Within

Chapter Two

I don’t remember falling asleep--or the ride home, for that matter--but I know that I woke up at home, the alarm on my phone I had set for work blaring and the sunlight pouring in through the curtains.

I groaned, rolling over and smacking my alarm so that it’d shut up.

With a tremendous amount of willpower, I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom so that I could wash up. Immediately, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

I looked like death. Which was kind of funny, because I was a banshee. Anyway, the bags under my eyes were terrible. I had always had the dark marks that stood out against my pale skin since I was a child, but today, they were exceptionally terrible. My eyes were red and puffy, too, from all the tears and the ninety-nine point nine percent chance that I had cried myself to sleep.

The worst part was that it wasn’t anything new.

I turned on the faucet, watching the water sputter before starting to flow. I threw some on my face, rubbing my face hard as if I could revitalize myself somehow. I didn’t want to go into work looking like the Grim Reaper, and make-up was never really my thing.

Then I felt it. The intense urge to scream. It was hard to explain--it was kind of like when you were underwater too long and your lungs started begging for air.

I felt as if I would die if I didn’t let it out. My throat was starting to close up, eyes watering as if I was going to throw up.

I groaned loudly, clutching my throat and dropping to my knees. The longer I withheld the more pain I found myself in. It was burning me. Any moment now, I was going to ignite and burst into flames.

Just a little more. Just a little longer and the sensation would pass.

Another moan escaped me. That short while seemed to be stretching for an eternity.

“Cam?” a voice called, the sound barely reaching me.

Even though I heard my name, it didn’t actually register that someone was talking to me. I curled up into a ball on the ground, hoping that the cold tile would cool me--it didn’t.

Then it was gone. It wasn’t even a gradual change, the effects were immediate. It was like I hadn’t even been in pain in the first place. The urge was gone too, vanished with everything else.

“Oh,” I gasped at the sudden release from the agony. My chest lightened and color returned to my vision.

“Cam,” the voice repeated, concern lacing the tone.

I pushed up off of the ground, finding myself face to face with a man. His eyes were beautiful. I could see the flecks of silver within the steely blue abyss because of our close proximity. Then my brain finally clicked back into action, realizing that the person in front of me was Arthur. “Huh?” I said dumbly, surprised to see him here. “You... Why are you here?”

“I live here,” Arthur answered. “Remember?”

I touched my forehead, still confused by what had happened. “Not really, to be honest.”

“Oh,” Arthur murmured. “I’ll tell you after you tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing. Not anymore, at least.” I looked at him again, surprised by the softness in his eyes.

“It didn’t sound like nothing.”

“Well, it was.” I stood up on wobbly legs, still shaken by what had happened. Or rather, what hadn’t happened. “So, do you mind refreshing my memory?”

Arthur didn’t seem like he quite believed me, but complied to my demands anyway, “You said that you didn’t want to go home. That you were lonely there. So you asked if you could come to my place. I let you sleep on the bed, I got the couch.” He stood up then, stretching his long arms a little.

My brows furrowed then I looked around the bathroom. Certainly, it wasn’t mine. The mirror wasn’t cracked like mine was and it was far neater than mine was at the current moment. Anyway, it was out of my character to do something like that. “Was I... drunk?”

“No, not that I know of.”

“Did we... do anything?” I had never been the one-night stand type of gal, either. But I didn’t know if this could even be considered one.

“You’re asking if we had s*x,” Arthur reworded my question bluntly.

“Um, yeah.”

“We didn’t,” he informed me. “I didn’t do any of this just so that I could get into your pants.”

I nodded my head, feeling ashamed now. I wasn’t going to lie and say that I hadn’t thought, even for a second, that those were his true intentions. In the end, we were the definition of perfect strangers. But still, it was an insult to his character. “Sorry,” I finally said.

“It’s all right.” It didn’t look like it was all right. “Anyway, I came to give you these,” Arthur bent over and picked up the towel and washrag that he must’ve dropped upon entrance, “so you could take a shower. I mean, if you wanted to take one here. I don’t have any extra toothbrushes, though... Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” I’d make do with my finger to scrub my teeth until I went back to my place. Whenever that was. I kind of didn’t want to leave. I was scared, in all honesty. I knew that if--when I walked out of that door, our relationship would end. There was no need for it to continue any further, and that upset me. In the first place, he had done more than enough for me. Asking him to do more would be selfish, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t want to.

