HER CONFESSIONS

Chapter 1 : that Home

It was Friday and almost the end of summer.

I woke up thanks to the cool gust from the air-conditioning unit inside the room.

It was still dark.

I reached for my phone and squinted my eyes the moment the screen lit up after I turned it on.

Notifications and messages kept popping in one after the other, but I tried to focus my gaze on the time displayed on my mobile phone and realized that I still had an hour before my alarm went off.

I always suffer from extreme insomnia that I have to take sleeping pills every night, but my body clock never disappoints because I always end up waking up an hour earlier than my alarm.

I tried to shift my position to close my eyes but my gaze was drawn to the star-shaped nightlight plugged into the outlet across the room.

I could still have a glimpse of the interior despite the fact that it did not totally brighten the space. I saw a few silhouettes and it took me a moment to realize the work I still need to do when I noticed the various papers scattered across the wooden table just inches away from me, as well as the rolls of blueprints on the carpet. I still have a lot of things to sort out before coming to the office shortly.

I sometimes wonder if it was the tasks, not the nightfall, that always kept me awake.

The sun's not up yet. I let out a deep sigh and tried ignoring the clutter when I stood up and headed towards the mini pantry I had inside my study for a brew. I always find it to be the most comforting space inside the house.

I took my pack of Tim Hortons Original Blend roasted to medium and measured two tablespoons for my drip coffee machine.

After a few minutes, the machine half-filled my cup. I inhaled the aroma before taking a sip. Nothing beats a good cup before starting the day.

The aroma began to fill the room, providing a soothing effect. I reached for my phone and began skimming the notifications sent to me. Some of them were work related and some were my bills. "I'll read them later" I murmured to myself and put my phone down.

I began scanning the area and was generally satisfied at how my study had that distinct rustic vibe in it. All of the structural elements, particularly the beams and the columns, were of Steel Wide Flanges welded together and in a flat black finish.

Half of the masonry walls that were painted in off-white were roughly plastered with groove lines running horizontally and vertically resembling that of a brick, while the eastern half is full of glass windows in black uPVC framing that allowed the morning sun to enter the whole place. I’ve added motorized blackout blinds to add some cover because although the room was facing east, it could still receive the scorching sun in the afternoon.

The floor was just in polished plain cement finish, bare and natural, topped off with an open ceiling painted in black with pieces of accent wood in a crissed-cross pattern and some lighting fixtures that dropped from the ceiling. Behind the sofa, where I always sleep, were my bookshelves, which were all made of rusted expanded metal mesh welded to angled bars as a framework, with platforms made of precutted wood planks varnished in natural finish. I closed my eyes and took a sip before leaving the study and heading to my bedroom next door to freshen myself.

I set 'Running up the hill' on my player before getting in the shower. I dressed in a white polo with sleeves folded up to my elbows, a pair of denim skinny jeans, nude heels and topped off with my rose gold watch and my favorite St. Benedict necklace with its 18-inch gold cable chain.

Because my hair is short, I blow dried it and used a hair mask to avoid flyaways.

My make-up was straightforward. I used foundation to hide my flaws, blush, smeared my 'toast of new york' lipstick on my lips, and finished my look with Elizabeth Arden's green tea.

It has a light scent and I’m in love with it because it gives a refreshing and calming feeling. It always took me an hour to get ready and the sun is almost up.

As I made my way towards the table inside my study, I tripped over the piles of documents I carried yesterday.

I gasped when I suddenly realized that they were all due that day. I hurriedly carried them to the table and scanned the papers thoroughly.

I continued working until it was already sunrise.

When I pressed the remote button for the motorized blinds, The morning sun lit the whole room and I caught a glimpse of the trees outside.

I've always been amazed by how small amounts of sunshine may benefit the body, so I always make sure to receive even small doses of it.

I was told that exposure to strong morning light causes melatonin rhythm phase advancement, which has been shown to help with insomnia, and keeps you calm and focused.

Hence, the main reason why I always hang out in my studyroom.

My phone rang just as I was about to finish reviewing all of the blueprints for final printing.

“Jess, Do you mind looking after the twins tonight? Paul is bringing me out to dinner".

Alice has been my family for almost as long as I can remember. I met her in high school and we've never been apart since.

"Yup, no prob" I answered before taking a sip at my coffee.

"Shall I pick them up after work?" I looked over at the clock and realized that I am already 30 minutes late.

"Nope, Lea's with them" She answered.

I hurriedly stood up and rolled the blueprints I was scanning and dumped them in the box I carried yesterday.

My phone was still in my ear as I searched for my car keys and headed towards the door when she abruptly continued.

"We'll pick them up tomorrow, okay?". I chuckled when I suddenly realized something: "Are we ready for baby number 3?" I pointed out as I let out a laugh.

"Shut up, so tomorrow?" she asked, changing the topic.

