Just Like Magic

Chapter 4 Strip Club Brawl

Randalyn's POV

The sadness in my heart from everything endured today is completely overwhelming. But I can't break down. If I do, then I will fail completely... I have already failed enough today and if I fail this, then I won't have anything else to pick me up from the darkness that has consumed my life at this point... I'm on my last limb. Let's just hope it can hold the weight of my stress better than my heart and mind could.

I hold onto my backpack straps tight, squeezing them out of nervousness, which slightly makes me feel better, like one of those stress balls that you squeeze to ease your mind. But my grip isn't loosening and I think that's part of the process to help relieve stress, but I'm afraid to let go, this is all I have.

So my grip on this bag is tight like there is an urge inside of me to protect my new bag and items as if it's the most precious gift given to me... and in a way, it is. These are the only things that have been given to me to help and I was given a choice of what I wanted to have, not what everyone says I should have... So maybe there is a subconscious need to protect the only things that are mine at this point.

I'm trying to stand tall on my own out here in this dark world, but as my internal light fades along with the sun, I can feel the negativity taking over... I stare up at the blinking neon sign that ends up being a beacon to direct every perverted man in town over here.

So, knowing what I will get when entering this building, I start to feel uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that I don't know if I can do this. Yes, my father wasn't good for much, but he always kept me protected from the perves and b*tches that fill this place.. no one messed with me when he was around, so knowing he is not here to keep the sh*tty people at bay, gets my heart racing. I have a bad feeling about entering... But I need the money, so here I am.

I walk in and instantly feel everyone's eyes on me.. This is going to be harder than I imagined. I walk past the guards as I make my way behind the scenes where all the girls get dressed and ready for the night. Girls are walking all over the place and when they see me it doesn't matter or remotely make a difference in what they're doing.. Most have never spoken a word to me, so they won't start today.

But the other people who have talked to me and have also seen the news report are staring at me, but not with concern, just with pity. The pity is the worst part about all of this and I don't know how to deal with it. I would take the sadness and concern over the pity any time of day.

"Randy... it's good to see you... um.. what are you wearing?" Sandra asks me as the women around her laugh hysterically as if they were thinking the same thing. That is until Sandra snaps her fingers together loudly, getting the girls to shut up without hesitation. "I love the sweater, it looks so comfy, but that's not what we want you wearing while working your bartender shifts," she explains this as nicely as possible, but I already knew that.

"Yeah... I know... I can't access my stuff from home and you know why... So I just don't have anything to wear for tonight and was hoping someone would have something extra that I could borrow until I got money to buy more." I explain to her as she hums and then nods, looking around the room. She takes my hand into hers as she pulls me right behind to a locker off to the side. She pulls out a black VanHalen belly shirt that has strings hanging from the bottom so it looks like it might cover up my bruises, only slightly.

"Here, put this on and you can just have it.. so get dressed and keep the pants and boots on because that will look good with it. Then come out to the bar.. don't let the girls bother you.. just ignore them." She instructs me before leaving the back room so I can get ready. So, even with dozens of prying eyes pinpointed on me, I keep my mouth shut as I change into the shirt while putting my clothes into my bag and securing it shut on the floor besides me. I try to ignore their gazes glaring at me, just hoping they don't address my wounds that are so bright against my porcelain skin.

I can hear the sound of heels clicking on the tile floor, getting closer to me as I feel a shove to my shoulder from behind. "Why the f*#k is an inbred b*tch like you here? I was hoping once your disgusting daddy was dead that you would be too." I shake my head hating that remark. But by that voice and the tone accompanying that comment, I can tell it's from the meanest stripper we have, Drea. She has always hated me for no known reason, since the day I started this job. I stood up, then turning around to face her and instantly seeing the anger consuming her features but completely directed at me.

