In the name of the Father

Chapter 7 - You silly, silly dog

Chapter 7 – You silly, silly dog

“Wake up Gray.”

“Shake him. He’ll stir.”

“Damn it Gray, wake up!”

“Don’t think he can hear you man”

“You should punch him in the face dude!”

…

….

…..

Slowly, I sat up and hunched. Instantly, I felt dizzy. It was like I got hit by a ton of bricks. It didn’t take long before the pain surged, throbbed, and hammered against my skull. Discomfort rippled and hugged my temples. I tore open my eyes and fought the burning sting as I looked around and surveyed my surroundings. I was sitting over a grassy patch of earth, encircled by a haze of brawny men with thick muscle. I felt around my body and was relieved that my limbs were still intact.

I blinked up to recognize stocky men towering around me. They crowded me and blocked the sun. Their collective dampness made me nauseous. They smelled like heady sweat and spiced aftershave combined. I respired heavily when the wind blew and billowed against my face. The whiff of fresh cut grass and rich soil was therapeutic. It awakened my senses. I kept on breathing.

Their voices were scattered. I wrung and pulled at my ears to regain hearing. The volume leveled the more I tugged and squeezed. Suddenly it got loud before the resonance snapped into a thin sharp line. A ringing in my ears followed as I tugged and wriggled each one. The gruff voices cleared, giving way to that one familiar voice. The voice echoed my name. The voice was Jake’s.

“W-what happened?” I asked, feeling dazed and confused. I looked around and was mortified to see the whole football team towering over me, crowding me. The attention was suffocating.

Jake crouched and met me at eye level, “Gray … you fainted,” he regarded with care and relief.

I shook my head, recounting why I was sitting on the grass bed in the first place. I remembered getting hit by the ball square in the face. I looked around and saw the bleachers cleared of people. It made me realize that I must have been out for quite a while, “How long was I out?”

“A good few minutes, shorter than the average webisode that you normally watch online,” he smirked, as if suggesting that I should stand, man up, and shrug off whatever pain I was feeling.

I disregarded the pain and immediately thought of Jeanne, “You didn’t tell him, did you?” I probed with obscurity, hoping that Jake understood what I was trying to ask and communicate.

He leaned into me as if checking my vitals, then signaled for his team to banish, “He’s okay. I got this. Great game you guys!” he admonished with an awkward thumbs up. He wasn’t a good actor. I wouldn’t give him an Oscar.

“No,” he whispered with assurance.

“Good. I don’t want him to worry.”

Our faces were too close for comfort. He noticed this, bristled back, and then scratched the back of his head. His cheeks flushed a bit. I looked in his eyes and I saw inner plight. It looked as if he was contemplating and fighting against something that greatly bothered him, “You know, there’s no need for you to accompany me in every game,” he whispered softly, his eyes were brooding.

I didn’t know what was going through his mind. All I knew was he needed me, “You’re right,” I tacked my chin down and gave it thought, “I don’t need to. I want to,” I smiled looking up.

He beamed and it felt like the sun rose from him. His warmth travelled down my arms as he helped me up. He captivated me with a smile that looked radiant and young. I wished life were this simple. We get hit by a ball, fall down, stand up, and then smile as if nothing ever happened.

I’d been having these weird dreams since I got hit by a ball in the head a few days ago. I woke up with a jolt and without the familiar warmth of Jeanne’s presence by my side. I had a rude awakening from a dream that felt like a nightmare. The images were graphic in nature. It made my stomach twist in knots. My heart raced and pounded against my chest as I recalled my own debasement in the dream. I was in this same bed, down on all fours servicing Jeanne, while Jake took me hard from behind. Just thinking about it made my skin crawl. I shook the errant memory, yet all I could think was how primal it made me feel. I wondered what it all meant.

The red clock blazed. Crap, it was seven in the morning and I overslept yet again. Yesterday was the same, and so were the days before. It’d been a couple days, or more, since Jeanne got called to put in more work into resolving the situation with North Korea. He busied himself greatly.

