The shy's girl crush

Chapter three - Shyness

Loren's POV:

I am too shy, but I don't know what to do with that. I wish I could be myself around everyone. The thing is that I feel uncomfortable. For some reason, I think people always look at me. I'm not a celebrity. Maybe they are waiting for me to make a mistake. That's why I don't do many things in public. Let's say that I feel judged all the time. That's why even if no one tells me something, it doesn't mean he is not thinking about it. I might imagine things, but it's hard to live like that every single day. I don't know what to do. I can talk with Alice, but she will say the same thing. I have to be brave and do what I like. No, thank you. Also, Dylan talks to me from time to time. I prefer when he doesn't notice me. Now I can't make a complete sentence. I probably look like an i***t in his eyes. I might be a nerd. When it comes to him, I forget everything. He does look good, but he is also a good person. Honestly, I don't know how I fell for him. Things are complicated because I'm not the only one fighting for his attention. Technically, I'm not doing anything. Maybe I have to give up. Dylan will never go out with ginger nerd. Let's be honest. No one will go after me if I keep being who I am. Well, I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I do like him, but that's it. I don't know how to act in a relationship. Christina gave me the wrong nickname. I should be "Loren The Shy Girl" because of my insecurities. It suits me more. The biggest problem is that I care too much. Mostly it's about what people think about me. I'm afraid to do whatever it is. Otherwise, someone always will say something to make fun of me. That is the last thing I want. All I have to do is accept my personality and life like that. I hope that this won't make Dylan stay away from me. I want us to have a chance.

I am in History class. The teacher is talking while everyone is pretending to listen to her. Well, except for Alice and me. I think we are the only ones who care about school. I distract myself while studying. That's why I do it. Otherwise, I overthink everything that has happened during the day. I don't know why I do it. Let's say that I always search for the problem in me. I never doubt anyone else. No one is perfect, but I see myself as the odd one. Of course, I didn't tell my parents that. I know how they will react.

The teacher gave us five minutes to write down the answer to a question. It took me only two. I already know the answer. I showed my notebook to her, but she didn't look at it. Why do I feel like the teachers are annoyed with me? I do everything they say. If they keep doing it, I will be quiet. It's not like someone will notice. No one cares about me except for my best friend. That's why I love her so much. I know I can trust her. Also, she is always behind my back.

- Ok, students. Who will answer my question? - miss Walsh asked

- Me. - I said

- Anyone?

- Hello. I am here.

- Let the nerd speak since she wants it so much. - Christina said, laughing

- Loren, I know you can answer it, but I don't want to talk only with you.

- Then what am I supposed to do in class?

- Answer the questions after the lesson. I'll check them later.

- Ok, fine.

After this class, I walked to my locker. I took my books for the next class and pulled out my phone. Soon I saw Dylan coming. I pretended to check something on my phone when he looked up. I don't want him to know that I'm checking him out. He looks good, which is not my fault.

On the lunch break, I went for food. Today I will eat French fries only. They are not the healthiest thing, but I like them. I looked for a table, but all the free ones were between other. I don't want to be surrounded by people.

- Oh, look. Loren The Nerd can't find a table. - Christina said, laughing

- You can take our table if you dare. - Missy said, smirking

I didn't say anything and walked away. What is wrong with these girls? As if it's not enough that I feel horrible. I walked back inside and sat down. I don't want to eat anymore. I'll do it at home where no one is watching me.

- Loren, are you ok?

I looked up to see Dylan. Great. Things can't get any better. I didn't say anything and pulled out my phone. That will distract me. Otherwise, I might get upset. Here is not the place for breakdowns.

- What happened?

- N-nothing. You can go and eat.

- Will you come?

- No. I-I'm not hungry.

- Loren, you can't starve yourself.

- I'm not doing it.

- It doesn't look like that to me. No matter what people tell you, ignore it.

- It's easy to say.

- You think about everything too much. Enjoy your life.

- I can't.

- Why?

- I don't know.

- Nerd, what are you doing with Dylan?

