Empathy with the dead

Chapter 2 - Revelation

My eyes were hazy and so was my heart. I woke up after two hours. My entire body felt lethargic. I guess it is not used to collapse because of a potent emotion like shock. My mind still could not comprehend the fact that Grandma had left us. She was always so healthy, so lively, in last 5 years she hadn’t had a single ill day. She practiced some sort of natural medicinal techniques. Though it looked like witchcraft to me. So how could she just die of a stroke? She was old, but not that old. This doesn’t feel fair or even possible.

But alas, it is all true. Nothing I contemplate, nothing I do, can change the reality. Grandma Nelly has left us forever and nothing can bring her back.

The entire time I was unconscious, Jake was sitting beside me. Grandma was also his favorite. He particularly liked her herb mint tea. It acts as a bane for his overthinking and calmed his anxiety before football matches. I hated the taste but could really use some now. There are hundreds of little things that will keep reminding us of Grandma. Her herbal snacks, charms she used to make to protect us from bad dreams, those afternoon tea parties and of course her the embrace of her love. 

But keep thinking about what we lost will lead us nowhere. I got up from the couch and was ready to leave. Suddenly, I felt Jake’s hand over my shoulder, making me come to a halt. 

“Are you sure, you are okay Elena. You still seem in shock. Rest for a little while longer and then I will drop you.”

“It is okay, Jake. My house is just next door. I can walk that much. Don’t worry about me and look after yourself. Don’t you dare fail tomorrow after I wasted three hours on you today?”, I tried to reply with a soft smile, trying to cheer him up.

“I know Elena, you are trying to act strong. It is the only way you deal with difficult situations. But I know, what you are passing through. You are grieving inside.”

Suddenly, he embraced me in a bear hug. His hands thumbing on my back like I was a little baby. The words coming out of his mouth were full of genuine concern and worry. His voice calming and his embrace strong. All this finally broke thorough me and maybe after 15 years (out of 17) I cried like a baby.

Next day was Grandma’s funeral service. A lot more people than expected showed up. There were our close relatives, neighbors including Jake’s family and Grandma’s freaky friends. Even far away relatives and supposed to be “family friends”, some of whom I don’t even recognize came. What is this, a free snack party or just an excuse for a casual leave from office?

It doesn’t matter now. Nothing matters now. This service is for the lady sleeping in the casket. And she is not my Grandma. She is sleeping like there is no worry in the world. Grandma always worried about everyone in the world. She is holding white lilies in her hands. Grandma would have plucked none. 

And she was so dead, so devoid of any emotions. Grandma radiated life like the burning sun. Just by being in her presence ill got better and their deepest emotions come to light. The lady in the casket has no presence at all. I can feel nothing from her. Why god, who is she, what have you done to my Grandma? 

I almost drowned in grief. There was an enormous mass hovering over me, a great void in my heart threatening to engulf me. For the time being, I could keep an appearance of calmness. But the lid holding back the volcano of despair and defeat was weakening me from inside. Grandma will just disappear from my life. I can never talk to her again, never feel her presence again. I simply cannot accept that, I refuse to accept that. 

I will feel her presence again, feel her love again. Impossible can go to hell. I will feel her again. And suddenly, I felt her.

Just for a moment, suddenly my mind was filled with a sense of peace. A quite blissful place in complete harmony with the nature. A feeling of pure satisfaction, complete assurance that everything is alright. Nothing is left to give now, nothing to take from the world. Now just relax in the eternal slumber until the next phase of journey begins. 

As fast as that feeling came, it evaporated at the same speed. What…. was that? I was dumbfounded. This can’t be real. Am I so much in grief that I am having hallucinations in the early morning? Am I losing my mental stability and will spend the rest of my life in an asylum? The thought made me laugh a little. The lady standing beside me also known as my mother gave a disapproving look. 

