I had an epiphany this afternoon. It’s the weekend, and my goal for the weekend is always the same: get my kids to take their naps at the same time so that I can bang Braden during daylight hours. It’s when we’re usually both at our best. He’s not too tired. I’m not too drunk. It’s delightful. So after waiting all goddamn day, two o’clock was finally upon me. Nap time. I flew up the stairs, my arms full of children, read a shamefully truncated version of The Cat in the Hat to my son, speed-nursed my daughter to sleep, and bounced back down the stairs and onto Braden’s unsuspecting lap in twenty minutes flat. Unfortunately, he was clearly absorbed in a riveting episode of Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher that he’d found on our DVR while I was gone, so I knew I had my work cut out for m
