His Series 1: His Beautiful Nightmare

Chapter 1

Abilene

I sighed as I looked at my sketch pad. I haven't finished even one simple design. I came back here to continue my life, away from the Philippines.

Away from Giovanni and Bea.

Especially, away from Gioval.

I let out a bitter chuckle as I thought that maybe the male protagonist might fall in love with me first if I were a character in a book, but I would never be the one they chose to stay with until the end.

I fell in love twice, and since mukhang ako ang paborito ng tadhana na paglaruan ay talagang magkapatid pa ang ibinigay sa akin.

I'm not proud of my past because I know I broke those two.

Yes, I am the problem.

I really am. I cheated on Gioval and chose to leave him for Giovanni when I was still young. Hindi ko alam na magkapatid silang dalawa. Masyado lang talagang mapaglaro ang tadhana na magkapatid pala sa ama ang dalawang lalaking dumaan sa buhay ko.

Tuwing iniisip ko na lang ay natatawa na lang ako sa takbo ng buhay pag-ibig ko.

Nakakahiya.

I was stunned when Monique, my cousin and also my assistant in my boutique here in Canada, entered the office.

Ito ang naiwan dito nang bumalik ako sa Pilipinas sa kagustuhan na rin ni Dad.

Monique handed over the list of well-known models here in Canada who ordered.

"Kakailanganin na nila sa susunod na linggo ang mga ito," mahinang sabi niya kaya tumango na lang ako. Wala akong ganang magtrabaho pero kailangan dahil wala naman kaming kikitain kapag hindi ako magtatrabaho. "Do you have any plans to go home to the Philippines?" she asked all of the sudden.

"Do you want to go home?"

"Marcus is about to graduate from senior high. Mama wants me to go home," she answered.

Monique's father is my dad's older brother. Malaki ang atraso ni Dad sa pamilya ni Monique dahil sa kasakiman ng daddy ko at ang tangi ko lang pambawi ay tulungan si Monique.

If Monique wasn't my cousin, I wouldn't have planned to hire her since she's not good at her job. I have to admit that the behavior I show to Monique is not that good either, but I am thankful because she understands my rudeness.

"May pera ka ba o pera ko ang gagamitin mo?" mataray na tanong ko. I raised an eyebrow while looking at her.

"May pera naman akong ipon, kaya ko namang bayaran ang sarili ko."

"Good. You can go home when all your unfinished work here is done," I said flatly.

"Naalala mo 'yong plano mong magtayo ng boutique sa Pilipinas? May balak ka bang tuparin?"

I just held my forehead because of her question. I actually planned to go back to the Philippines to find Giovanni and continue our unfinished love story; that was my plan when I left to pursue my dreams.

Hindi ko naman akalain na makakabalik pala ako para manira ng panibagong buhay.

Gioval and Giovanni are different person. Magkapatid silang dalawa subalit ang laki-laki ng pagkakaiba nilang dalawa.

Gioval was my first love, but he was just like my dad; he thinks that he would always get everything he wants with his money. Para niya akong binibili sa pamamagitan ng pagbibigay niya ng pera kay Dad.

Giovanni is my greatest love—the man I knew I loved too much. Isa lang working student si Giovanni nang makilala ko siya sa Isabela. Tinarayan ko pa siya noong nagbakasyon ako sa Isabela nang maging driver namin siya. Laki siya sa hirap at nakita ko ang mga katangian na siyang hinahanap ko noon kay Gioval.

We fell in love. The purest love I ever experienced.

I think it is the reason I fell in love with Giovanni; the love he showed me was so pure that even if he didn't have money, he could make me happy.

Tila naging sentro ng relasyon namin ni Gioval ang pera, nanguna ang pera na pakiramdam ko ay binibili na niya ako kay Dad samantalang nakahanap ako ng tahanan sa piling ni Giovanni.

Huli na nang malaman kong magkapatid silang dalawa. It's a long story, and I have no intention of going back to it because it's too painful.

Nakasakit na ako.

I became a mistress even though I didn't want to, I chased the man who had stopped running for a long time because he had reached the end with the love of someone new.

Now I'm asking for love from someone else. I can't even love myself. Paano ko mamahalin ang sarili ko sa dami ng taong nasaktan ko?

I want to blame my father for everything. If only he loved me and didn't use me just for money, perhaps, I wouldn't have turned out like this.

"Maybe that won't happen. What I experienced in that country was very painful," I whispered and played with my cellphone that was on my desk.

"Bakit hindi mo subukan?"

"Kaya mo 'yang sabihin sa akin because unlike me, you have a family to go home to."

Naiinggit din ako kay Monique. Although they are not as rich as my dad, they are happy because their family is complete.