Talks about war irked me so I didn’t bother asking questions whenever he’d come home late at night. Rather, I would ask how he wanted his bath and if he needed a good back rub. The response would be yes to cold water in the tub, and a resounding nod to a deep tissue massage.

I pulled on my robe and went downstairs. Grand was what I’d feel every time I scaled this gilded balustrade. There are days I’d feel unworthy of the opulence that surrounded me, yet a smile from our ever trusty Butler assured me that I belonged in this place. He had been quite a mystery all this time. My brain suddenly fizzled with intrigue. I guess it was time he and I had our ‘talk’.

“Good morning, Butler,” I greeted genially. I wanted to stretch my greeting but I got stumped. I lost my train of thought. I was like a cigarette butt that got stubbed against the wall. I lost my fire. I needed the conversation to ebb somehow.

I floated behind him like a lurker. He didn’t seem to mind. His steps took him down another hallway, and from what I could tell he was about to enter the lavatory. It was now or never.

“Mr. Butler…” I whispered to stop his shadow.

He turned around with a much practiced flourish of gesticulation. His manners seemed rooted from years of apt servitude. One would think he’d served the Queen of England, and rightfully so because he didn’t look American. I couldn’t form the question I wanted to ask, so I just babbled.

“Will Jake be having breakfast here? He’d been busy a lot lately. Just like his father,” I prodded with a tone that sounded awkward and rehearsed. I knew it was a dumb question because father and son were nowhere in sight. I had been spending mornings alone for the past couple days. Though I really wanted to know what Jake was up to, so I guess the question was acceptable.

“No, Master Gray … Jake won’t be having breakfast here. I believe he is engaged with a huge undertaking at the moment, and it requires his time, attention, and supervision,” he narrated succinctly. I wished I had his accent. It sounded something I never heard before. It was unique.

I couldn’t place his tone. It made me eager to know more. “Um, Butler, are you American?”

He held out his hand for me to take. I took his handshake and it felt like we were being introduced the first time. His grip was strong and full of character. He had a presence. I felt it.

“Last name is Bersovicci … but you can call me Barry,” he offered his identity. It felt like a discovery to me, like I just unmasked the Batman or something. Even if he was only thirty-five, it felt like he was way older. He sounded like an old soul. I could tell he was full of wisdom too.

“Thank you Barry. How come you never told me your name?”

“It’s because you never asked,” he smiled. It made me frown.

“Reason for being sad, Master Gray?” the worry in his voice made me bristle. I wasn’t aware how I looked. I must have looked forlorn, and I wasn’t. I was just thinking how stupid I was for not making the first move in all the months it took for me to get settled in the Grimaldi mansion.

“No reason. Sorry if it took months for me to talk to you. You seem occupied with work almost every day of the week. You keep the residence immaculate at all times. How do you manage?” I asked, genuinely amazed at how one man could take care of an estate without the aid of another.

His face lit up like Christmas morning, “It’s not that difficult, Sir. It’s just like washing my own hands, and I do it thoroughly around every corner,” he stated simply like it was the most natural thing in the world. Barry appeared to be a very efficient man. The mansion is spotless and immaculate. Hmm… I thought of his relationship with Jake and Jeanne. Do they praise him too?

“Master Gray, I’m glad you’re here. In Jeanne’s line of work there’s no room for preference, only duty. You gave him a new lease on life. You gave him a chance to live,” he spoke kindly.

Barry’s words were a benediction. He regarded me with a kind of melancholy that I emotionally felt and responded to. Emotions rolled into a ball in my throat. It closed up my voice box. All I could muster was a choked sentiment as I tried to swallow what felt like tears of joy, pride, and satisfaction all rolled into one. Even if this was the first time Barry and I spoke, it felt like we’ve had a connection that was deep and utterly profound. His energy was a kind of spirit I knew I could trust. I felt he was going to be a good friend. I believed that our friendship would last.

