The Herbalist

Not Enough

-Agneska-

The weakest human. Those words were echoing in my mind and they couldn't be truer… I ran as far as I could into the forest, tears streaking my face. My destined was magnificent, the epitome of strength, and beauty. He was not the refined and elegant being I thought when people mentioned Elf to me, but still, his attractive looks were undeniable. That man was s*x on legs. I was tingly all over and that never happened – ever- for anyone. But all of a sudden, I felt hot and bothered all over, my body had a mind on its own and when I heard his deep and rugged voice, I gushed all over. I was so overwhelmed by all those sensations, I couldn’t process it. As I ran, I felt a strong connection to my surroundings, like I knew exactly where I was going, where every single tree was located, I felt the pulse of the forest as if it was a sentient being. Jesus, one look at my ‘destined’ and I was losing my sanity.

I stopped in a clearing, to catch my breath. As I was looking around, I swore I heard a low murmur, like a whisper. I looked around quickly, but it was only me. I was both relieved and disappointed at the same time. Relieved to have some peace on my own, but disappointed that he didn’t come after me. But then… why would he? He despised my kind… I was the weakest human, after all. And that fae boss-lady seemed annoyingly intimate with him. Well, that was not surprising, knowing how faes liked to indulge in intimate activities with each other. I shuddered. Did Kaelith partake in some? He was amongst them, after all. And… let’s not forget… he just came back from meeting his destined already… Was she stronger than me? Did she make a better first impression? I did feel some form of connection with him, though. Recognition? I wasn’t sure. My experience was spoiled by this sudden and random fever, which overtook my body. After my run, I felt like I cooled down a bit, but I started to heat up again thinking of Iaraelyn and the ‘other’ destined. It was like my jealousy was coming to life in the form of fire.

“Agnes… are you OK?” Camille said softly, approaching me like I was a wounded animal.

“What are you doing here? How did you find me?” I lashed out at her. She didn’t deserve it, and I immediately regretted it when I saw hurt on her concerned face. “Sorry, I… I don’t understand what is happening.” I said as a lame apology.

“It’s OK, it’s your powers… they started to awaken. It will be OK. I found you because I can sense you now, the same as the forest can sense you.” She explained, luckily not taking any offense at my mood swings.

“The forest what?” I gaped. I missed the memo…

“Close your eyes and calm your breathing down. Try it like you are meditating, then you will hear its whispers. The forest can communicate with us, and even show us things. Perks of being a witch” She winked. I must have looked at her like she had two heads. But after an insistent look of encouragement from her, I complied. I closed my eyes and breathed. Nothing happened at first, but then a gentle hum began. I didn’t hear any words, but I could feel vibes. It was like the forest was sending me positive vibes, cooling ones like everything would work out in the end.

After a while, Camille gently took my hand and led me towards the closest tree.

“Now, touch the bark and let the forest show you.” She coaxed. At that point, I was relaxed and sufficiently weirded out to just go with the flow. As soon as my hand made contact with the bark, I was bombarded with images. Most were from Kaelith, protecting this forest, tricking humans, sabotaging their equipment, and even fighting. I felt even more inadequate next to him. The man was like a machine, some sort of super protector of the forest, always putting himself on the line to protect it. I then saw some of Aeden, wounded, then rescued. Then other images flashed of both of them together, he cared for her deeply, even though she was so tiny and fragile. But at least she has some magic in her… So what now? I was awakening and I could talk to trees… bloody great. Not that I was ungrateful, but that would not be enough to fight against the Purifiers’ Guild. I’ve seen first-hand what they were capable of, their number, their high-tech weapons. Talking to a tree would just not cut it.

“I sense your turmoil, wanna talk about it?” Camille stopped my thoughts from spiraling out of control again. I sighed…

“I just… It is hard to come to terms with what you’re saying to me… that I’m this powerful witch. I feel like a fraud. And my ‘mate’ thinks I’m the weakest human ever… it is just a lot.” I blurted out.

