The River

Chapter 5

Laura did not come home that night. Logan could not sleep, he didn’t know what was bothering him, what Amphitrite said, or maybe seeing her was enough to rob him from sleep. Finally, he fell asleep at midnight and saw the same dream as the recent nights.

The next morning he woke up to the smell of breakfast by Laura. He was really tired from last night, maybe from lack of sleep, but he didn’t really remember if he slept late or not. After a few minutes, he got out of bed and went for breakfast. Laura was not there again, she must have left the house too early for her work, but she had left something to eat for Logan. It was a new dish, it must have been one of her new experiences. It mostly consisted of some green stuff that looked like the inner parts of a cactus, and some insects were visible too.

Logan ate breakfast, to his surprise it was more delicious than it looked like. Then he went to take his herd out to the fields. He started going toward their usual way, but hesitated for a moment and then changed his way to a new field where there was no river. Actually he has heard that there is another field near that has lots of cockroaches and thistles, his sheep and camels could eat as much as they want over that field.

He went toward the new field, it was a little farther away but eventually, he and his herd got there. And indeed, there were lots of thistles, cockroaches and other insects there. Sheep went crazy and started eating them up. Not long after they arrived there Logan could see a big herd coming their way. Yes, it was Hector’s herd. Hector came to Logan with a smile and started talking with cheer in his low and powerful voice “Hello, my old friend, I see that you have changed your field.” “Hello,” said Logan, looking up at Hector “Yes, I prefer not to go to the river anymore” “Why?” asked Hector, “I don’t like it there anymore, it’s making me crazy” answered Logan. “Good,” said Hector with a smile “This way I’m not alone either, we can be together all day” Logan nodded and smiled.

They walked a little around their sheep and made sure none of them went too far away. After some time they got together again and sat on a big rock facing the vast field.

Logan looked to the horizon and asked: “Do you think rivers are just myths?” Hector looked at him and sighed and after a moment of silent answered “I don’t know, for us it is impossible to think there ever was that much water on the earth, but I remember my grandfather talking about his forefathers when I was a child, he always said that they had seen some trees in their youth, of course, it was hundreds of years ago. And if there were trees everywhere, maybe there were even rivers and waters everywhere.” “Maybe,” said Logan, still looking far away. “You know,” said Hector, “I remember him saying that sheeps used to eat grass instead of insects” “What is grass?” asked Logan, “I don’t know,” said Hector, “I think it was some kind of green plant, but unlike the thistles we have here it was supposed to be soft,” said Hector and continued “The grass was short and on the earth. Think if it is true then our fields would be green instead of brown.” they dreamed of a green field and stopped talking for a moment then Hector said “Maybe you should ask the mermaid in your village about the river, after all, she is the most magical creature around us,” Logan smiled “I did talk to her,” said Logan, then he looked at Hector and understood that he was eager to hear the rest “Yeah, I went to her yesterday, actually now that I think about it, we didn’t talk that much, she was so magical that I could not talk to her that much, but anyway, she said that I’m crazy, there is no more such thing as the river” “So there were some rivers before?” asked Hector, “I don’t know, and I think she didn’t know either” said Logan “She didn’t say much, but she said there are no more rivers.” “I wish I could go see her again,” said Hector, “Why don’t you?” asked Logan, “Because,” said Hector “I don’t think I have any reason to do so.”

They spent a while in silence looking over the vast field in front of them. Then Logan started to talk and told Hector about his new dream and how he is having the same dream every night. He also talked about the books he read and his inconclusive search for the river in them.

Hector didn’t say anything for a while and then said “I changed my mind, now I think you are crazy” Logan looked at him and then looked the other way slowly. Hector continued “You are crazy, not because of what you see or hear, but because you don’t act against your problems. You must find out what's going on, always try to find your own way out of things, don’t wait for mermaids to tell you what to do, find out what you should do.” “But I don’t know what to do,” said Logan. “I know,” said Hector “That’s why I said ‘find out’ what to do” Logan didn’t say anything.

After a moment Hector said “If you ask me, I always try to find the source of my problems first. If you know what you are against, you can find an answer. Your problem is a river, and as I know rivers are streams of water, so they start somewhere and Finish somewhere. So get up and find the source of that river. If you find it, you may find some answers and if you find nothing, then you will know for sure that you are just a crazy man and then you can just stop being crazy.” “You just say it because of your dream you had about me talking of the source,” said Logan, “Yes,” answered Hector, “Do you need a better reason?” “That makes sense somehow,” said Logan “But how can I leave? what about my herd?” “I will take care of them,” said Hector. “Today, I will take them home with me, you can go to the source of the river tomorrow.” “Tomorrow?” said Logan in shock, “Then,” said Hector, “When do you think?” “I don’t know,” answered Logan, “But tomorrow is so sudden,” “Whenever you go it’s sudden,” said Hector, “The sooner the better, every day that you postpone it, it will become a bigger and scarier task to do,” Logan thought to himself for a while and then nodded in agreement and smiled at Hector, “But it’s scary,” said Logan “I don’t know if I can do it.”

