Chapter 2
1709 Words
That night, I couldn't sleep.
I stared at my ceiling.
I kept thinking about Kienan.
His smile.
His voice.
The way he said my name.
I grabbed my pillow and hugged it.
“I have a crush.”
I whispered.
Saying it out loud made it feel real.
I smiled.
Then immediately buried my face in the pillow.
“This is embarrassing.”
I decided I wouldn't tell him.
Not yet.
Maybe someday.
For now, I was happy just being his friend.
And I started showing my feelings in small ways.
If I bought snacks, I would buy one for him.
If he missed class, I would send him the notes.
If he needed help, I would volunteer.
Sometimes, I would wait for him after class.
I always had an excuse.
But I knew the truth.
I just wanted to be near him.
---
One afternoon, I handed Kienan a snack.
“Here.”
He looked at it.
“For me?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“I bought too much.”
He looked at me suspiciously.
“You always buy too much.”
I laughed nervously.
“Maybe I'm bad at counting.”
He smiled.
“Thanks.”
“Welcome.”
He opened the snack.
“Do you want some?”
I shook my head.
“No.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
He smiled and started eating.
I looked away.
I didn't want him to see how happy that simple moment made me.
Across the room, I noticed Lloyd looking in our direction.
Our eyes met.
For a second, neither of us looked away.
Then he looked down.
I didn't think much of it.
I had no idea what he was thinking.
---
One afternoon, Lloyd and I ended up walking toward the school gate together.
Kienan and Yvonne had already left.
“You're going home?”
I nodded.
“Yeah.”
“I'll walk with you.”
“You don't have to.”
“I know.”
I laughed.
“You're always so serious.”
He looked at me.
“Am I?”
“Yes.”
“You talk too much.”
I gasped.
“Excuse me?”
He almost smiled.
“I said you talk too much.”
“You're rude.”
He looked ahead.
“Maybe.”
I laughed.
After a few seconds of silence, I looked at him.
“Do you ever have fun?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“When there's a reason.”
I smiled.
“You're really strange.”
“So are you.”
I laughed.
Then something happened.
Lloyd smiled.
It was small.
Almost unnoticeable.
But I saw it.
I stopped walking.
“You smiled!”
He looked at me.
“So?”
“You actually smiled.”
He looked away.
“You're making it a big deal.”
“Because I've never seen you smile before.”
“Now you have.”
I smiled.
“It's nice.”
He didn't respond.
We continued walking.
I didn't notice the way he looked at me after I turned away.
I didn't notice how his expression softened.
I didn't notice how long he had been hiding something.
All I knew was that Lloyd was becoming a good friend.
Nothing more.
--
As our friendship grew, Yvonne slowly became quieter.
At first, I didn't understand why.
She used to laugh with us all the time.
But lately, whenever Kienan and I talked, she would become quiet.
Whenever someone invited me somewhere, she would sometimes make an excuse not to come.
One day, I finally asked her.
“Yvonne, are you okay?”
“I'm fine.”
“You seem different.”
She smiled.
“I'm just tired.”
I nodded.
“Okay.”
I didn't push her.
I trusted that she would tell me if something was wrong.
I didn't know she was beginning to feel jealous.
She saw the way everyone seemed to know me.
The way Kienan always talked to me.
The way Lloyd was always there.
She saw the friendships I had made so easily.
And she wondered why she couldn't have the same thing.
I didn't know any of that.
I was too busy with my own feelings.
---
One day, Kienan asked me to stay after class.
“Clarisse.”
I turned around.
“Yeah?”
“Can we talk?”
My heart immediately started beating faster.
“Sure.”
Everyone slowly left the classroom.
Soon, it was just the two of us.
I sat across from him.
“What happened?”
He looked at me.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Do you like someone?”
My heart stopped.
I stared at him.
“What?”
“Do you?”
I looked down.
I didn't know what to say.
“Yes.”
His eyes widened slightly.
“Really?”
I nodded.
“Yeah.”
“Who?”
I looked at him.
My heart was pounding.
This was it.
I could tell him.
I could finally say it.
“Kienan…”
“Yeah?”
I opened my mouth.
But nothing came out.
I became scared.
What if he didn't feel the same?
What if he laughed?
What if our friendship changed?
I looked down.
“It's nothing.”
He was quiet.
“Oh.”
I could hear the disappointment in his voice.
“Why did you ask?”
“Just curious.”
He stood up.
“I'll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
He walked away.
I watched him leave.
I wanted to call him back.
But I didn't.
I stayed there alone.
Wondering if I had just missed my chance.
---
The next morning, I arrived early.
I sat at my desk, staring at my notebook.
“Clarisse.”
I looked up.
Lloyd was standing in front of me.
“Morning.”
“Morning.”
He sat down.
He looked at me for a few seconds.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“You look sad.”
“I didn't sleep well.”
He didn't believe me.
But he didn't force me to explain.
Instead, he sat quietly beside me.
After a few minutes, I finally spoke.
“Lloyd?”
“Hmm?”
“Have you ever liked someone?”
He became still.
“Yes.”
I looked at him.
“Do I know her?”
He didn't answer immediately.
“Yes.”
My eyes widened.
“Who?”
He shook his head.
“I can't tell you.”
“Why?”
“Because I'm afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
He looked at me.
“Losing her.”
I frowned.
“If she really matters to you, shouldn't you tell her?”
He smiled faintly.
“It's not that easy.”
“Why?”
“Because sometimes, telling someone how you feel changes everything.”
I looked down.
“Maybe you're right.”
He nodded.
“And sometimes…”
He paused.
“Staying silent hurts more.”
I looked at him.
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing.”
He stood up.
“Class is about to start.”
I watched him walk away.
His words stayed with me.
I didn't know why.
Maybe because I understood them.
I was also afraid to confess.
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