Tarzan (Rated R)

Chapter 13 - Paranoia

"Are you almost done?" I muffle with my eyes closed.

"No, hold still" Justine says, tapping something on my lips.

"Justine, I am going to be late; I giggle." Do I even care?

"Can I ask you a question."

Suddenly I felt a slight panic, "sure."

"Is he the one you're writing about?" I can feel her curiosity from the softening of her voice, a genuine question.

"No," scrunching my brows.

"Nothing wrong with it, I just wished I knew." Her hurt is evident, yet she hides it in a giggle.

My eyes fly open, staring into hers "Justine, I promise, you will be the first to know everything, he is not the character of book I am writing about, hell in all honesty I forgot all about him since that night." I muster deadpanned on her face.

With a slight smile she relaxed, " Ok, ok now hush, we are almost done, you look amazing". She squealed continuing to tap whatever she was in my lips. "You know you don't need to close your eyes, right?"

Flinging them open "Yea I know".

I wish I didn't have to lie to my best friend and roommate, but I couldn't trust Rowan one hundred percent after disappearing like that, it's like I was used, I want to hate him, but my heart refuses to get the memo.

"aaaaand done." She squeals pressing the cotton my lip a little harder. I watch her back away cheering as she claps her hands wildly, we do have an inner fan girl in us all don't we?

Haven't worn makeup since Middle school, not that I looked horrible I just wished I knew the first thing about it and applied the foundation that is supposed to match my complexion and not the other way around. Blowing out a breath I prep myself to see just how new my face is this time. I

"Oh ... My g-"

"You love it?"

I am too flabbergasted to even speak, who is this woman staring back at me, wow, I was always skeptical of people doing my makeup considering last time they painted me as a clown, my mental blockage refused to allow anyone near my face ever aga Justine has always done a superior job with her makeup I figured why not, I don't regret it.

The blending was everything, Matte red lipstick with a faded black outline, Cat lashes bringing out the almond shape of my eyes, the glittery glow on my cheekbones, I look just ... Hollywood, not overly layered, just right.

"Let's braid the hair down in two rolls and release the ends at the back, kind of like a ponytail." Justine adds on playing with the puff of my hair, her face stuck in a deciding emotion.

My heart nearly fell to my anus at the with the statement, the last time Justine braided my hair I swore I felt my brain being tugged, I could even close my eyes fully, let alone blink, 'Pain is beauty' would be her montage to try and get me to relax under her deadly grip, yet she would always be right, I would look a whole different person to everyone including myself, I did say I want to start a new.

I can feel my eyes disappearing at the bottom of my eyes, the top of Sclera is drying out, Jesus what a grip, Justines fingers dig and pull my tight curls braiding down roughly while collecting the loose ones from the scalp. When will it end? who am I doing this for ... Cameron? A slight annoyance waved through me, everyone does deserve a second chance, yet something within my gut just refuses to settle to the thought.

"Done" I hear the excitement above me with a sudden draft as she taps away simultaneously clapping her hands and silently thanked the Lord her hands were away from me. At last, the moment has come to see the final touches. My eyes on Justine the entire time while she sends me a Chesire cat like smile just by seeing her reaction tells me everything I need to know.

I was right, glamorous. My face, Hollywood, blended with dark colors and outlines, natural Afrocentric hair braided beautifully with large, glossed puffs at the end, tiny loose strings of hair curled at the edges of my hair give off the messy bun aesthetic that I have always wanted to achieve, I almost look like one of the female Disney explorers that become the love interest of the male main character, wow, Deja vu, almost.

"I look amazing."

"No love, you look exactly the same, the makeup only pops out the features."

I have always been beautiful is what she is saying, and I couldn't stop the way my heart was reacting to the comment, my nose started to burn with my vision getting a little blurry.

"No, don't cry, you'll ruin the mascara," she says wiping an invincible tear, "wait until you backwards with his d**k in your stomach." she added on whispering manically. The both of us burst into a rage of laughter, but the way my stomach churned almost made me nauseas to the thought. Really my body craves one person, but since I can't seem run into him, I guess I'll see where life takes me.

