Chapter 13: The other side
1078 Words
Lily’s hands trembled as she closed the door to her room, her heart still racing from the encounter with Jay. She leaned against the wood, her forehead pressing into it as if grounding herself there would steady the swirl of emotions inside her.
She didn’t know what she’d expected when she agreed to meet him. Maybe an explanation for the distance he kept putting between them. Maybe an apology. Maybe… more. But what he’d given her—those raw, guarded words—left her feeling unmoored.
You keep showing up. And I’m not used to that.
The words echoed in her mind, soft yet powerful, making her chest ache. She cared about him, more than she wanted to admit, but what did it matter if he wouldn’t let her in? She felt like she was standing at the edge of a door he refused to open, no matter how hard she knocked.
Her thoughts tumbled over each other, trying to make sense of everything, but they refused to settle. Instead, they looped endlessly back to him—his expression, his voice, the way he stood in that alley like he belonged to it, yet somehow looked like he wanted to be free of it too.
Lily walked to her desk and sat down, staring at the clutter of pens and papers. Homework waited for her, deadlines looming, but she couldn’t focus. Her chest felt tight, her hands restless.
She picked up her phone, her thumb brushing over the screen. A part of her wanted to text him again, to say something—anything—to keep the connection alive. But what would she say? That she was worried about him? That she wished he’d let her be part of whatever battle he was fighting?
Her phone buzzed suddenly, startling her. For a fleeting moment, she thought it might be him, but it was just a group chat message from her friends.
Chloe: Movie night tomorrow! Who’s in?
Megan: I’m bringing popcorn.
Lily: Sounds good!
She typed the response without thinking, guilt twisting in her gut. She hadn’t told them about Jay. They wouldn’t understand why she kept going back to that side of town or why she couldn’t let him go. Her friends lived in the same bubble she used to feel safe in, a world of predictable schedules and clean sidewalks and rules that weren’t meant to be broken.
But her world didn’t feel safe anymore. It felt small and stifling, like she was outgrowing it in ways she couldn’t explain.
Lily pushed her chair back and stood up, pacing the room. Her reflection caught her eye in the mirror, and she stopped, staring at the girl looking back at her.
She didn’t like what she saw.
Her oversized sweatshirt hung loose around her shoulders, but it didn’t hide the shape of her body entirely—not the way she wanted it to. Her jeans felt tight, like they were clinging too closely to the curves she wished she didn’t have. She pulled at the hem of her sweatshirt, trying to stretch it lower, but it didn’t help.
Her eyes moved to her face, to the freckles she’d always hated and the way her cheeks looked rounder than they should. She brushed her fingers through her hair, letting it fall forward to frame her face, hoping it would hide her insecurities. But no matter how much she adjusted, she still felt the same.
Not enough.
She looked away, her chest tightening. “Get over yourself,” she muttered, shaking her head as if that could banish the thoughts.
But they lingered, as they always did, whispering at the edges of her mind.
The rest of the evening dragged on in a haze. Lily forced herself to sit back down and open her textbooks, hoping the distraction of schoolwork would keep her from spiraling further. But the words on the page blurred together, and her thoughts kept drifting back to him.
Jay had seemed so different today—more vulnerable, more human. The walls he always kept up had cracked, just enough for her to glimpse the person he was trying so hard to hide.
And yet, even now, she could feel the distance between them.
Why was she so drawn to him? She’d asked herself that question a hundred times, but there was never an answer that felt satisfying. It wasn’t just the way he looked, though she couldn’t deny that he was magnetic in a way that made her pulse quicken. It wasn’t just the mystery surrounding him, either, though that certainly played a part.
It was something deeper, something she couldn’t quite name. He made her feel alive, like she was part of something bigger than her predictable little world. Like there was more to life than the safe, controlled path her parents had always laid out for her.
But he also terrified her.
The things he’d said about his life, about the choices people had to make on his side of town… She didn’t understand them. Not really. And maybe she never would.
The thought made her stomach twist.
By the time she finally finished her homework, it was late. Her parents had already gone to bed, and the house was quiet except for the occasional creak of the floorboards.
Lily climbed under the covers, pulling the blankets up to her chin. Her phone sat on the nightstand beside her, dark and silent.
She stared at it for a moment, debating whether to message Jay again. But what would she say? She didn’t want to seem clingy, but she also didn’t want to let the connection slip away.
With a sigh, she turned off the lamp and rolled onto her side, clutching her pillow.
She thought about Jay—about the way his voice had softened when he said her name, the way his eyes had lingered on her like he was searching for something he couldn’t find.
Maybe he cares about me too.
The thought was comforting, even if it wasn’t true.
Lily’s dreams that night were restless, filled with flickering images of alleys and shadows and storm-gray eyes. She woke up feeling more tired than when she’d gone to sleep, but she forced herself out of bed anyway.
The day stretched out in front of her like an empty canvas, but all she could think about was when she’d see him again.
And whether this time, he might finally let her in.
- Writer
