Love Me Harder (SPG Girls #4)

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Before

Browsing Nick Bateman's ** photos gives me happiness.

And I am being serious here.

Well, I love him and his body and his love for pets and everything about him.

Nah...yung katawan lang pala niya yung gusto ko majority of the time.

Kung may isang bagay man kayong dapat malaman sa akin yun ay...tambay ako ng internet – so-so. Dahil as of this moment wala akong ginagawa. I'm chilling my ass out after completing four years of Nursing and also passing the board exam.

I am a registered nurse because I'm cool like that.

"Ate, Pang-ilang beses mo nang tinitingnan yang mga pictures nay an?" Tanong sa akin ni Thea habang nagreready na pumasok. Well, there you go – kapatid ko yan at mayroon syang kambal si Teyah. They're still both in school pero malapit na rin silang makapagtapos dahil masipag at matalino yang mga yan.

Kanino pa ng aba nagmana? Sa Ate syempre.

Ang dakilang ate na si Paoline Herrera.

I just shrugged of her question and continued browsing Nick's page. "Oooooh. Look at him work that Bo staff." Sabi ko habang pinapanood ang isang video sa page nya. Well, if that's not hot I don't know what is. "ATE! Wala kang balak tumayo dyan?" tawag naman ngayon ni Teyah sa akin.

"Ha? Bakit?" Nakapamewang sya at kumakain ng ginawa kong sandwich – na para sa akin dahil na ubos na nila yung kanilang kambal.

"Are you going to be a couch potato forever? O gagamitin mo yung pagiging registered nurse mo?"

"Can't I just take my time off?" Teyah just scrunched up her face then drank her juice. "Oh well. Bye, Ate! Pasok na kami." Wala man lang yakap o beso basta diretso silang dalawa palabas ng unit. Malapit nang mag-move out yang dalawang yan after they graduate though, which is next year.

We're all living together in a condominium unit given by our parents. Gift sa akin ito nang maka-graduate ako. Our parents decided na isama na lang sa akin yung kambal – yun yung condition nila para makuha ko ito. Ako daw magbantay sa mga kapatid ko while I have nothing to do.

They're supportive of everything we're doing. Lalo na't in one take, naipasa ko yung board exam – they do want me to follow their footsteps and that is to be a doctor. Pero ayaw ko dahil I'm satisfied with being a nurse. And I think hindi na kakayanin ng powers ko ang Med School – my brain's too used for that.

Iniba ko yung pwesto ko at inihiga yung sarili ko sa sofa. I'm so bored out of my wits, I have to admit that. Pero anong gagawin ko? It's not as if I can go and bother Loislane. She's busy with CK. Kiel and Amelle both have jobs, my sisters have school, Anne's reviewing still for the NMAT exam next year and  is busy with different family gatherings – In short, nganga ako.

Naisipan kong i-check yung emails out of habit lalo na't wala akong ginagawa ngayon. I was scrolling to see if may importanteng dapat mabasa pero may nahagip yung mata ko. Well, look at this...naisipan pa niyang magreply.

Hindi ko rin naman sya masisi no. Pinatagal ko ring reply-an yung isa nyang e-mail dahil naaasar na ako. We've met on Omegle, yes...and I don't have the right to be a hypocrite or something pero nakakasawa din kasi kapag palaging ang nature ng banter niyo ay s****l.

Aminin niyo, sa omegle ka makakakita ng worst of worsts perverts online. And if you're in my circle of friends, perverts lahat kami – hence the name, SPG Girls.

Lahat ng kabaluharaan na pwedeng pag-usapan, nagawa na namin. But we also have those days na seryoso at nagdadamayan. And sa ilang buwan kong kausap itong Andrew na ito na from San Diego, I thought pwede kaming maging friends – you know? Asking each what's up and what's happening with our lives.

But no.

Binabasa ko ngayon yung e-mail niya at asar na asar na talaga ako. I've been asking him normal questions and such pero ewan ko talaga! He's just...I don't know if he's just always horny or maybe iba-ibang lalaki talaga itong kausap ko. You know? Pinaglalaruan or pinagkakaisahan nila akong magkakaibigan? I Can never can tell and ayaw ko na syang kausap.

To: Andrew F.

Can I just be frank right now? I really don't want to talk to you anymore.

I can all be naughty and ride along with what you're into but I do want to have a nicer conversation with you – you know? As a friend or something? It's not necessary to be talking naughty all the time, right?

But it seems that you can't do it. Just find another girl who's interested. This would probably hurt your ego or whatever I just want to tell you this honestly and not just disappear and not respond to any of your emails.

After some time, while huffing huge breaths – I need to calm down, you know – a notification popped out.

From: Andrew F.

My ego isn't hurt. You had fun when we did it before. I'm very glad I was your first.

I gasped after reading the damned e-mail. Anong first?! It was not! I...damn this boy.

To: Andrew

What do you mean 'I was your first'?

Jsylk, I didn't touch myself that time. My ipod died and even if it didn't, I wouldn't do it!

Bye.

If you're wondering what happened, syempre it was our typical conversation. Naughty stuff like play of words. He was playing out a scene or whatever that time and at one point, he told me to touch myself and feel how wet I am from what we were doing.

Common yung ganun, right? Na they would ask to touch yourself kasi I'm sure they're touching their selves, too, while typing and sending out those well-constructed lines and emails.

Pero kahit ganito ako, kahit gaano karumi yung utak ko at kung ano mang pinapanood at binabasa ko, I would never...ever touch and pleasure myself.

It's absurd to do so.