“I know it can feel overwhelming, and I am there for you. I want to help you. Your mate is definitely up his high horse, that’s for sure. I sensed a powerful ancient magic within him, and I think he is on a journey of his own. My theory is he had a bad experience with mankind and now he’s closed off. “ she shared her thoughts.

“Not closed enough to go and meet his destined… I wasn’t sure it was me to begin with, but now, if he already met her…” I trailed off.

“Agnes, I don’t know how you found out, but dark magic was at play there. He knows she was not his destined, and to be frank, I think he always had doubts. The guild’s work, I’m afraid. They’re more informed and powerful than we thought… and more worryingly… They have our last sister.” She confessed concern etched on her beautiful face.

“They’re gonna kill her” I bursted out crying, remembering the fate of Sofka, killed without a shred of hesitation or mercy, without even a second thought about taking a life.

“They won’t, they want her powers for themselves.” She hugged me to comfort me. “I think… I think they are trying to locate who her mate is because she will stay human until she meets him” she thought out loud.

“But they definitely wanted to kill me when they found me” I was startled, and confused.

“I know, but her power is to heal people, which could come in handy during battle… whichever side you are on.” She replied, brushing a strand of hair out of my face.

“oh… I see… yeah, of course, I’m the weakest human, with the power of talking to the trees, expendable… I get it” I declared, completely dejected.

“Never think that, Agnes, you are just awaking, your powers are new and you are not mated yet, your powers will grow in time, the more you practice to control them and the more time you spend with your mate. I know it is frustrating, but hang in there. You have me, and Daniel, and Thaddeus, and Tobias. We are your family now, you will never be alone again. That Hulk-olas of yours will come around” She said fiercely.

“Hulk-olas?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Well… if Legolas and the Hulk had a child together, minus the green.” She laughed. And I did too, for the first time in forever.

“I can picture it. I was hoping to get a refined Legolas, when people mentioned ‘Elf’ and ‘Fae’… but he’s more like a basketball player crossed with The Witcher, eh… I feel so… tiny next to him” I blushed, remembering our encounter and being in his strong arms.

“Yeah” she chuckled, “ It is not the ‘next to him’ I worry about for you, more the underneath…” She wiggled her eyebrows. For some reason, it both elicited a fresh wave of heat, but also some green eye monster jealousy, thinking how this fae community would occupy their evening around here…

“Agnes… you need to breathe” Camille must have sensed my anguish again, but this time she took a step back.

“I. am. calm.” I lied, gritting my teeth.

“Okaaaay, whatever you say” she sassed and raised her hand calling out something to the forest. A moment later, I could feel a light rain over me. I looked at her in disbelief and then around me.

“Oh s**t! Did I do that?” All around me was a fire, which started out of nowhere, burning in circles all around me.

“Yep…” Camille said, popping the p. “So, next time you say you’re not enough, I want you to remember that you started a fire purely based on unfounded jealousy for the mate you think is… what exactly? A womanizer?” She chortled. “You definitely need to get to know him and talk to him more… you’ll be surprised!” She chuckled.

“You’re right. Where do I find him?” I asked with regained determination, maybe I could do this.

“Time for your first training. We’ll ask the forest!” She said enthusiastically.

Once she extinguished my accidental fire, we got back into the same position that a while ago, her guiding my hand to touch the back. Only this time, she was giving me instructions. Soft-spoken, like little guiding steps. I had to focus on my question, picture him in my mind, and where I could find him. I heard the whispers growing and becoming clearer, then the image flashes came to my mind. A forest - not this one – an evergreen forest of spruce, pine, and fir. My botanical mind went straight to a boreal landscape. Another flash of a bright ray of light, a sort of portal, reminded me of those from Dr Strange. The last flash and I knew… some nightscape of northern lights. He was gone, somewhere north, in Scandinavia.

“He’s gone…” I whispered as I felt a lone rogue tear escape and roll on my cheek. Camille might had faith in me, but my own mate didn’t and clearly thought I was not enough.