Tarzan (Rated R)

Chapter 9 - Old me.

..... And publish.

'Whew' I stretch my arms high in the air arching my back to feel those knots unknotting, cracking my fingers as my hands come down. That's another chapter Updated on w******d, I'm not getting paid for this but seeing everyone happy and excited with my story is enough for me, writing has always been therapeutic, especially being someone with a wild imagination.

So much has happened in my life that it's enough to write a book, and damn right I put it all in words. Three weeks have passed since the whole Cameron and Philip thing, and I decided to just put that all behind me and focus forwards. Maybe it was time for a change, starting with my mentality, maybe if I change my perspective and way of thinking, things will get better, right? Absolutely not.

I took my mom's advice and went out on the dates she set up for me only to have those guys use me for Green Cards or trying to marry me after thirty seconds. All in all, it didn't work out on my mom's end and in her perspective as usual it's my fault.

Trying to download more social media was even more of a blur, I would be following more people than I would get followers, and blogs have told me that's bad. Having Justine help me Go through hours of makeup and hair to post pictures only to end up with three to five likes in the end, also a big no by blogs. I took them down so fast.

Finally, going on blind dates with guys I met on dating apps, that one was a giant waste of time and preparations.

I forfeit, throwing in the towel, I guess I'll stick to w*****d imaginations. Maybe I was just being too picky, A certain individual did set my standards high, how can he be so beautiful and yet so gentle, like a gentle giant that saved my life. A part of me finds it irritating.

How can you just disappear like that, especially after giving me the best s*x of my life? I hate him for this, making my heartbeat with just the thought of him even after all this time.

No matter I am over him now, the past is the past and I am done living in it, I'm still young to focus on the 'Might be" and start focusing on the 'now'.

leaving my room to get ready and open my shop, I hear a knock on the door, "come I-"

"Guess what?" Justine squealed barely letting me finish my sentence as she storms in, "Remember the blog I signed you up for?"

Taken back by the question, I find myself in question to something else, furrowing my brows in confusion, "you signed me up for a blog?"

Justines face relaxes into someone that's been busted, c*****g my head to the side "Justine" I sing urging the answers out of her, "speak, what blog?"

"Alright, fine you caught me."

"You told on yourself" we giggle sitting on my bed, "I read all your stories on w*****d, and they were too good to not be noticed, especially making them so relatable and funny." the genuine that pours out of her puts me at peace, my readers always show me how grateful they are for my stories but actually sitting face to face with one of them is a whole other level of happiness.

Justine has always been a fan of my writings, she even created a whole w*****d account just to read them, I find she recites a lot of my quotes from my stories in her everyday life. trying to hide my smirk and excitement I Nudged her shoulder widening my eyes "Continue w***e".

squealing she jumps up "They love your book and want to meet up with you to discuss publishing." she screamed, damn near shattering my ear drums. But in that particular moment all I heard were the words.

Publish, my, book? My ultimate goal in life is having my book in someone's bookshelf or a hard copy to take home with you, the mere fact that someone loves my story so much so they will buy it and keep it forever is the greatest gift ever. Justine did that for me without my knowledge out of genuine intent.

Standing I make my way around the bed to embrace her in the biggest hug ever "Thank you" before I can say another word, tears fall drenching the shoulder of her gray T shirt, literally my shoulder to cry on, she acts like a mom sometimes and I am grateful for that.

Rubbing my back softly "Hey it's alright, There, there. you deserve this."

We remained in the hugging position for a little while, there was a buzzing sensation that tickled my right thigh "aren't you going to get that?" I furrow my brows still on her shoulder.

"No" she sighed, the buzzing stopped and quickly started up again, I felt a growl in her chest and feared for my life, Romanian anger and Haitian anger are almost the same, she pulls away from me and pulls out her phone, I caught a glimpse of the caller ID, Philip.

Rolling her eyes, she declines it and looks up at the ceiling, breathing out a breath before sniffling.

