Chloe

Chapter 17 - Ruined

I couldn’t believe I did it. I successfully screwed up the only thing in my life that actually worked. Every single thought of being a complete loser rushed back to me. All the taunts from students at the school returned and chanted over and over again in my head, “loser, loser, loser.” – Chloe’s Diary 

Chapter 17

Ruined

Friggen Unbelievable, she screamed inwardly.  She was sitting on the edge of the couch with her head between her legs. If she could only breathe maybe she could fix this mess but she couldn’t. She swallowed and tried again to stop the tears and to push the pain down to her stomach.  Don’t think, she silently yelled. But nothing worked. 

She was about to curl in a ball when all of sudden the front door swung open and banged against the wall. She jumped from the couch and swung around. Her heart beating uncontrollably, she grabbed the end of the couch to keep from falling. 

   It was Edwin. His chest was raising up and down from exertion or emotion, she didn’t know which. He had a huge silly grin on his face and she stood dumbly. He tilted his head sideways and asked, “Are you okay?”

Chloe didn’t answer for fear she would lose the contents of her stomach but was able to nod. He came closer, motioning for her to sit down. He was so very proper and perfect. She felt inadequate and stupid.

   When they were situated on the couch, he gingerly took her hand, flipped it palm up and traced the lines with his finger. Then he looked into her eyes causing her to return his gaze. She felt something heavy and soft placed in her upturned palm. She looked down to discover it was a long skinny robin egg blue jewelry box. She looked at it stupidly, not knowing what to say or how to act. She glanced up at him and he said softly, “Open it.” His voice was husky and full of emotion.

She again stared at the box afraid of what she was going to find, but finally she slowly began to try to open it. Her fingers fumbling with the lid because she shook violently. Besides her aunt, no one had ever given her a gift. Bless Edwin’s heart because he waited patiently as she battled to get her emotions under control.

   When she was finally able to pry the lid of the box she peered at a beautiful thin gold necklace with a solid gold sand dollar charm about the size of a quarter hanging from it. She gasped. It was so beautiful. Edwin reached over and flipped the sand dollar over. On the back was a heart engraved with a letter E. She looked up questionably and he explained, “I’ve had it for a while but I’ve been afraid to give it to you. I didn’t know how you felt. You keep your emotions concealed, and I’m always trying to guess where I stand. When I get enough nerve to give it to you, I get afraid that it will scare you away.” He touched her face.

   Edwin was always doing stuff like that. He would touch her softly as if he was training an abused horse to get used to his touch. That touch had become an addiction. She laughed silently realizing she did have a vice. It’s name was Edwin. 

   “I want you to know that you have my heart. This right here is the symbol of it and our relationship.” He touched the heart on the sand dollar. He then reached under his shirt to pull out another chain. The chain was more masculine but it had an identical but smaller charm. When he flipped it over it had the same heart with a C inscribed in it. That is when the tears that she had tried to hold back began to trickle.

   “I think we need each other. Apart we are broken, but together we make a whole. I love you Chloe, I have loved you since the first time I met you. When I think I can’t possibly love you more, it grows.” She knew exactly what he meant. She choked out a sob and threw her hands around him burying her head in his neck.

He loved her. Someone loved HER! The unlovable. Not only did the most beautiful unattainable man love her, but she loved him back. She didn’t have any idea how long they sat holding onto each other, all she knew was that nothing in her life felt as good as Edwin’s arms around her.

   That evening, Chloe paced the floor until her aunt arrived home. Edwin was already at the fire. She needed to talk to her aunt. Her poor aunt didn’t even have a chance to put her keys down before Chloe ran and hugged her. 

“I have news,” Chloe announced. 

“You’re not pregnant are you?” Aunt asked alarmed. Chloe was taken aback but then laughed and said, “You have to have s*x for that to happen.”

“Oh…well, I thought, well never mind.” Aunt looked flustered.

“Oh no, don’t stop now. I know you thought that two hormonal teens together alone wouldn’t find anything better to do than have meaningless s*x?” She grinned at her.

“No, that isn’t it at all. I have just noticed that things with Edwin and you have gotten pretty serious and I figured that it’s inevitable.”

Chloe sighed thankful her aunt understood, “You’re probably right. I haven’t been ready because…” She paused, not sure how to proceed, “Well, because I’ve never been touched, much less hugged. The thought of anything that intimate used to be very intimidating.” She looked into her aunt's eyes and said coyly, “but Edwin has changed that for me.”

Her aunt put her arm around her and said, “Oh darling, I understand, but you’ll know when you are ready. You are lucky that Edwin is gentlemanly enough not to pressure you to do anything you aren’t ready for, even if he looks ready to explode half the time.”

“What do you mean?” She hadn’t noticed Edwin being uncomfortable.

“Oh it is nothing. You’ll understand one day. Anyway we are off the subject, what’s your news. It’s obviously good otherwise you wouldn’t be smiling.”

   Part of her news encompassed a s*x talk but it was easier to avoid that for the moment. So she showed aunt what Edwin bought her and explained what had transpired. Her aunt sighed and sat down.

“Good grief, does he have a single dad, older brother?” She didn’t give her time to answer, “My goodness that guy is something else. We should clone him. We would make all the women in the world very happy,” Aunt said laughingly. 

“I agree women all around would be happy, but I am far too selfish to share him, even if it’s only a clone.” Chloe straightened trying to be brave and mature about the next part. It was a big decision that she had made.

“Aunt, that’s not all. I…” She turned bright red. “You know what we were just talking about a few minutes ago? Well I want to ….ummm. This is very hard for me.” Chloe looked very worriedly at her aunt.

Aunt laughed, “Go on, I won’t judge.”

“Oh I know you won’t. It is just embarrassing, that’s all. The thing is that I DO want to take Edwin’s and my relationship to the next level and I need advice.”

“Oh, well, I am not …um, yeah,” her aunt was clearly flustered. 

“Well I didn’t mean tonight, Aunt, so think about it. Another small thing…I umm, I would like to go to a clinic and get some protection and birth control pills.”

Aunt just sat stunned. Chloe didn’t understand it. She already thought they were having s*x, why would wanting to be prepared shock her so? As usual, her aunt answered her unspoken question.

“I think it was easier to imagine you MIGHT be having s*x than actually hearing that you are planning on having sex.” She turned to Chloe, grasping both hands into hers, “Honey, I won’t say don’t take this lightly because you don’t take anything lightly, and it’s obvious you put a lot of thought in the matter. So what I will say is just, be very careful because when you open this side of you up, it is irreversible and very emotional. It’s not something you can forget about or throw away. It’s with you forever when you share that part of yourself with a man. I know you love Edwin.  I can tell he loves you most passionately. But I worry about the two of you. You’re both so serious and young but somehow broken. Edwin seems to need you as much as you need him and that can lead to heartbreak when the need is too great. Not to mention that you are so young. You can only give your virginity to one man. Make sure you truly know the man you are giving your body to. This decision is HUGE, and you need to really make sure you are making the right decision. As far as the clinic situation, that’s way past due and should be done regardless. I need you to know, whatever you do or decide, as long as it is legal,” she raised her eyebrows as if to emphasize that point, “I will support you in any way I can.”

   “I love you, Aunt Claire.” She reached over and gave her a big hug. Her aunt sniffed a bit and looked away then back at Chloe, her eyes were filled with tears when she said, “Oh Chloe, you have no idea how much that means to me. I’m so glad I found you.” 

 After their conversation, Chloe noticed Aunt seemed preoccupied. Chloe didn’t want to pressure her to talk so she went to the fire.