Defending Deanna

Chapter 7

Ryker

I stand outside Deanna's door. I know with some certainty that she isn't going back to sleep. I didn't buy that for a second. She was way too keyed up. I know I can't get back to sleep now either. Not after hearing her whimper and begging him to stop and to let her go. She also kept repeating. "Please I just wanna go home."

The desperation in her voice broke my heart. She sounded so scared and broken. I didn’t see Deanna during the worst of her time after. I felt so guilty about leaving her that day at the theater. I knew she had to blame me too, so I stayed away to keep from reminding her of what I did.

I did try at first. If she wanted me around then the least, I could do is be there and not let her down again.

I went to her house often in the first few weeks. I tried to be there for all of them, but she avoided me and would go hide when I came by. I figured the least I could do for her was let her deal with what happened without the reminder that I left her to be kidnapped.

After a bit, I could see how hard it was on everybody, so I decided it was better to leave and not come around anymore. I pulled away from the only family I ever really had but it was for the best.

I hate that Deanna was basically a stranger to me now, but also not because we have so much history. It is a strange situation. I know her better than most, but also not at all.

Maddox had told me some of what she went through. Maddox had slept on the floor of her room for months after she came home because she would wake up terrified, she was back in that basement. She never wanted to leave the house. She was scared all the time.

I didn’t see any of that until tonight. I was awakened by her whimpers and begging so I went to check on her and she was curled up in a ball and whimpering and I kind of lost it.

I rushed over and tried to wake her. She didn't wake at first so finally I shook her awake. I just wanted to pull her out of that dark place and the nightmare that held her so deep in fear.

I hadn't expected to get kicked in the chest but I’m kind of glad she did that. It was a pretty decent kick and it hurt pretty good too. It made me feel like maybe she could protect herself if there was ever anyone after her again. I hope like hell that would never happen, but I am glad to know she could protect herself if it ever did.

I hear her moving around her room. I knew she wouldn't get any more sleep. She was too freaked out. I don’t blame her. I couldn’t even imagine what demons visited her during her sleep.

I didn’t know all that much about what she had gone through. I wanted to, if only to understand her better but a part of me felt like it invaded her privacy. She had been through hell. It killed me not to know what she went through but at the same time, she went through it, she survived it. It was her truth to tell. I didn’t want to know about it if she didn’t want me to.

I had been involved in the case some. In fact, I had been a suspect at first until they got the camera footage of the parking lot. That showed the true horror of what happened that night.

That night I had stayed with that random girl for a while, but I kept checking on Deanna. Truthfully as much as I fought it, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her for long. She was a beacon to me, and my eyes were continuously drawn to her.

I didn’t see her leave the movie, but I assumed she went to the bathroom or something but after a bit when she didn’t return, I went to look for her and asked around. She was seen in the lobby, but nobody knew where she had gone. I looked for a bit longer. I didn’t assume the worst at first. I honestly thought maybe she’d gone home because she was mad at me.

I tried calling her cell, but it just rang and rang. I went back to her seat to see if maybe she had snuck by me somehow and was in the movie. She would laugh her butt off when she heard how freaked I was.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t there, but her purse and cell were. That’s when I started getting really nervous. I knew her pretty well and as a teenage girl, she was rarely away from her phone. Even if she was mad at me for leaving, she wouldn’t have left her phone, because that would freak Maddox out and she wouldn’t do that to him.

Finally, without another option, I called Maddox. He hadn’t heard from her either. We agreed to call the police and Maddox rushed over to the theater. We looked for her everywhere. We both got more and more terrified as the seconds wore on.

Once the police showed up, they questioned us both and they took a special interest in me because I was an older male friend and I’d been the last person to see her. I had been annoyed at the time. I obviously didn’t do anything to her, I wouldn’t have but now as an adult I get it. I looked suspicious from the outside. The cops didn’t understand how much I cared about her, or that I would shoot myself before I would do anything to her.

Some police took me to the station for questioning while others stayed at the scene to look for her. I was scared being questioned, as a seventeen-year-old guy who was being questioned in the disappearance of a fourteen-year-old girl that I secretly had a crush on. What if something happened and I was blamed? I was terrified. They went at me hard, but I just told the truth to the best of my ability.

It only took them a few hours to get the footage and see that she was kidnapped. I thought that the police, learning the truth, would fix things. I didn’t expect her to be gone and tortured for two long months. I watched her family wilt and suffer as they waited for her to come home. I also saw them lose hope more and more each day it took for them to find her.

