Myne

twenty eight

It was the final week of the vacation. It was the seven days to the start of the tournament. The girls had gotten the required permission, and gathered in the sports auditorium. The team was practicing. Mr Skim and Emi were off by the side, kneeling on all fours on the hard wood floor. A chart laid open in front, with the grouping of the teams for the tournament. Both had notebooks open by the side. Skim’s with a pencil in the middle of the open book. Emi’s with a ball point pen. All of them very serious. The girls were dripping sweat, like they had stepped out into a storm, enjoyed the cold shower and the chilly winds, before stepping back in. And they looked like they had thoroughly enjoyed it. The wide smiles and the determined eyes said as much. The other two, the girl and the man, bending over a chart and scribbling away into their notebooks while looking like they were locked in a debate so intense it looked like they were fighting, were in their own world, separate from the outside. 

This was what it was supposed to be like. A seeded team that was determined to win the tournament. 

There was another girl in the auditorium. Sitting on the wide steps that were designed for sitting rather than climbing. Watching. She was the audience. Having nothing to do with the team, except that she was best friends with the team analyst, and the team’s lucky mascot. Every match that began with her wishing them in the locker room before the start of the match, they won. Wasn’t just once or twice. Twenty three matches they won. Seven matches they lost, when she was caught up with something else. No one needed any further proof. 

Rain was watching the team, and the coach and the analyst, busy at work. She had a smile on her face. And the words from last night’s conversation were still fresh in her mind. 

“You must come,” Emi said. “The tournament is in a week. We’ve already begun practicing. Now, we begin practicing the strategies. It’ll be fun, for you too. Mr Skim and I will be battling it out on the sidelines. The girls will be integrating the strategies into their play. There’ll be so much happening. You definitely won’t be bored. And, you can sit with a book, and a snack, and whatever else. Do your thing, you know.” 

They were in Emi’s room. Emi dug through the old games, and re-discovered an old, forgotten board game. A game they used to play fondly starting Emi’s sixth birthday when her papa gifted it to her, until they were ten. Just looking at the cardboard box the game came in, brought back memories. They were only too happy to relive those old happy times. 

“Am I allowed to say no?” Rain asked. 

“No,” Emi said, with a finality that left no room for discussion. “You’re coming. And that’s that.” 

“You know what, you sound like you’ve come of age. Find yourself a guy. Make a baby. You already sound like an experienced mom.” 

“Shut up, you filthy girl.” 

They laughed. And continued playing. The decision about tomorrow was made, of course. Rain was going along to the practice. 

And here she was. Empty handed. She wasn’t really in the mood for a book. It was as if a switch was flipped inside her head. Satisfying her love for books. Removing the need to read. She hadn’t had much of an appetite since waking up at the hospital. That removed the need to gather snacks. She would be fine just going along with the team. Watching while they practiced. Eating what they ate. Drinking what they drank. She might very well call herself an unimportant part of the team. 

Then, she felt it. The air displace next to her, like it was pushed out by something else occupying the space. She felt her. She didn’t need to look. She knew it was her. The girl. 

“I do see,” Rain said. 

“Yes,” the girl replied. The smile evident in her voice. “You do. So, here you are. Took a while. Longer than I thought it would. It’s crazy, really.” 

“Oh? What is?” Rain asked. She was genuinely curious. The girl seemed to like speaking in riddles. Rain had never been particularly good with those. She preferred things simple. Straight forward. Not twisting about, like riddles. She couldn’t solve the girl’s riddles. She didn’t find the answers. But rather, felt them. It was strange. Inexplicable. But that was her. That was how she was, apparently. That was how it was going to be, as far as she could see. Maybe, the girl got that. 

“That it took so long,” the girl said. “That I got it so wrong. The time. The destination. That when we finally do meet, it’s like this. So ordinary.” 

“Nothing ordinary about this. About any of this, really. Do tell, what exactly do you find ordinary?” 

“How about we do it the other way? You tell me, what about this is unordinary?” 

“Everything. Dreaming about the same room, the same girl, doing the same thing, every night, for years, is not ordinary. Reading about that same girl in an even stranger book, is not ordinary. Hearing that girl talk to me, in the dream, is not ordinary. Having a conversation with that girl, while awake, in the school auditorium, is most certainly not ordinary. Your turn. What about any of this is ordinary?” 

“Alright. You see the same girl, every night, while you sleep. For years. You call it a dream. Alright. A dream it is. Having the same dream for years. What is so unordinary about it? Isn’t that what great men and women write about? A dream that keeps them going, headed toward achieving great things. Isn’t that how it goes?” 

Rain was stunned. Sure, it could be seen that way. But, how was that comparable to this situation? Unfortunately, she didn’t have the words to voice this doubt, the way it should be. She had the opportunity to do so, even less. 

The girl wasn’t done. She continued, after the brief pause. 

“In the face of that, you find a book which is the story of the girl. Not something that happens everyday. But not unordinary. Didn’t it occur to you that the dream might be a premonition of this very thing? That you’d find the book? And the dream was all about preparing for it, for the encounter, mentally? As for now. You and I. Sitting here. In your school auditorium. Don’t you think it’s destiny? Doesn’t it seem so much like it?” 