"Pamilya mo kami, Abi."

"Putang-ina Monique, huwag tayong maglokohan dito. Alam mo kung ano'ng atraso ng ama ko sa mga magulang mo. Nakalimutan mo na ang ama ko ang nagpabagsak sa kumpanya niyo? Kaya ka nga hindi nakatapos sa college, kasi ginipit ni Daddy ang mga magulang mo."

I saw Monique bow her head because of what I said. Masyadong naghirap ang pamilya nila dahil sa ginawa ni Dad.

"I hired you not to make up for what my father did to your family. I hired you even though you're stupid at work because you're my cousin. Other than Bea, you're the one I trust."

"Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako sa pang-iinsulto mo," bulong niya sa akin.

"Hindi ko sinabing matuwa ka. Hurry up and go back to work," I said bluntly.

Uuwi na si Monique sa Pilipinas. Maiiwan ako rito mag-isa. Napabuntong hininga ako at napatitig sa kawalan.

Para akong nakakulong sa mga ginawa kong mali.

Because of the excitement brought by true love, I chased the first man who made me feel what love is like. Without knowing that Gioval really loves me, I wasted that love.

I felt the hot tears flowing from my eyes.

I immediately wiped it off and rushed out. I saw Monique busy on the phone. Hindi ako pwedeng magmukmok. Nangyari na ang dapat na mangyari.

'Yon ang itinadhana, hindi ko na 'yon mababago pa.'

"I'm just going out for a while to buy something to eat."

Kahit na ano'ng gawin at pilit ko na huwag nang alalahanin ang nakaraan ay talagang bumabalik lahat-lahat sa isip ko.

Bakit ba kasi umuwi pa ako noon? Nakalayo na ako e, may bago na akong buhay rito. Bakit hinayaan kong umuwi pa at sundin ang sinabi ni Dad? Ang pagbalik ko sa Pilipinas ay ang simula ng kalbaryo ko.

I left him... again.

Nang magkita kami ulit ni Giovanni nang araw na 'yon, muli na naman umusbong ang pagkasabik sa dibdib ko at kahit na nalaman kong marami nang nagbago sa buhay niya simula nang iniwan ko siya ay sinibukan ko pa rin na ipagsiksikan ang sarili ko... ulit. Hindi ko matanggap na kinasal siya sa iba, samantalang hindi ko makalimutan ang hindi natapos naming pagmamahalan noon.

Nang dahil kay Giovanni, nagkasalubong ulit ang landas namin ni Gioval, dahil nalaman kong magkapatid silang dalawa. Nang muli akong bumalik sa Pilipinas, tsaka ko lang nalaman na magkapatid pala ang dalawang lalaking dumaan sa buhay ko.

What a small world.

Fate is too playful.

I closed my eyes tightly.

"Baby."

I looked at Gioval when he sat next to me.

I'm thinking about leaving to pursue my dreams abroad and also to escape from Dad. I also broke up with Giovanni just to get away.

Ngayon ay hindi ko pa nasasabi kay Gioval ang pag-alis ko. Ayoko na rito. Hangga't nandito ako ay alam kong patuloy akong gagamitin ng ama ko sa masama.

Hindi ko na kaya.

I just continued reading the magazine in the living room. Gioval is here again in the mansion. They always talk about business. I know it's about Gioval giving money to my father.

Lahat ba talaga mabibili ng pera? Para akong binibili ni Gioval.

Wait — he's really buying me. That's why I want to stay away from them because I feel like they don't care about my feelings at all.

"Tapos na kayong mag-usap ni Dad?" malamig na tanong ko nang makita kong pumasok sa living room namin si Gioval.

I always have no appetite when I'm with Gioval. Mas lalo noong mga panahon na palagi na akong nasa Isabela at nakilala si Giovanni. Tsaka ko lang nararamdaman ang pagmamahalan sa pagitan naming dalawa ni Gioval kapag lumalabas kaming dalawa, kapag lumalayo kami kay Dad.

He loves basketball — just sports--but when he's with me, he forgets that just to keep up with what I want.

Gioval is sweet. But he's over controlling, that's the truth. Nadadalas na ang pag-aaway namin lately.

"Do you want us to go on a date?"

Umiling ako bilang sagot sa tanong niya sa akin. Bakit pa? Balak ko rin namang umalis para makalayo sa kanilang lahat.

"Uncle said that once Dad's company is transferred under my name, I can marry you," he excitingly said and that makes me mad.

"I told you, didn't I? I don't want to get married yet. I'm still young! You're still young! I want to be a famous fashion designer."

"Can't you reach your dream with me?" he argued.

"Gioval!" I shouted.

Hindi ako masaya rito!

