Coma

Guilt

■Baldwin, 2 years ago.

Dilan’s POV.

Since we got together and I still can’t believe it. Matteo was mine. I was so in love with this guy, that it blinded me. I just condoned his red flags. I saw light through his eyes, I gave him more than he did. I was fluently passionate, admiring him, caring. He was the type of boyfriend who was nice and sweet, but he was off sometimes. Like he was tired of my energy. I remember us going out together on social events, he would praise my beauty, then leave me by myself to figure out how to spend the night with his colleagues I barely recognize.

I felt like I wasn’t a fit in his world, yet I tried my best to show him I care, that I would do anything to show him how much I do love him.

One night, he took me to his colleague’s Dean party. Matteo works as an agricultural supplies’ merchant. He had a lot of connections with people. He was an extroverted flame while I was sometimes uncomfortable around people. I was wearing a vinyl backless black jumpsuit, I was standing next to the drinks table. As usual, Matteo forgot about me when he saw his friends. I was standing by myself, alone where I knew some people I didn’t like in the first place. I tried to drink and forget a bit, it was a busy place, huge house structure, strangers everywhere you look around, I felt odd, I looked at my boyfriend, who wasn’t intending to look my way, to check on me if I needed anything. That’s when Dean, the guy with bothering looks came next to me. He would devour me with his eyes, I felt uncomfortable.

"Hey, beautiful girl, he checked me out from head to toe.

-Hi, I said briefly.

-What do you think about this party, my house as well? He said while getting closer and having a drink.

- It is beautiful Dean, thanks for asking. I took a sip of my drink and looked at Matteo. Dean noticed.

- Don’t bother, he is busy, he won’t notice you, you know, he is an i***t. How can he miss this beauty out here. He tried to touch my arm.

-Excuse me? What’s wrong with you!? I pulled away.

-Shhh, gingerhead, don’t attract unwanted attention, let me show you how care could be. He was trying to touch me.

-Get off freak!!” I yelled at him, then poured my drink on his clothes

Everyone in the room looked our way, including my attentive boyfriend, who quickly came by. Dean was stupefied by my act, then he got angry.

"What’s wrong with your girlfriend? Look what she has done to me! He accused me.

-Matteo, he tried to touch me. I felt uncomfortable. I said while shaking. I have never been in such a situation.

-Calm down Dean, Dilan was nervous.

-Nervous? I wasn’t nervous Matteo! He tried to touch me!

-Why would I do? Said Dean with disgust.

-Lets get out of here, Matteo, now. Please.” I begged him.

Matteo stood for a while, like he was thinking of staying.

"Sorry Dean for this.

-WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!” I said angrily.

Matteo grabbed me by the arm and pulled me out of the crowded room, it was silent, people loved drama, they were watching us passing through them. I was boiling. My man didn’t even try to stand by my side. He was just trying to get me out, maybe because I embarrassed him. He was holding my arm tight and guiding me to his car, in the park. I pulled away.

He stopped and looked at me.

"Why did you stop? He asked.

-What’s wrong with you Matteo? Are you embarrassed of me being with you? Me being younger, more childish, this doesn’t suit you, isn’t it? You didn’t try to defend me inside.

-What are you talking about Dilan? I don’t understand.”

I tried to hold my sadness, but tears betrayed me.

"You don’t like me anymore, I am not the girl you want me to be.

-Stop it now Dilan, we will sort this out once we get back home.”

Home ride was silent, I could cut tension with scissors. We passed my parents apartment. I wanted to be alone.

“Stop right here. I said.

-Why?

-I want to be alone, Matt.

-No, you’re not. I am not stopping

-Matteo. Right Now. Please.” I insisted.

Matteo pulled the car and remained silent.

I went down the car and closed the door. He just kept staring at me through his car. He didn’t try to do anything. I turned my back and went to my front porch. I heard the car engine turn on and fading away. He didn’t care. He wasn’t trying to feel what I wanted him to feel. We were falling apart, like the sparks of this relationship were fading away, at least for me, maybe there weren’t sparkles from his side in the first place.

