Kabanata 21
1495 Words
Georgia
"There's a small fracture on his leg so he's gonna need to wear a cast. Other than that, wala naman na dahil naka-full gear naman siya kaya hindi gaanong nagalusan." Tumingin si kuya Israel sa kanyang wrist watch. "Do you want me to take you home now?"
Umiling ako. "Pwede bang . . . ako na lang ang magbantay sa kanya? Wala naman sina Mommy, right? They'll be in New York for a couple more months."
Kuya looked into my eyes. "Georgia . . ."
"I know we've already talked about this but . . ." I sighed as I glanced at Boyd. Tulog na siya dahil sa gamot. "Kasalanan ko kung bakit siya nandito. Hindi rin ako mapapakali sa bahay kung kakainin ako ng kunsensya ko."
He sighed. "I'll buy you something to eat before I leave."
I flashed a small smile. "Thank you, kuya."
He held me by my nape and gave me a brotherly kiss on top of my head before he left. Lumapit naman ako sa kama ni Boyd at pinagmasdan siya.
He looks restless. Ang lalim ng itim sa ibaba ng mga mata niya. Sabi ng doktor kanina ay bumagsak ang immune system niya dahil sa puyat at over fatigue. Was he exhausting himself so he could finally buy a new motorcycle? Iyong tingin niyang hindi ko na ikakahiya?
Nanikip ang dibdib ko. Hindi naman ang motor ang dahilan ko. If only I could tell him that so he wouldn't save up for it anymore.
My tears begin to cloud my eyes. Nang hindi na ako nakatiis ay hinawakan ko na ang kamay niya't pinatakan ng halik.
My eyes shut as my tears freely fell down my cheeks. Napahikbi na rin ako nang masyado nang nanikip ang aking dibdib.
Maya-maya ay naramdaman ko ang paggalaw niya. I opened my eyes and saw him staring at me as if I woke him up with my sobs.
"Georgia . . ." tawag niya sa nanghihina pang tinig. Pinunasan niya rin ang basa sa aking pisngi bago siya humugot ng matalim na hininga. "Bakit?"
I sniffed and dodged his gaze. "The doctor said you must be lacking sleep and overworking your body. Were you depriving yourself of sleep because you're trying to earn enough for the new bike?"
He reached for my hand and gently squeezed it. "Gusto na kitang iangkas ulit. Nami-miss na kitang ihatid-sundo. 'Yong totoong hatid-sundo."
I shot him with a sharp gaze. "Didn't I make myself clear? Kahit na may bago kang motor, hindi mo na ako pwedeng ihatid-sundo, Boyd--"
"At sinabi ko ring hindi kita susukuan." Lumamlam ang mga mata niya. "Kahit ayaw mo, kahit ilang beses kang tumanggi, hindi kita susukuan. Alam mo kung bakit? Kasi hindi mo ko maloloko."
I froze on my spot. Nang makabawi ay tumayo ako't tinalikuran ko siya. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Yes, you do."
Pinilit niyang bumangon kaya natataranta akong lumapit para pigilan siya, ngunit ang lintik na Boyd, bigla na lamang akong niyapos at hindi na pinakawalan!
"Ano ba, Boyd?!"
He buried his face on my neck. Maya-maya ay humugot siya ng matalim na hininga kasabay ng paghigpit ng yakap niya sa akin.
"Anong kulang sa'kin, George?" he asked in a low voice but it was enough for me to feel his desperation.
Napawi ang aking depensa. Uminit muli ang sulok ng mga mata ko hanggang sa tuluyan akong nanlambot.
It hurts to know that he thinks he's lacking that's why I chose to end things between us. Hindi iyon ang intensyon ko. I just want him to stop and look for someone else but instead, this is what he did. Ang kwestyunin ang sarili niya. Ang isiping may kulang sa kanya.
He caressed my hair. "Kailangan ko bang yumaman kaagad? Magbihis ng maganda o bumili na lang ng kotse?"
Napahikbi na ako nang tuluyan. "N-No . . ."
"Then what do I have to do? Kasi hindi ko na maintindihan. Ano bang kulang? Saan ba ko nagkamali?" desperado na niyang tanong na lalong nakapagpaiyak sa akin.
I pursed my lips to suppress my sobs but it didn't work. Unti-unti nang nananalo ang pangungulila ko sa kanya. I missed his arms around me, keeping me warm and safe while offering me a place I can always call my own. I know this is where I belong but it's so hard to stay between his arms when you know choosing to be here would cause a lot of problems someday.