“What are you afraid of?” said Hector. “I might die,” answered Logan, “That’s not a good reason to sit around and do nothing,” said Hector “Besides, death is not that much scary, actually I remember my mother used to say that we start the process of dying the moment we are born,” “That’s,” said Logan slowly while thinking “Confusing,” “Yeah,” answered Hector “As she would say and I understood, our bodies are made from millions of small parts, and those parts are changing constantly, during our life span, our body loses its small parts and replaces it with new ones several times. So if you think about it like this, we have already died several times to this day. The Logan I met years ago was somebody else physically, that Logan is already dead, your tiny body parts are back to nature and you are a new version of yourself now.” “So you mean,” said Logan, “We are not the same people as we were when we met?” “We are the same idea,” said Hector “But we are not the same body, and since death only destroys your body, not your idea, then it is not actually something different from living,” “I remember when I was a child,” interrupted Logan “Our chief in the village would say that death is a part of life,” “That’s not what I’m saying though,” said Hector, Logan looked at him waiting for his next words “I believe that life is a part of death, we are constantly dying, but we fight against death and reborn in each moment until on a certain point we stop doing that and let the death continue without interruption,” Hector took a deep breath and continued after a moment “Death is a way for our body to rest from reborn and get back to nature,”

“But what about our idea?” asked Logan “If we stop being reborn and go back to nature completely, there is no vessel to contain the idea of us, isn’t that scary?” “Yes,” answered Hector “I accept that the idea of us, might not exist without our body, but I think that if after death I can think about me and feel the death of my body, then the idea of me, that is me, is still there, therefore I still exist, and if I can’t think about it and I die with my body, then there is no me to mourn on me, so either way it's not scary, I will be immortal as an idea or I will die and not feel the pain of not being alive, both are equally comforting for me.”

“That’s not so crazy,” said Logan “But death is not the scariest thing on the way,” “What is it then?” asked Hector, “Well,” answered Logan stretching his words as he was thinking about what he was going to say, as he was saying it “There are many difficulties, being alone in nowhere, not knowing where to go,” “But,” interrupted Hector with a strong voice, “I think, being miserable and doing nothing as you are right now, is scarier than the dangers that might threaten you on the way.”

Logan thought for a while and finally said, “Yes, you are right, I will think about it, you are a good friend,” “I try to be,” said Hector “We may not be of the same species but I like you,” Logan smiled and said, “Me too.”

That day Logan came back with his herd, he was not still sure about the journey. It was getting dark, and he needed to talk to somebody about it, so he went to Laura’s old home. He knocked on the door and Laura opened the door surprised to see Logan there.

They went in and started talking, Logan told her all about the mermaid and his talks with Hector. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” said Laura “But I’m not you, I can’t decide for you, I know I would not risk going to the unknown, at least not right now. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that Hector might be right.” they sat in silence for some time and Laura continued with a cheer in her voice, “Maybe we should not just go to find the source of the river, maybe we should find somebody who knows something about it. Maybe there is someone in another village nearby that has the same experience as you.” “Maybe,” said Logan “But, it’s not just about that, I think I know that going to the source is the right thing to do. My dreams are all about one thing, I mostly see myself in a place where the river starts, whether it's a tree or a city or a hole in the ground, it’s always about a source.”

Laura thought about it for a moment “Then you think we should find the source,” said Laura “By following the river in the opposite direction?” “We?” said Logan, “I prefer to go alone,” “Why?” asked Laura with a surprised voice, “We have been together since childhood,” “I know,” said Logan with a calm voice, “I really like you,” he looked at her affectionately and continued “I don’t want to put you at risk.”

They did not say anything for a while, then Logan saw her new experimental food and they started talking about it and tasted it.

Logan thought about the journey for some time and finally decided to go. His dreams would repeat every night, now he believed that the dreams are more of a call for him to take action, and after a lot of thought he really believed that it was all about the river and its source. One day he took his herd to Hector and said goodbye to him.

That evening Logan came back to the village without his herd. He got home and started packing some stuff. He didn’t know how much time he would be away and had no idea what to take with himself. He has never been very far away from the village. It was at the same time scary and exciting for him. After lots of thinking, he decided to travel light. He just packed a few necessary things like his dagger, some firestone, food, and a small flask to drink water from the river.

At night Laura came back home, she was surprised by seeing Logan “The sheep were not in their stall, I thought you didn’t come back yet.” said Laura, “I gave the sheep and camels to Hector for some time,” said Logan, “Why?” asked Laura “Because” answered Logan, “I want to go away for a while” Laura just looked at him as she was expecting more explanation, then Logan continued, “I want to find the source of the river.”

“And you are planning to do it alone?” asked Laura “Yes,” said Logan with a sad voice, he would prefer to have Laura by his side, it’s been some time that he had feelings for her, but he was not sure about it. They were more like brother and sister and at the same time they were not from the same species, Logan found it best to deny his feelings for her and now that he was going away, he preferred for her to stay here in safety, this way he didn’t have to deal with his feelings anymore.

Laura looked at him, there were tears in her eyes “But I’ll miss you” said Laura, Logan went to her, picked her up the floor and hugged her “Me too,” said Logan “But if I don’t do it, I will never know, I will always have a regret in my heart that I did nothing, I just need to see if there is really something happening or if it is just my imagination, and I always have this regret in my mind that I couldn’t be like my parents, they explored the whole world and I have done nothing after they have gone.”

Then he let her down. Laura kissed his cheek and said “Please be careful,” “I will,” said Logan. That night they stayed up for a long time and just talked about their memories. It was a fun night for both of them. Laura insisted on going with Logan at one point, but Logan didn’t agree with her, he needed to be alone. More than the river, this journey was about himself.