Mother's Obsession

Faults and Flaws

Colette Smith (P.O.V.)

I would not say that Callum and I had come very far because we have not. We were rushing things, but I did not care. Personality-wise, Callum is the best boyfriend ever, but I cannot help but think there is more to him than he is letting on. Whenever he is around me, he never gets texts messages; he claims he has no friends and all he does is play games. However, I find it hard to believe that someone who is as attractive as Callum is such a loner, but I digress. I refuse to overthink right now to ruin my mood.

We both laid on the bed as we spoke about the pregnancy, baby names, and plans for even more renovation. Our conversation consisted of me coming up with ideas and Callum simply agreeing to everything I said. Even when I would randomly change my mind about something. It annoyed me that he was so indecisive and could never think or speak for himself but if that is the type of person that he is then I cannot change that.

I really wanted to tell the world about my pregnancy, but I felt like it was too soon to do so. Just then an idea popped into my head.

“What if we told your mum?”

His mother and I were not particularly close, but we had spoken over the phone a couple of times. She was an extremely sweet and kind person. There was an instance when I needed money to register for the new school semester and I really did not have any money, so I asked her to help me out and she did with no hesitation whatsoever. Due to her kindness toward me, I always felt the need to go above and beyond for Callum.

 Ever since I met him and I got to know him, I treated him like a baby. Like he was my own son. I took into consideration that he was in this country all alone with just his sister who has her own life. His mum is nowhere around him and the only father figure in his life had passed away. As a psychology major, I always dissect situations like this and I could only assume the type of trauma that stems from something like that and so when Callum and I started dating, I made it my duty to always provide when I could for him; love him unconditionally so that he could never feel lonely; listen to him when he vented so I can help him find a solution and fix the problem and be his shoulder to cry on.

Since Callum and I started living together, even before it became official, he treated me like a queen. When he would come over, he would always buy me food and snacks and made sure I ate properly. He would wash my dishes, my clothes and even clean my room. I had what was known as a depression room. This does not mean that it is always dirty, but it was untidy most of the time. Especially when I did the laundry myself and did not fold the clothes after. Callum would always take care of that when he came over. There would be times if I woke up early enough before he got to my house, I would clean the entire house just so I could impress him. It is not like he noticed either way because there were only a few things we did when he came over.    

Callum worked at a security company as a security officer, which meant that he worked twelve-hour shifts. He would work from six o’clock in the evening to six o’clock in the morning of the next day. Whenever he would get off work, he would come over to my place and spend time with me until he had to leave for work again. This meant washing his overalls while he was asleep, feeding him, and making sure he had a meal to take to work as well. You could say that before we were a couple, I had become his wife.

At times if he was not too tired from work, we would watch movies together on my laptop and eat food until one of us either get horny or sleepy to which in this instance Callum was always both – so we would have s*x, shower, and then go to sleep. This routine was my favorite because often enough, we would sleep through his alarm, and he would always wake up late for work. With much convincing, he would either skip work to stay with me or take his merry time and make his way to work after the fact. He always said that ‘you cannot be late twice’ so if you are already late you might as well take your time and not rush.

We always spent time together and I got used to this. Eventually, after taking into consideration that he spent more time at my place than at his apartment, he decided to move in with me. I still live with my mother, so that would have meant that he would literally live in my bedroom. We wanted to make things work so I applied for a student loan, and I expanded the room. We joined two rooms together and simply made an entrance into the second room. When we had run out of money everything was at a standstill. We were sleeping on a mattress on the floor, and we barely had food to eat but we made it work.

Now that I am officially pregnant there are going to be a lot of changes. Callum will most definitely have to stop missing work. I am a full-time student so there is no way I could balance work and school right now, but I am close to graduating so hopefully as soon as I get my degree, I can find a good job that pays well. 

“I mean I do not see why not. You could tell her if you want.” Callum seems nervous about it but I was truly excited.

I really wanted to be a part of his family since I had always been rejected by my own. Sometimes when I am in desperation for money, I would do portraits of people for commission. When Callum and I met, I decided to draw his siblings and his mother as a way to get a conversation going between us. It was an excuse that I used to message them because I am quite an awkward person, and I had no idea how to start a conversation with either of them.

I unlocked my phone and located his mother’s chat. I took a picture of the positive pregnancy test and sent it to her. I sent the picture to her with a message saying,

“Well, this happened…”

 As I sent it to her, I recalled a previous conversation that we had about pregnancy. I remember telling her and convincing her that I wanted to have a stable job with a good income, my own house, and a car before I would ever consider getting pregnant and she applauded me for thinking that way.

Now that I am pregnant intentionally and I have none of those things, Callum and I thought it would be best to make it seem as though none of this was planned.

I watched as she opened the message, and she immediately began typing.

“Oh wow…how do you feel about it?”