Besides, mahirap ang sariling sikap. Kung ang mga lalaki nadadalian dahil protruding yung kanila, yung atin, ano? Kailangang may ibaon! And...basta. Mahirap.

And I am virgin! I want my first to be with a real thing. Not just my fingers and even a toy.

Mahirap man paniwalaan pero totoong birgin pa ako – physically. Sa isip at sa salita? NAH.

After sending that email, napag-isip isip kong tigilan na ang pag-Omegle at magstart na akong maghanap ng possible hospital to go into. Try lang naman. Or maybe I can help out Mom and Dad. Put some things into practice or just observe.

With that thought, I called my Mom up.

**

It's been months since I used omegle and I regret nothing. Simula December, nakasama na ako palagi kay Mom or minsan kay Dad kapag may surgery procedure syang isinasagawa. Madami din akong natututunan and I was even offered by the hospital to be one of their staff. How awesome is that?

Well not as awesome as being a Ninang!

Ninang dahil Loislane's pregnant at pare-pareho naming nalaman yun nung Christmas – Nakasiksik yung isang strip ng paper saying na To: Ninang Pao.

Syempre agad kaming nagkatinginan nung mga kapatid ko at tinawagan namin ng sabay-sabay si Kiel at Amelle pati na rin si Anne na sinugod namin sa bahay nila dahil tulog pa siya nun.

Another upside for the stop-omegle mission ko ay ang actual na pagkakasalubong ko sa mga poging patients. Hindi pa man ako official na nurse sa hospital na yun, dahil na rin sa lagi akong pagala-gala doon – napatunayan kong may makikita kang destiny sa hospitals. May it be the patient itself or yung relatives – mga anak ganun.

"HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, ATE!" Sigaw ng kambal kong kapatid sa tenga ko habang may binabasa akong case from one if Dad's compilation. "Mamamatay ka pag napana kayo ni Kupido. Nasan na chocolate ko?" Inabot nila sa akin yung pinabili kong Ferrero dahil galing sila sa school. "Hindi ko na babayaran ito. Alam ko namang mahal niyo ako. Give love on Valentine's."

"ATE! Ang mahal mahal niyan!" pagrereklamo ni Teyah. "Panain kita sa ulo dyan eh, madami kayong pera, kayo yung pumapasok eh." And that's true. Kahit na may pera ako sa bangko, alam kong mas maraming pera itong dalawang ito – mautak... nauungusan na ako minsan.

Minsan din nagsisisi ako kung bakit nagmana sa akin ng kagalingan sa panlalamang itong mga ito eh.

"Hindi man lang tayo pupunta kay Lois? Or maybe kila Dad?"

"Mamaya nga if matapos si Mommy. You want to spend the remaining hours of Valentine's facing different faces of vajayjay and bloody surgeries?" pang-aasar ko sa kanila. Busy ang OB ngayon dahil February 14 – mostly CS dahil nga February 14.

Well, Dad's the same. May dalawa yatang scheduled surgery ngayon? I don't know if ilang oras yun. Psh. Way to go, Valentine's!

"ATE PAO! Kumakain tayo!" reklamo na naman nilang dalawa dahil sa sinabi ko. Tinawanan ko lang yung mga itsura nila dahil halos itaboy nila yung choclate na kinakain nila. Arte nitong mga to. "I'm just telling the truth. Wala man lang ba tayong date na magkakaibigan?"

"Wala. Busy silang lahat. Nasa check-up si Lois ngayon." Pagkibit balikat ni Teyah habang kinakalong yung laptop niya. "What to do?" Tanong niya sa laptop niya.

"Oh! Oh! Omegle!" sigaw nya at agad na narinig ko yung pagtatype niya.

"Anong gagawin mo sa omegle?" tanong ko nang nakasimangot.

"Ta-tumbling, ate." Sarkastikong sagot ni Teyah sa akin. "Wala kang mahahanap na matino dyan." Warning ko sa kanya habang si Thea ay pumapasok sa kwarto niya. Tumawa na lang ako ulit dahil alam ko maya-maya lang magrereklamo na yan.

Rinig na rinig ko yung bawat tipa ng daliri  ni Teyah sa keyboard.

And I am tempted to do the same.

Pero hindi pwede dahil I swore Omegle off my to-do list. Forever.

But there's no such thing as forever.

"Damn." Inihagis ko yung papel sa coffee table, "Just this one time, please!" tingala ko sa kisame at saka ko pinalo-palo yung noo ko. Magtino ka nga, Pao!

Pero parang may sariling buhay yung kamay ko at kusa nyang itinype ang omegle.

Fuçk this. I miss messing around...with words.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: Is there anyone here who's not horny? I'm a guy, btw.

You: Don't expect that on omegle, boy. Why are you even here if you're not horny?

Stranger: Well, I was just introduced to this thing. So everyone here is horny...even you?

You: I am. I am horny. Girls need to let some steam off, too, you know. Tell me, why were you even introduced to omegle? Maybe you're a wimp, eh?

Stranger: Why don't you f**k somebody near you if you're horny? I am not a wimp, I can assure you that. Been busy with work and had no time for some s**t like this.

You: Well, mister...let me prove to you that omegle's not just some s**t. Might as well unbuckle your wimpy pants now and enjoy imagining what I'm gonna do to you.

I am not really horny though – I am messing around with this guy. Sige nga! Sinong matinong lalaki ang magtatanong kung mayron bang hindi horny sa omegle? Bakit ka nag-omegle, right? Feeling koi to isa sa mga weaklings sa barkada kaya inintroduce sa omegle. To play someone he wants and boost his confidence.

I'm always right though. So might as well help him gain some sick self-esteem and enjoy playing with naughty, naughty words.