What a strange dream that was? A minute before, I was drowning in sorrow and despair. Now, suddenly, my heart feels much lighter. The feeling you get when you see a ray of light after going through a long dark tunnel. Was it just a dream or hallucination? Have I finally lost my mind and can be dangerous to my parents or Jake? I had a thousand questions, but somewhere in my heart I know it was all real. Somehow I had connected with Grandma, crossing the boundary between life and death.

The rest of the ceremonies passed with no major incident. Just my usual avoidance of social interactions and my mother’s disapproval. When we were about to leave, my parents were finishing the payments and I was waiting near the car.

“Hi Elena dear. How are you doing?”, a thin voice startled me. I immediately turned back, ready to punch the creep. My hand stopped in midair on noticing that the creep is almost seventy and walking with the help of a stick. How she could appear behind me making no noise was quite awesome, actually. I appreciate any skill that helps avoid any unnecessary interactions.

Her face looked familiar. I had met her somewhere before. I remember seeing her in funeral though she was standing at the back.

“You may not remember me. But I know you since you were a baby. We used to spend entire afternoons playing with you and your Grandma. You used to call me Rumila aunty. I am one of your Grandma’s closest friend.”

She was one of those witches.

What! why is she approaching me now? And did I really used to play with this lot? Had I been jinxed?

Strange questions crept into my mind. Gathering my courage, I put up a descent reply, “Hi mam! A pleasant time to reintroduce yourself after a decade. Someone reminding be of old memories of Grandma whom I just lost is just what I needed.” Who says you can’t be sarcastic while also being polite. You should have looked at her face.

“I know you don’t like us, Elena. But trust me, you will need us in times to come. And we will need you even more. You are the forbearer of your Grandma’s legacy. And it is your destiny to protect them, so they can rest in peace.”, she said in a pleading voice.

The desperation in her tone even made me a little sympathetic towards her. But what she was blabbering about. Legacy, protection, destiny, are they doing some kind of role play? If yes, then it is really a bad and insensitive time to play this game.

And then she said the words that made me frightened, “I know what you felt there, the sense of true peace. Your grandma is at peace because she knows her legacy is safe with you and you can fulfill. Take this letter Grandma has written for you yesterday. She wanted to tell you in person, but her time came before that. Please, read this and decide for yourself.”

She handed me the letter and quietly disappeared.

I was stunned. Did grandma know she was going to die and therefore wanted to meet me yesterday? And how did aunt Rumila know what I experience in the funeral? Was that feeling really is true then? Thinking about this will lead me nowhere. Somehow I knew all the answers were in that letter.

On our way back, I sat alone on the back seat. The handwriting on the letter was clearly of Grandma.. I started reading:

“““

Dear Elena,

I hope you are okay. Don’t cry over me, child. I have lived a long and fulfilling life. And I was blessed with a lovely grand daughter who filled my life with love. You were the reason behind my every happiness child and you were my everything.

From the first time I held you in my palms, I knew you were special. And you will be the forbearer of my powers. Remember, I used to tell you-you are a fairy. Well, my child, you really are one.

From generations we can feel the emotions of those who have passed on. And there are many of them who died with guilt, despair, worries and even utter hopelessness. And eternity, my child, is a long time to live with such dark emotions.

It is our job to lead them to peace. It is our role in the vast consciousness of nature.

I know this all may seem very overwhelming and even unreal. But I have instructed Rumila to guide you. I know you don’t like her, but please give her a chance. She has a good heart.

And always remember Elena. My body may be dead, but I continue to live within you. I will always be by our side no matter what.

Your dear Grandma Nelly.

P.S Please take care of Jake. He is a dutiful child. Don’t scold him too much..

“““

I didn’t know what to feel. Whether to laugh or cry or just go to sleep and forget all this. This was so insane. I, who have trouble even speaking with normal alive humans, am now tasked with understanding the emotions of the dead.

I don’t know why Grandma believed I can carry out this job. Emotions and empathy, even the mention of these words gives me diarrhea. But I have to at least try for the sake of Grandma. Let us see what comes next.