Gusto ko rito sa piling niya. Sa mga bisig niya. Pero paano kung totoo ang sinabi ni Tita? Kung hindi man, paano kami mamumuhay nang tahimik? Do we have to turn our backs on our parents? Is that what it will take to keep our love?
Napakapit ako sa kanyang damit nang nanikip ang aking dibdib. "You . . . don't understand."
"Then make me understand." He pulled away from our hug and cupped my cheek. Ang mga mata ay tila nagmamakaawa habang nakatitig sa akin. "Anong gusto mong gawin ko para subukan mo ulit? One shot, Georgia. I just want one shot and I'll prove you na magiging masaya ka sa'kin."
My tears trailed down my cheeks. "Boyd . . ."
He gently caressed my cheek to wipe my tears. "You wanna know why I exhausted myself? Because I got us a nice apartment. Gusto kong bilihin 'yong kumportableng kama para kapag binigyan mo na ulit ako ng pagkakataon, magiging maayos ang tulog mo sa tabi ko. Hindi ko sinasabi sa'yo 'to para i-guilt trip ka. Sinasabi ko sa'yo nang maintindihan mong kahit magkasakit ako nang paulit-ulit, ibibigay ko sa'yo ang buhay na ipinangako ko dahil ikaw lang ang gusto ko, Georgia. Kahit gaano ka pa katayog . . ."
My lower lip trembled as my last strand of defense finally falter. I held him by his nape and kissed him on his lips as I embraced the truth. The truth that no matter how hard it is to choose him, I still want to. I still want no other but him.
Boyd kissed me back while my tears freely fell down my cheeks. Nang maputol ang halik ay inilapat niya ang kanyang noo sa aking noo. None of us spoke for a few moments as if all we wanted to do is listen to our hearts. To . . . let it scream each other's names until our minds accept the love we both crave to feel.
Humugot siya ng hininga't muli akong ikinulong sa yakap. Hinalikan niya rin ang balikat ko bago siya muling nagsalita.
"Hindi ko pa kayang ibigay lahat sa'yo ngayon, Georgia, pero basta tayo, darating ang araw na wala kang bagay na gugustuhing hindi ko maibibigay sa'yo." He tightened his hug on me. "Baby, I'll give you the world if I have to . . ."
I sobbed. "I don't care about riches. I don't care about comfy beds nor brand new bikes. I just want to love you freely. To not worry about what the future holds for us." Nanginig ang ibaba kong labi. "Pero nakakatakot, Boyd. Natatakot akong darating ang araw na pagsisisihan nating pinili natin ang isa't isa."
He kissed my neck. "Hindi ko hahayaang mangyari 'yon." He looked at and wiped my tears. "Hinding-hindi kita bibigyan ng dahilan para pagsisihang ako ang pinili mo."
My defense finally crumbled. "Ang . . . mama mo, sinabi niyang magkapatid tayo. Sabi ni kuya Israel, nahuli ni mommy si tita at daddy na naghahalikan. What if we are? What if—"
"I was eighteen. Naospital si Papa dahil naaksidente sa trabaho. Kahit hiwalay na sila ni mama, lumapit pa rin sa'kin dahil kailangang masalinan ng dugo. What was your father's blood type, hmm?"
Lumunok ako. "AB negative."
"B plus ang Papa ko. B plus ako. May pagkakahawig ba tayo? Kami ni Russia o ni Israel? Meron ba?"
I sobbed. "Wala pero mama mo na ang nagsabi—"
"Hindi natin siya kailangang paniwalaan. Ayoko ring magalit sa kanya pero kung nagawa niya 'yon dahil ayaw niya sa'yo, magtatampo ako kasi ikaw lang gusto ko, Georgia." He kissed my hand while staring into my eyes. "Ikaw lang gusto ko kahit tutulan pa ni Mama 'tong nararamdaman ko."
My lower lip trembled. "Boyd . . ." I sobbed. "Natatakot ako."
Basag siyang ngumiti. "You don't have to. Mas mahalaga 'to, George. Mas mahalaga 'tong nararamdaman natin kaya nakikiusap ako sa'yo, mas piliin sana natin 'to."
I sniffed. "M-Magpahinga ka na muna-"
"Babalik ka na ba sa'kin?"
I stared into his pleading eyes as I let my heart decide.
"George?"
Humihikbi akong tumango. Umaliwalas naman ang kanyang mukha bago ako muling ikinulong sa mahigpit na yakap.
"Mahal kita, Georgia . . ." he whispered to my ear.
I sniffed as I finally allowed myself to take another risk.
"Mahal din kita . . ." I shut my eyes and let my heart scream the truth. "Mahal na mahal kita . . ."
- Writer
