Out of My Body

Chapter 3: Between two worlds

Taylor opened his eyes, he was breathing quickly and felt a horrible sense of anxiety and sadness, when he realized that he was in his own bed, he looked around and finally felt calm, there was silence all around.

"What a shocking nightmare!" muttered as he touched his chest feeling the air in his lungs, almost hearing his heart beat, once that he examined his body and saw that everything was ok, he got up and came out of his room, his brother was obsessed with hygiene and neatness so usually their apartment was as clean as a hospital, of course except for those nights drinking and having fun with friends, but that didn't seem to be the case since he couldn't find any remains of bottles or cans that indicated that, it was specially odd to see his brother's room messy, as it was now, blankets and sheets mixed together on the bed, and dirty clothes all over the floor, "Charlie?" asked aloud Taylor, but nobody answered, he was completely alone. "It's late for work! What was I thinking??!! He must be already at the precinct, where I supposed to be now too!" He grabbed his leather jacket and headed to the door in a rush.

Later at the precinct he saw everything flowing as it regularly goes, a lot of people working, talking, everybody was so immersed in their own business, that nobody noticed his presence. He kept walking to his cubicle, until he saw Manny and Leslie chatting with a sad look on their faces, and tried to say hello to them, but they didn't listen to him, so he tried again "guys have you seen Charlie?" asked Taylor but one more time they didn't answer, a little annoyed by this, he tried louder "GUYS I've got to talk to Charlie have you seen him?", he was making such an effort to be heard by his friends that he didn't notice that Henry was walking towards him, and when Taylor turned back he saw him just in front, so close that he couldn't step aside, it was certain that they were about to crash, when something unexpected and unbelievable happened... Henry walked through Taylor's body, he not just didn't see Taylor, but he passed through him as if he wasn't there, as if Taylor was an invisible cloud of fog that you can simply pass through. This triggered Taylor fears and anxiety at the highest levels... how could that be?? ...the only possible explanation is that maybe all this was all part of the same nightmare he had dreamed last night... Then he saw his cubicle, a rosary was hung on his computer monitor, there were lit candles on his desk and then, he saw the janitor Mrs. Rodriguez putting a card with a prayer and the picture of a Saint printed at the back, next to the keyboard as she made a reverence and seemed to make a short prayer in front of it, "wait a minute, what's she doing?!... Is she praying... for me???" he said it aloud, but nobody listened any way... "am I a ghost?..." he looked at his hands before he took them to his mouth in terror when he came to a final realization: "am I dead?..."

"Hanna, have you seen my pill bottles?" asked Lea while searching in the food pantry,

"I saw one next to the oatmeal jar" answered Hanna.

"I could swear I still had a bottle, but it looks like this was the last one", said Lea holding an empty plastic bottle in her right hand.

"Don't you have at least one for today?" asked Hanna to her friend showing her concern for her.

"Nope, but don't worry, I haven't had a crisis in years, besides I have been taking my pills so devotedly, that I doubt that one day without them will make a big difference," answered Lea trying not to make a big deal about the situation.

"Are you sure you'll be fine?" insisted Hanna, they have been friends enough time to know what could happen if Lea didn't take her pills.

"I won't deny that I've had better days, but is not because of my pills," said Lea couldn't hide a trace of sadness in her voice.

"I didn't think that a guy you met only once, could affect you that way!" responded Hanna, "He doesn't deserve that kind of attention! If he couldn't even texted you to apologize or to explain why he didn't show up, is pretty obvious that he doesn't know what he really wants, don't waste your time and your energy thinking in someone like that!"

"You're right, maybe he's married and he thought better before ruining his marriage, or maybe he just doesn't give a damn about me... and the thing is that... I know that it shouldn't affect me, if we just met once..." she sat down and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl on the table, "...but I just can't help thinking of him," she sighed just before she bit the fruit in her hands and continue saying: "I think maybe it's because I made myself high expectations that I now know will never be..." she finally said.