Justine nearly crushed my ribs with her hug, "Bye, be safe, you don't have to tell me anything but make sure to write about it." she winks.

I have walked these streets for years, yet tonight feels all new, it was hard to ignore the inner battle between the gut-wrenching emotion and the butterflies that fly loosely in my stomach, f**k, I want to vomit. Haven't felt this nervous since ... well, him. I wished it was him I'd be going to, looking this nice for, Just the thought of him seems to settle the tikling form my stomach and the lava threatening to rise from my throat, thought the unsettling feeling still found its way through my veins. Sniffling form the cold I reached the resteraunt, like always the silence from the outside is nerve wrecking. Nerve wrecking as to how much noise Ill soon be taken back by. Glancing behind me to look at my fading floor prints form the snow.

Yea, too late to turn back now.

I tried to suck in a deep breath through my noise and was slapped with the painful ice breeze and nearly cough out my lung, tears and spit erupt, and I remembered then my face contains a pound of makeup, Justine. Finally catching my breath, I grew annoyed, there I stood, outside, freezing. Though its completely by choice since all I have to do is open the damn door, why should I? Cameron indeed is handsome but the ole 'My family is rich/dad's a lawyer.' aesthetic wears out quick.

'Everyone deserves a second chance, right?' I want to slap myself for even thinking that way, he mocked me on the first day, bringing up my trauma for laughs, both him and Philip could rot, I'm turning away when Philips name sticks to my mind, Justine spent a whole week not speaking to him just for my sake, the whole time she was probably hurting inside yet she did that for me, even did my whole makeup to get me ready. I turn to the side seeing my reflection on the mirror, long beige dress that hugged my wide hips, from where I stood my makeup seems to still bring out my features, hair tightly braided with glossed curls. I can do this.

Once more I was right, the noise from the inside is heavily contrasted form the silence of the outside, instantly some dude nearly runs into me from not looking up from his excessive typing, The warmth instantly melts all the crystals and icicles that hung from every corner of my body.

The scenery of the resteraunt was beautiful, Gold and beige. Glazed golden hue on the walls and ceiling that entrance you with the faded reflection of yourself the closer you looked, Crystal chandelier enhanced the beige interior of the floors and home decors, whoever designed this must be hired to design my home in the future, absolutely magnificent. The place was screaming elegance, everyone dressed for whatever occasion, even the casuals looked elegant, maybe the aura has its way of doing that.

Removing my coat and scanning the room for the familiar face I suddenly felt as though the place quieted down, I'm paranoid with the feeling that everyone around me was watching me, pairs of eyes everywhere, but there was one, one that burned my body a slight lick of my p***y had me pausing for a little bit looking around, The intensity of these particular eyes almost evoked a submission out of me, the dress I decided on - well the one Justine nearly attacked me to wear- began to tighten.

Rowan?

"There she is" a warm breath on the right of my ear spoke, earning a slight squeal from me.

expensive cologne wraps its aroma around my body form the back as my back was met with a firm chest, My head whips back to a very groomed, Kevin.

Dumbfounded by the situation I furrow my brows "Why are you here" I make sure to make my repulsion obvious taking a couple of steps back.

"What do you think it is, it's a date right?" I could never forget his aggression nor his tone that always made him feel superior to most, but the real matter lingered in the air, Date?

"What are you talking about Kevin, we don't have a date., in fact you're not supposed to be anywhere near me, you're violating the restraining order." I crossed my arms making my smug face clear.

"Oh right, about that, the judge dismissed it." he stepped closer invading my space, the cologne is overbearing, the statement alone was enough to have me tumble over, what did he just say? my expressions were my weakness, they always gave away how I felt. I can feel the shock as my eyes widened, I stare at his face; sharp jawline with dark stubbly hairs, striking green eyes that were protected by his almond shaped eyes, the caramel of his skin looked as smooth as ever, entrancing he is, I am tempting to reach over to touch him, yet I knew better, within the beauty lies a demon.