It was really frustrating.

Arthur was silent for a moment. “Well, uh, I’m going to go cook some breakfast. Is there anything that you prefer?”

“No, anything is fine.”

He nodded his head and left the bathroom, leaving me to myself.

I wished that I could say something happened between us after my shower. But nothing did. Instead, we ate in almost silence (only a few words exchanged here and there) and I went home afterwards. Well, to the floor above. Arthur walked me to my apartment, and that was it.

We didn’t exchange numbers or anything, either.

I didn’t have to confidence to speak up when he stood there awkwardly for a count before leaving with a small bye. I watched him leave, ignoring the pain that throbbed within my heart.

I was alone again.

I turned around and entered my dark apartment, closing the door behind me. I think I was going to cry again.

Tears burning at my eyes once more, I pressed my head against the door. “Great,” I muttered.

I honestly thought about walking back to the roof and jumping. Arthur had saved me once, but I doubted he’d be around for the second time. Maybe that’s the way that it was meant to be. Then I stopped myself, remembering the words that he told me.

I needed to have hope. Aspirations. To work hard on changing myself. I exhaled deeply, rubbing my arms and pushing off of the door. All right, Camille, you can do this.

What did I need to change? I walked over to my couch, plopping down on the cushions that had long ago lost their fluff. They weren’t really cushions anymore, just sacks of fabric. Long story short, they were uncomfortable.

I sat there, in the dark, just thinking. What could I do to change? Was there a Wikipedia page that would give me all of the information I needed to improve? I snorted at the thought, inwardly calling myself an i***t for thinking about this.

Once again, Arthur appeared in my mind. Arthur with the pretty eyes and even prettier face. I knew that he owed me nothing, but I wanted him to be here right now. Helping me. It was stupid. Like, super stupid.

How could I change? How could I even become a different me? It wasn’t as if I hadn’t tried. I did! I tried so hard. And for so long too. Why did I think that this time would be different? Why did I get this notion in my head that Arthur was going to guide me through this? I knew that he wouldn’t but at the same time I was hoping that he would.

I couldn’t do it alone. I knew that much. Alcoholics and drug addicts typically got help through others--why would I be so different? I exhaled deeply, feeling a little down. Not a little, a lot.

Who was I supposed to ask help from? Some humans? They wouldn’t understand. In fact, if I told anyone what I really was, I’d ever get locked in the psychiatric ward or dissected in a lab.

Another banshee, maybe. But our kind was pretty rare to stumble upon. Not to mention, banshees in general were never really the social type. So if I did find one, the chances that she would be willing to help were next to none. We never really... bonded among ourselves like some of the other species did.

This left me back where I began--by myself.

I rolled over on the couch, pulling myself into a tight ball. Maybe I could just stay here forever. One day, somebody would open the door and finally find my body.

It’d be slow and painful, surely, but ultimately worth the struggle. Arthur was wrong. I couldn’t change this, I couldn’t have the very essence of my being. I would have to become something else entirely, which was impossible, so my only choice was death.

I shook my head furiously, trying to rid myself of the negative thoughts that were piling on.

The memory from Arthur’s bathroom resurfaced in my brain at that moment. I remembered how the urge to shriek and the pain that accompanied it had all been vanquished.

What was that? Had I regained control over myself? Did that mean that there was a way for me to stop the scream without causing myself pain? My heart started to beat wildly at the thought. The concept of being in control once again, living life like I had when I was a child, it was breathtaking.

I just had to do it again. Whatever it was. That would definitely be hard to do, seeing as if I couldn’t just make the urge up and come whenever I wanted it to.

Did that mean that I had to wait? It was kind of sad, in that manner. Someone’s life would be put in jeopardy for the chance of me being able to stop myself.

That was selfish of me, wasn’t it? Or was it? I wasn’t really sure anymore, it was getting hard to make sense of things. I was getting exhausted from thinking about it.

