The Widow and the Gamers

All of Me

After they had finished filming for the day, everyone gathered at Antony’s house to hang out. There were about ten people in the house, all of whom were talking amongst themselves. It got loud quickly, making me uncomfortable.

My family were some of the loudest people in existence. When they gathered in one space, it was like having a banquet hall full of people even though there were only maybe twenty. The noise was considered normal to me but it didn’t mean I liked it. I was considered the odd one due to taking after my father more. A quiet observer, only talking when needed. I was known for walking out of the house when it got overwhelming, which happened now.

Sitting on the front porch, I focused on breathing in the fresh air surrounding me. I wrapped my arms around myself to help ground me. This no nicotine lifestyle I promised Z was beginning to be my biggest regret.

Hearing the door open, I looked over and saw Damion step out. “Are you ok?”

Chuckling nervously, I said “Yeah, I’m fine. I don’t enjoy the loudness crowds bring. You would think I would be used to it. My family is louder than that, but I am not handling it well today.”

Nodding, he walked over to where I was and sat beside me. It felt like he was watching me, making my body shake slightly as I continued to hug myself.

“A lot has happened today. It’s probably catching up to you. May I..?” He held his arms open, inviting me to hug him.

Looking at his arms for a moment, I accepted the invitation. It felt safe in his lap as he hugged me. He was so much bigger than me he could almost hide me from the world. “My poor sister, who hurt you so much?” He whispered.

I felt sadness envelope me as I replied. “I have lost everyone since I married him. I lost more when he died. I have nothing except my kids.” I felt a tear run down my face. “I’m alone again. I hate this feeling. I’m sorry little brother, you don’t need to hear this.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. This is not your fault. You fell in love and did what you thought was right. Your heart is broken, but we’ll put it back together, I promise. Anthony and I will pick you up, I swear.” I could hear his voice change. He seemed desperate to blink away tears. “You and I are connected, I still don’t know why. I know I feel the connection as if we are family. I love you and don’t understand why, I just know that we are meant to be in each other’s lives. Do you feel it too?”

Tears were running down my face now. “Yes, I feel the connection with you. I was ignoring it because I have had a connection like this before and I lost them. That’s why I don’t like making friends anymore. Too many bittersweet memories I don’t want to remember.” Inhaling deeply, I continued solemnly. “She is the reason why I stopped talking about my problems. Until I saw you that is. I have already experienced this feeling before and hoped I never would feel it again.”

I gripped onto his arm tightly, a lifeline in the torrent sea of emotions. “I wanted to fight the connection, tried to fight it. I couldn’t no matter what I did. When you went out to see if I was okay after what happened with Kristin, I knew there was no way to fight. You didn't understand it, so the bond grew even with me fighting against it.” I let out a silent sob, “I'm sorry I denied the bond. It wasn't fair to you.”

Tightening his arms around me, Damion shoved his face in my hair. “It’s okay, sister. I understand that perfectly. There's enough of me to protect you. I'll go against anyone to save you, even Antony.”

I let out a little laugh. “There is no need to go against him. He seems to want to help, too. Plus, I think I’m falling for him, so maybe let him live?”

He chuckled lowly, “Only because you asked.”

“Also, at 6 '6” and three times my width, there is always going to be enough of you to protect me.”

“Everyone is bigger than you, so it’s not like it would take much.” I slapped him lightly on the arm. “Look at Antony, he is bigger than you and still short.”

“He is not short! I’m like six inches shorter than him!”

“While I have, what, a foot on you?”

“Not my fault you are a giant.”

“Whatever makes you sleep at night.”

“f**k you.”

“No, thank you.”

“Not an invitation.”

“True, you're saving that for Antony.”

“You are an ass. Just shut up.”

Damion laughed at me, “Sure, I’ll shut up for now.”

We sat together in silence for a while. I felt my head fall and realized I had closed my eyes at some point.

‘“Tired?” Damion asked me quietly.

“Mhm. The time difference is making it around 11 pm at home. That is when I normally go to bed.”