- Christina, back off. I came to her.

- Why?

- Because I wanted to. She was alone, and I wanted to make her company. Is it that bad?

- You are part of us.

- I never said that.

I took my things and walked away. It's better if I'm not here. After school, I walked home. Alice was with me. It's not like I told her something. I know she has many questions, but I'm not in the mood. I went into my room and laid on the bed. Maybe I need to take a nap. That might help me feel better. Well, sleeping won't resolve my problems.

- Loren, what is going on with you? Lately, you have become even quieter. Is it because of Christina?

- No.

- Then?

- Don't worry.

- Tell me. As your best friend, I need to know.

- Please, not now.

- I saw the boys a couple of days ago in the park. If you had come with me, you would've seen Dylan.

- I don't care.

- He was in defensive mode.

- What do you mean?

- Jackson asked a lot of questions about you.

- What?

- Relax. Jackson is not interested in you. The boy wants to know why you are so shy.

- So?

- I didn't tell him anything. Dylan didn't like that his friend was asking so many questions. In his eyes, you are an ordinary girl. He enjoys people who study a lot.

- Alice, that won't make me feel better.

- It's true. You can ask Dylan if you want. He cares about you.

- He talked to me in the hall during the lunch break.

- See? What did he say?

- He wanted to know if I was ok. That's it. I didn't tell him anything.

- You are so stupid.

- I have told you a million times that I won't do it. Stop asking about it.

- Why don't you want to make a move?

- Because I don't want a boyfriend!

- What? That's bullsh*t. You want to date Dylan.

- No, I like him. I never said I wanted to date him.

- It's the same thing.

- It's not. Stop worrying about me, and look at your relationship.

- I don't have.

- Exactly.

- All I want is to help you.

- I don't need help.

- Yes, you do. If you want, I can talk with Dylan.

- No! You won't do anything.

- Then you will do it.

- Can you leave me alone?

- No. I am your best friend. I will stay here as much as I want.

- Then be quiet.

- You are impossible.

- Thanks. I already know it.

Both of us did our homework quietly. I didn't want to talk to Alice. She keeps asking me questions, and that is not something I like. If I want to, I will share it with her. Later, we watched a movie. Maybe I was too rough with her, but sometimes I don't want to talk. She has to understand this. When I feel ready, I will tell her everything.

- I'm sorry.

- I know.

- Are you mad at me?

- No.

- Will you make a longer sentence?

- Why?

- So I don't think you are annoyed with me.

- I'm not annoyed, mad, or anything to you. You can calm down.

- Let's say that I believe you.

- Do you want us to go out? We can eat ice cream.

- Isn't it too cold for that?

- Who said that?

- Ok, then. I'll take my jacket.

- I'll wait for you here.

When I was ready, both of us walked out. We went to the nearest ice cream shop. I wanted to eat mine in a cone. Sometimes it's dripping, but I'll try to eat it faster. I got vanilla and chocolate. You can never go wrong with these two flavors. Alice got a banana and mint with chocolate chips. Mom likes raspberry. I have tried it, but it's not that delicious.

- What do you want us to do next? - I asked

- I don't know. I'll let you decide as long as we are outside.

- Can we play bowling?

- Really?

- I'm not good, but it'll be fun.

- Let's go before you change your mind.

- I won't. I need a distraction.

Alice and I walked to the bowling alley. I paid for one game. After all, I don't want to spend much time here. She was first and hit eight bowling pins out of ten. Good for her. I got only five. Alice's next move was a strike. In the end, I lost the game. I told her that I wasn't good. It's not like I play this game every day.

- With more coordination, you will be fine. - someone said

- Hello, boys. - Alice said and nudged me

- H-hi.

- Hey, Loren. Alice. - Dylan said

- What are you doing here?

- I came to train. - Jackson said

- Why?

- I made a bet with a boy. Now I regret it.

- It's too late.

- Yep.

- Loren, can we talk? - Dylan asked

- Me?

- Well, I don't know any other girl named Loren.

- Yeah, s-sure.