I sat up, walking to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water. I decided that I needed something to distract myself with, even if it was just momentarily. I flicked on the light, hearing the dull buzzing of the light bulb immediately start up.

There were a lot of things wrong with my apartment. It would’ve been easy for me to go to our landlord--he was a pretty nice guy--and ask him to fix all the issues. But I didn’t care enough to bother doing that.

I exhaled once more, finding myself to be in the sighing mood. I had to get dressed, I was still in last night’s clothes since I hadn’t changed at Arthur’s.

Another sigh escaped me at the thought of Arthur. I wasn’t doing a good job of distracting myself from this stuff. I grabbed a plastic cup from the cupboard, I’d had it since college so it was all chipped and worn (but it remained my favorite cup), then got some water.

Taking tiny sips, I made my way over to my bedroom to get a change of clothes. And that’s when I remembered that I had work. Like, a job to get to. I looked around, my eyes landing on the alarm clock that sat on the nightstand next to my bed.

I had to be there in forty minutes. But since I had to ride the bus into the city, it was a tight crunch for me. Quickly, I rushed to my closet, pulling out my usual attire and clean underwear. I hopped towards the door as I slid my body into the new outfit, snatching my keys up from the coffee table and forcing my feet into my shoes.

“Oh, God,” I muttered as I hurriedly locked the door behind me. I had never been late to work. It was something that I took pride in doing. It was one of the few things in life that I could be confident about--my punctuality.

My feet were unable to carry me fast enough to the elevator, where I repeatedly jammed the down arrow in hopes that it would make the elevator move faster. Unsurprisingly and annoyingly, it didn’t. Since the elevator was taking its sweet time, I bolted to the staircase. I lived on the top floor, meaning that I had four flights of seemingly never ending stairs to go down. It probably would have been faster for me to have waited for the elevator, but in the moment, the stairs seemed like the better choice.

I practically ran down the steps, my feet pounding against the hard surface and sending ripples of pain and irritation down my body. Not that I cared. I had a reputation to uphold.

When I reached the bottom, I threw the door open and stumbled out into the lobby. And of course, of course, somebody had to get in my way. I didn’t run into them, but I had to stop moving so that I wouldn’t. Which was annoying. To add insult to injury, they stopped when I did.

“Excuse me,” I said, not even bothering to mask the irritation that was in my voice. I stared straight forward, hoping that they’d get the message and get out of my way. I noticed that I was staring at their torso. Which was strange, because I wasn’t short. And there was probably only one person that lived here who was able to dwarf me so easily.

“Well, hello there,” Arthur said, gazing down at me, amusement lining his tone. “In a hurry, Cam?”

Immediately, I felt bad. Because it was Arthur. If it was anyone else, I wouldn’t have cared. But it was him, so I did. Didn’t that mean the same thing? I huffed. Anyway, getting to work on time didn’t matter much to me anymore. “Uh, no. Kind of. I forgot I have work.”

He laughed a little. “That’s a problem, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” I chuckled in response.

Our smiles died down, but the heat of his gaze down on me remained. It felt like the sun. So big. Warm. Intimidating. Neither of us looked away from each other. I found myself reveling in his stare, both scared and relaxed. It was odd.

Finally, I tore my gaze away from his. I was losing the staring contest and didn’t have the will to stand against his piercing stare any longer.

I picked at a stray string on my jacket, thinking about how empty I had felt when he had left. Just do it, Cam.

“Um,” I took in a deep breath, “could I have your number?”

“Sure,” Arthur responded. “Can I see your phone?”

I quickly handed it to him, fearing that the moment would pass if I took a second too long. He took it from me, typing in his number before handing it back to me.

“There you go.”

Wow. That was easy. “Yeah, thanks. I’ll, uh, shoot you a text later. Then you can get my number.”

“Yup,” Arthur responded, popping the P slightly. “Anyway, I’ll get out of your way and let you get to work on time.” He waved a little as he stepped aside. “Bye, see you later.”

I smiled broadly, the promise of our relationship continue brightening my day more than he could ever image. “Yeah.” I repeated his words, “See you later.”