Our Affairs

chapter 11

The next morning, I drove home early enough to change and get ready for work. I was already at the gate when I spotted an envelope lying on the ground. I stepped out of the car, picked it up, and slid back inside as the gate swung open. I pulled into the parking area and stopped, surprised to see Richard's car already there. Was he actually home? I hadn't expected that.

I walked slowly toward the house, opening the envelope as I went. Inside was the official investigation report from the fire incident three years ago—the one that killed our daughter, Mia. My heart stopped as I read the conclusion: it wasn't my fault. The fire had started from faulty wiring in the refrigerator, the exact issue I'd warned Richard about repeatedly, to get it fixed.

Tears blurred my vision. All these years, I'd carried the crushing guilt, convinced my negligence had cost us everything—our home, our baby, our marriage. I'd replayed that day endlessly, torturing myself with what-ifs. And Richard... he had known the truth and said nothing. He'd let me drown in self-blame.

Relief washed over me, mixed with a sharp, rising anger. The weight I'd borne for so long began to lift, even as fresh pain bloomed in its place.

I wiped my eyes, steeled myself, and stepped inside. If Richard was home, I was going to confront him. Fury burned in my chest.

Richard rose from the sofa the moment he saw me. "Where the hell have you been, Payton?" he demanded, striding toward me with barely contained anger. "I've been home since last night. You weren't here. I called you all night—no answer. Where were you?"

"Richard, what is this?" I thrust the report upward, my voice shaking with rage and disbelief. "So it wasn't my fault? I can't believe this, after all these years you watched me blame myself for everything—day after day, year after year—and you didn't say a single word about what really happened?"

He was surprised and at the same time confused.

He snatched the papers from my hand, eyes scanning frantically. His face suddenly became pale. "Payton… look, I… where did you get this?"

"How could you?" Tears streamed down my cheeks. "How could you lie to me?"

"Baby, no, I didn't lie to you—I just… I didn't tell you." He reached for me, desperate. "You were so broken. I was terrified I'd lose you completely if you knew."

I slapped his hand away. "But you still could have told me!"

"If I had, you would have hated me." His voice cracked. "You would have blamed me—and worse, you would have left me."

He pushed his hair backward as his eyes widened.

“Baby, I saw how broken you were when we lost Mia and if you had learned the truth that it was all my fault you would have left me, that I cannot bear.”

"Richard!" The scream tore out of me, raw and guttural. I held my chest and squeezed hard onto the fabric, I suddenly felt my heart was about to explode.

"Babe, please—calm down." He lunged forward, wrapping his arms around me, trying to hold me together as I fought against him. "Please, baby, please…"

Tears filled his eyes now too.

"You made me feel so useless," I sobbed, shoving at his chest. "Like I irritated you every single time I begged for your attention. Let go of me!" I wrenched myself free. "Stay away from me, Richard. I hate you. I hate you so much!"

He staggered back a step. "I'm sorry, baby. It was all my fault. I was grieving too. I wasn't man enough to face you after what happened. Every time I looked at you, I saw Mia—she looked exactly like you. The guilt was killing me just as much as it was killing you. I swear it broke me."

"I begged you," I whispered, voice trembling. "I pleaded with you to fix those damn wires. And all you ever said was 'I will, I will.'"

"Baby… I'm so sorry. Please…"

"And you had the nerve—the absolute gall—to cheat on me?"

He froze. The air between us turned to ice.

"What are you talking about?" he asked quietly.

"Stop lying to my face!" I shouted. "I know all about Elizabeth! You bastard.”

I slammed my palms against his chest, hard. "All this time—while I've been killing myself trying to fix us, trying to make you want me again—you've been screwing another woman? You've been making a fool of me, you bastard! I gave you all my love, my trust. I even stooped so low to the point of seducing you every chance I got trying to make you see me, to make peace, and you pushed me away all for what? All for that b***h!"

I hit him again and again—fists, open palms, whatever I could manage. He didn't block, didn't fight back. He just stood there, taking every blow, eyes glassy with shame.

Finally, I stopped, chest heaving, lungs burning. I swallowed hard. A strange, almost frightening relief flooded through me. I'd let it all out. For the first time in years, the poison I'd carried inside felt… emptied.

Richard sank to his knees in front of me, arms circling my waist. "Please, Payton… forgive me. I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. It was a mistake—a stupid, horrible mistake. I was going to tell you, I swear, but I didn't know how. Please, baby… it will never happen again."

I shoved him off. "Let go of me." My voice was low, steady now. "You want to know something? I cheated on you too, Richard. We're done."

His face crumpled. "No—no, Payton, wait—"

I turned and ran.

He chased after me, calling my name, but I reached the car first. I slammed the door shut and locked it just as his palm slapped against the window.

I dropped my forehead onto the steering wheel and broke. Sobs ripped through me. I'd never imagined our marriage ending like this—shattered, poisoned by secrets on both sides. Telling him I'd cheated felt like ripping my own heart out. I couldn't even look at him anymore; the guilt was suffocating. But maybe this was better. The betrayal was too deep, too mutual. Neither of us could carry it alone anymore.

I still loved him. God, I loved him so much it hurt. But I needed air. I needed distance. I needed to think.

I lifted my head. He was still there, pounding on the glass, tears streaming down his face.

"Payton, please! Let's talk—don't go. It's all my fault. Let's talk about this. I love you, I love you so much. I can't bear losing you. Please… for better, for worse remember?

I ignored him.

I threw the car into reverse, tires squealing as I backed out. The gate was already opening. I floored the accelerator and tore down the driveway, tears blinding me.

“Payton please let's talk about this, don't leave me like this.” I could hear him screaming as I drove off.

My hands shook as I fumbled for my phone. I scrolled to Teddy's name and hit call. It rang… and rang… and finally—

"Hello, baby?"

"Teddy…" My voice cracked. "Where are you?"

"My God, Payton—what happened?"

Before I could answer, bright headlights flared in the rearview mirror—too close, too fast.

A sickening crunch of metal.

The world tilted violently.

Glass shattered.

Pain—white-hot, searing everywhere.

The car spun, then flipped.

I could hear Teddy's voice screaming through the phone, frantic and distant:

"Hello? Payton, what's happening? Hello? Payton!"

But I couldn't respond. I couldn't move. All I could do was think of Richard—of how badly I'd left things with him, the pain he must have been carrying already, and worse, the agony he'd feel when he learned I was gone.

Then darkness swallowed everything.