chapter four
1265 Words
I COULDN'T SLEEP for the first time in seven years.
It's been exactly fourteen hours since Grandmum came out with her news and fourteen hours I had to process it.
But I couldn't.
The moon shone brightly through the old roof's window, but I saw no stars or felt no breeze as usual. I felt nostalgic, and this nostalgia wasn't a good feeling. My head pounded as I kept thinking about the future and the past.
What will happen if Grandma dies? But, what if she doesn't? What if she does? My anxiety and my optimism fought each other, leaving my heart feeling void as it had no say in it.
Last time my heart felt so empty was when I had to walk around those school halls, listening to the chants and laughter around me, knocking me down mentally.
Flashbacks came back to me, being cornered in the classroom by kids twice my size at the time saying, "Hey, purple girl! I heard ya' pops gone. I would say sorry, but I would just be lying!"
They wouldn't let it rest, and I couldn't run from it.
But now I could.
I planned to explore these woods on my stay.
I needed to find the answers to my questions and I couldn't find them if I stayed here.
I needed to...escape.
And the woods called me.
All my pain turned to determination as I sprung from my bed, careful not to cause any sound and tip-toed down the hall, to grandmum's room to see her sleeping uncomfortably. For her eyebrows were scrunched together and she was mumbling to herself.
"Grandmum?" I asked as I helped her pick rosemary from the rosemary bush one Wednesday in July.
"Hm?" She replied, wiping her forehead with the back of her palm.
"Do you think it's odd to have velvet coloured hair?" I sighed as I placed a leaf into the basket. "Because I don't like it."
Grandmum frowned deeply and stopped midway, "Now tell me, dear. How did the Father in Heaven make you?"
"Fearfully and wonderfully," I frowned, "But-"
"Nuh-uh, no buts. And how do I see you?"
I sat my hands in my lap and blushed lightly. The sun was beating harshly on our skins, and I forgot to put on sunscreen. I felt my head spinning slightly, and I wore no hat for I rushed outside to help grandmum.
And to get rid of my thoughts from school the past week.
I squinted my eyes at her, and answered her question, "Like a beautiful blessing."
She nodded in approval, "Your violet hair is what makes you you, Violet. You're so beautiful."
But I didn't feel beautiful. Not at the time, at least. "Children said it looks weird." A tear slipped from my eye as I fiddled with my pink-chipped polished fingernails. "I just wanna disappear..."
"And where would you go?" Grandmum got up and picked up her basket.
"With grandfather." I replied, but she didn't hear me for she began to walk back to the cottage.
I picked up my bag from in my room and frowned deeply, 'Why be so selfish?', I asked myself. I have grandmum and she's trying her best.
She didn't have to take me into her home for all I knew, but she did it, and she did it open-heartedly.
I placed my phone in my bad, along with a tape recorder, for you never know. I picked up a flash-light and some extra batteries and stuffed those into the bottom of my luggage, before making my way to the kitchen only to hear my grandmum's footsteps.
Crap.
I threw my bag underneath my bed and casually made my way to the kitchen as she approached the stove to make herself some tea.
She turned around and smiled at me, "Can't sleep?" she asked as she filled the kettle with water.
I nodded and went into the cupboard and took out the vodka I bought for myself when I went shopping.
Grandmum eyes me and said, "I advise you not to drink at this hour." she sounded upset and my guilt from earlier came rushing back to me.
"I know. I'm not going to drink it now." I said cautiously, in case I slipped up. "I-I'm going to drink it later. Y'know, to sleep properly."
Damn, Remi. Smooth.
Grandmum hesitated before nodding slowly and I awkwardly shuffled from foot to foot before grabbing chicken from in the fridge. I tried hiding it underneath my hoodie but failed miserably because grandmum said, "What're you doing with that?"
I giggled and then cringed, mentally slapping myself. "I'm...hungry?"
Grandmum shook her head in disappointment, "I hope you aren't planning to feed that to anyone...or anything." she eyed my face as I answered.
Sweat trickled down the back of my neck and it took me everything not to gulp, "Not at all, Ma." my voice came out huskier than I intended it to and I slapped my forehead.
"Gimme that." She said angrily, "Then go to your room."
There goes a part of my plan, of actually feeding the wolves like when I was younger.
I held onto the chicken and Grandmum gave me a long, hard look and I finally gave in with a sigh, my head held low in shame, "I'm sorry." I apologised before making my way to my room.
She frowned and said to herself, "I can't believe it! I'm sending her to her room for the first time in ten years!"
I rolled my eyes and shut my door behind me, I then smiled at the beverage I held before shoving it in the pocket of my bag.
Grabbing my pack of cigarettes I kept in my sock drawer since the day I moved back home and grabbed a stash of gum along to go.
"I really am sorry.." I said softly to no one in particular as I put on my converse before heaving my self up through the ceiling window from my bed after I threw my bag outside.
The wolves began to howl and I held my hands up in triumph and inhaled the wind.
Yes! I slung my back over my shoulder and slid down the roof into the garden.
I heard Grandmum shouting my name and I began to run, adrenaline pumped through my veins. I climbed over the newly built fence and ran further and further away from the cottage.
And further and further into the woods, until Grandmum's shouts were faintly heard.
I laughed at myself and spun around, finally feeling independent, "God, I'm in trouble!" I said aloud.
But I'm where I want to be. Right?
━━━
The atmosphere shifted more and more as I kept moving, deeper and deeper into the woods.
My flashlight shone brightly, helping me navigate my steps, so I don't trip and fall.
The woods felt different from the last time I was in it. It felt depressing, almost.
I looked around at my surroundings and shuddered. The trees' shadows grabbed at my feet and the wolves howling immediately silenced. Leaving an eerie feeling.
The moon's light was hidden behind a big grey cloud, and it smelt as if it was going to rain. I haven't got a clue where I am, but I put myself in this situation, and I felt no regret.
I think.
I kept moving either way despite the chills I felt down my back.
The cold breeze lifted my violet hair off of my shoulders.
The crunching sounds from the dead leaves were heard from underneath my boots.
The trees, so tall, if so much taller than God and the eyes of the wolves watching me from the distance.
Dark, cold and mysterious. I stared back at them, only making them afraid and run away.
Except one.
The grey one.
He kept his eyes locked with my green ones. His eyes holding a sad story if you're close enough to read it. If only I knew, I would become that story later on.
1297 words
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