I started the car's engine before answering "Yup, K-Barbecue. Mia's making her special bulgogi sauce. Though I'm not sure what the others will bring."

"Okay then, it’s a date. Off to work. Bye. Love ya" she said before ending the call.

Alice was my friend ever.

When she decided to marry her longtime boyfriend four years ago, I was concerned about the changes that would cause a significant gap between us. However, as time progressed, they proved me wrong.

We were never apart. I tell her everything in great detail, not censoring anything I want to say.

They would usually come over to my house once a week or leave the kids with me, which was never bothersome.

I enjoyed their company.

With them occasionally dropping by my place and my work, I never felt alone over the years, but rather satisfaction and contentment.

I've never felt the desire to start a family, or at least the thought hasn't occurred to me.

The ride to the office was a short one.

It was a 20-minute drive from where my house was.

I was lucky to stumble upon a peaceful community with only a few houses built in it. It was there that I decided to build my single-story home two years ago- a great place to live by myself and it was also close to where i work.

I found the village when I was on my way to the office years ago. What drew me in was the fire trees lining the streets.

It reminded me of my college days where I would stop by the road on the way to the University during summer and stare at the trees in bloom.

I might claim it was the neighborhood I'd always wanted and luckily, I found an empty lot in front of what seemed to be an old ancestral house surrounded by my favorite trees.

I secured the area and started building my dream.

I arrived at around 8:15 am. The office was in a small two-story apartment with a one-car parking garage.

When you walk in, the first thing you will notice was the reception area, which has a black sofa against the wall with Frames hanging on it and a round coffee table in the center.

It was next to the Engineering Department's working area, which was supposed to be the apartment's Dining Room.

The office housed six computers and was separated from the receiving by wooden dividers.

The supposedly maid's room of the apartment was converted into storage and the kitchen into a pantry.

The second floor has three bedrooms and two bathrooms.

We converted the Master Bedroom into our office.

One room became the conference while the other was used for the Purchasing and Accounting Department.

As I entered the office, one of my senior interns took the box of blueprints that I was carrying and followed me to my room.

"Design Team, Meet me at the Conference Room by 9:30", I said as I walked past the two junior architects who were at their respective workstations.

As we entered the office, I was drawn to Cathy who was putting documents on top of my table.

"They're for your signature, ma'am" she said the moment she saw me staring at her.

I did not say anything and just went towards it and sat in my chair, without moving my gaze away from those materials. I was astonished by the amount of documents I still need to read. " Okay, we’ll review them. Thanks, Cath".

I looked at Cathy and gave her smile. Cathy was one of the company's purchasers. She was also in-charge of all the documents that needed my signature.

I put aside the documents she handed me, and I started putting together the ones we need for the meeting.

I searched for my phone to call someone. “Where are you?” I asked the person on the other side.

“The meeting will start in a minute”, I continued, before I entered the room adjacent to our office.

Shy was already sitting at one side scanning the notes I gave her.

The conference room was not as large as those seen in movies, but it could still hold 8 people.

A long conference table, made of treated acacia wood, occupied most of the space inside the room with a white board on one side of the wall.

They began to arrive one by one until the meeting gained quorum.

"Goodmorning" they all greeted me.

I smiled as I set down the package of rolled blueprints in front of one intern.

“I have reviewed them. Please produce an additional eight sets. " I went on, looking at Shy.

We all sat down around the table and started the meeting.

"I would like you to check these projects, we will be assigning each of you." I looked at the others, who were listening and jotting down notes, as I handed them the pieces of paper.

Our company has 5 interns, 2 purchasers and 2 staff in the accounting department.

The meeting was all about the upcoming projects we would be doing. Shy, Kristina, and Janina sat to my left, while Jed and Marco were to my right. "As you can see, we have 3 new projects that we need to rush the proposals.

I will be pairing the juniors with the seniors and you will be assigned to these projects.

Please provide me with three schematic designs, one for each of the specifications listed."

My gaze shifted to one of our interns, "Shy, I want you to be in charge of the 1st Project, You can start with your schemes after you finished the production of the blueprints" I said while pointing at the box I gave her.

"Yes ma'am," She answered enthusiastically while jotting down notes on her planner.

"Marco, Please assist Kristina for the 2nd Project. Janina and Jed for the 3rd. Give me your proposals after a week. We'll be meeting with the owners, and I'd like you to be there". I said firmly as I scribbled the date on my diary.

After a few discussions of our agenda and with their concerns, the meeting ended at around 10:00 am.

I sat in my chair and went over the materials that Cathy had left for me.

They were all material requests for our ongoing projects. A few billings and change orders as well.

“Have you seen what they did at the site, Jess?” Louise approached my table and handed me her phone the moment she entered the office. I quickly looked up, with shocked eyes. She was a little stressed. “ What’s wrong?” I asked her calmly and started looking at the screen she was showing me. “ Nothing changed! It was as if they didn’t do anything”, she said while rolling the sleeves of her polo up to her elbow. Her voice became irritated.