Hindi ko gustong makulong sa lalaking ginagamit at patuloy na nagpapagamit sa ama ko para lang sa pera!

Hindi ko gustong maikasal sa kan'ya.

"What do you want? I'll let you reach your dream! I'll even help you! Why don't you want to let me have my dream too? Huh?!"

"What the hell are you talking about?! Pangarap mong maging CEO at suportado kita! Ikaw ang hindi sumusuporta---"

"Ikaw ang pangarap ko!"

I was stunned by what he said. I never thought he would say that to me.

"Are you listening to me? You are my dream! I want to marry you, Abilene."

Tuluyan na nga akong nawalan ng pag-asa dahil sa sinabi niya.

Hindi niya ako naiintindihan.

"Pero ayaw kong maikasal sa 'yo, Gioval."

Nabalik lang ako sa tamang wisyo ng biglang tumunog ang cellphone ko. Dali-dali ko namang sinagot lalo't si Deo ang tumatawag.

"Hello, Deo," bungad ko nang sinagot ko ang tawag.

Stepbrother ko si Deo, anak siya sa pagkadalaga ng bagong asawa ni Dad.

Even though we are not related by blood, I love him. Tinuring ko na siyang kapatid ko lalo't hindi naman ako nabiyayaan no'n ng mga magulang ko.

Ang huling balita ko sa kanila ay tuluyang nakulong si Dad dahil sa patong-patong na kaso, kasama na doon ang pagnanakaw sa kumpanya nila Gioval.

Panganay na anak si Giovanni, anak man siya sa labas pero hindi na nakakagulat na sa kan'ya ipapamana ng ama nila ni Gioval ang kumpanya ng pamilya nila.

I became his mistress, so I knew what Giovanni was planning about my day and tinulungan ko pa siyang mapabagsak si Dad. Ang hindi ko lang inaasahan ay gigipitin niya si Dad sa lahat ng ginawa nito.

Gioval had stolen too much money. Dad has ruined too many lives; that's why seeing him in jail is the only thing I can do to help him... change.

"Why are you calling? What's the problem this time? Listen, Deo. I'm busy," I said bluntly. I knew he called because there was a problem again.

"A-ate..." Napakunot ang noo ko nang marinig ko ang umiiyak na boses ni Deo.

Suddenly my heart beats fast. This is the first time Deo called me crying. Halo-halong ingay ang naririnig ko mula sa kabilang linya.

Deo's cries got louder. I could hear the anxious voices of our maids.

"Deo! What's happening?" I asked nervously.

"A-ate Abi k-kasi... may mga dumating pong malalaking sasakyan dito sa mansyon at hinahakot nila lahat ng gamit," he said crying.

"What?! Bakit daw nila hinahakot?"

Kunot ang noo ko habang nilalabas ang isa kong cellphone. Ito naman ang ginagamit ko kapag sa trabaho. I'm looking for our lawyer's number. He can explain to me what is happening. He can go to the house to investigate.

"Natalo raw po si Papa sa sugal ate. Walang pambayad kaya ang mga gamit ang kinukuha."

Napaupo na lang ako dahil sa sinabi ni Deo at napahawak ako sa sintido ko dahil sa sama ng loob.

"Your mom? Nasaan ba si Tita? I can't go home." I want to stay here. I'll just help them financially. I will also send Dad's lawyer to handle this mess. He can help them.

"She's not here." I heard the sadness in my brother's voice.

"Nasaan ba siya? Bakit kung kailan pa may ganitong problema ay tsaka pa siya nawawala?" inis na tanong ko. Hindi maganda ang naging pagsasama namin ng ina ni Deo kaya naman hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin siya itinuturing na Ina.

"She already left me, Ate Abi; she's no longer here," he said sadly. Deo's voice is hoarse.

"What the f**k! Anong iniwan? Is she still partying? Hindi porke't wala na si Dad ay magagawa na niya lahat ng gusto niya! Bakit hindi siya maghanap ng trabaho niya?!" nanggagalaiti kong tanong kay Deo.

Deo's Mother really likes partying. All I know is that Dad met her at the bar. I was young when Mom died, so I was not surprised when my father remarried.

"Sumama siya sa ibang lalaki, ate. Iniwan niya ako. Simula nang makulong si Papa ay palagi na siyang wala. Hindi ko na sinabi sa 'yo kasi ayaw ko namang isipin mo pa 'yon. Hindi mo naman kami kadugo. Nalaman ko na lang na may karelasyon na siyang iba noong umuwi siya para mag-impake," he explained.

Napatayo na lang ako dahil sa gulat sa nalaman ko mula kay Deo. Hindi ko inaasahan ang sinabi niya sa akin.

"Ano?!"

Ano na naman 'tong problema na 'to?