She asked.

“I am quite excited because for a second I thought I could not conceive so this is a huge relief, plus I have always wanted a family of my own with much love and affection as I could not get that from my own family growing up. I am graduating next year so it is a perfect time for me to take time off before I start medical school and just focus on this and work.”

I explained to her as I started to get a bit emotional while I typed the message.

“Do you think you would be able to manage a baby and school? I know how much of a hard worker you are but taking care of a baby is a lot of work.”

“So, what do you think about it?”

I had a feeling she was not totally on board with the idea but as I said before, Callum’s mother is an exceptionally sweet woman. In her head she is probably thinking “abort mission” but I know she would never necessarily say that to me.

“Well, we spoke about this before. I am not sure if you could remember the words that were exchanged but as I said before I would have liked if you and Callum finished school first and lived a little bit more before you decide to become parents. It is a big responsibility and there are a lot of sacrifices to be made when there is a child in the picture, but I digress. You are already pregnant and if this is something that you and Callum want, then I will try to support you as best as I can.”

Callum Johnson (P.O.V.)

While I laid in bed, I watched as Colette excitedly texted my mother. It was not particularly a necessity for my mother to get along with the girls I dated, but it did sure help them feel like they were important to me when they did. Truth is, I really wanted a child. Specifically, a daughter but I cannot necessarily control the outcome, so I kept my mind open for other possibilities. I always had a soft spot for single mothers. As a matter of fact, I had a couple of female friends who are single mothers and before I met Colette, I would help them out financially. I could not explain the soft spot I had developed for them, maybe it has something to do with my mother.

My mother was a single parent when she had my sister and me. My dad skipped out on us for another woman, then went on to have children with her and became the perfect father for them. I guess he did not like how we turned out. After my father left, my mother went on to meet Jason – who would then later become my step-father and the father to my two younger brothers. He was like a father to me and the best male role model I could have ever asked for. It was sad, that he had passed away the way that he did, and I always blamed my mother for it because if it were not for her he might have been alive today.

If she had not threatened to leave him for good, he would be alive but that is beside the point now. After he died, she became a single mother yet again and the entire family stepped in to help her raise all of us. They did a really good job and personally, I think we have a great support system. My family is loving, really supportive, and kind-hearted. I am truly blessed to have them in my life.

That brings me to my next point. It may sound like I am taking advantage of my family, but they are the reason why I am not scared to start a family now with Colette. I know for a fact that if we needed help from them, whether financially or in any other way, they would be happy to step in and chip in with funds. That much is apparent because while Colette is texting my mother, my mother is also texting me asking whether I needed help with medical bills and whatnot. 

Just then my phone began to ring. I always had it on vibrate when I am around Colette because the girl had major trust issues and God forbid, she hears my phone ever ring. I looked at the caller to see if it was my former girlfriend – Samantha.

“Hey babe, I am going to the toilet to poop,” I said to Colette.

She looked at me and rolled her eyes.

“Must you always announce when you are about to defecate?”

“Yes, because, unlike some people, I do those things like a regular human being.” I retorted at her as I grabbed my towel and the body wash.

I always shower after I used the toilet, so this was a regular thing.

“I poop,” Colette said as she continued to busily type away at her phone.

“Sure, you do.”

With my phone in hand and other necessities, I made my way into the bathroom. Colette never suspects anything when I go into the bathroom with my phone because I usually do use my phone while I am on the toilet.

However, this time was different. I did not need to use the toilet, I just used it as an excuse to answer the call from Samantha.

I answered the call but stayed quiet as I placed the phone against my ear. I turned on the shower to drown my talking and I leaned against the wall on the opposite side of the bathroom because the wall on the other side was connected to Colette’s bedroom which meant that she would be able to hear me if I were to speak in here. Also, there is an echo in this part of the house, which makes my situation a bit more difficult.

“Hey,” Samantha said over the phone.

“What is up,” I responded and waited for her to say what she wanted to say.

“I need to vent. My baby daddy is like acting up and it is seriously just like getting to me. You do not mind, do you?”

“No, it is quite alright. Is the baby, okay? Do you guys have everything you need?”

“Yes, we are okay for now. It is just really tough you know. He is not the guy I met before and I thought he would be different, but I guess I was wrong. I do so much for him, I take care of the baby, I cook, I clean, I still work, and I never ask him to do anything, but something in me is telling me that he is not being faithful. Maybe this life is just not for him. Maybe, he is the type to not be tied down. What do you think I should do?” 

“Well, I do not think I am in any position to offer you advice on the matter. Personally, I think that if the guy is not playing his role properly especially now that he has a kid, you should end the relationship before it becomes toxic. An environment like that is not good for a child and it affects them in more ways than you can see before it is too late.” I said to her.

“I guess you are right. Thank you for listening.”

“Any time.”