So I stand here frozen, not knowing if I should respond or not, because Sandra told me to ignore the women in here. She knows just as well as I do that they are rude and nosey, hence the warning from her. So I continue to shake my head as I adjust my shirt. "I'm not inbred," I respond under my breath as she shoves me into the locker so my face slams into the metal. She quickly takes hold of my long hair, wrapping her fingers into it before pulling my head back. "What did you say to me?!" She demands as I yell back in pain. "I said I'm not inbred."

She laughs about it with the girls around, who aren't saying anything to her nor I.. which means they are not making the situation worse but they are not helping me out either. "We heard all about your disgusting daddy doing what he wants with you... I'm sure that's just a small step to being inbred, since your his daughter and all." she snaps at me, sending her alcohol-consumed breath over my face.

The disgust on my face won't go away as I gasp for air trying to get that smell out of my nostrils. She is waiting for my response as I struggle in her uncomfortable grip. "That's not how you become inbred and he is not my father nor is she my mother.. So it doesn't matter, You just obviously don't know what you're talking about," I say to her as she scoffs at that. "Sure, say what you want... try to pretend that you're not as messed up as you look." She laughs at my pain again making me mad.

"That's a lot of talk coming from a stripper who can't figure out how to keep her clothes on for a better job... because she knows she is an i***t and can't do anything but strip in hopes men might appreciate her for once, but they don't and never will... You're just a toy to look at that no one wants to play with.. They know you're disgusting and probably riddled with diseases, so they leave not wanting you in the slightest.. looking for someone that's a million times better than you in every way, and when I'm long gone from this place I'm sure you will still be here every day until your last, fighting for attention and barely getting any like usual.. enjoy your pathetic job that you think somehow makes you better than everyone else.. And sure continue to beat up on the woman who has been abused all her life.. Yeah, it will make a difference," I state sarcastically as I spat. "No, actually it won't... There is nothing you could do to me that my father hasn't done worse.. so get over yourself and try to make some decent money before you become too old for this gig.. what are you like 50." I spat at her making her mouth drop open as she yelps out. "I'm 34!"

"Yeah sure, you are." I snap while rolling my eyes at her as she uses my hair to shove me back into the locker, creating a dent into it. "You don't know who the f*#k you're messing with!" She snaps at me as she spins me around and slaps me across the face. She then knees me in the stomach, causing me to yelp in pain before she throws me to the ground. She kicks my side over and over again as I yell for help from the observers, but no one comes to my aid. I realize that the only way I will get out of this is on my own, so I struggle to get to my bag.

I feel her hand slap to the top of my shoulder to grab me, I would assume that what she is doing, but scaring me all the same as I automatically yell out, "Leave me alone!" and she quickly let's go. "What the hell?!" she yells out, but I don't know why. I look back to see she is frozen in place but staring down at me with hate and confusion. "What the f*#k b*tch." She kicks at me for whatever reason, so I turn away from her and reach my hand around in my bag. Before I know it, I have the round bottle in my hand as I turn to face her, spraying Drea in the eyes with this bear mace.

She screams out in pain, causing the girls to scatter like cockroaches when exposed to the light, getting away from this chaos before they're all blamed. She trips and falls to the ground looking more pathetic than anything else. I don't leave. I'm shocked, was not expecting that reaction to the spray. I don't know what I expected, but that was not it. But I quickly stand up so I'm panting while hovering over her and holding my stomach, trying to calm my body down. I still have the bottle out and pointed at her just in case she does anything else to try to hurt me.

"What the hell is going on in here?!" Sandra screams out as she enters the back room just to see me in a defensive stance with Drea right below me. "What did you do Randy?!" She asks as she slides across the floor to Drea who is crying and wiping at her eyes. She pulls her body into hers and looks up at me for me to explain what happened, but before I can say anything, Drea is there to make up a story. "She went nuts... She started yelling at me, calling me old and disgusting for no reason, and then when I tried talking to her about this, she sprayed me in the eyes! I can't see anything!"

"No Sandra, that's not what happened." I try to explain but she whips her hand up, stopping me. The seriousness in her eyes tells me I need to keep my mouth shut. "I told you if you had any problems you would be sent home.. so you need to go."