I had testified in court about the last time I saw her. So, I knew some of what she had been through, but I tried to respect her privacy as much as possible. So, seeing her fear tonight wrecked me.

I still want to respect her privacy and wishes. It’s her choice to tell me or not but that doesn't mean that I will ever forget the way she looked tonight curled in a ball so scared.

I can’t go back to sleep, and I don’t want to leave her, but she needs to think she fooled me for now. So, I sit on the floor next to her door and wait just in case she needs me. I will be here tonight just in case she falls back asleep. I will make sure I’m there to wake her before her dream can torture her for as long. It is the least I can do for her.

******

Deanna

I lose myself in work for a few hours. I am kind of a perfectionist when it comes to my graphic design. I can get lost in every last detail. It really helps me when I’m in a dark place.

At first, after my rescue, I didn't have an outlet but my first psychologist had me draw my feelings and I would get so caught up in my drawing that it could distract me in a way nothing else did.

I was never great at drawing, but I liked it. Once I got to college, I took a graphic design class and enjoyed that it gave me the same level of distraction that drawing always had. My focus on the details kept my mind busy and made it impossible to think about the monster that haunted me.

I glance up at the clock and realize I will have to rush if I’m gonna make my meeting with the DA. I had been so caught up in my work that I didn't even notice the sun come up a couple of hours ago.

It was such a needed distraction. If I hadn't been working, I would have been overanalyzing my dream and I may have fallen back asleep where he could invade my freedom again. One dream a night was bad enough, but I wouldn't let my guard down again that night. I needed some time away from that nightmare place.

I stand up and stretch my sore muscles. I much prefer to work for long hours at my desk because I don't curl up, but I didn't want Ryker to know how messed up I still am after my dream.

I trust Ryker somewhat, but I know his true loyalty is to my brother and I’m worried how much he might tell Maddox. I have spent years trying to hide the worst of my pain from Maddox. He had been such a loyal brother to me and helped me more than I would ever be able to repay him for.

But a part of me felt like I wasn't fair to him. I knew some of the reason he took care of me so much was because he blamed himself for my kidnapping. He felt like he shouldn't have left me that night and if he hadn’t, I wouldn't have been able to be taken, but I never blamed him for even a second. I was the stupid i***t who fell for his stupid line. I walked right into his trap. That was my fault, not anyone else's.

It felt wrong to keep taking advantage of him when I knew so much of the reason, he was helping me, was out of guilt. I know he loves me, and I love him too, so much and that's why I want to set him free.

I know he dates some, but he hasn't had a girlfriend for years really. He deserves to have that and kids and things that went along with it, but he couldn't have his own life if he continued to help me live mine.

I would have to try and get control of everything while Ryker was here, or Maddox could find out how much I’m still struggling and then he would never find his own life.

I leave my room and head to Ryker's room so I can make sure he'll be ready to go to the appointment. I gave him my schedule and reminded him before I went to bed last night but still it's my life so I shouldn't expect him to remember everything. It's on me to make sure he's prepared.

His door is open a bit and I stop in my tracks about to knock when I notice he's working out. He's shirtless and only in shorts. His back is to me, and his muscles are heaving from him lifting weights.

I knew that he has more muscles than he did when we were teenagers. He was hot back then but he was the cool bad boy hot. Now though he is sexy security guy hot.

I don't know much about weightlifting, only what I’ve seen Maddox do and Ryker is currently lifting a lot of weight.

He is heaving and lifting, and his muscles are rippling. He is working hard. If I didn't know any better, I might think he was mad about something. I've seen Maddox work this hard when he's upset or has something on his mind.

It didn't look this good when Maddox did it though. Ryker looked pretty damn sexy. I don't feel comfortable doing anything and I may have been broken in a lot of ways, but I’m not dead. Even I feel things watching him like that. My stomach is at a butterfly convention.

I can't look away. He just looks so sexy all sweaty and muscly.

For the first time in a long time, I wish I was normal and could do something about my attraction to him. I liked him as a kid, and it hasn't changed but now I’m way too damaged to be with anyone. It couldn't work but it didn't mean I don't want it. I want it with Ryker most of all but that will never be.

I stay a few more seconds to memorize how hot he looks. And then I run away like a big chicken and text him to remind him about the meeting instead of telling him in person.