Kabanata 16
1279 Words
Bea
"We made love last night," bungad ni Kreige nang pumasok ng aking opisina. Halatang matindi pa ang hangover niya dahil sa tindi ng pagkakakunot ng noo. Even his hair was still a little messy, and his stubbled beard made him look, well, hotter.
I pressed my knees together. "No, we didn't." We just had s*x. Those are two different things.
Umigting ang kanyang panga. "I'm sure we did, Bea. Why the hell are you denying it? I remember fragments of what happened last night and I have a feeling that it was you."
Feeling? Hindi siya sigurado.
I leaned on my swivel chair and stared at him in a cold way. "Come to think of it, Kreige. If we happened to be a real thing. I mean, kunwari naging tayo tapos nalasing ka, will you f**k every single person who looks like me when you're drunk?"
His jaw clenched. "I'm sure it was you."
"How sure are you?"
Umiwas siya ng tingin kaya hindi ko naiwasang bumuntonghininga. "If you don't mind, may kliyente pa akong darating within fifteen minutes."
He shook his head, halatang napikon kaya imbes na ipilit pa ang punto niya ay umalis na lamang. Nang tuluyang sumara ang pinto ay ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko saka ako humugot ng malalim na hininga.
That's the thing. He wasn't sure it was me, but he still took me to bed and f****d me. Bukod sa hindi pa rin niya tinatanggal ang litrato nila ni Crystal sa bedside table niya, nakakatakot siyang pagkatiwalaan. Pakiramdam ko m************k siya sa kahit sino oras na tumama na ang alak sa sistema niya.
Raf went in a few moments after Kreige left. "May kaso na naman 'yon?" he asked while giving me my coffee.
Thank God I got a cousin who made bringing me coffee a part of his daily routine. My head's still heavy due to my hangover, but I have to go to work because I'm an adult who has a son to feed.
"Wala," matipid kong sagot bago sumimsim sa mainit na kape.
"Looks like you upset him. Anong sinabi mo sa kanya at parang gustong manapak ng kahit sinong makakasalubong?"
"I told him that all the cases he wanted to file will just get trashed by the court so he should stop wasting my time," pagsisinungaling ko.
Umismid si Rafael. "Baka naman kasi kursunada ka talaga kaya gano'n."
I sighed while shaking my head. "Kursunada ako pero may picture ng ex sa kwarto? Tapos kahit hindi sigurado kung sino ang kaharap kapag lasing, m************k pa rin? How will I trust someone like that?"
"So he's the one you went out with last night, huh? Did you take a plan B pill?"
"I did. Don't worry."
"Well, plan B pills don't work all the time. Paano kung mabuntis ka na naman?"
"Then I'll raise my baby on my own until he proves to me that he's worthy of being my baby's father."
Siya naman ang napabuntonghininga. "You know co-parenting exists, right?"
"I know, but it will only confuse my child's mind someday. Hindi ba nagrebelde ka noon dahil confused ka sa co-parent setup nina Tito at Tita?"
Rafael clicked his tongue. "You're right, but it's a case to case basis, Bea." He sighed. "Sinubukan mo man lang ba siyang kausapin tungkol sa ex niya? Saka 'yong tungkol sa pakikipag-s*x niya kahit hindi sigurado kung sinong katalik, malay mo naman maiiwasan din."
"My parents nearly annulled their marriage because Dad slept with his ex while mom was in labor when she was pregnant with me. Noong tinanong siya ni mommy, what did he say? Akala niya si mommy ang ex niyang katalik niya. After mommy died when I was seventeen, isang buwan lang sila na ulit ng ex niya. Masisisi mo ba ako? Yes, katangahan na sumama ako kay Kreige kagabi dahil sa sarili kong pangangailangan, but what happened to us was casual to me."
"That's why Tita Betty hates you. You're too liberated in some ways."
I smirked. "Boomers hate our generation's concept of almost everything. I do not exist to please the generation we came from. Kapag lalake ayos lang makipagtalik kapag nangailangan, kapag babae marumi na? Pokpok? Mababang uri?" I sipped on my coffee. "Let's face it. Some people are fighting for gender equality, but when it comes to topics like s*x, they still draw a thick line between men and women because they hate it when women do what men does."
He scoffed. "How many men did you have s*x with so far?"
"Isa pa lang. Still, I did it because of my needs."
"Saka ka lang ba nagkakaroon ng pangangailangan kapag si Kreige Ducani ang kaharap mo?"
Napatigil ako sa kanyang tanong at umiwas ng tingin. "O— Of course not."
"Oh, bakit siya pa lang ang nakakatalik mo?" He sighed. "Admit it. You want him on a deeper level. You're just too afraid to accept it because the truth is, you're scared to commit to someone again after Gerby cheated on you and married Jaysel."
I swallowed the pool of saliva in my mouth. "That's not true."
"We grew up together, Bea. You can lie to everyone, but you could never keep the truth from me so I suggest you strip your walls down and tell me the truth so I can help you."
Bumuntonghininga ako at sandaling nag-isip. We were silent for a few moments, and when I realized that Rafael will never stop until I tell him the truth, another heavy sigh escaped my lips.
"I am attracted to him, alright? But it's hard to trust him."
"You trust no men but me."
Inilapag ko ang kape sa mesa at bahagyang iginalaw ang swivel chair ko habang nakasandal. "Exactly. Baka kung bigyan ko ng pagkakataon si Kreige tapos isang araw, ma-realize niyang iba ang mahal niya, how am I gonna take that? How will Khalid handle that? Kaya ko pa kung sarili kong puso ang mababasag, pero kung damay na ang anak ko, ibang usapan na iyon."
"You will never know how deep the water is until you dive into it."
Tumaas ang kilay ko. "Anong connect niyan sa usapan natin?"
"Wala lang. Gusto ko lang maging dramatic ang usapan." He scoffed. "What I'm trying to say is, hindi mo malalaman kung mapagkakatiwalaan mo ba siya hangga't hindi mo siya binibigyan ng pagkakataon." He stood up. "May hearing pa ako. Good talk, sis."
I shook my head. He only calls me that way when he knew our talk became too deep.
Pinanood ko siyang lumabas ng opisina ko. Nang lumapat ang pinto ay pinakawalan ko ang hangin sa aking dibdib saka ko isinara ang aking mga mata.
Mayamaya ay tumunog ang phone ko dahil sa reminder na may lunch meeting ako kasama si Gerby. I finished my tasks, and then I got ready to meet him at the resto he chose.
Pagdating ko roon ay kaagad na ngumiti si Gerby saka niya ibinigay ang bulaklak na dala niya para sa akin. I was caught off-guard, too when he leaned to kiss me on my cheek. Huli na para mapigilan ko siya, kaya nang dumapo ang tingin ko sa grupong nasa dulong mesa, kumalabog ang aking dibdib matapos masalubong ang pamilyar na mga mata.
Kreige who was sitting with his siblings Keeno and Khalila, clenched his jaw before he looked away as if what he saw made him really upset.
Nalunok ko na lamang ang sarili kong laway nang umiwas siya ng tingin habang umiiling-iling.
"Take a seat," ani Gerby matapos akong ipaghila ng silya.
I sighed and sat on the chair. What a great way to start my lunch. . .
- Writer