- Come here. - Dylan said and pulled me away

- F-for what do you want us to t-talk?

- Nothing. All I wanted was to check on you. Also, our friends understand each other well. I don't want to be a third wheel.

- Me too.

- Is there a problem? Lately, you have been quiet.

- I have nothing to say. It looks like I'm annoying the teachers.

- That's not true. Teachers got tired of talking only with you.

- The fault that the others don't study is not mine.

- True. Ignore that and focus on yourself.

- It's easy to say it.

- If you need help with something, tell me. It shouldn't be about lessons. You are better than me.

- Y-you are good too.

- Thanks. Said from you means a lot.

- Really?

- Yes. After all, you are the cleverest girl in school.

- I don't think so.

- But I do. Believe in yourself. You can do much more things than you can imagine.

- If you say this to make me feel better, it's not working.

- No, I think it. Will you look at me?

- Why?

- Because I want to see your eyes.

- They are brown.

- I know, but looking at people will help you not to be so shy.

- Eye contact is not something I like.

- It's ok. We are alone. Nothing will happen.

- Thanks, but I don't want to do it.

- Ok, then. Do you want us to play bowling?

- I'm terrible.

- I can't play either, but it'll be fun.

- If you say so.

Dylan and I played a game. I only won because he left me. He might not know how to play well, but he is better than me. After the game, I went to sit down at a table. Alice was still paying with Jackson. I know she is blushing, but I like how confident she is. That is something I would never be able to do. Soon someone touched my hand. I looked up to see Dylan. He didn't say anything and only smiled. This boy has a beautiful smile.

- Is everything ok?

- Yes. Next time, don't let me win, please.

- I didn't.

- You did, and it's not helping. That only makes it worse.

- I'm sorry. I didn't want you to feel bad.

- It's ok. I don't mind.

- Should we leave them to play? As I see it, they won't finish soon.

- Maybe we have to. I don't know.

- Do you have a favorite place to go?

- Home. - I said, and Dylan chuckled

- Somewhere else?

- I-I don't like going out much.

- Why? People don't bite.

- I won't be so sure.

- Look, if it's about Christina, ignore her. Do whatever you like. She can't tell you anything.

- It's not only that.

- Do you mind sharing?

- Not now. Talking about this is not something I like.

- Ok, I won't pressure you.

- That was a great game. I kicked your a*s. - Jackson said

- Yes, you did. Loren, are you ok?

- I'm fine.

- If you want, we can talk.

- No need to do it.

- Give us a moment. - Alice said and pulled me away

- What?

- Did Dylan say something? You are not blushing or doing anything. I know how you react when he is around.

- No, he didn't say or do anything.

- Then what's the problem? Come on, tell me.

- There is no problem. I want to go home.

- Loren, you are there all the time. Don't you want to go out and have fun?

- No.

- Why? Nothing horrible will happen. I promise you.

- Can we go? If you want, stay with Jackson. I don't want to be here.

- It was your idea.

- And it was a bad one.

- In that case, I will tell Dylan to come with you.

- No! I want to be alone.

- But Loren.

- I said no! Please, Leave me alone. - I said and walked away

I went out of the building when I heard my name. I ignored it and continued walking. Soon someone grabbed my hand. It was Dylan again. I will kill Alice. That will happen tomorrow.

- Hey, what is going on?

- I don't know what Alice told you but don't believe her.

- That's the problem. She didn't tell me anything.

- What?

- You can tell me if you have a problem. I will help with what I can.

- No, thanks. I'm good. - I said and left

- Loren!

I didn't turn around and continued walking. Tears were falling, but I ignored that and went home. I spend the rest of the day in my room. I only went out for dinner. Of course, my parents asked questions, but I didn't answer. I wasn't in the mood for that. Lately, this has started changing quickly, and I don't know why. Maybe I need a break from everything. Being alone is not that bad. I guess not everyone thinks the same. For now, I will focus on school. That keeps me distracted from everything and everyone. I hope that with time things will get better. I don't want to live like that forever.