In the name of the Father

Chapter 5 - Flashbulbs and light bulbs

Chapter 5 – Flashbulbs and light bulbs

‘Five men held you down and took your virginity. Well … the first one did. The others took your dignity, and your self-esteem, and most importantly your spirit. Now, who do you want to be? The victim or the victor?’ was the haunting line from the TV that echoed in the living room.

I stood behind the door, careful not to make a sound as I secretly watched Gray sitting undisturbed in the sofa. He was facing forward, watching intently. Dad wasn’t home to accompany him in viewing an episode of American Horror Story: Asylum. The room felt lonely.

Father got called to work early, and the demand was rather urgent it seemed. I heard him say something about a bicameral committee of some sort while scrambling for papers this morning. I refused to care for I didn’t know how he conducted his job on a daily basis. All I knew was he got paid hefty for doing what he needed to do, and that he knew how to speak words like he knew how to wield a shotgun.

I didn’t complain then so I sure wasn’t going to complain now. I had a good life growing up, but he wasn’t always around when that happened. He’d always kiss mom goodbye and leave early in the morning, then come home late at night. How could I start ‘caring’ when I didn’t even know what the word meant? Or maybe I just didn’t care because saving the country held no appeal to me. I was no caped crusader, nor was I some mutated webslinger who’d shoot webs through the skylines. I was just me, Jake Grimaldi, an average citizen living a not-so-average lifestyle, amped by a public profile and a strong lineage of a family that held power in the government. Now then, being son to the Defense Secretary is a different matter. It had its appeal, especially to the ladies.

I cycled through my memories of juvenile misdemeanors as I shamelessly observed Gray from a safe distance. He was transfixed and completely absorbed into this world of crazed patients at a loony bin, set in what appeared to be Old America. I felt for a second that I was overstepping, but I didn’t think it was invasion of privacy for he wasn’t viewing porn or anything similar. And as the minutes passed I realized that the television show held a certain kind of meaning to him.

There were these characters, a priest and a young nun who supervised the asylum. They wore pristine immaculate clothing, yet underneath they had insidious souls who took comfort in using their own bodies. Gray wasn’t flinching nor shifting in his seat. He wasn’t moving at all. One would think that he’d died sitting on the couch if it weren’t for his breathing picking up. Oh! Does this show turn him on? Oh boy … I was too as the nun started moving about rhythmically on top of the monsignor. It looked so wrong, yet it felt so right. Oh Gray, you naughty little devil. At that moment I thought, ‘Tsk! Father, you sure are missing out on playtime with your little priest’.

“Secretary of Defense can’t even secure himself. You think word won’t get out? And in Washington of all places! God damn it!” was how Jake addressed his father right after Jeanne spoke of his day in the office. We were having spiteful words for dinner and seething remarks for dessert.

I held Jake’s attention by looking him straight in the eye. My face exuded that of control and restraint for I didn’t want to provoke him further, seeing that I was the reason for this bickering in the first place, “Jake, your father has a sturdy profession, and a useful one. They need him to do what he’s doing. No one can best your father at what he does. They can’t dispose of him.”

Jake scoffed and tore his gaze away. His lips quirked as his face grew into an expression that mocked my entire being, my humanity, “Heh, how difficult it must be for you to know that, and yet how important to remember it,” he chided with deep-seated aggravation. I felt his wrath.

The prospect of heralding trouble to Jeanne weighed heavily on my heart. I felt my spirits sink and cave with antagonizing sorrow. I didn’t want anything like this to have happened. Jeanne and I kept appearances. We were extremely cautious of our actions and very careful of how we acted in public domain. The pain in my chest swelled and hugged me in its unsolicited embrace. I was partly to blame so I wanted to make things right again. I gathered my wits and spoke, “Jake, listen … there’s no need for us to retire on our fainting couches. Let’s just take this as an egregious lie, okay? We’ll have PR regard it as nothing more than a ploy to force your father into stepping down. We’ll use that angle to take the heat out and the attention away from your family. People will buy into that knowing how desirable your father’s position is in the public eye.”

Jake snorted pompously and decided to make fun of what I said, “Heh, you should know. Isn’t that why you’re in this relationship sniffing gold?” he admonished. I felt attacked so I retracted.

Jeanne pounded hard at the dinner table, “That’s enough!” he growled, sending hair-raising chills up my spine. The anger in which he barked those words felt foreign to me. I flinched. It was the first I heard him speak with rage, and sitting right beside him made me feel every syllable of it.

Nervous and concerned, I reached for his hands under the table. I started drawing circles at the back of his hands to somehow pull his blood pressure down, “Breathe … please,” I whispered looking at him. He clenched his jaw then looked at me. Those eyes … his blue eyes were molten with licks of cobalt flame. I could hear Jake wolf down his dinner dastardly, not giving a care in the world as to how he hurt his father. I felt like saying something to douse the flames that burned in Jeanne’s eyes, “In pursuit…” I was trembling from within, yet I pressed on knowing that Jeanne needed my words to calm the rage in his heart, “In pursuit of your anger you plunge ahead, not knowing which way is north or which way is south. Jeanne, please stay on the horse. No need to be brash. If you want I’ll work with public relations so we can put a lid on this.”

Fear was siphoning hard through my veins at the thought of his reputation tainted by the love we shared. I didn’t want bad publicity to come to him. I did everything I could to be discreet. But I guess there was no hiding from the media. It exploded the minute word got out that the US Secretary of Defense was bedding a priest he saved from the French countryside. I felt guilty.

