My Little Wolf

One Life Changing, Sorrowful, Regretful Action

That night, memories had haunted my dreams. 

    The first had been watching my mother die in front of me, but this was a memory I had relived before. Despite being used to this dream, I still woke with a start in the middle of the night. A glance out the window, and I knew it wasn't that much into the night as it had felt. The moon was full, bright and big, and wasn't yet far enough across the sky. What was weird was when I had fallen back to sleep, and entirely new memory followed me.

The night that I had ran away.

    After talking to Annabeth, I had gone back to my room. I grabbed my school bag, filling it with some clothes and any of my essentials. A book, a pen, and some other things, then I changed my clothes and pulled on the boots I wore for horse back riding. Moments later, I was sneaking my way to the palace kitchen. I grabbed fruit and some vegetables and then rushed out the servants door. 

My nose was met with the cool, crisp night air.

For a moment, I stood still, looking across the open field. It was large. The moon was almost full, and the night was strong. For a moment, in the shadow of the palace, I froze. I closed my eyes and for a moment, everything was normal, everything was okay. I wasn't running for my life, I wasn't pregnant. I wasn't a disgrace to my family, and I wasn't motherless. And then, like a tidal wave, it all came crashing down. It surrounded me like I was slowly falling deeper and deeper into a dark ocean. I couldn't swim through it, instead, I just let it take me. So I ran, I ran across the empty field through the dark. When I reached the tree line, I stopped again and turned. I watched my home for a minute, a part of me wishing that Jennifer would run out after me, and tell me that this was all some stupid mistake. 

Except, I knew it wasn't. The fear coursing through my body at the moment was all too real.

So, using the shadows of the tree and the darkness of the night, I stripped my clothing and put it into a small bag. And then, I shifted. 

For a moment, I went numb and then it it burned. It started off as a small trickle of heat, in my chest, in my arms, down my torso, and then my legs. For a second, it was just a hum. And then, it gradually grew. Finally, it stopped, and then it started up again.

The first bone cracked.

The collapsed, crying out in agony as the pain continued. I curled in on myself, my bones cracking and connecting in a different way. Tears spilled down my face, hot and sticky. Fur sprouted and then, with a loud and agonizing howl. Every ounce of fear, every ounce of heartbreak, every bit of energy I could spare, I let out in one, long howl. My hair grew darker, and when my eyes flew open in another gasp of pain, I could feel them glowing.

And then, it faded. I rose, slowly from the ground, my tail swishing back and forth. I opened my eyes, my vision slowly clearing of the blinding pain. My senses became overwhelmed. I could feel the dirt beneath my paws, the sounds of little critters all around me, and watch them crawl beneath the ground. And then, I felt it.

Something new, something strong. A fierce feeling that strung deeply in my chest, as if someone was slowly stitching it in. I knew, somehow, that this was my baby. I knew that I loved it, no matter what happened. I'd protect it, come what may. My baby. It clicked, in my head and in my heart. Without a second to prepare, it hit me like a rock. My fear. I grabbed my bag in my mouth and started running through the woods. I leaped over a fallen branch, the wind flowing through my pitch black fur, and when I landed on my feet, I launched myself farther. Pushing myself off a near by tree, I pushed myself higher. 

In mid air, I free. Wild. And welcomed. 

And then, with a loud thud, something crashed into me and I landed painfully on my back with a yelp. Just as I was about to growl, a paw was pressed against my throat, and I froze. When I brought my gaze up, I was met with a white wolf. A white wolf I recognized. Jennifer looked at me, and a second later, recognition sparked. She gave a wolfish frown, her gaze dropping to my mouth.

I felt the pack link open up to us and then her voice filled my head. 'Whats in the bag?'

'None of your business.' I responded.

Her frown deepened and she removed her paw from my throat. I slightly relaxed and I started to get up, only for Jenifer to nudge me back into place and start sniffing the bag and my body. I let her, too scared to challenge her. When she reached my stomach, her ears drew back and hesitantly, she pressed her nose straight against my stomach. I felt something in me shift. 

Jen looked at me, her eyes growing wide with curiosity and surprise. I jumped to my feet, my own ear laid back and I took a few steps away from her.

'Pierce...' She said, her voice cracking just slightly.

I couldn't bare it. I couldn't bare the possibilities I was taking from her, stealing from her. Couldn't bare the confusion or fear that must be rushing through her at that moment, so much so I couldn't even respond. Her calling my name tempted me so badly. In that moment, I practically dreamed of walking into her arms- er, paws?- and tell her everything.

My wolf pleaded with me to be honest with my mate, to tell the truth. To tell her that I loved her. That our se ret visits and constant "one night stands" meant more to me than just s*x and secrecy. 

But there was that voice in my head. A voice reminding me that she wasn't my mate. That she was destined to be with someone else, someone far better than I was. Her fathers words came to mind, and I realized he was right. In a way, I was a stain upon his bloodline. The royal family had always been pure, pure blooded and pure bred. Jennifer was destined to be married to some other kingdom's prince or princess. I was nothing, nothing but a half-breed daughter of a duke and a dead duchess. With these words of doubt in my mind, I turned away from her. With one last reminder that there was no way she could think of me the way I loved and cared for her, I bolted through the trees once more. As I ran, I heard a heart broken howl from behind me.

My heart broken even more, that night, knowing instantly how much I had hurt her.

And when I was far enough away, I stopped and turned back around. Upon a hill, I could see the entire forest and the palace. But I couldn't see Jen. A part of me knew that it was for the best, but the rest of me... 

I couldn't finish the thought, instead, I let out another howl of my own in response. My sorrow, my love, and my regret, pouring it into one single, life changing action. And then I did the one thing I knew best.

I ran.