Mending Wounds

Chapter Twelve

It wasn’t as if he was trying to be subtle about it; Cole I mean. He wasn’t trying to keep it a secret that he was watching me, nor trying to hide it. He was always there, always at some corner where he made sure that I was in his eyesight as if I were about to get kidnapped. Thankfully, Ben did not notice the constant presence of Cole and his friends around us.

I didn’t dance, I didn’t smoke, and I definitely did not have a single drink. Ben and I were busy talking and making fun of drunk idiots that were making a fool of themselves as they stumbled around and danced. Ben didn’t drink either, he stayed by my side the whole night as he held my hand in his and occasionally placed a kiss on my cheek.

Being the responsible person I was, I also had to keep an eye on Kamila and Lina since Adam was not here to do so, and since Alex already had Jeremy to do so. I didn’t have to worry about them much because they were mostly sitting and talking to Cole’s friends and playing childish party games. Having to check on them every half an hour, Cole and I would often lock eyes with each other. He always had a smirk on his face, once that tell me that he was up to no good. Like he was about to come here and drop a bomb on me; worst, it was as if he was going to drop the bomb on Ben, and the bomb being how I kept my relationship with him a secret from everyone.

“Hey” Derek said leaned in front Ben and I on the coach “I hate to be the one ruining the party for you, but Alex is puking her heart out in my parents bathroom”

I groaned “Are you f*****g kidding me? Why is Jeremy not with her?”

“Here’s the thing, she finally managed to piss him off and he left” Derek explained “She’s crying for you. I know it’s nothing new”

I groaned again as I stood up “Can you keep Ben entertained while I go clear this mess up?”

Ben shook his head “No way, I’ll come with you. I know more about handling drunk people and hangovers than you do”

‘Ugh if only he knew what a mess Cole was before leaving and how many nights I had to take care of both Cole and Alex’s drunk asses alone’ I told myself.

Deciding not to make it into a big deal and letting Alex embarrass herself in front of Ben, I let him follow me to the bathroom with no argument only to find Alex already on the floor her parents bathroom puking. I rushed to her side as I helped her, leaving Ben standing at the door awkwardly in the process.

“Alex, I thought we agreed on no drinks” I said, holding her hair back as she puked “You were supposed to lay on the alcohol for a while. Do you even remember how you swore not to drink after how wasted you got last time?”

She wiped her mouth with the back on her hand before leaning back into my chest “I know, but then Cole was being an asshole and challenged me into a game of beer ping pong” she said, hiccupping between every three four words “I just couldn’t stand the way that stupid friend of yours was all over him and mocking with her eyes. I hate her”

I felt the hair grow white “W… what friend?” I asked.

“Cameron, Kami or something” she said “Last time I saw him, she was leading him into his room”

“Ben, can you please just hold her here for a second?” I turned to him “I just need to do something. Please”

He took a seat next to her on the floor, then held her hair back as she puked “Just be quick”

I gave him a nod before rushing to Cole’s room, furiously knocking on his door once I got there. When I didn’t get a reply, I pushed the door open. I felt my blood boil as I saw Kamila leaning up to Cole’s ear as she fuddled with his shirt.

“Kamila, what the f**k are you doing?” I spat “What the f**k did I tell you? He off limits”

She stepped back as she groaned “What the f**k are YOU doing, Sophia? You can’t just tell me who I can make a move on and who is off limits. He is a person, not a toy that you can tell me I can’t have” she said “Cole wants this, and so do I. So, mind your own f*****g business for once. Just because your boring ass isn’t getting any action doesn’t mean that people around you should be having fun”

I look at her offended, then soon it turned into rage “Excuse me” I said lifting an eyebrow “You know what, I’ve f*****g had it with you and your shitty ass attitude. I am trying to protect your feelings here, but you don’t care so f**k you. The only thing he wants right now is to use you to f*****g piss me off. You might want to reconsider what is my f*****g business because you’re under my roof, with my family, and trying to get with my ex-boyfriend. So, get your f*****g filthy hands off my what’s mine and get the f**k out. Just like I invited you here, I’m f*****g uninviting your ass”

“You can’t f*****g kick me out” she chuckled “It’s his actual house and his room. If he wants me here, I will stay no matter what you think and no matter WHAT. THE. f**k. YOU. SAY.”

I turned to Cole who watched me as I folded my hand under my chest “Go ahead, Cole, I f*****g dare you. I don’t give a flying f**k if you’re drunk or not, but if you do this, I will never ever speak to you again and I’m walking out of that door. I might’ve came back last time and the time before that, but this time it’s for good; I will not sit here watch you hurt me and ruin everything around me trying to get me back. You’re crossing the line here” I said.

