It was always you

Chapter 7.

“Katie?” Sasha meant for it to be more of a statement than a question.

“What are you doing here Sash?” Clayton asked

“What’s going on? Why is Katie here?” Sasha panicked.

“That’s what I wanted to talk about, Monica is my girlfriend”, Sasha’s confused, “You mean Katie, I mean Kate Browning?”

“Actually my name is Monica Kate Browning” Monica spoke up, “Oh” Sasha frowned. 

“Look we need to talk Sash, can we go to the room and just have a conversation? I didn’t mean for you to find out this way”, Clayton dropped his luggage and closed the front door, and gestured to his own room. “Did you know?” feeling disappointed, Sasha asked Mateo, he simply shook his head. 

They entered Clay’s room, looking around Sasha knew why Mateo didn’t want her to stay in here, it needs some major cleaning she thought. She never felt awkward with Clay, maybe it’s because of the huge elephant in the room, she felt completely uneasy. 

“Look Sash, I’m sorry” Clay broke the deafening silence. 

“Just tell me everything. But start with, why her?” her voice was a little harsher than intended. 

“It started out as just us chilling and hanging out when you and Drake got together” she cringed at his name, he then fisted his hands and continued “then when Drake did what he did to you, I started pulling away, we weren’t on speaking terms for a while, then a few days before we… uh…” Sasha nodded, she knew what he meant so she did not press on, they were both presents, they both knew what happened. “So we made up, and I wanted to tell you earlier, but at that point, you just went through a traumatic experience, then we.. uh.. Then I left, not knowing how you would react, so I took the job and tried to push the guilt away, and now I’m back for good, and you are my best friend Sash, I need you in my life.” he leaned forward to hug her for the first time in 3 years, she hugged him back, feeling his warmth but she couldn’t help but feel something different, however, she couldn’t put a pin on what has changed. 

She pulled away and said “but I don’t think I’m comfortable with her being here, she testified against me! She testified and she accused me of lying and cheating, and framing Drake!”, without realizing her voice got higher. “I just wished you would’ve told me earlier, I could mentally prepare myself. I never thought of bumping into her again, I never thought she would bring back so many painful memories that I tried so hard to push away and heal from. I never thought you would’ve kept a secret from me, we’ve been best friends for so long Clay. I’m disappointed and upset, I’m disappointed that you felt like you needed to hide things from me, yes I might have gotten pissed when I first found out back then, but who's to say I wouldn’t have forgiven you? We’ve been friends for so long, I would’ve understood Clay, I wouldn’t have liked it, but I would’ve understood” she paused to sigh, “Do you love her?” 

“I don’t know, I think I do” 

“Okay, I won’t make you choose, it won’t be fair for you. I will try my best to get along with her” Sasha said defeatedly.

“She’s changed, she actually would like to apologize to you for lying, and she would love to make amends with you, for what he did to you. She’s a really nice girl Sash, just try for me por favor?”

“Okay” she nodded, and walked towards the door, but Clay held her hand to stop her. “Why are you here with Mateo? Did you stay over?” he questioned suspiciously.

“Raph and I are over, something happened and I just had to crash here with Mateo last night” Sasha didn’t feel like explaining to him, “Don’t worry Clay, I will leave soon”. 

“That’s not what I meant Sash, we still need to talk” knowing where this conversation is leading to, “Don’t worry Clay, we weren’t supposed to be with each other, we’ve been friends and we will always be best friends, loud and clear. That night was a mistake, that kiss, it was nothing, we were both vulnerable, good thing we didn’t go all the way right? As you said that night, don’t ruin the friendship for a meaningless thing” Sasha stated bitterly, thinking back on how much of a jerk he was that night. “We ironed out all of our issues that night, remember? You said that if we ever crossed the line, it would just be meaningless? Nothing but s*x, because you would never see me in that light. You knew I had a crush on you growing up, you knew and you’ve always maintained that we will never be anything more. I get it, I heard you the first time and every time after that. Don’t worry Clay, we will always be best friends”, her heart clenched, she did not realize she was still harboring hurt from 3 years ago.  

“Oh, and don’t worry I won’t tell her” Sasha walked out of Clay’s room slamming the door before he could say anything else, and entered Mateo’s room to get her luggage. 

“Where are you going?” Mateo asked. 

“Thanks, Mateo for saving me. I’ll call you later, I can’t be here. Thank you Mateo for everything really” she kissed the corner of Mateo’s mouth, she was aiming for his cheek but he moved ever so slightly, and with that, she left his apartment. “Come back Sash! Stay here Sash! You can’t be back there alone!” Mateo yelled after her, but she was quick so she managed to get into the lift and avoided Mateo calling after her. 

