Last Chance

Chapter 7:

Jamie arrived home at about 4:00 pm that day. I and Joel watched him say goodbye to a teenage boy at the end of our driveway. They kissed and waved before he left walking back the way they came. He was a decent looking guy, not that it mattered to us who Jamie dated as long as the guy treated him right. Jamie entered and noticed us.

“What?” he asks.

“Nice boyfriend,” Joel comments.

Jamie blushed with embarrassment.

“Watch out for your mother when you’re at school. She called us, wasn’t the best conversation,” Joel comments next.

“Right,” he replies.

“Would you like something to eat?” I ask now that that’s out of the way.

“I and Sam ate on the way home, sorry. I don’t want to leech food out of you more than I have to,” he replies nervously with an odd choice of words.

“It’s fine, Jamie, you need to eat. Our house is yours now, right, Luka?” Joel continues.

“He’s right, plus he doesn’t eat much anyway and the food will go to waste otherwise because I can’t eat it all myself,” I reply.

“Okay,” he nods in understanding. “I have homework to do.”

“You’re free to go,” Joel releases him from our presence and he disappears upstairs.

Joel smiles and then it melts off as he turns back to his soup.

I join him at the table.

“What are you thinking about?” I ask.

“All the kids we could have adopted and given homes,” he replies giving a sad smile. “Promise me you’ll take good care of Jamie when I’m gone. I don’t want him to end up on the streets or addicted to drugs or something. His parents would blame me, even though it wouldn’t be my fault.”

“I’ll do my best, he’s his own person, too. He’ll be an adult next year. The most I can do is provide him with an open environment and a place to come back to,” I reply.

“That’s all I expect of you,” he replies leaning across the table to kiss me with his pale, chapped lips again.

“Are you going to finish that?” I ask pointing to the soup that he’d barely touched.

“No, sorry, maybe later,” he replied.

I take the bowl of soup and put it into the fridge. I help him up and bring him to the couch in the living room. We sit down together, his head resting on my chest. I turn the TV on and find something we both like to watch. A few hours later at eight, Joel has fallen asleep and I’m ready for bed. I gently pick him up and carry him upstairs to our bedroom. He feels lighter than he used to. It’s not a good sign. I lay him in bed and go back to close the bedroom door. The click of the door causes him to stir but not wake. I go into the closet and change into sweatpants so I’m more comfortable. I climb into bed with Joel and turn out the lamp on our bedside table. I lay beside him and watch his breathing. Something is off about it, maybe it’s shallower. It makes me worry.

I’m worried I’ll wake up to him dead one day. It’s probably creepy to wake up to a dead person in your house never mind right beside you in bed.

I snuggle closer but his skin is clammy and cold. I end up laying there for hours worrying Joel will stop breathing in his sleep and I’ll have missed my chance to say goodbye for the last time.

Joel said he needed to call the lawyer about his will and me becoming the beneficiary and funeral planner, but I wanted to call him now to ensure that I wouldn’t be locked out of the funeral and lose the house Joel helped pay the mortgage of. I honestly don’t even know what they’d do with another house but I was pretty sure if they could take it they would.

Joel being alive and having a choice was the only thing keeping them from doing that. Joel loved me but I was still worried maybe in his last days or something he’d have some awakening or something and go back to his parents and cut me out of the will.

I think Joel knew doing that wouldn’t save him. It’s why he was still here.

I reach out and touch Joel’s face, he’s in rem-sleep dreaming, his pupils moving back and forth under his eyelids. I wonder what he’s dreaming about. Our wedding maybe? I smile at that. I can’t wait until we’re married. Joel said he’d be the one to stand at the altar and my dad could walk me down the aisle. It was easier because his parents probably weren’t going to come to walk him down the aisle.

I shifted my eyes to the silver engagement ring on my finger. It was plain and simple. What I and Joel both liked but what our lives weren’t. I know life isn’t supposed to be simple but loving your child for who they were was common sense. Being there for them when they needed you was common sense. Joel was dying and who was taking care of him almost all of the time? Me. Not his parents or family. Me, by myself, alone. They weren’t anywhere in sight and hadn’t been for years.

I finally got up, knowing I wasn’t going to get any sleep. I went downstairs and got one of the laptops that needed repairs out and started working on it. By 7:00 am, I had gotten through three laptops. I heard Jamie get up, get dressed, and go to the washroom. We ran into each other on the way up the stairs.

“You look beat,” he comments.

“Yeah, couldn’t sleep,” I reply not really wanting to talk to him with no sleep.

“I’ll see you at four, I guess,” he replies and continues down the stairs.

I watched him walk down the stairs and into the kitchen.

I go upstairs and get back in bed with Joel. With the sleep deprivation now, I manage to finally fall asleep.