I went inside, devastated. I wanted to cry. I was lonely in a relationship that must let me feel my best. Mom was in the kitchen. She noticed I wasn’t vibrant like usual.

"Dilan? Are you home honey?"

■NYC, 2 years ago.

Elliot’s POV.

Work was going perfectly, like the vision board I made back in Mexico, my team was invading, the profits on our company were turning double and triple, it is true I want to have my own company, but first I will work on my experience field and get the essential fund for my company.

Sahel, my manager, he was proud to announce us as one of the most efficient young teams in our company, which was a bonus on our next career step.

"So I want this team to make sure that they booked their seats for the next level of work: entrepreneurship.

There you will work with the biggest business men in the countries. Some of you might engage with exportation, some will stay in the banks sector, some will go the salesman sector, this start will give you a good push for your careers!”

Sahel was encouraging us, he is a brilliant leader, and this really excited me, at least to work harder and improve myself. My phone beeped.

It was Veronica. I wasn’t expecting her. It was a picture. Actually a quote.

“I loved her against reason, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against it all discouragement that could be.”

I contemplated this quote, my mind flew back to Kate. My Kate. I remembered how much she was sad, and I don’t know if I was acting wrong with her. I remembered her sparkly eyes, her little smile the last time we were officially together. How is she doing? Why did I accept to leave her?

My phone popped out again. It was Veronica again.

“You know I don’t believe in this, I just stopped believing what is written in books despite the fact that I want to experience it, yet I think its just ink on paper. I don’t know why I am saying this to you… but I just felt like you could understand.

•No, Veronica, these feelings still exist in life, but there are circumstances. Sometimes, you want to love someone with all your heart, but still, there will be a dark spot that will ruin it, both sides. I texted back.

•Do you have proof? Did you live this? Or you are talking abstractly? She texted.

•I did, I still do, I don’t know how to explain this.

• still want to grab coffee with me? I guess you can explain it to me face to face. She asked.

• are you asking me out? I teased.

•Maybe, guess we’ll see at our meet. 5pm at Valentino’s?

•Fine by me” I texted.

The quote still, disturbed me. I went to Kate’s chat history, I wanted to call her but her words popped out in my mind. “I need a break, from everything Elliot, I need to have a break, from us.”

I thought again and wanted to get out of the room. I grabbed my phone and tried to call Theo. His line was out of service.

“That i***t might be asleep. I will text him”.

I didn’t know how my hands started writing but all I knew, I said what my mind was playing back deep where I cant know why am I this attached to my ex.

■Michigan, by the lake, 2 years ago.

I woke up in the campervan, it was pretty daylight, I guess it was almost 11 am. I traced the sheets, searching for Theo. It was empty. I looked to his side. He wasn’t there. I was surprised. He didn’t leave my side before we woke up together at least. There was a t-shirt of his thrown on the mini bed we slept on, I put it on and walked next to the firepot where we hung out last night, when my eyes caught sight of him, I felt relieved.

His muscular back reflecting in the sun’s light turned me on. I walked on my tiptoes to hug him from behind.

“Morning sexy boy” I teased him while tightening my hug.

He didn’t respond as I wanted, actually he acted totally different.

He pulled away, like I distracted his focus.

“oh Kate, Hi.” He gave me an awkward smile and tried to hide something behind his back.

“What’s wrong Theo, is everything alright? You seem disturbed.” I tried to calm him with my touch, still he was pulling away, this might have to do with the thing he is hiding.

“What are you hiding? I asked furiously. He stood in his place.

-Noth..nothing. It is nothing.

-then why are you acting strangely? Are you okay? Why are you pulling away from my touch? Did I do something wrong? I was worried.

-No, not really, actually not.” He was still hiding whatever he has in his hand. His body language made me furious. I am done with this act. I took him by surprise and grabbed whatever he was hiding. It was his phone. He tried to get it back but he surrendered when he felt hopeless. He was reading a text. A text from Elliot.

“I miss her bad, like she is present in my mind all time, Theo. I know I may sound like a kid, but I just can’t stand the idea of her with anyone else. I want her to be mine and only mine. How is she? What is she doing? Do you see her often? Did she get better? She wasn’t herself last time we met. I wish I could feel her again, at least one more time. I want to call her, but I don’t want to disturb her. I guess you’re still asleep now, but I didn’t find anyone else to talk to, brother. I am lost.”