Rain’s disbelief had peaked. That was probably why she felt dumbed down. At least she thought so, as she nodded in agreement. She finally turned her head to the side, to look at the girl sitting next to her. The girl with the silver hair, the silver eyes, the tall legs, and the small smile. The girl who was looking back at her, with anticipation and excitement. Like something big was about to happen. 

“What?” Rain asked. 

“What?” The girl repeated. 

“What’s your name?” 

“You read right.” 

“Rain?” 

“Yes. Rain. I’m Rain too. Just like you. No, wait. Correction. You are Rain too. Just like me.” 

“And why are you here?” 

“For you, of course. Foolish girl. What else could I want here, but you? This isn’t even my world. There’s no one I know here, except for you. There’s nothing I care about, but you. I’m here for you. Does that answer the question?” 

“No,” Rain said. It really didn’t. Sure, it did answer the question, the way questions and answers were described in a dictionary. But that wasn’t the question. Not when considered under the context. “That’s not what I meant. You know that.” 

“I do,” the girl confessed. “But I don’t want to answer. At least, not what you meant. And, I did answer your question. Why am I here? I am here for you. And you know that. You know that’s the right answer.” 

Rain had to nod. Everything the girl said was true. And yet, also not. It was a strange and perplexing state to be in. But that was where she was. That was what she was. It was all starting to make sense, though she wasn’t yet at the point where she could consciously understand. 

“Alright,” Rain said, in defeat. “What now? What do you want?” 

“Now, that’s the right question. What now? That’s up to you really, isn’t it? Come on, let’s be honest. I didn’t come here. Not of my will. You brought me here. So, we really should be asking, what do you want? Why did you bring me here?” 

The choice of words was important. The girl didn’t say invite. She said bring. Like she didn’t have a say in it. Like she had to come, even if that wasn’t expressly her will. 

What did that mean? 

“I don’t know,” Rain said. “I’m lost. It’s all too much.” 

“Well,” the girl said slowly. “That’s really okay. I think I can give you a clue or two.” 

Rain nodded, with her ears open wide. 

“Come with me,” the girl said. Offering her hand. 

A hand that Rain readily took. And then, rose to her feet. And followed the girl. 

*

Emi was in the middle of a conversation. She spoke her piece. Mr Skim was speaking his. Emi was listening, carefully and attentively, and still her eyes drifted toward the stands, where she expected to find Rain, sitting, dozing, smiling, whatever else, but instead found the empty stands. She was startled. Her eyes darted around. Scanning the stands and all of the auditorium. First scan, she saw nothing. Not a clue. Not a sign of Rain, anywhere. Second scan, still nothing. She persisted. She couldn’t give up. Third scan, she saw something. A faint shadow with the bright windows in the background. A hazy picture, at best. 

“Are you listening?” Mr Skim asked. 

Emi started, returned, blushed, and nodded. “Sorry. I drifted there, for a bit. I was listening, until the strikes. Please, can you continue from there, once again?” 

Haver was stunned. It was a first for Emi to get distracted, in the middle of a conversation too. But that wasn’t it, at least not entirely. She was still clearly distracted. Even a little restless. He couldn’t understand what change in a few seconds? He looked around, not following her eyes but tracing the same path nonetheless. And he saw it. Where Rain had been sitting all day, was now empty. 

“Rain?” He asked.  

“Sorry?” Emi asked, her eyes entirely upon him. 

“You’re worried about Rain?” He asked. “She’s not here. Is that it?” 

“Yes,” she said, nodding, after a pause. “I’m sorry. Give me a minute. I’ll be right back.” 

“No problem. I think we could all use a break. Not that the girls would listen. Let’s you and I take a break. I need a bathroom break. You go ahead, do what you need to do. We’ll meet back here.” 

“Thank you.” 

Emi rushed away, out the auditorium. Haver was staring at her back until she disappeared behind the doors. It was heartening to see friends who loved and cared for each other so much. Emi and Rain were inseparable. Had always been. Would always be. He didn’t think there was anything wrong believing that. He smiled, and walked to the other side. He truly needed a bathroom break. 

Emi rushed out. She was chasing after the shadow. After the brief glimpse, it disappeared. There was only one place it could have gone. Outside. And the moment she stepped out, she saw that she was right. There the shadow was. Outside. Not too far away. Under a tree. Bright under the daylight. And blended into the shadows under the tree. Visible, and invisible, all at once. A hazy form, that was definitely there, but hidden enough for the features to be invisible. 

Emi walked toward it, getting as near as the shadow would allow. She stopped right at the border. One step further, and the balance would be broken. The shadow would become more real than illusory. She stopped not because the shadow indicated it in any way, or spoke a word to that end. But because she knew. 

“Where is she?” Emi asked. 

The shadow remained still, quiet. But Emi got the answer anyway. 

“You know exactly who I am talking about. Rain. Where is she?” 

The shadow was unaffected. Emi was speaking all by herself, with the right pauses in between, like she was having a conversation. 

“Of course I think you would know. She disappeared. You appeared. What else could it be?” 

“What do you want then?”