She took the phone after showing it to me and slammed it on her table.

Louise was the firm's associate architect.

She was not only a friend, but also my business partner.

In our company, we both agreed and gave ourselves tasks. Louise was our operations manager and project in charge.

She is in charge of the entire construction and other site-related matters, meaning, she gets to be stressed by all the workers on site. While I on the other hand, was the Project Manager, in charge of the Design + Build Department and also the Head of the Bids and Documentation.

"We need to change the personnel. I need foreman Ricky and his crew," she said as she sat in her chair and scanned the white board hanging on the wall. It has a list of our ongoing projects and the manpower assigned to each.

“That project’s starting to slip” she continued.

Louise used to be the most patient one of the two of us. She was very sweet and always considerate to everyone. Something about her changed.

She would change the subject whenever I asked her.

“ Okay, we can switch foremen Richard and Ricky”, I assured her.

"I think that will be better". She nodded and turned her computer on.

I could still sense the stress when she sighed heavily.

“Coffee?” She stood up and went towards the coffee maker in our office.

Her question made me smile because another thing about Louise and I is we both have a love for coffee.

“ Yes please”, I told her as I started opening the file folders in front of me.

"I felt bad for the workers, though", I teased her while scanning the sheets.

" Starting their Friday with a little tension, poor guys" I continued, giggling.

"It's their fault" she defended while putting the coffee pods in the machine.

"They really need a good beating" she smirked and turned to face me.

“Anyway, How’s the meeting?” She asked as she put the cup of coffee on my concrete coaster and headed to her table.

“It was smooth. I have already given them their tasks”, I replied and started signing the papers.

I figured she wanted to know what happened so I handed her a copy of the minutes.

"Sorry, I was unable to attend. I totally forgot". She took the paper and looked at me with her apologizing eyes before taking a sip from her cup.

"It's okay", I assured her and returned to the documents I was scanning.

“I have already asked Shy to produce the plans for the building permit application”. I continued.

“That’s good”. She responded. I shifted my gaze to her. "and Don't forget tomorrow!" I looked at her eagerly and did not remove my eyes. It took her a while to answer, so a raised one eyebrow. "Okay!" she finally said. "Be there at eight". I looked at her with narrowed eyes. We continued working that morning.

We were both staring at the CCTV monitor hanging on the wall.

“Everything still seems surreal”, Louise started talking.

Our eyes were still on the screen.

“Who would have thought, right?” I responded and felt relieved.

We were both preoccupied with people working.

I remember being in their shoes, working tirelessly to complete the projects assigned to us.

All those sleepless nights we have spent even after office hours, when we would cry in the storage rooms because we had been reprimanded, the mistakes we made that irritated my superiors, the almost-resignations we had because of giving up.

They may all be in each of our past now, but they formed the foundation of who we are today.

We started the firm 3 months after I resigned from my job.

It was nothing personal. I made that decision months after the pandemic broke and made the whole country still. We were all on lockdown and most people were unemployed. The company decided to be on skeletal workforce, with just alternate shifts on our schedule chopping half of our compensation away. It was hard with rent and all. Thanks to Louise, who started the idea of partnership. I believed that it was about time for us to start on our own.

Packed with our individual learning and experiences, I went back to my hometown and made a fresh start. It was difficult at first because of the aftermath of the pandemic, but with the help of some friends and relatives, we received small projects that enabled us to start.

We were also given a chance to work for the academe at the university we graduated from so we accepted it because we figured we still needed some income to cover some expenses while the firm was in an unstable state. Luckily for us, it was required to work from home so we were able to juggle the class schedules and the firms'. After five years, when the firm's work progressed from small interior fit outs to residential buildings, I decided to leave the university and focus on the company while Louise followed months after. We acquired an office and started hiring workers one after the other. Fastforward to today, Louise and I were partner architects in our firm specializing in residential projects.

I left work early to see the twins and reached home at around 4:00 p.m. When I was parking the car, I noticed a few people looking at the old abandoned house just across the street. One man peered at my direction the moment I went out the car. I believe he was gazing at me, but I couldn't see him properly, so I stared back at him for awhile. After a few seconds, he diverted his eyes to the man speaking to him, so I turned around and entered my house. I no longer glanced back.

When I walked in, the kids were already playing near the pool. "Maaa!” I smiled as I heard their lovely tiny voices and hurried over to kiss my cheeks. "how's your day, my Loves?" I asked while I squeezed them in my arms. "It's okay" Kyle said as he pouted his lips. "What's wrong?" I asked them. They were quiet for a while so I turned to look at Lea who now had a worried look in her face. She did not respond. "We miss you" Luke finally answered me while giving me his cute smirk. We both sighed in relief. "I miss you guys, too." "Who wants spaghetti?" I asked them. They both giggled with excitement, so I gave them a hug before heading to my bedroom to change.