I looked at Theo, he was looking away.

“Don’t tell me you’re feeling guilt, Theo, please tell me you’re not.”

No response, he just was looking away.

“You do feel guilt, are you sorry for the last days we spent? Respond now.” I was pushing him to talk, he didn’t speak. I threw his phone on him.

“Speak! You can’t screw me then feel guilt about it now, don’t act like a rock! Answer me, are you feeling guilty?

-I do. He said.

-You do? I felt startled. Wow. What happened to the past few days? Theo, we were planning to have kids yesterday and now what? You’ve had your play from me and now you’re leaving?

-Kate, calm down. He tried to get closer.

-Get the f**k away from me. You are a coward. And I hate cowards.”

I got the courage to pull away from him, although I wanted this journey to end differently, but why would I? I know how my life is working. I took off the t-shirt, his scent was all over my body, I picked the closest dress of mine, put on my shoes and didn’t know where to head. I just was walking through the forest where I spent my favorite days, heartbroken, crying. Theo was following me without my consent. I wanted him to be just responsible, as involved in feelings as much as I do. I wanted him to want me, desire me, like I do with him. He just felt guilt when he read a text from his best friend.

As I was walking deeply in the forest, I heard Theo’s voice getting further, suddenly he screamed, “WATCH OUT!” and then everything went black.

■NYC, 2 years ago.

Roy’s POV.

“What do you mean Fred’s new wife is moving here? With her son? Why would Fred move her to the family’s mansion? My dad was yelling at the phone.

-What’s wrong father? I asked.

-I don’t like your new step grandmother, son, be aware of her and her son. They have a questionable history.

-What do you mean?

-The son, was a drug dealer, Diana, was known for her bad reputation in Texas, how my father Fred fell for her, I don’t know. She isn’t even on our same social class.

-Honey, don’t you worry about it, lets grab lunch now, said mom. I made Daniel’s fav dish, he loves shrimps.

-And the favorite child’s award goes to Daniel! Teased Linda.

-This is unfair mom, you have always loved Daniel more than us! I said.

-That’s not true Roy, we love you all equally, but Daniel is our eldest, he will preserve some favorability, but it doesn’t mean, we love him more, you know? Explained Dad.

-I heard my name! Hello everyone. Came in Daniel with some bags in hand.

Daniel, my elder brother, he was this lovely smart badass. He was charismatic, tall, attractive person, physically and sapiosexuality, he was a genius. I always saw him as an idol, he was elder by 5 years than I do. And elder than Linda by 8 years.

“Hello brother! What have you got? Asked Linda curiously.

-Some stuff for everyone, I passed by the market and I liked to get you something. For you my little Lilly, I got you this.” He took out from a bag a beautiful jewelry box with classic style.

“Like the one in my favorite movie! I love you, Dani, thank you so much! She hugged him tightly. Daniel looked my way.

-For you brother, I got you this pad , I know you’re interested in such old stuffs, like bullet journaling. I thought you may like it.” It was an old leathered notebook, golden pages, fine lines and a black ink old pen.

“I love this! Thank you brother! I gave him a hug.

-For my dear father, I brought this tie, you love this style, and it may suit your new tuxedo. And for my lovely sweet momma, I brought you this necklace, I think it suits your persona, calm, beautiful and genuine, like the lilac color.

-This is why my baby boy is my favorite, he cares about everyone, I am sure you will be fine with him if I am gone.

-Please mom, don’t say that, may God guard you. Now if I am excused, I am going to see Vera. She already is waiting for me to have lunch together”.

AS soon as mom heard her name, her face darkened. The situation got worse when Fred and the new people came around.

An old woman, white hair, blue eyes, strangely beautiful features, came next to my grandpa, whose smile was big enough you can see it from a mile away. He was holding her hand like she was a treasure, actually, she gave me already the vibes that she is trouble, but let the days, judge who she really is. As for her son, he wasn’t with them.

“Fred and Diana. You’re here.” Said my father briefly.