"Everything ok" I ask softly, afraid to enter her sensitive zone, sniffling again before fanning her face "Yea, Just Philip calling me nonstop."

"Do you need a moment I coul-"

"No, it ok" she says dismissively. "Anyway, there is a perk when it comes to this publisher." Aligning my back to soak in the rules.

"I have noticed that your stories lack some spicy and romance things." she says rotating her hands, I look at her questioningly before shrugging my shoulders. "That's it, I could write some scenes, if that's all it takes." I say casually.

"No love."

Wait were not done?

"Writing s*x and romance are different compared to the Comedy and PG books you have".

"Umm, ouch." I laugh. "What do you mean?"

"You know how to take everyone on the adventure of your story, and everyone can feel the emotion and rage and what not"?

"Yes, Go on". I sit on the edge of my bed, crossing my leg over the other, looking up at Justine.

"You need to do that again, but with s*x" she leans on my desk Folding her arms.

"b***h your losing me" I laugh defeatedly.

"When was the last time you had s*x?"

I choke on my spit, "What?"

"When was the last time you pleasured yourself?" I wanted to pass out.

"When was the last time you ever felt like your knees were weak? or your heart was ready to tear from its protection barriers because of the excessive beating when you're thinking about a certain individual. Have you ever seen someone that makes both of your heart beats drum to a Rythm".

"Both?"

"Heart and v****a" she giggles turning back around to face me, "You need to add more spice to the meal, don't get me wrong you are hilarious and a genius at putting words together because I could never. Point is, make me feel just how bad you want it, make me feel how bad you want him, let me imagine him throwing you on the bed milking your p***y dry."

"Ju-Justine" I swallow thickly, the heat bearing down on me was enough to make me fold under the pressure, "I-I-I don't kn-wouldn't know where to start" Goddamnit this stuttering of mine. Just as I was in the process of forgetting him.

Justine stares at me in calculation until her eyes squint "Hmmmmm, how about this ... I hate to bring it up again I know it is probably sensitive but remember when you were in that weird village."

Letting my eyes slide to the right slowly "Yeaa" Where was she going with this?

"Say, you started having s*x with one of the villagers, Create the perfect man in your mind, you started seeing the old woman's grandson, was it? Ro-Rowan?"

On cue I can feel my heart thudding to the sound of his name, I remain there frozen under the submission, like being brainwashed or something, my mind is completely clear, my insides scream to stop her before the tears are erupt. "I - uh have to g-"

"Maybe You could say, after he saved you and you healed up, the both of you started having hot steamy s*x each time you get a moment".

Is she onto me?

"Or you could-"

"Justine, love thank you; I need to go open the shop" I tease hiding the pain in my voice so the tears could stop. "I love you, but I got to go, its movie pajama night so ill close up early". Kissing her forehead, I trudge towards the door waving happily until I close the door behind me, planting my back on the door, I breathe out a huge breath with my hand over my heart, Crap, that was a close one.

How the hell did? No? not possible. I could have just said it there, let her know that there was someone, he is still all I think about even before I go to sleep, I could never tell Justine that and it be humiliating if she were to ask me why didn't he come with me, I thought he felt the same, but it was all just kindness, the s*x was a bonus.

I hate him.

I hate all he stands for, yes, he did save my life, I should have just Kept my ground and avoided talking to him. I should have fought hard to not look at those deep blue eyes that look at me with sincerity, I should have fought hard to not visibly oolge over that body of his, or that voice, especially not fall for his character. They don't make men Like that here or at least not anymore.

Blinking away, the tears fell and before I knew it, I crouched down to the ground to let out the 20th cry of the day. Damn you Rowan, Damn you.

I felt like one of those movie acters in a sad scene, tightening up my scarf and coat I walk with my head down with my curls flying in my face, the snow falls exactly like it does in the movies. I think maybe because of the snow I still sniffle, and my eyes are still glossy I bet. The snow crunching underneath my feet reminded me of Rowan.

