I can fight too

Chapter 15

I feel like it's been hours since I asked the question and Ryan has been looking at me with eyes that show no emotions other than confusion.

"Well?" I prompt

"Sorry... what?" Ryan finally decides to come out of his confused state but I know that he clearly heard my question and that he is asking it without knowing what he is saying.

"Why did you look at me like I was the last person you wanted to meet that day?" I repeat as I look at my coffee that has turned cold. As if on cue, Ryan takes it from me and heat it again before looking at me intently and I think I am about to face another shocking revelation; my instinct says so.

"if you really want to know then, I think it's been years I don't know how much but years ago, I met a girl who looked like you but a bit younger. She was crying under a huge tree that was located opposite my house. I happen to look out the window as usual before bed when I saw her. I might have been thirteen at that time... I was a very suspicious child then and I ran out of the house to find out what was the matter with her because when I saw her hunched below the tree and crying, the pain felt real. I mean, it was as if I felt her pain and I really wanted to find out what it was but when I finally reached that tree, the girl was gone. I ran around the street and looked around and caught her blond hair heading towards a house Uncle Paul's house... So when I looked at you, I was just dazed and I felt her pain because she looked like your younger version"

"I was that girl!" I confess as I stand up and look at his shocked self.

"wait... so, you were that girl? Why were you crying then?" I put the stove on low and came towards me looking concerned. 

"Iwilltellyouwhybutdontcomenearme" I rush out as I feel my defense mechanism kicking in.

"relax Carrie! It's me, Ryan." He comforts as he steps back and avoiding eye contact.

"Sorry about that.. I had to live all by myself most of the time and these defense mechanisms became a part of me. Anyways, as you know and have seen, people make fun of me when they hear that I want to be a lawyer. Long story short, my uncle Paul, tried to talk me out of it in his own way but to me, it was neither the right place nor the right way to convince me. I wanted someone to stand up for me then but no one, not even my mom stood up to me. The worst part, I had to listen to all his briefings in front of all his friends and relatives which almost broke me. Not because he didn't support it, It was because I expected my mother to stand up for me and she didn't. I still dream about that night almost every night" I sigh as I try to fight the tears that are about to get out. I don't want Ryan to see me crying all the time.

"And you had that same dream when I found you crying last time?" Ryan asks as he looks at me with some emotions I cant understand but I am sure it's not pity.

"yup. So is the spaghetti ready?" I ask trying to sound light and happy but when I look at him, I could say that he did not buy it.

"yes, it is ready. Listen, Carrie, Thank you for sharing that incident with me. I know how closed off you are and I feel honored to be the one to know about this. I want you to know that you are capable of becoming a lawyer and you deserve to be happy. You are going to be the best Lawyer and if you want to share anything with me, you can do so. I know its too early to talk about trusting me but just know that I will always be there for you"

"nice speech... now let's eat" I comment as I try to fight with the overwhelming emotions I felt when he said those words. I don't know why but with Ryan, I somehow feel comfortable and I feel like I am talking to myself when I am sharing my secrets with him. I have read enough romance novels to understand what it is but I am so sure that its not "love". That can't be.

And so we begin to eat the deliciously cooled spaghetti. I know Ryan has lots of questions but he isn't asking me anything yet and I am very much grateful.

"That was the best meal I ever had in years, Ryan. Thank you so much for cooking" I smile as I sit back on the chair feeling my bloating stomach.

"well... thank you. I can teach you how to cook if you want" He smirks as he takes his last bite of the meal.

"some other time. I am not interested really. Cooking, doing laundry, and doing dishes are my worst nightmares" I shrug as I stand up to collect the plates.

"well... what do you like then?" Ryan chuckles as he looks at me with amusement.

"sleeping, going hiking, reading, horse riding, observing people" I smile as I already see myself among trees; free of any human being

"hmm... interesting... why do you like observing people?"

"Is this an interview?"

"well we are friends and friend ought to know about each other"

"well, I like observing and studying their eyes because eyes bring out the truth" I answer as I cry inwardly because I have to do the dishes; I mean it's the social norm.

"leave those dishes. I will do it later"

"really? thank you so much, Ryan. You are my favorite person on earth right now" I chirp happily and I see him shaking his head and chuckling.

"yeah yeah... I know about that" Ryan smirks. seems like his arrogance is back.

"well, what do you want to be?" I ask as I realize that we had been talking about me all this time.

"lawyer"

"Really? wow! Welcome to my league. I mean you are  observant, witty, intelligent, and very social so.... so... will you guide me?" I request as I look at him with what I believe is my best puppy eyes face.

"no need to woe me Carrie, I will help you. In fact, let's help each other" Ryan smiles sweetly.

"okay. One last question though. What made you want to be friends with me? I mean you were arrogant the first few times we met and all of a sudden you changed your way with me?"

This makes him wipe off his smile as he tries to look anywhere but me.

"well?" I prompted once again

"Long story short, I learned that we have lots in common and since I knew you and I have the same dream, I felt the connection" 

I don't know why but I somehow feel that he is hiding something.

"Ryan... you are hiding something. what is it?" I ask as I fold my eyes and look at him sternly.

"Carrie,....... I will tell you one day. It's not the right time" I can see his eyes begging for me to understand him but I want to know about it.

"but you-"

Both mine as well as Ryan's phone dings indicating a message. We exchange a confused look and I put my phone out of my pocket. It's from a private number. I click on it and as soon as I did, I wish I haven't.

"s**t" I hear Ryan cussing with frustration as he bangs on the table with all his energy.