The call ended and I took off my clothes to shower. I did not get a chance to shower when I got home anyway so this was not a total waste of time.

Colette Smith (P.O.V.)

As I ended the conversation with Callum’s mother, I got off the bed to go into the kitchen to fix myself something to drink. It was rather hot today and I felt irritated because of it. I did not have air condition in my room, just a lonesome fan that is only good enough to circulate the hot air around the room. I turned the doorknob on my bedroom door and unlocked it. When I exited the room and passed by the bathroom, I swore I could hear Callum talking inside there.

I stopped to investigate my suspicions. I pressed my ear against the door in an attempt to try to pick up any noises inside of the bathroom. I know I could just simply open the door and go into the bathroom without knocking first as to catch him by surprise, but I decided against it. Usually when something bothered me, or I had my suspicions about something and I bring this to Callum’s attention, I always felt like he would gaslight me and in turn in the end I would feel worse about myself than before and so in these instances, I simply do not say anything.

When I feel like something is going on behind my back, I either try to bury my emotions and get over it if I felt like there is nothing, I could do about it; or I would simply conduct an investigation,  myself. If I were to find solid evidence of any wrongdoings where I know I could easily call Callum out on his lies. The more I begin to know Callum, the more I learn that he lies a lot. He would lie unprovoked every time I would ask him about something. In the beginning, I assumed he would lie about certain things because maybe he assumed  I would get upset at him for it but he should know by now that lying to me and hiding things makes the situation way worse.

I made some juice when I got to the kitchen and returned to the bedroom. As I sat on my bed I pondered on what I should do. I know if I do not say something about how I feel, I would overthink the worse possible scenarios, but I do ask, Callum would become very defensive as he always is and that might just cause an argument. I really did not want to start an argument on a day as joyous as this one. I could only pray and hope, that now that I am pregnant, Callum would stop with his old habits and take into consideration that he has a baby on the way. I kept using that as an excuse in my head to make me feel better, but the truth is, it terrified me.

What if Callum and I were to end our relationship and then I had to raise our child by myself? I do not want to be a single mother. That responsibility would be too much for me to handle on my own. I do not have a family of my own to turn to for support and with my current mental health condition, I feel like it would be more than draining to me. I was beginning to get ahead of myself, and it was really getting to me at this point.

I felt anxious and my heart was palpitating. As soon as Callum got out of the shower, I approached him as he walked through the door. Just thinking about the situation and asking him about things makes me so nervous that I get a stomach ache. I felt butterflies in my belly, and I wanted to throw up. Any feeling I had of hunger before was gone completely.

“I want to ask you something, but I am scared,” I said to him as I looked everywhere around the room but at him.

I did not want to make eye contact at all. I was so anxious about doing this.

“Why would you be scared?” Callum inquired and chuckled.

He looked guilty…I just know it and I am not being crazy. 

“I am scared because whenever I approach you about something that is bothering me, you usually get upset and I do not want to fight with you.”

Usually, when these conversations occurred, I had to approach them with much caution. Due to the fact that Callum gets defensive quite easily when I am inquiring about something, I only got one or two questions to ask before he gets frustrated and yells at me for asking him things.

“Just ask me anything.”

Another thing about Callum is that he offers no kind of reassurance when I express signs of insecurities. With him, if he told me that I looked pretty a month ago then that should be enough to let me know that he thinks I am pretty. If I were to explain to him that he had to tell me these things often, he would automatically assume I was asking for too much and tell me I was ungrateful for the bare minimum that he did. 

“Were you on the phone…like talking to someone on the phone while you were in the bathroom? I was on my way to the kitchen when I heard something.”  I said and watch Callum closely for any signs to indicate that I had caught him off guard.

“No. You probably heard a game or something. Or whenever I would say something about the game to myself.” He explained and I nodded.

Deep down I knew it was not the truth, but I had no solid evidence unless I checked his call log which of course is not crucial evidence because it could be tampered with easily.

I guess this is just another one of those instances that I will have to force myself to forget about.

“Okay. I just thought I would ask because I started to overthink, and I really wanted to get it off my chest.”

“I hear you.”

Suddenly there was a knock on my bedroom door.

“Colette?” I heard my mother call through the door.

I got up from the bed and opened the door slightly as Callum was right behind me in only a towel that barely did much to cover his semi-hardened member. 

“Yeah?” I said as I poked my head through the small gap I made.

“There is someone outside waiting for you.” My mother said before she turned around and walked away.

Who could it be? I do not have any friends so I was beyond confused as to who would just randomly show up at my house.

I quickly made my way outside of the house to check who my mysterious visitor was. Upon checking, I groaned in annoyance.

Of course, it was her.

Lisa Warden.

