Her secret mate

Mind over heart

Words were very hard to find, especially when my whole body was going crazy with need. I had to take a few deep grounding breaths, just to stay put in place. A few more to fill my lungs with air so that I could make words leave my mouth once I have figured out the right things to say.

My knuckles were white as I wrapped my hands around my legs so tight that it was borderline painful. A part of me was sure that this would keep me in place.

Taking a few more deep breaths, I finally forced myself to look at him once again.

Right now, in this poorly lighted room, I could appreciate the beauty of his face that I previously managed to ignore. The sharp lines of his jaw and cheek bones...

NO.

I can't let myself get sidetracked like that.

"Colin, I'm sure that you came here with a purpose or with a wish to act upon the calling that we both can feel, but... but we can't..."

Saying those words out loud was not something that I ever thought I would say... but this was the right choice.

"Stop."

The low growl of his words made me freeze.

"I know what you are going to say, and I am not here to offer you anything. As I said came here just to make sure you were okay... I had to make sure of that before I left."

"Left?"

My question was more like a little cry that a hurt animal would make.

"Yes, left. I'm taking Alisha home. This place is not safe for her and I wanted to leave before the party started, but she begged me to stay... Goddess, I should have left when I first intended."

A ping of pain and rejection flared in my chest. To hear him say out loud how much he dislikes being mated with me, makes me feel like a complete failure.

Sad and frustrated I pulled my knees closer to my chest, but I must have made a sound because he stirred at the other side of the room, with a sorry look on his face.

"Valerie..."

There were clear notes of explanation in his voice, but I stopped him before he could begin.

"It's okay. You do not need to explain myself. I understand..."

He just shook his head as he said.

"But you don't. You don't understand..."

"Well, it doesn't matter, because this..."

I made a move showing the connection between us.

"Can not happen."

Saying it out loud felt so wrong. The world in my chest wanted to howl and fight, but I stopped it before it became a problem.

"Not only that, but no one and I mean no one can now about this."

Confusion, mixed with undertones of pain shined on his face. I wanted to tell him the truth, but that would only complicate the situation. So I chose a different route, because telling him that if anyone found out that he was my destined mate, it would probably mean that he would get killed, but my words would only be a guess because I have no solid proof, just guesses. So I told him the half-truth instead.

"Nothing can threaten the integrity of my marriage and malting to Darcy. Our union is too important for both my father's pack and Darcy's pack. It will change everything as we see now, it will change history. So I can't let something like a true mate calling put a shadow on this. Changing the deal now would put too many people in danger and I can't let that happen. It would make us look weak and there are too many packs that would love to attack us the first moment they see any signs of weakness."

The whole time I was talking, the look on Colin's face stayed the same. It was the same cold, dark look that gave away nothing.

I swallowed a lump in my throat that formed there as a sign from my body that I should not say what I was planning to say. It was a way of my body's retaliation against what I was about to do. But already made my decision and I just pushed past the pain.

"So leave... Please leave and never return. Do not come to me under no circumstances. From this point on, we are dead to each other."

My voice was cracking as I felt big tears rolling down my cheeks as pain filled my chest.

As I blinked away the tears, I saw the look on Colin's face soften as he took steps forwards, but I knew that I had to stop him... because I knew that one touch would be enough to break my will to fight this connection.

"NO."

My words were still shaky, but I guess the tone of my voice must have made it clear that he should not approach, because he said in place.

"Leave. NOW."

I said as our eyes met, but my vision was too blurry to really make out the look on his face.

He lingered at the door for a few moments and then just left the room, without saying a word. As the doors closed after him, I fell onto the bed and a loud cry left my chest.

My whole body was breaking apart the further he got from me and all I wanted to do was go after him, but I couldn't.

Because what I told him is true.

If I did break the agreements we have with Darcy's pack, I would not only put the pack in danger from the outside, because we would be seen as weak. But the pack would also have to face the repercussions of the failed agreement, and I am sure they would be dire to the pack.

And sure, I did not love this pack, but I can't condemn all these people to hell, just because I want to follow my body's calling...

But most importantly, I was sure that my parents would not see a problem at removing Colin from the picture just to make sure that the dels would go through.

Another soul deep cry left my chest as the knowing that I would never see Colin again settled in me.