"No Sandra this isn't fair!" I yell at her as she yells back even louder at me. "This isn't ok Randy! I know you have been through so much and that your emotions are all over the place.. But I don't care how mad and upset you are from today! It doesn't give you the right to pepper spray someone! You need to go and calm down.. get your sh*t together.. and take a couple of weeks off to recover.. and after those couple of weeks are up, then we will discuss you possibly coming back to work here. But there is no guarantee that you will have a job when you return because of your malicious actions towards your coworker."

"But Sandra." I start as she yells for the last time showing there is no room for negotiation. "Goodbye Randy.. have a good night and be safe!" I sadly nod as I grab my jacket and backpack, putting them on as I slowly make my way out of the building. With my head hung low, still avoiding all the eyes glued to my frame. I feel so defeated and alone and I obviously don't belong. I just wish there was someplace where I could go that would appreciate me and I can finally belong.

"Hey are you the girl I saw on the news?" I hear from beside me as I roll my eyes and turn to go down the opposite direction, avoiding anything else that would hurt me instead of help me. "Hey, I asked you a question, you don't have to be rude." The stranger having a cigarette outside the building yells this at me again as I groan out. "Yes I am her, now leave me the hell alone. Got it?" He looks taken back by that as he nods and steps back to give me space as I leave this area. I'm so tired of this place and my life.

The rain has stopped luckily for me, but the wind has not stopped and that can be an issue since I don't have a place to stay tonight. I kick the rocks away, hating how this night went because I failed... I shouldn't have let her get to me because everyone knows this is how Drea is... I just normally ignore her but of course, I let her get to me the one day I needed to stay. I feel so stupid for giving into this obvious trap set by her. Drea will get to keep her job and here I am with nothing, because she is a conniving person who doesn't care about anyone but herself.

Maybe it was a sign that I'm not meant to be here. Maybe I need to face the facts that I don't fit in here and won't ever be like anyone here... I have always been the strange loner and I guess I'll always be that. No matter where I go, people will treat me like this.. and now that my life has been exposed to the world, I won't ever be able to have a normal life to move on with, because everyone will keep bringing this up. No one will forget the biggest thing to happen to this small town ever.

So what do I do? Do I leave? Without money there is no way... Do I go back to the police station or the therapist on my knees, groveling and hoping they will help me? No f*#king way. I won't do that... it's not worth the hate for myself that I would get from that action alone... I don't even know if I can trust them, so how can I believe they would help me?

I don't even have a job anymore and the only reason I got it in the first place was because of my stepfather.. So I doubt I will be able to get another job around here once they figure out who I am and what I did to lose this last job. So what do I do? This world was already so unfair, but now it's going to be unbearable.

I have nowhere to go for a good night's sleep, but it's not like I will sleep at all anyways.., So what's the point? I think that I should just give up. I'm tired of struggling to survive every day with nothing to show for it except bruises, scratches, and trauma. Nothing anyone wants to hold onto, so why should I keep doing this to myself? I wont.

I'm done with this place, I'm done with this life, and I'm done with these people.. For once, I'm going to take my life into my own hands and do what I think is best... And that's ending it. I'm going to end my life... it's the only thing that makes sense to me right now that will relieve the pain and take me to a better place, because any place is better than here.

It's dark out now so it's hard to see anything around me... It gets really dark out here at night, but at least the stars are starting to come out and give me something beautiful to observe before I go. I stroll across town just trying to enjoy my last moments because I know the perfect place to handle this... There is this little bridge that overlooks the whole town and has the most beautiful view.

So I would rather live my last moments looking over the beautiful frozen river that's surrounded by the most majestic mountains while being covered by the sparkling sky. This place will always be home to me, no matter how much I was hurt here. So the love-hate relationship in this place is almost toxic.. feeling like poison in my body that won't go away but is slowly going to kill me the longer I'm here. So all the more reason to leave this world once and for all.