“What do you mean she can’t go back there alone?” Clay asked

“You estupido! Fix whatever it is with her now!” Mateo was fuming at Clay. “I tried talking to her, but she wouldn’t listen”, and with that Mateo punched Clay, and he stumbled, in the corner of Mateo’s eyes he saw Monica visibly gasping in shock. “What the hell?”

“Bringing Browning over here, and you expect her to be smiling and accepting like an i***t? What did you expect? After everything she’s been through for the past few days, you are so conceited, she WAS your best friend. You couldn’t just look at her for a minute to realize the bruises or the puffy eyes? What type of friend are you? Abuela would be rolling in her grave for your stupidity. You left her all alone 3 years ago, then returned with Drake’s sister without prior discussions, what did you think would happen? Idiota!” Mateo exclaimed. 

“I don’t know! I made a mistake 3 years ago, I was trying to make amends!” 

“Try f*****g harder then. You better pray she’s alright, you better get on your damn knees and pray to God that I can find her and keep her safe. What type of best friend are you, no what type of a man are you? Letting a girl go, when she was hurting! Your brother has to take care and be there for her when you don’t seem to bother” Mateo spat. 

“What happened to her?” their head snapped to Monica as she asked. “She broke up with Raphael,” Clay answered. “And he came over drunk and was acting all crazy, the police had to arrest him last night” the more Mateo talked the more he fumed, the realization hit Clay as he did not realize her bruises, nor did he bothered to ask in details of what had happened to her. Mateo grabbed his wallet and keys, he knew he had to find her and be with her, so he left. 

“I’m an i***t, I did not realize my best friend was hurting,” Clay said out loud. “It’s okay sweetie, you didn’t know, you can’t blame yourself for something you didn’t know” Monica tried comforting Clay. “Everything will get better, you need to make amends, and I need to apologize to her as well. She’s your best friend, she will forgive you and understand in time” Monica kissed Clay’s cheek. 

***

Later that night, Clay was getting more anxious and worried, no news from Mateo yet, it has been an entire day and his guilt was eating him up slowly and agonizingly. He decided to text Mateo again since he wasn’t answering Clay’s calls or text and it was already 10.30 pm.

Clayton : Any update?

Mateo : Found her. Not coming back. 

Clayton : How is she?

Clay sighed, feeling even more guilty but soon realizing that Mateo wasn’t planning on replying to him, he plugged in his phone and tossed it aside. Turning on his bed to see Monica drifting off to sleep, he draped an arm on her and tried to fall asleep, it has been a long and tiring day. 

Buzz Buzz- Clay quickly grabbed his phone thinking it would be a response from his brother.

Michela : You piece of s**t Clayton Javier Parker! When I come back, Imma kick your a*s. 

Great Michela knows, he thought. His thoughts slowly drifted to when he saw Sasha for the first time in 3 years, when he walked in he saw Mateo fast asleep on the sofa with Sasha on his side, for some reason he felt a tinge of jealousy but he pushed it aside. Sasha has gotten more beautiful than she was 3 years ago, and all the time that he’s known her, she was always amazingly beautiful now she’s slightly older, she looked even more stunning, her light grey eyes, thick lips, her soft curls, and curvy body. She lost weight after Drake, and by the looks of it she lost a significant amount of weight gain, Clay sighed, knowing she was not eating right again.

He tried to shake thoughts of her away, he was beside Monica now, he needed to focus on Monica not how his best friend has gotten more stunning. But slowly he drifted to his thoughts on Sasha again, he couldn’t help but felt a pang of guilt again, he knew he treated Sasha badly after that kiss, he knew he was spewing out words he did not mean, but he was afraid. He always loved Sasha as a friend, but something shifted and changed when she started dating Drake, he realized that he loved her more than a friend, he realized he loved her. He was desperate to shake the feeling off, so he focussed his energy on Monica, at that time Monica was interested in him so he went with the flow, then that kiss happened with Sasha. He was tempted to go all the way with her, but earlier that day Monica found out she was pregnant and he felt guilty for cheating on Monica, so he resorted to treating Sasha like a douchebag. 

He was so torn, he loved Sasha but Monica was pregnant, so he chose to be a father and a good boyfriend to Monica. He pushed away all thoughts of Sasha to the back and buried himself with work. 3 months later, Monica lost the baby, and they briefly broke up, they spiraled and weren’t dealing with their loss well, and slowly they worked on their relationship again. Now he’s back home with Monica, and Sasha is around as well, he knows he’s going to struggle with his feelings again. 

Monica stirred, slowly opening her eyes to see Clay deep in thought, she reached over and said, “Sweetie, are you thinking of our little one?” as she was rubbing her belly.