My foot crunched on the thickest block out ice scattering it in to Million tiny pieces on the slippery bricked pavement.

Rowan and how he stomped on my heart.

Rounding the corner of my shop I was taken back by someone standing there, his back towards the street as he stares into the dark Shop, I stopped in my tracks wondering what's going on when he spotted me in the mirror, turning fully until he faced me, a rage spewing within, so much so I could feel the heat in this cold weather, yet his face was calm.

Smirking "Are you going to stand there all day, or are you stand there all day, or are you going to sell me some flowers" Philip spoke, voice so deep a few icicles almost fell.

I could feel the ice on my face melting off leaving me with a drippy nose once I entered my shop, yet I was still unsettled with the large man standing closely behind me, I don't even need to turn around, I can feel his eyes, and they are slicing me open slowly.

Moving away to my register I take off my coat and hung it behind me, I was taken back with a gasp once I turned around to see Philip so close to me, towering right above me, gleam as dark as ever.

"Uh- wh-what's the occasion". I speak soft looking away.

He says nothing and continues to stare at me, I swore his eyes started glowing with everything else darkening. "Philip" I nearly cry out "You're scaring me".

Finally, he huffs out a smile, white pearls flash me innocently and I sighed a breath to relax. "You know what Justine likes, do your job" hands in his khakis with the gray jacket on he backs away looking me up and down in expectation.

"Uhhh, alright, she does like Lilacs a lot". Pointing to the flowers right behind him

He looks back at me and the flowers before moving out of the way, "You expect me to get that, what the f**k you think this is, I'm the customer".

"Uh alright." Slowly I come around towards the flowers. "Yea a little exercise would do you Black girls some good".

Halting my steps "excuse me?"

Laughing he placed his hands on his stomach "it's a joke, I forgot, your too sensitive."

"Philip I-"

"I mean you know something, now that we're on the subject, is being lonely so bad you need to pride on your own friend's life?"

He starts walking closer "what are y-"

"Again Joking" his laughter is getting a little manic.

"She has literally done everything for you and all you do is play victim and damsel of distress, yet I applaud you, purposely getting attacked by a mountain lion just to stay with a bunch of freaks takes skill I never pegged you to be the extreme but wow."

This was sarcasm, right?

"That's what you thi-?

"Just get the damn flowers for me, so I can go be there properly for Justine, matter of fact these flowers are too mediocre for a Beauty like her."

My chest heaves powerfully, I don't know if I want to scream and cry but something wants to escape my body, I can't bring myself to say anything, these words won't come out, I'm fact what is there to say? I always knew of his distaste for me so there is really not much to say, rich boys always win in the end. My eyes watched his every move until he walks to the door, hands stuffed in pockets while he looks Around my shop distastefully.

"Oh, and one more thing, stay out of my relationship with Justine, she's had enough of playing hero, let her for once live happily, be a good friend to her for once."

With that the sound of whistling wind flies into the store, brushing my flowers and I. I watch Philip all the way until he rounds the corner disappearing out of site and I crumble, blowing out a hard breath with tears brimming my eyes, I'm unstable I can't stand and rush to the bathroom where I stare at my pathetic state, my curls disheveled from the wind with a runny nose, God, pretending to be in movies blinded me from reality.

No one f*****g walks like that, A did breaks out of me and I curse at myself mentally and physically until I couldn't no more, I should have said something to him, to at least stand up for myself, Justine is with that entitled rich trash I can't wait to keep her kn- ... wait let her know what, the boyfriend she is madly in love with doesn't like me? Where is my proof? I Sound exactly like he painted me out to be, f**k.

Just as I was ready to scream, I hear the front door open again, that wind whistled through, shoot the front is unattended.

Who in the world walked in? Washing my face, fixing myself more properly I head out to the front with a big smile.