My eyes watered as I bottled the emotions that were growing inside of me. I was about to break. The blistering heat from his eyes died down to a kind of warmth I was familiar with, as if on cue to save me from making gut-wrenching sobs. My tears receded as the emotions shrank. I coached for his breathing to steady as I held his temples and brushed his hair back gently, “Ssshh … that’s it, breathe … this too shall pass,” I cooed, blowing cool air through his scalp before kissing it.

Utensils clanged over the ceramic plate, “Jesus Christ!” Jake churned with revulsion before standing up to leave the dinner table. He then dashed to disappear into the grand foyer. I guess he didn’t like the sight of me and his father getting cozy and sappy. It made me chuckle.

“Oops. Sorry. I guess he won’t be having his dessert then,” I chortled with mischief which made Jeanne laugh hysterically. Lines crinkled at the corners of his eyes. This man was my world. He’d make my heart beat uncontrollably and my blood singe indescribably. I love him dearly.

His grip tightened around my hand as he brought his face down my neck. He breathed a long sigh of relief against my skin, warming and sensitizing it in the process. It communicated ease and withdrawal from anger. I felt him surrender as he released fury into the air, “That’s it…” I coached as I squeezed his hand in mine, feeling the anxiety melt away from the world around us.

“Jeanne…”

“Gray … I’d be lost without you by my side. You keep me sane when all I want to do is rip myself apart. I’m sorry. We’ll have PR fix this tomorrow, but for now, um…” his forlorn expression surprisingly broke into a fit of light giggles as he murmured the words that followed, “Heh, I’m glad Jake left. I wanted the red velvet just for us,” he whispered naughtily against my ear. His silliness made me laugh. Jeanne was an old man, yet he was undeniably a kid at heart.

How could they just go off like that in front of me? We were at the dinner table for Pete’s sake. I didn’t want to see that kind of affection, especially not between him and Gray. Shameless, absolutely shameless those two are … were my rancid thoughts as I walked heavily to my room.

I was three rooms away from reaching mine when I heard faint grunts and guttural groans. My chest hammered as I followed what sounded like s*x moans. The sound was coming from the privacy of dad’s room. With my heart beating rapidly in my chest I clasped the knob and turned.

Oh no…

My eyes grew wide at the sight of Gray moving about on top of dad, straddling him. Their heads were at the foot of the bed. They were oblivious of my presence as they basked in the throes of passion. I didn’t understand the dull ache that pulled tight in my chest. It squeezed, quested, and resonated deep within the marrow of my bones. The arcane feeling travelled to places I didn’t know existed. I found myself glued to position as Gray’s face contorted into a look of pained pleasure. My own body convulsed with intrigue. I knew that stepping back was the right thing to do, but my legs didn’t generate any movement that my mind ordered it to. Seeing Gray in action was riveting.

Oh crap…

Gray’s eyes grew wide when he sighted me, yet he had the mind not to cease movement for fear that my father might notice my intrusion. He discreetly signaled that I leave immediately, but I didn’t. I stood my ground behind the door, eyes blazing with intent as I watched him through the now narrowed slit of the door. He brought his head down. Was he ashamed being seen like this?

I watched as they made love. A strange feeling that my mind fought to entertain won over and roused. What is this I feel? Why am I? No. No. I shook the thought away and made haste down the hall. I jerked furiously in the privacy of my room that night. I imagined Gray on top of me, riding my heated flesh. I came in a matter of seconds, and my initial thought was ‘Wow. That was cathartic’.

The next day saw dad leaving early for his deposition. I stood in silence behind Gray who was at the door. I knew I needed to do something after dad left. What happened last night was an epiphany I didn’t expect I’d realize. Gray bid dad good luck, and then we waved our goodbyes.

Left alone with Gray gave me the courage I needed. As soon as he closed the door I nabbed his delicate arm. I flailed him against the wall, wanting eagerly to kiss him and prove to myself that my desire was nothing more but misdirected infatuation. I went in for the kill only to get slapped in return, “What the f**k…” I growled as I looked into his docile eyes that were brimming with fear, “Tell me you don’t feel anything … tell me you don’t want it,” I persisted close to his face.

His body shook, and so did his succulent lips. I trailed my hand on his face, running my pointer across his lips. And as I was about to lean down and kiss him he slapped me, hard and fast across the mouth, “No … oh, Jake. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…” he ran, leaving me stunned and speechless by the door.

I heard him slam and lock the door behind him. At that moment I knew who I was, what I was, and what I wanted. I was Jake Grimaldi, a stupid bastard, and I wanted the priest for myself. The aggression he showed me just now made me want him even more. I was in too deep and there was no turning back. I was falling so might as well fall fast and hard. My lust for Gray was mounting, surging, and hardening. It was palpable and thick. What I had done was wrong, but it felt so right that I knew I had to pursue the greatest of sins. I wanted to have him for myself.

Father busied himself for three days. The media frenzy was proving hard to overcome, so he had to appear in several press conferences to answer some hard-hitting questions. Dad needn’t to choreograph his responses. He was a man known to win over the masses with his wit, charm, and well-disguised gabs. Also, the ruckus was no match against the thousands of followers that have supported the Grimaldis for generations. I guess we were an institution. I had no frigging idea.

Awkward. That’s how I’d describe the breakfasts and dinners that followed the day after I made my advances on Gray. We were each other’s company till father comes back. The nights I spent alone grew colder the more I thought of Gray and how he made dad happy in bed. The second night, I casually waltzed by their door. It was ajar. My blood spiked and my underbelly clenched at the sight of Gray pleasuring himself. His head was at the foot of the bed. He kept mouthing father’s name. I wanted to step in and make my move but I digressed. Hearing dad’s name made me feel unwanted and disregarded. I knew that Gray fancied me too, but he was too full of it.

I didn’t want to feel lonely that night, so I jerked like I never had before, with Gray in mind.