulled into the Railyard, which was busier than I’d thought it would be, with restaurants and shops and what looked to be a movie theater.

The train stopped, and once again I could feel the way my heart pounded in my chest. I didn’t know what was waiting for me. All I knew right then was that I wanted to stay on the train, wanted to keep talking to Simon and postpone for as long as possible what was coming next.

He seemed to detect my unease, because he asked, “You’re sure you’re okay, Miranda?”

“I’m fine,” I said quickly. Knowing that I didn’t dare have him anywhere near when I met my first Castillo, I added, “Oh, I see my cousin waiting for me. It was — it was really nice meeting you, Simon.”

A smile touched his lips, even as he stood up and waited for his chance to move out into the aisle. “It was nice meeting you, too. And who knows? Santa Fe isn’t that big a town. Maybe we’ll bump into each other again.”

“Maybe,” I repeated, even though I knew that wasn’t going to happen. “Good luck with your car!”

His smile didn’t fade. He just tilted his head toward me, as if acknowledging my words, then began to make his way toward the front of the car. After I saw him go down the steps and exit the train, I figured it was safe to reach up and pull my luggage out of the overhead compartment. My fingers shook, but I managed to wrestle the bags down and slide them on my shoulders, my purse dangling from the crook of my elbow.

Then there was nothing left to do but take a deep breath and move forward as well.

Toward my future.