“Are you leaving him for me then? Are you going to f*****g breakup with your boyfriend?” he spoke “You don’t want me to be with her, so it’s only fair that ask you to do the same and walk away from him”

“No” I told him “It doesn’t work like that”

“Then she stays” he said.

A small scream left Kamila’s mouth as she pushed me back “I’m not your f*****g second choice, asshole. f**k you. You know what, f**k you both, assholes” she said before pushing past me.

“I’m not asking you to not move on” I told him as I ran my hand through my hair as my voice cracked “I’m asking not to do it with my friends, or at least those who used to be before you ruined that too”

He took a seat on the bed “I didn’t make a move on her, she made one on me. I didn’t touch her either” she said, voice almost defeated “You might not thank me now, but losing her is for the best”

“You can’t be the judge of that” I told him “You can’t be the one deciding what’s for the best and what isn’t; she was my friend”

He shook his head “She wasn’t. That girl was talking s**t about you all whole time with that other fake friend of yours and Rowen. I was the one who told Alex to tell you that I was about to screw that girl so you can see how fake of a friend she really is. I knew that since the moment I met them earlier today. Is that who you want to be friends with? A bunch of fake ass people like that? I know you don’t want to hear this, but your boyfriend is included, there’s something not right about that guy”

“The only thing that is wrong with Ben is that he’s dating me instead of you, and you don’t like that” I pointed out “We need boundaries, Cole, we can’t keep doing this thing. This consistent fighting and trying to hurt each other needs to stop now”

“We both know that this, whatever we have, we can’t stop it” he said “You think I don’t want to stop fighting like this? I just can’t help it because when you’re not with me it f*****g drives me insane; and seeing you with someone else makes me want to make everything go to s**t and ruin everything around us. I came all the way back here hanging on the smallest hope that you still want me, but I just… I just wasn’t expecting you to be with someone else. It pissed me the f**k off knowing that you’re surrounding yourself with these new people and boyfriend that doesn’t deserve you. No one on the f*****g planet deserves you, Soph, not even me. You’re just too good for anyone and I don’t want you to settle for less because I hurt you so bad that you’re just scared of ending up alone. You deserve best of the best who can treat you like a queen, and Ben..., Ben can never treat you the way you deserve to be treated”

I went quiet at his words as I watched him, he fuddled with his fingers as he turned to watch the floor now. His words left my heart aching, but at the same time made my heart feel a warmth that I haven’t in a while, a warmth that Ben could never bring to my chest no matter how much I wish he could. But no matter how much I wanted to hold him and how much my lips ached to have lips on mine and his hands on my skin, I knew it would be wrong for me to touch him that at that moment, I couldn’t lead him on and I could hurt Ben in a way I never wanted to be hurt myself.

I gather every bit of strength I had as I faced him and put on a blank face “I never wanted to be treated like a queen, I just wanted to be treated like I’m loved” I said before walking out.

Ben wasn’t there when I got into the bathroom, instead, I found Jeremy sitting on the floor with Alex crying into his arms and apologising for whatever reason. Deciding to give them their privacy, I walked to Derek’s room to change into a black oversized men shirt and a pair of knee length purple cotton short under it. I then tied my hair up in a messy ponytail.

As I wiped off my makeup in the mirror, I tried not to think about everything that happened today as I walked there; I tried not to think about the fact that I just lost one of my close friends and probably another in the process. Kamila and Lina were friends way before I entered the relationship, and I knew goddamn well that both would throw in front of the bus if they needed in order to save their relationship. So, the odds are looking up for me since I’ll be losing two friends because one couldn’t keep her hands-off Cole.

Cole wasn’t really the one to blame for this situation. I only had myself to blame since I shouldn’t have kept everyone in the dark about Cole. Maybe if I told everyone about Cole from the beginning, Kamila wouldn’t have made a move on Cole knowing the history that runs between the two of us and the remaining feelings that I still can’t shake away. I guess my main fear when it came to that is how am I going to explain the reason why we broke up. I didn’t want everyone around me to have Cole for what he did, or me for leaving him after all we been through together.

But I also wasn’t the only one to blame. Even after I told Kamila about Cole being my ex-boyfriend, she still held her ground and tried to take him away from me. I know that he wasn’t mine to be taken away from me to begin with, but She should know better about dating a close friend’s ex. It wasn’t right. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it if they both decided to get together because I would be too much for me. I didn’t want to have to choose which side to be on when everything goes to s**t since they are both equal levels of stubborn and asshole.

