Memories of a Life Shared

chapter 4 Tazer

Trigger warning this episode deals with attempted suicide.

Tazer stumbled to his truck, that was something he never expected to do. He never wants to see that look on Noana’s face ever again, he hated to tell her that Teresa wanted her son dead, he never wanted to tell her that she had only four days left with her boyfriend.

He did the only thing he knew to do. He sent a quick text to his friend Jake and drove to the lake by Tanner’s house. He drove up to the dock and got out. He made his way down the hill and sat on the bench, the dock was a fishing dock which stood about twelve feet above the water below the water was shallow just below the dock but there were jagged rocks that would no doubt leave you hurting if you fell off or at the very worst, jumped.

His mind was racing, he thought about all the things that wouldn’t happen if Tanner wasn’t there anymore. Who would he call in the middle of the night when he had a fight with his girlfriend, whenever he had one? Who would he ask to be his best man when he finally did find “the one”? who would be there to spoil his children with crazy and obnoxious toys? Who would go on late night car rides with him just because he was bored or he got into a fight with his dad? He couldn’t see anyone being that person for him. Sure he had a lot of other friends but Tanner was more of a brother to him, he knew everything. He was the first person Tazer ever told that he wasn’t a virgin any longer, he actually had called Tanner right after it happened when he had left his girlfriend’s house.

He was hurting, and hurting bad. He didn’t know what else to do, he had felt depressed the whole time and didn’t talk to anyone about it because he was supposed to be tough. Once he found his way to the bottom of the whiskey bottle he had stolen from his parent’s liquor cabinet, he found his way to having both legs over the railing. He didn’t want to and everything this way but that was the only thing he knew how to do at this moment, it was the only way he knew he would feel better.

“God, forgive me.” He whispered as he let go with both hands and leaned forward. To his surprised he didn’t fall forward, a pair of strong and warm arms had wrapped around him at the last second and pulled him backwards.

“You’re okay, Taze. You are okay. I got you.” Jake cried into the back of his head. Tazer let out a sob and collapsed the rest of the way into Jake’s arms.

“I’m sorry!” Tazer cried. “I’m so broken. Tanner is gonna die. I can’t live without my best friend. I told Noana. The look on her face haunts me. I cant do it Jake, I can’t.” he kept crying. Jake never said a word, he just held him and rocked him side to side.

A couple hours later Tazer sobered up a little bit and shifted in Jake’s arms, Jake had still been holding him just as tight as the very first moment.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered. Jake let go of him.

“I’m just glad you text me. You will be okay Taze. You have me and Jade, we wont let you and Noana do this on your own.”

“Does she know?”

“Yeah. I messaged her when you fell asleep and told her that you were safe. I’m gonna take you back to my apartment. I’ll bring you back later today to get your truck. Just how much did you have to drink?”

“My parents are gonna kill me if they find what’s missing. I drank a bottle of tequila and that bottle of whiskey.”

“Come on, lets go home.” Jake helped him stand up and walked him to his jeep.

Jade was waiting from them to get there, she was in her pajamas and looked like she hadn’t slept a whole week. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him as tight as she could, she let a few tears slip out.

“I’m glad you are okay, Taze. I blew up the air mattress for you. Comfy sheets and pillows too.”

“Thanks, Jade.” He hung his head and let the tears fall again.

“Listen, this is a safe place. You don’t have to hurt alone. We are here for you, please let us help you.” She grabbed his face and made him look at her. He nodded and let her guide him to the air mattress. He laid down and let her cover him up and she smoothed the hair from his eyes. “You are safe. We love you.” She kissed him on the forehead and turned the lamp off. He fell asleep knowing that she was going to watch him sleep all night just to make sure he was okay.

He woke up the next morning feeling like a dump truck had hit him head on, reversed over his body and then hit him again. The little bot of sunshine that was peaking through the curtains killed his head. He groaned and tried to stretch but his head killed him to even move. He was the dumbest person he had ever known. He rolled over into his side and half smiled, Jade and Jake were laying on the couch beside of him. By the look on their faces they may have just fallen asleep not too long ago. He stood up and wobbled on his feet, once he got his bearings he made his way to the bathroom. He looked in the cabinet for some pain relievers and took a couple for his head. He was hoping that Jade and Jake wouldn’t tell Noana about last night and they would just keep it a secret. He walked back out into the living room and sat in the recliner. Jade was awake again and waiting for him.

“You okay?” she asked with concern edging her voice.

“I think so. Thank you.”

“You know we wont tell anyone right? If you want someone to know you can tell them, but please, if you are hurting that bad ever again call us. Call us before you ever get drunk. Call us before you ever leave your house or wherever you are when you feel that way. Okay?”

“I promise.” That’s all he said. He was on the verge of crying again and he really didn’t want to do that again.

“Why don’t you get a little more sleep and we will take you to get your truck and we will go with you to the hospital.”

Tazer nodded his head and laid back down on the air mattress, Jade had woke up Jake and they went back to the bedroom to sleep. He was going to be okay, he had too.