Taylor ran away from the precinct completely freaked out, he didn't know what to do or where to go, he wanted to see his brother, but could he see him? He wasn't even sure of wanting to figure that out... He walked among the people in the street, he looked at all of them, but nobody looked back at him, he then thought about their lives, maybe some of them might be rushing for work, while others maybe were just hanging out with their friends or family, shopping, sightseeing, talking, doing all those big and little things that we take for granted, but sadly as he had recently found out they aren't. You never think that one day all of them will be gone, or would it be more accurate saying: that one day you'll be gone and you'll miss all those precious moments that make life worth of living. Tears began running on his cheeks as he kept walking around heading nowhere. A few hours later, something unexpected happened, he heard a distant voice: "Hello stranger!" a teenage voice addressed him.

"Are you talking to me?" asked Taylor to a girl seated on a bench a few meters from him.

"Why shouldn't I being talking to you?" asked a girl glancing at him with curiosity.

"Can you see me? How could you?..."

"...So you're new, aren't you?" inquired the girl.

"New?" asked Taylor who couldn't understand the girl's question.

"I guess that will explain your horror face, and your anxiety... see, in time you'll understand... I mean look at me! I've started to see the perks of being dead".

"The perks of what?.." asked Taylor even more confused of how he was a few minutes ago.

"...You know, being dead is not that bad. I can see all around... nobody stares at me, I can do what I please without any consequences... I'll never get sick or injured, not any more," answered the girl trying to make a point.

"Are you...dead? Is that why you can see me?" asked Taylor again.

"Of course I am, silly boy," she chuckled.

"Does that mean I am too?" asked he nervously.

"I think so," responded the girl kindly.

"But I was breathing this morning, I could almost hear my heartbeat," added he trying to deny what it seemed to be obvious.

"When did you die?" asked the girl.

"I'm not sure, everything has been confusing since yesterday", answered Taylor scratching his head.

"You may be confusing memories with senses, memories of how it felt to be alive," explained the girl.

"... But if that was true... wouldn't we suppose to go to heaven... or hell... or anywhere else that we are meant to go when we die?" asked Taylor really intrigued by all this 'being dead' topic.

"I guess we should, but not all of us do it. I don't really know why"...

"Are there more like us?" interrupted Taylor.

"In all these years I've seen only a few, maybe because I don't roam far from here, or maybe because not very often happens that souls like ours get trapped."

"Wouldn't you like to move on to... the next stage?... to finally get some peace as many claim to find after dead?"

"A few times I've wondered if maybe I'm stuck here for a reason, maybe there's something that I should do in order to 'cross the big gates', if that's what you mean, but it's just too painful to find out."

"Too painful?" asked Taylor again, he actually had a lot of questions and he was desperate for answers, so it was great for him to finally find someone who could understand what he was going through.

"You know, when you're alive, you have a body with physical needs, chemical reactions etc. But when you're dead the only thing you have is your soul... So all your emotions, and thoughts are experienced in a much deeper way than you do when you are alive".

She continued saying: "what I mean is that usually when you're alive, you can use your body to avoid your feelings, that's why a lot of people decide to go through drugs, food, alcohol or even work to distract themselves or to hide the pain they feel.. but once dead you have nothing to hold on to..."

"So you don't want to remember because it hurts...", said Taylor, trying to understand what the girl said, while seating next to her on the bench.

"That's right, I sometimes see a few flashbacks of what happened to me, but just thinking about them, breaks me so bad, that I prefer to avoid those memories, I rather seat here every day, and wait... I wait for my parents to come and place a flower on my memorial, they always do it, and that's enough for me to find some comfort to keep going."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Taylor really touched by what she said.

"by the way...I'm Charlotte," she said offering her hand "it's always nice to make new friends" she added, grinning at him.

"I'm Taylor, please forgive me, Is just that all this... is shocking", he added.

"I agree, I died three years ago, and I still don't quite understand how this works, I just know that seeing my parents make me feel a little better... Don't you have anybody who you'd like to see again at least for a moment?" asked she, couldn't conceal her curiosity.

"I'd like to see my brother" he sighed, "you know, check in on him, to know how's he doing, we're twins, well, we were twins, we've always been so close, that I'm worried about how he's dealing with...all this. Anyway he's not in the places I thought I would find him. I guess I'll have to wait for him at home... and yeah...I think there is also someone else I would really like to see, at least one last time..."