He shifted me slightly and stood up. Quickly grabbing his shirt, I held on tightly as he repositioned me. “I’ll take you to your room. Hold on to me.” I did as I was told and relaxed against him, already falling asleep.

Hearing people talk, I knew he had entered the house again. In my drowsy state, I couldn’t make out who was talking to Damion. “She fell asleep?” Damion hummed in reply. “She said it is about 11 p.m. in Maine.”

“Oh, jet lag. Well, you know where she is staying.” Another hum went through his chest as he walked away.

**************************

When I got to her room, I pulled back the bedding and tried to set her in the bed. V’s grip tightened in her sleep. Sighing heavily, I flipped off my shoes and sat with my back against the headboard, letting her lay across my chest. “What am I going to do with you, Hermana?” I asked as I leaned over slightly to grab the TV remote off the side table and searched for something to watch.

Thinking she was completely asleep, I let all my attention be on the show playing. When she suddenly spoke in her sleep, I jumped. I was confused as I strained to hear her. She said in barely a whisper. “M sorry…bad soulmate…hermano.”

‘Why is she calling me a soulmate?’ I wondered. ‘There are no romantic feelings between us. We already agreed that this was more familial than anything.’ Curiosity won out, and I brought out my phone to look it up.

What I read made everything make sense; platonic soulmates. Soulmates who are meant to be the ultimate best friends in simple terms. “No wonder you fought the bond. You already had one ripped away from you. I will never let that happen to us.”

I set his phone on the side table and wrapped my arm around her. “I’ll protect you no matter what.”

—--------------------------------------

Later that night, I woke up terrified from a nightmare. Damion was sound asleep with the TV still playing. After failing to sleep again, I walked out to the living room. The clock was saying it was about 2 a.m. but I felt wide awake. I walked over to the couch and curled up into a tight ball.

I often had nightmares about my husband’s death. It had been a traumatic experience for me. Tears fell as I thought about the latest nightmare. It was a repeat of what happened when he died. I have been told it was normal and my mind would let it go when I healed from it. They were going away slowly, I haven’t had one in almost two months.

It still hurt all the same though.

I must have made more noise than I thought because I could hear footsteps coming into the living room. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.” I said, “I just can’t sleep anymore and didn’t want to wake Damion up.”

“How did you know it wasn’t Damion?”

“He wouldn’t have stopped at the end of the couch.” I replied looking up at Antony. “You are polite, he treats me like I’m his sister.”

“I want to respect you.”

“I don’t care about respect.” I mumbled under my breath. “ I didn’t want to wake anyone, but you are awake now. So if you don’t mind, I could use a hug.” Antony didn’t hesitate this time. He reached down and lifted me into his arms then sat on the couch with me in his lap. “Want to tell me what happened?”

“It was just a nightmare. I dream of lots of things, the past, the present, and the future. The only clear ones are the past. Those always hurt me the most. I like the future ones, I don’t remember them until I live them. Most people call it Deja vu.”

“It must be hard to deal with the nightmares alone.”

“Alone or not, it’s hard. I dream too vividly.” I leaned up and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for listening, you must be tired though.”

“I am, but you needed me, so it’s worth it.”

“Wait here,” I said. Antony watched me as I went around the house grabbing things here and there. When I was done, I got comfortable in the corner of the couch and turned the TV on. I then motioned to him to come over. “Come here and lay down on me instead that way I can draw comfort, but you can sleep.”

This seemed new to Antony. He was staring at me like I was crazy. “Uh ok.”

“Has anyone ever held you?” He shook his head no. I frowned at him. “Well, you have had some selfish women in your life. Lay down between my legs and lay your head on my chest or shoulder. Whatever you are more comfortable with is fine with me.”

Antony slowly did as I instructed and wrapped his arms around me. I then threw a blanket over us and put a hand on his head slowly messaging him through his hat. Relaxing instantly I watched him fall asleep quickly.

The next morning he woke up still wrapped up with V. Her and Damion were talking with each other.