My Life

chapter ten

Dotun’s POV

Dinner with Ire was fun, I was sceptical about the whole cause I was sure I still had feelings for her but I couldn't bring myself to double date, neither can I dump Lizzy just like that, we've been together since college, I can't just up and leave her but I was also dying to catch up with Ire hence I got an invite for Lizzy and I, while at Ire's place I studied her more and observed her manners and I can say that she has changed, she carries herself in a more gracious manner than before and her way of speaking and handling things have improved alot, she even looks so radiant and happy, I had a feeling there was something more about her that I just can’t place.

Life continues as usual and I hang out with Ire as much as I could while trying not to provoke madam Lizzy but that didn't go well as she insists that she could see how I looked at her and she knows I still have feelings for her, I tried explainingto her that Ire was my first love and crush but it was something we never acted upon but she somehow manage to jump to the conclusion that she is playing a second fiddle when it comes to my heart, she was right though and I knew this but I was trying to avoid hurting her, my effort was useless though cause she still felt hurt and I had to let go of her eventually,

After Lizzy and I broke up, which was two months after I reconnected with Ire, ire and I hung out more and our friendship blossomed once again but we were stuck at this friendship stage, every time I try to tell her how I feel something always comes up and I end up not telling her, like I tried telling her while we were strolling in the Park one Sunday, the moment I said "have been meaning to tell you this but" she cuts me off with her next request to buy hot dog from the vendor just around the corner though she apologised for cutting me off and said I should continue while we walk towards the vendor, I couldn't bring myself to say it, I lost my nerves to continue so we remained friends though I have a feeling she knows what I wanted to say,

After three months of being friends I took her to the park close to her house, we bought popcorn and ice cream, walked for a while then sat down on one of the bench there all the while gisting about work, she told me about the project she working on presently and the difficulties of handling artisans, construction work sounds interesting and hectic from the way she talks about it, I could tell she loves her job though, I stopped at one of the bench, sat down and gestured for her to do same, she sat down gingerly looking perplexed, I looked at her for a while and as I opened my mouth to tell her how I feel she beats me to it by saying Dotun that word in your heart, keep it there for a while and tell me at the right time, I didn’t understand her so I said now is the right time and I can’t keep it in anymore, am in love with you, have loved you from the moment I saw you and we became close, I loved you then and I love you now, my feelings for you will not change so what should I keep waiting for, she looked at me for times long time, she looked sad and finally said, ok but I can’t accept your love right now, I couldn't comprehend what she had just said and I tried to reason with her but she made it clear it wasn't time. my world literally just shattered and in my heart right now, I feel broken, i stood up to walk away slowly, the word TIME sounding over and over again in my mind, I heard her shouting my name but it was so faint cause my mind had drifted away, I heard the word STOP and my broken heart mended thinking she had come to her senses, I stopped and she walked up to me looked me in the eyes and said “patience’’, then she walked ahead of me and went to her house, I didn’t understand her words and I was heartbroken, I went to the bar and drank to stupor, I brought a girl back home with me that night, something I have never done before but when I woke up the next morning all I felt was regrets but when that word Time sounded in my head again and I remember the last thing she said to me, my heart became harden so I brushed my feelings aside and started living recklessly.

Months after months I kept living a false life, smiling on the outside while dying on the inside, I did this for six month, one Friday evening I was on my way to the bar as usual but I met a rather odd looking guys, I mean this guy was wearing a suit on a Friday evening, who wears suit on Fridays, anyway he met me on the small path that leads to the bar and stopped me, I was curious wondering what he has to say so I stopped and he said hello am John and I noticed you look rather depressed, I looked at him weirdly because I was wearing my fake smile, how did he know my smile was fake, my workers didn't notice this or maybe they did but were afraid to say something, he continued by saying, I would you like to share what the problem is, I wanted to shout at him and ask him who goes around talking to a stranger in that manner, but something held me back from giving him a rude reply, I can’t explain it but I felt like opening up to him, so I did and i felt so light afterward like the burden was lifted off my shoulders, he told me that I was worrying about the wrong things and all I needed was to get my life back on track, he said he knew someone who could do that for me and was willing to introduce me to him for free, I was wondering why he's been so generous but what he said next cleared my doubts, he said God can help build your life and give you all you need and all I have to do is surrender to him, surrendering my life to God, well I figured I wasn’t doing well with my life on my own so why not give it a try, so I agreed, he led me to Christ instantly and I felt a sense of relief and Joy that I couldn't even explain, all I know is i have never felt this way before but I love this feeling, I suddenly felt like everything will be alright.

I started going to church and listening to God’s word and teaching, I learnt about communicating with God and obeying his will and I was getting stronger in faith and my life was back on track, I stopped getting wasted at the bar and I focused on building my life, though have been avoiding Ire for the past ten months since she turned me down but I ran into her one Sunday morning all dressed up for church and looking marvellously delicious, she greeted me with a bright smile and asked where have been hiding all these while, I said here and there and she proceed on her way to the Church, I went after her into the church and sat close to her, she kept looking sideways all through the church service, I know this because I couldn’t keep my eyes off her either, I still feel drawn to her and I wonder if that feeling will ever go away, after service I went home after engaging her in a brief conversation about how things were going for her, when I got home I couldn’t eat so I put my worries in prayer I asked God to take this feeling away but God simply said to me, “if I do, how will you love your wife’’ what!!! My wife, wow so all these years have loved her it was because I was supposed to, I was so happy that I called her instantly, she picked up and I just blurted it out, “you are my wife” I guess she was stunned by my sudden confession because it took her a few minutes to respond and she said Dotun are you ok, to which I said have never been better, she then said ok, we will talk later I said ok and hang up