I would not necessarily say she was my friend, but she always tried really hard to be my friend. She was consistent with her attempts and never took no for an answer. I always tried my best to avoid her, but unfortunately, we lived on the same street so she would often come over without an invitation or notice to hang out with me. Despite my numerous attempts to push her away, she never caught the hint, and she was under the impression that we were best friends.

Lisa and I attended the same elementary school until we parted ways when we went on to attend different high schools. Lisa was always the outsider wherever she went. Everyone thought she was weird, including me. I was just never mean about it. When we were in elementary school, Lisa got bullied a lot because of her height. She was taller than every guy and girl, including the teachers at our school. At times, I would be the one to bully her as well, though, I did regret every mean thing I did. After I graduated from high school and began university, one day while I was on my way home, I met up with her as we coincidentally ended up sharing a cab together.

We got to talking as I had not seen her in years, and I found out she was sent away to a psychiatric hospital because while she attended high school, the bullying never stopped, and she was sexually assaulted by another student. This made her really depressed and she said to be clinically insane. After she drank a bottle of bleach in an attempt to commit suicide, she was admitted into a psychiatric hospital for three years. Now that she was out, she told me she was pregnant and that she had a boyfriend.

Unfortunately for her, and maybe myself as well, upon delivering her beautiful baby girl, her boyfriend left her and skipped town to abandon his responsibilities. She claims that he stalks her but I find that hard to believe considering that he did not want to stick around to take care of the child and he missed all of his court hearings when he was summoned for child maintenance funds.

Low and behold, when all of this occurred, Lisa saw fit to force me to be her friend. Whenever I would ignore her messages for long periods at a time, she would post on social media about how she felt lonely suicidal, and exhibited thoughts of murder-suicide. She would threaten to kill her baby and then herself due to the stress of feeling like a burden in everyone’s life.

Lisa was not necessarily a burden, but she was like a big ball of negative energy. Whenever she would visit me, she would spend the entire time complaining about her life and making excuses for the solutions that I would happily give to her. She would then dissect my own life and express just how envious she felt for all of the things I had. Lisa would seek pity from anyone and everyone that she could. Even strangers. I was not certain if her mental illnesses could be at fault for her strange behaviors, but she made it her duty to make sure that the world knew she was mentally ill and needed help. There were times when we would go out together to run errands, and I would observe as she would start conversations with random persons on the street. She would talk to them about her life, her daughter, her former boyfriend, her poverty, and even every aspect of her mental disorders and the amount of medication she was required to take.

She would even complain about taking them and then proceed to stop taking them. When this happens, she would call me on the phone to complain about her withdrawal symptoms because she is off of her medications again.

My mother knows of all of this and she even asked me to not cut Lisa off completely because she was worried about the safety of the child. Lisa never neglects her daughter, rather, she spends all of her money on her, but sometimes she does lose touch with reality, and it is a very big concern in the community. Her parents kicked her out when she was little, and she was taken in by her grandmother.

Eventually, when she began to receive welfare money from the government because her mental disorders were seen as a disability, her grandmother became greedy for money and started to mistreat her as well. There were times when I would offer Lisa a place to stay so that she would not have to continue receiving ill-treatment from her grandmother, but she would always decline my offer with more excuses.

I am at a point where I only listen to her complaints because no matter what I did to help the situation, I know that someone cannot be helped if they refuse to help themselves, 

I approached the gate where Lisa stood waiting in the scorching hot sun.

“Hey, Lisa.”

“Hey girl, I was in the area and thought I would stop by to check you. Could I stay over a bit just to hang out? I do not want to go home just yet and my grandmother is babysitting my daughter for me. I am just so bored, and I have nothing to do. I need a friend right now.” Lisa explained and I tried to keep myself from rolling my eyes at her.

It is always the same story with her. Even if I were to tell her, no, I am busy, she would let herself in and give me the excuse that she just wanted the company. She would say that but then rant the entire time and prod for feedback when she felt like no one was listening to her.

“Sure,” I said before I began to unlock the gate for her.

“Wait. Rusty is chained right?” She asked with fear written all over her face.

Rusty is my Pitbull. He is feared by everyone in the neighborhood just because of the way he looks.  There were countless times he would escape from the yard and everyone would literally scream and run away, ensuring to grab their kids in the process. They would then sound a vocal alarm to let everyone know that he is in the streets. There were also instances of the neighbors threatening to shoot him if they were to ever catch him on their property.

It was all ignorant concerns. My dog, while he looked big and scary, was actually very playful and protective of children. Even if I, his owner, were to beat a child in front of him or cause a child to cry, he would instantly attack me. He was never trained to behave that way, but I guess it was pure instinctive behavior.

 “You will be fine,” I said while chuckling a little at her frantic behavior.

Callum was around which made her visit less excruciating because oftentimes when she would come over while I ignored her, she would talk his ear off instead. Callum is more social so it did not bother him.