“Why are you here? Why me? What do you really want?” 

“I don’t believe you.” 

She had said enough. She crossed the boundary. One step forward. The balance was broken. Daylight fell down thicker through the leaves of the tree. The darkness underneath was pierced, and broken, rapidly. And the shadow dissipated along with the rest of the darkness. Emi ran to the tree, wanting to catch the shadow before it disappeared entirely. She failed. It was just her under the tree when she made it. 

She was disappointed. Not for long though. Because as the excitement settled, and her mood stabilised, she remembered what was important. Much more than the shadow. Rain. Where was Rain? 

All of the school was spread out in front of her. She had to choose, to pick and decide, where to go first. Where to search. The obvious choice was the auditorium. She retraced her steps, to the half open doors. Peeked in. Searched the stands. There wasn’t a trace of Rain. Mr Skim had returned from the bathroom break. He was bent over his notebook. The team was practising, without need for break. She didn’t step in. She didn’t let herself be discovered. She stepped back out. And turned away. Rain wasn’t at the auditorium. Where then next? 

If this was a movie, at this moment she would see something. An apparition. A shadow. Rain herself. Some clue. She would rush, following the something. She might not find Rain, not yet, but she would get somewhere. One step closer to finding Rain. 

This wasn’t, however. This was reality. And in her reality, no such thing happened. 

If this was a one of Rain’s stories, around this time, she would be struck with a flash of inspiration. Her intuition acting up, as if having gotten a shot of steroids. Illuminate something less than obvious, that would light up the path she had to follow. 

There was no such thing either. It was just her. And she made the choice that was the most sensible. To the library she ran. The run came to an end outside the closed, and locked, doors of the library. No one could get inside through these doors. There was no sign of it. Still, it was possible. This was turning into that kind of a story. She ran down the hallways, around the building, to the windows on the other side. She had to get outside the building. And the windows were one story up. There was only so much she could see form down here. She walked along the building, looking up through the windows. She saw nothing. She was willing to believe that the library was empty. This wasn’t where Rain was. 

Next choice, was the classroom. Their classroom. It was a different building. She ran up the stairs, to the third floor. Stopped outside the locked door to their classroom. She put her ear against the door. Stopped breathing, as she listened. There was no sound from within. The classroom was empty as well. 

But, she wasn’t willing to accept that. Not so easily. The window was just a few steps down. She hadn’t gone to it first, because she didn’t want to startle anyone, or anything, if someone, or something, was inside. Having confirmed that that wasn’t the case, she went over to the window. Peeked inside. The familiar empty classroom met her eyes. 

She was disappointed again. And starting to feel afraid. She took her eyes away from the window. Faced down the hallway. And froze. There was something at the end of the hallway. 

“You’re back,” she whispered. 

She didn’t have to be very loud. The shadow would hear her anyway. 

“You want me to follow you?” 

She began walking down the hallway, toward the shadow, that remained the same far even as she walked toward it. 

“Are you sure you know? This is where she is?” 

“What is so obvious about that?” 

“What makes you think I won’t get it, when you do? What exactly is going on?” 

Up the stairs she followed. All the way to the roof. The chain was one the ground. The door was unlocked. And open. Just enough. She pushed it. And it swung fully open, creaking along the way. Daylight dazzled her, forcing her to shield her eyes, until they got accustomed to it. Then, when her hands fell away and her eyes saw daylight and the roof in their entirety, the shadow was gone. And the roof was empty. She didn’t have to look around very hard, however. The door on the other end of the roof was swinging, like someone hadn’t bothered being nice to it. It could only be one person. She ran to the door. Pulled it open, the same carelessly. Stepped in. Paused, a couple of seconds, for her eyes to accustom themselves once again to the much less bright inside. The stairs were directly in front of her. She didn’t run down though. She walked to the edge. Leaned against the parapet. Looked down. And there, looking up from one floor below, with a ghoulish grin on her face, was Rain. Only, it wasn’t really Rain. Not the Rain she knew. Not her Rain. The whole thing was bizarre. Threw her off balance. Her foot slipped on the end of the stair. Taking her down. And she began falling, almost as if she had been pushed. The only reason she didn’t, was because all the running and the practicing with the girls on the team, sharpened her reflexes. She grabbed the parapet, with all she had. Held herself up. 

Still, it was a scare. Her heart was beating like a drum. She could hear it, with her ears. She stood back up. Steady on her feet. Away from the stairs. Looked around. Saw no one. Not that she was expecting to see anyone. She was in not much better a shape as she looked down. There was no Rain. Just the empty hallway. She didn’t immediately start down the stairs. She sat down, against the wall. Away from the stairs. Still shaken. Still a little afraid. She had to calm herself down, before she started looking for Rain. 

Even though she couldn’t see it, she knew the shadow was around. Nearby. Still looking at her. 

“I know it was you,” she said, louder than she intended. The effect pleased her. Her voice echoed down the stairs and in the hallway. As if it spread through a lot more of the building than should have been possible. “I just know it. Why? What the heck is going on with you?” 

There was no answer. Just the silence of the daylight outside. And the silence of the hallways inside. It was just her.