"Well it looks like time is not a problem for us now, isn't?" she asked, encouraging Taylor to take action.

"You're right. I have nothing to lose now," he nodded, then he stood up and and added:

"See you later Charlotte, thanks a lot...for... helping me to go through all this", he said while waving his hand to the girl who remained on the bench: "I'll be right here if you need me again, new friend..." shouted the girl as he lost again in the crowd.

It was late evening, Lea was rehearsing with the band on stage, Hanna was cleaning some glasses on the bar, the screen behind her was on, it was almost time to open the pub, and the local channel was giving a news summary of the day, nobody was really paying attention to it.

"Today Major Hamilton has expressed his condolences to the families of the victims in the gas station shooting last Monday" said the reporter before playing a short video in which the Major was giving a speech: "I want to express my sympathy and condolences to the families of the victims in Monday's shooting at the gas station, is unforgivable how innocent civilians fall under the bullets of criminals with no other purpose than hurting our people, our nation...We shall not rest until finding them and giving them the punishment they deserve on their actions, we can't allow that men such as Taylor Beckett, a young agent on duty that day, a model of honesty and hard work form our Chicago Police Department, as long as many other decent men, women and even children keep suffering the consequences of the insecurity of our streets"...

Hanna turned around as fast as she heard a familiar name on tv. She remembered five days ago when Lea was telling her about her wonderful date with his old friend, she mentioned that name, she even showed her pictures of a high school yearbook with that name written on it below the picture of a handsome young boy on a football uniform, the guy that invited her that night to have dinner after her show... "Poor Lea! I've got to tell her!..." said Hanna, putting away the glasses she had in her hands, "she must know..." she thought.

"Lea!" said Hanna waving to her friend, "I've got to tell you something! she shouted at the time she typed something on her phone screen, then she came running to the stage showing her phone to her friend.

"Hanna what's going on? The pub is open now, the show is about to start... what...?"

"Lea, Taylor your high school friend was at the gas station five days ago," said Hanna pointing to a news article on her phone.

"What do you mean? Taylor the one I talked to you about?" asked Lea trying to understand what her friend was telling her.

"He was shot that day at noon, that's why he didn't show up to have lunch with you at 2:00 pm", concluded Hanna.

Lea's face turned pale, completely appalled by what her friend said.

"Is he...?" she couldn't finish her question, because her friend was pulled away by a security guard when the host began speaking on the microphone:

"Welcome everybody! our guests today are a band of talented musicians, accompanied by a a girl as beautiful as her voice, who are going to perform a select repertoire of our favorite songs ... please give a big applause to Lea and the Back Yard Band!"

She wanted to cry, but it wasn't the appropriate time for that, people were gathering in front of the stage, it was time to start the show!

It was late night, the pub was completely crowded, people were singing and drinking all over the bar, the band seemed to be really inspired that night, and nobody not even the security guards at the entrance noticed the dark shadow of a man who passed through the gates and walked around the tables trying to find a good spot to see the show. He quietly stood up on the corner of the bar, away from everybody else, as he looked at the stage where the female voice that was singing came from. It was Taylor who wanted more than anything to see her again, no matter if she couldn't see him, no matter if it was only for a few seconds, he wanted to see her, for the last time... And there, on stage he found her, she was not just singing, her body was truly reflecting every word and note that came out of her mouth, he couldn't help thinking that she was beautiful and talented, she was also playing her guitar at the same time with such a mastery, that she could have given a concert by her own without the help of any other instruments or musicians on stage, "she's awesome" these words slipped out of his mouth without even thinking of them, when suddenly something really weird happened: Lea's eyes seemed to meet his for a brief moment. He told himself that it was imposible, "it's just my imagination", he thought, "for much that I want it to happen, she can't see me... I'm dead", he said trying to convince himself that it was nonsense to believe that she could see him, but then it happened again, he felt her glance, he turned around to see if there was anything or anybody that could have caught her attention behind him, but there was nothing around but a dark wall... and then she did it again, but this time she stared clearly at him for a few seconds..."how could she...?" and then something even more incredible happened, she suddenly stopped playing, stood up and place her guitar on the chair, at the time she muttered something to another musician and finally left the stage...