Two Worlds

Chapter 8

"Arrogant peasant" I sighed for the umpteenth time that day. I was out shopping for some goods since I just ran out of groceries. Its already payday so I have the money to buy for my necessities. However, shopping outside had became a huge challenge for me nowadays and I always find myself buying things I like thru online. It saves me the trauma of facing vendors or shop owners who will insult my whole existence again. Plus, I could focus more on my research and novel writing. I admit I've become very sensitive and emotional after everything and to be honest up until now, I still can't get over it.

Everyone is back to work again and I've been doing my best to lose weight. So far I've lost 2 kilos and I've been using work to divert myself from all these. It works and I think that I'm starting to adjust to my new life now. I know the public knows me but acts like they don't. I've also learned to shut my mouth in talking about the boys because whenever I try to tell stories about them or talk about my passion for research or books that I've read, everyone will cut me off and treat me with no respect. Sometimes whenever I go out, I feel like people are always looking down on me.

"You need to smile and don't mind them, okay? You know that we're always here for you" Jong-oppa smiled and gave me another pillow to elevate my back from the bed "Its been a while since all these happened and I know it hurts but you have to move on and be happy without Min-hyung. That's your biggest revenge against him"

"My point is... I never knew him and I've never been in any relationship with him and yet... All of these are happening to me" I shook my head and continued typing on my laptop. I'm almost done with one chapter when Jong-oppa closed my laptop and grinned.

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Xi Jong's Point of View...

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I've been observing Jess for a long time now and I could say I know almost everything about her. I could see that she's forgotten how it really feels like to be happy. Her smiles are sweet like an angel and she acts like nothing bothers her but deep inside, I know everything does. She's become good at concealing her inner thoughts and true feelings. She's also learned how to react less on what is happening around her, but she can't fool a person with experience. And most of all, she can't fool me. I know she's not getting enough sleep and I always catch her working all the time. All work but no play.

She's working hard not for success but for using work to try and make her forget everything... And us... Little by little. I couldn't blame her for freezing her heart this way because it has become her way in dealing with pain for such a long time now. "You need to loosen up from time to time" I grinned and teleported us to a rooftop in one of the building around the area. Her look was priceless when I forced her to get away from work or at home for a while. She gotten used to me always teleporting her away from work for time to time. After all, she needs to relax and feel the air from the outside world to hit her skin.

We're lucky there's stars in the sky right now. I played a song in my playlist and started dancing in front of her. She doesn't know I love dancing like Yi-ge and finally, she smiled genuinely until I finish my dance routine. After I'm done, she went back to her normal half-hearted empty smile. Its like she's always controling herself to not show really happy. As expected of being conditioned in this kind of environment. So I understand if she doesn't want to show happiness anymore. "Wait me here" I said and teleported to blue magic to buy a teddy bear and back.

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End of Xi Jong's Point of View...

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I looked up into the starry night sky while leaning on the balustrade, letting the cold breeze hit my skin. Whenever I'm alone like this, I feel much lighter. 

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"You worth much more. Remember that, okay?"

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I opened my eyes, finding myself going back to those old memories once again. Its been so long since I've forgotten how his voice sounds like nor how he looks like, but I could never forget the words he told me nor how he made me feel special. I could never forget the times I used to visit him in the same old hospital room and in the same old hospital bed. I will never forget the smell of anti-septics lingering in the air and how I used to make sure he can breathe properly with his oxygen mask on. The blood that comes out of his whenever he cough and I used to sing him his favorite song are memories I will never forget.

"Did I made you wait again?" I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Jong-oppa called me. He smiled mischievously before showing me a teddy bear that he bought from blue magic.

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"Look! I had my friend buy me teddy bear! You love teddy bears, right?"

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I felt the words get caught in my throat and my heart feels heavier than ever. I can feel the weight of the world on my shoulders but I tried not to show it. Jong-oppa's mouth moves in my eyes but there were words or sounds coming out. It seems like the world just slows down and I feel like the pain gets more and more unbearable by the second. "I know you're not a fan of skin contact but..." I saw Jong-oppa kissed the teddy bear's lips and used the bear's lips to kiss mine "Please don't forget us, honeybee~"

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"Please forget me and move on, Jenny"

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I held the teddy bear in my arms and not long, rivers of tears escaped my eyes quietly. My throat feels hoarse from crying out loud and I couldn't remember anything other than letting these heavy feelings in my heart finally come out. It didn't bother me anymore that Jong-oppa's right in front of me and that he's holding me tightly in his arms and telling me not to cry. That I'm strong and I'll be okay. That I can do everything other's can't even if I'm alone on my own. 

I tried to control my emotions but its too much. Those painful memories. Those memories of how I celebrated the new year by holding him in my arms tightly, almost shouting out the lyrics of his favorite song while his body twitches violently, his lungs trying its hardest to breathe and survive at least another year keeps coming back. I could recall the flat line of the monitor and how his body lies cold and lifeless in arms, making me question why... why me...? First it was my dad... on the 24th of December before Christmas Day... and now, they'll also take the person I love the most away from me as well... Why...? Do I ever deserve to be happy...?

"Please don't... It hurts me whenever I see you cry..." I heard Jong-oppa said, giving me reassuring kisses on my forehead while crying on my chest.