“Hey” I said as I leaned against the door frame.

Ben was changing into a pair of grey sweatpants shorts and a black t-shirt “Hey” he smiled “Jeremy said to take the room, they’re staying in Alex’s parents’ room tonight. They wanted to give us some privacy I guess”

“Oh” I said as I took a seat on the bed.

He chuckled “Do you sleep with the door open?” he asked as he walked to the door.

I shook my head, my heart beating so fast that I can’t even manage to think about a word to utter. This was the first night I’d be spending with Ben. It wasn’t as if we never did anything s****l before, it was just that never during night-time where it could lead to something more. Other times, we had so many restrictions. Whenever we were together in his room, we had to be careful because I wasn’t even supposed to be up in his room, and then there was the roommate, the visiting hours, and me having a curfew. Plus, we haven’t done a lot of things and not many times. We’ve only did those things 4 times tops; and we’re talking about little things. Besides making out and being a little handsy, Ben and I have not been sexually interactive with each other.

Ben got on his knees in front of me, tucking a strand that was too short to go into the ponytail behind me ear. He then leaned in with a smile on his face, capturing my lips between his as dropped his hand to my neck to guide me to where his wanted my face to be. I giggle escaped my lips as he nibbled on my lower lips. His kiss was different than it usually was; usually we’d take our time, but this time, it felt rushed two seconds in.

I pulled away with a shaky chuckle “Chill, why are you rushing it?” I asked.

Trust be told, I already knew why he was rushing it. I know that he wanted to rush it because he wants to get to the next part before anyone interrupts us like every other time. And honestly, I did wish that someone would every time, including this one. I was just simply not ready to take that step with Ben, but I was too scared to admit it. It wasn’t because I wasn’t ready to do with him, it’s just because every time I’d close my eyes when he would touch my body, I’d compare him to Cole and sometimes I even see him. I couldn’t help it. I wanted to love Ben and give myself to him, but ever since the first time we tried to fool around, Cole would appear on my mind and things would just get too uncomfortable for me.

“Because I want to touch you, Soph” he said.

And just like that, I lost all of my urges, my s****l drive just shut itself down.

I pushed myself back so I’m sitting on the bed and away from him “Ben I told you not to call me that” I told him “I don’t f*****g like it”

He frowned in confusion “Why are you overreacting? It’s just a name. f**k, you can even call me Benji for all I care. It’s just a stupid nickname”

“That I told you not to call me?” I explained to him.

He ran his hands through his hair in frustration as he stood up “And yet you don’t react the same why when Cole calls you that”

I felt the hair on my head turn white, and the colour drain from my face “That’s different” I told him.

He folded his arms across his chest “Please, go ahead and explain it to me. SOPHIA” he said “Explain to me why you won’t let me call you by this stupid nickname, yet you are more than happy when Cole uses it”

“Ben, you’re my boyfriend. You calling me that would be weird because only my family calls me that” I told him.

“That’s straight up bullshit” He said.

I was about to open my mouth to speak but Jeremy walked into the room, then paused at the sight in front of him “s**t, I should’ve knocked” he said “Sorry”

“It’s fine, Jer. What’s up?” I said.

“Ben, we need to head back” Jeremy said “They’re calling everyone to come back. It’s probably a drill. I can bring you back later with me”

Ben shook his head as he picked up his bag “It’s fine, man. I’m not coming back; I rather sleep in my own bed anyways.

I felt an ache in my chest as I watched Ben.

“Alright, I’ll meet you at the car” Jeremy said before leaving.

“Are you serious? You’re not coming back because I won’t let you call me that stupid nickname?” I asked hurt.

“I’m leaving because you’re being dramatic over a f*****g nickname” he said “Sophia, be honest with yourself, were you even going to let me touch you if I stayed? Or would you have made a random excuse to stop me from doing so”

“Of course” I defended “Ben, I walked into this room willingly, I’m not forced to be here with you if I don’t want to”

“Then why are you so unwilling of letting me 100% in your life with no secrets?” he asked “Why are you not telling me the whole truth or giving me 100% of yourself, because whenever I am with you, you’re not here. Your mind is always somewhere else. And I’m sick of it”

He then let out a sigh “Call me when you’re ready to stop telling half of the truth and ready to be in a relationship with me because I’m tired of being in this relationship alone” he said before slamming the door shut.