Dismissed? how could that be? he is a menace, though the deep scratch of the lion still haunts me, they barely scratched the surface of what I was put through with Kevin. The judge saw just how bad and bruised I was and demanded him to stay yards away from me. Could that be the same judge that dismissed this case?

"I'm hungry" he snaps, pulling me from my painful past thoughts, "our table is ready" before I could protest his large hand found its way on the fleshy part of my bicep, my whole body was pulled. Looking back to the exit I watched as I got further and further away, I nearly screamed. Pushing past the few crowds my eyes were met the most beautiful vision, The table scenery was amazing, of all the colors of beige I was surprised I didn't catch the violet purple of the round table smack in the middle that definitely stuck out, everything matched from the plates, silverware to even the champagne glass.

"What is th-"

Roughly dropping my arm, going around to his end of the table "Have a seat."

Once more I turn, wondering if this was a joke, where is Cameron? the chill coursing through my spine was enough to make me collapse, "Kevi-" I could barely whisper.

"Sit," he commanded, velvet voice getting darker, was I the only one who felt the chill? wrapping my arms around my body to hide the terror within me. "Or maybe you need help?" he raised an eyebrow staring straight ahead to the empty seat where I was supposed to be at, with his hands folded covering his mouth, eyes void of emotion, fear, I know that pose - the calm before the storm. Quickly and quietly do I make my way to end of the table my eyes remain on him the entire time, though I took my time, but when I finally sat into my chair it felt like I sealed in my fate, whatever happens tonight will fall in misery.

Being with Kevin for a long a while led me to countless hours of studying 'Psychosis' and his four stages of 'Kevin's' signs; Annoyed, Frustrated, Hostile and finally the one I tried to avoid but always failed, Enraged.

Kevin and I met at a party, I was speaking to whoever was listening at the time and accidentally bumped right into him not lying any sort of attention, instantly I apologized and tried to run away when I felt a strong hand grip onto my bicep, my life force was nearly flown out of me from the way my body was pulled back until it was met with a broadened chest, muscles, was all I felt, Pure muscles, expensive cologne with a hint of lady perfume fill my nostrils made me cringe, "So you just take off after knocking my drink?" Despite my ear drums drumming to the loud music that responds from the speakers I'm still taken off guard by the Velvet crisp of his voice. Looking up was my next biggest mistake, for the saying was true; The devil does know how to build a package.

Caramelized smooth skin with striking dark green eyes, lips so plump and pink I want to playfully sandwich then between my lips sucking and pulling; Kevin Capris. A breathtaking combination of his European mother and African father, for sure he stole his fathers face and kidnapped his mothers eyes. The DNA did him good creating the perfect man; sugar, spice and everything nice, But during the creation someone must have accidentally broke the the glass pouring in chemical X. There we stood staring at each other, in the crowd of many passing bodies only he was my sole focus, only he had my full attention.

Sex, Laughter, more s*x, then s*x after s*x after s*x, food, and more s*x, it honestly got the point I needed bed rest for a week from the exhaustion, all my body drained, my iron got low and so did my health, obsessive behavior and aggression slowly came with time, later down the line his usual man scent were replaced by feminine perfume. The day I confronted him, was the day I saw the true darkness from within and feared him to the bone, the slightest Flick would irritate him and my body would pay a price too great to carry, wherever I went he knew, whatever I did he knew, I became a pawn, feared him so much I'd watch as he flirted with women with me in the same vicinity. After months and months of therapy and the help of my ex best friend at the time, I finally escaped, the taste of freedom opened my eyes and it took me right to court where I won a restraining order. My life Than did a full 360, I was smiling again and even met new great people like Justine.

I was promised by the court of Law I would never see or speak to him again, My figure comes into his view and I watch his areoles darken vanishing any and every light until it's onyx; sign one: Annoyed.

"It's been a while baby, did you miss daddy?"