I thought of Jeanne and found my inner voice, “There is no sin Jeanne will commit that I cannot forgive, for God granted me sight. And it is with these that I see that he too deserve to be loved.”

My words made him smile, “And that is why Jeanne loves you, Master Gray, with all his heart,” he nodded, patted my shoulder, then made way past me and back where he came from, but not before stopping midstride, “Oh, one other thing. Tomorrow would be the dog show. Jake wanted you to accompany him if you could,” he announced before disappearing behind the west wing.

A dog show with Jake? I introspected and mulled over the thought. A dog show, hmm … okay.

It was then I realized how Barry made me follow him like a dog would a bone. I dollied behind him like a puppy. All the way to the lavatory I followed. I guess he wanted me to find the bark I needed to actually speak. My smile quirked into a face-splitting grin as I realized this. Oh Barry, you silly, silly dog. I was suddenly thrilled about the dog show. I felt like a silly, silly dog all the same.

“Let’s keep it real, a Labrador Retriever never wins,” I denounced, belittling our entry to the show.

“Well, not this time,” Gray emblazoned with confidence, buoyant that Ralfie, our dog, could win.

We were at the Westminster Dog Show. The Superbowl of Doggydom. This was the first time I joined the club, and I entered one of the many Labradors I had from the many kennels my family has at home. Ours had a fine coating of hair as warm as the sun. It was only a year old, yet it looked and moved like a pro that had been doing the show for years. Ralfie was no silly dog. Oh no he was not. He meant business in every sense of the word. Doggone it if he didn’t win it all.

The show started with the usual – showcasing the dogs and how they moved gracefully around the oval. We chose Barry for the showcase because Gray and I wanted to see how Ralfie performed from start to finish.

Barry wore pristine butler outfit. He looked like an Italian diplomat, with a well-behaved mutt reined by an immaculate leash.

I watched Gray as he observed the competition unfold. His gray eyes were a festivity of elation whenever Ralfie did a successful jump, roll, or turn. He looked like a proud mother to our dog.

Seeing Gray exuberant and youthful made my heart swell with joy. If only I could stake my territory like a dog, then I would claim him to be mine and mine alone. That’d make me a happy man. But then what about dad? Damn, I could only but dream as I watched those gray eyes.

My heart jumped when Gray pulled my hand, “Hey Jake, I think Ralfie has a chance to win. He’s a crowd favorite, and I’m not just saying this because he’s ours. Look, you see how happy people are when they watch him? It’s amazing!” he beamed and squeezed my hand. His actions were without malice. They were expressions of unadulterated joy. All I could think and feel at that moment were the complete opposite. I thought of branding him, and making adulterated love.

I opened up emotionally, but I was still trapped in a closed world. A world of unrequited love, and Gray was the keeper of my prison. I wanted freedom from the shackles that had me bound. With my heart beating rapidly and about to explode, I leaned in and spoke, “Love is the only emancipation I can afford myself, Gray,” with hope that my plea could be heard by his heart.

His grip tightened, and then he looked at me with apprehension sewn in every sinew of his beautiful face, “It’s better to have choices than have none. Just don’t regret it when one day you realize you chose what you didn’t like,” He was masking something with those words. His heart was so close I could feel it. It was just a stone’s throw away. I had to work harder. I tried again.

“Gray, what do you mean? I know you feel it too. I feel it … don’t you?” I sounded desperate.

“The choices you make now will forever leave a mark in your spirit. The mistakes that come out of them will forever scar your soul, Jake,” he spoke those words and all I could think of was how dangerously close I was yet so far away. I knew Gray understood my feelings for him, yet he was too stubborn to reciprocate. Was I being too aggressive? Yes I was, and I didn’t care. I love him.

The crowd cheered for the victor, and I knew that Ralfie had won the competition. ‘I guess every dog has his day’ I thought as Gray tore his gaze away from me. How lucky Ralfie was for winning something today. As for me, I didn’t win anything. I lost another chance. Gray made me feel like I was barking at the wrong tree. I guess I needed to let sleeping dogs lie. Just for now.