That's Us

It's my fault

I'm having an alone time inside my room when Lucas suddenly came into my mind. I remember every good memory we had.

why do I suddenly feel sad about what happened to us? What if I just resist the pain? What if I just ignore the fact that he made a mistake? What if I gave him a second chance? Those what-ifs are painful. I realized that everything that happens in our lives is also just a result of our own decisions. We can never deny the fact that we, ourselves, write our own life story.

I glazed at my table and I saw a picture frame which used to be a picture of Lucas and me.

Did I just ruin US? :(

I closed my eyes and lean my head on the headboard. I hugged my favorite pillow that was given by Lucas on our first anniversary. Suddenly, my tears began to fall. I thought I was over you... It's funny to think that I have been crying for the same person all over again.

I fell asleep as I overthink last night.

The sunshine wakes me up which makes me feel my eyes are swollen. I don't feel like going to school today so I stand up and look at the mirror. I really can't come to a school like this. So, I grab my phone and texted Gerald, "I can't come today. Sorry." I took my hairbrush and cleaned my teeth. Then, changed my clothes. I took the biggest shirt I have because I'm going to cook breakfast for myself. I cracked the eggs on the pan and next to the rice.

I enter the shower to freshen my body I took off every single dress I have. As the water touches my skin, I suddenly missed Brandon.

Suddenly I heard a car outside my house and I heard my door opens. I saw Brandon coming inside.

I rapidly get my bathrobe before he finally sees me naked. Before he out a step into the bathroom I shouted, "Wait for me at the bed!" He responded, "Thank God you are fine. I thought something happened to you."

Why would he think I'm not fine? I did not even send a single message to him today or even last night.

As soon as I see him sitting on my bed I can feel the heat underneath.

"Gerald told me that you can't come to school today so I was worried about you. What happens--" before he finished what he's about to say, I finished it with an intimate and solid kiss. He is still in shock but I slowly untie my robe and closed my eyes. I feel his hands touching my shoulder and slowly sliding down my robe. He caressed my chest and kissed my neck softly and gently. He is now kissing my body down to my hips.

I suddenly remembered what he did when I was totally into him. That made me pushed him. He was shocked by what I did, which made him say, "What the f*ck is wrong with you, Jane?" He angrily fixed his shirt.

My tears are starting to fall again. I did not expect him to shout at me like that.

"Come on! I did not mean to shout at you, what is wrong Jane? Tell me." he said calmly.

"You can go out, now." Deep inside myself, I don't want him to go, I want him to hug and me and say sorry. I want him to stay and say he's there for me. That I'm not alone and he is with me. But then, he said, "Okay, is that what you want?" My tears began to burst it can't stop. I'm now so disappointed and just want him to hug me but then I can't receive any of it. What do I expect this is just a game.

"GET OUT!!!!" I said with my tears falling into my cheeks. "Just get out..." I can't carry it anymore, I just want to be alone.

He took his coat on my bed and disappointedly go out of my room.

I want to run after him and say sorry that I was immature, that I was like a toxic s**t. But, I am hurt. I don't know what I want. I'm confused. I don't really know what to do.

I laid on my stomach and cry while hugging my huge pillow. It seems everything is starting to fall apart. it seems I can't stand with the plan that I want to do. I am really not fine with this.

I slowly opened my eyes I'm looking in the direction of my phone while my eyes are still crying. I took it and started to scroll around my gallery and I saw some of the pictures of me and Lucas. Everything seems so perfect why did I let everything shattered that way? Why did I let my feelings won over my mind? Why did I let the person who is with me all this time go out of my way? Why did I let my pride won?

It made me realize, Lucas never shouted at me. All those years I never felt this way. Yeah, he cheated, maybe he needs some time. I mean we are not perfect.

Lucas P. O. V.

FLASHBACK

It is Jane's first day at her new school. She entered the university I want for her. I told her that is the school I wanted for her, but the real thing is I want her to be far from my Mom.

It is our second anniversary when my mom suddenly calls again. She is such a fake woman. She always shows Jane that she likes her but when Jane is not around, she always finds a way to tell me to leave Jane. Her reason? Because she wants me to marry Olivia. Her best friend's daughter. I never liked Olivia. I know Olivia for a very long time. She also came from a good family just like Jane but she is kind of richer than Jane. But I never saw her as someone that I can be intimately jammed with. I always look at her as my younger sister because we have been friends since childhood until her family decided to bring her to Japan and live there. But my mom? she always wants to come along the way, she always asks me what theme do I like if I marry Olivia. Like, she is so annoying. I always tell her that I don't like Olivia. Especially when I met, Jane.