Scene of Eve

[ chapter 14 ]

I was thankfully given two days off again. Ian has requested it after I got additional blisters from the already existing ones after shooting a scene that Ian thought of on the spot. He wasn’t aware at first of my blisters. Which was why I got a very apologetic Ian who offered to take me home instead to make up for wounding my feet more than it already was. He didn’t even let me walk up to my door as he carried me on his back, saying “I can’t wound you any more than you already are.”

“But you’re tired too. You did more than I did today. I can walk, Ian.” I was laughing, endeared. But I was more worried. I asked Tiana what solo scene Ian had to do on the running tracks and why he was soaking wet when he got back to the tent. Turned out he was running on the tracks with fake rain falling. This is why I am more worried for him with his constant sneezing in the car.

“Tea?” I asked after we both settled down on the sofa and he was getting his shoulders and back massaged.

Ian turned and faced me before he pulled on my feet. I tried to wriggle my way out of his grasp. My feet aren't in the best condition right now with all the band-aids plastered in different places. 

“Are you not sleepy?” Ian asked once I got away and made a run to the kitchen.

I hummed and shook my head before I said a ‘no’, thinking that Ian was still sitting by the sofa. But suddenly a warm chest gently collided with my back while arms snaked its way around my waist. I nearly dropped the teaspoon while I was stirring Ian’s tea when I felt his warm breath on the side of my neck before soft lips landed with a quiet peck.

“Are you not sleepy?” I turned around and gently placed the rim of the hot cup of tea just below Ian’s lips, blowing the heat away together. I laughed with him as his glasses fogged up. Setting the cup down on the kitchen counter, I removed his glasses and wiped them on my cardigan. Putting his glasses back up his nose bridge, I think to myself how natural I assumed that Ian would be staying the night, at least. He looks like he’s lived here for quite some time now with how comfortable he is and familiar. But in truth, the only time he was here was during my birthday a few days ago.  And now that the thought of sleeping came to mind, I don’t know where to have him sleep. My house only has 2 rooms. One is mine and the other was already stacked with racks of clothes from my past gigs.

I can have him sleep with me, but…

“Thanks for the tea. You can sleep, Apple. I know how tiring today was especially for your feet. Don’t worry about me. The streets are almost empty. It’ll be a quick drive home for me.” Ian said as he took his first sip.

“Drive? At this hour?” I asked, my tone higher than expected with all the sudden panic. Ian just nodded as he took more sips of the tea.

“You deserve rest. You have two days to yourself.” I can see his eyes though, while the cup covers much of his face. His eyes know where I’m getting at and he crinkles them more as he hides a smile behind the cup. 

I cross my arms and glared at him as he continues sipping his tea. 

“What?” Ian asked as he placed the cup on the sink and untangled my arms from being crossed over my chest.

“Drive home in the morning,” I said firmly while Ian pulled my arms and wrapped them around him, pulling me back towards him. He hums a quiet affirmation and my hands rub his back gently. “For now, sleep here. I wouldn’t mind.”

“The sofa is fine,” Ian said as he leaned back and stared at me. “I can see your mind debating whether to let me sleep on your bed or the sofa. You’re getting easier to read.” Ian chuckles as he leaves a kiss on my forehead. 

Ian, pulling both my hands, led me to my room’s door and left another kiss on my forehead, “Goodnight, Apple.” He was about to make his way towards the sofa, but my fingers would not untangle from his. He stared at me questioningly and without even knowing it, I was already pulling him inside my room.

Laying on my bed with arms wrapped around me, I’m brought back to a memory of drunk confessions and rejections. A memory that confuses me up to this day, but the warmth engulfing me right now keeps calming my thoughts.

Who needs answers? 

“You okay?” Am I okay?

The sheets ruffled behind me and the warmth suddenly left my body. I was about to turn and take a look where Ian went, but before I could even turn, Ian was already hovering on top of me with worried eyes.

“Hey, you’ve been in and out of it since we got home,” Ian said while a thumb was caressing my cheek.

Since we got home? 

“Hey. Was there something in the contract that you didn’t like?” Ian asked as the tip of his touched mine, calling my attention back to him, back home.

“I’m fine. It’s not the contract, don’t worry. I was just remembering when I had to pick up your drunk ass.” I cupped his face, thumb caressing his own cheek too and I saw the look in his eyes calm down, the worry seeping out of his system.

“Not a good memory to dream of.” Ian huffed out a breath as he laid back down on his side of the bed, his arms wrapping themselves around me again and pulling me close to him. I can feel his breathing on top of my head, calm and easy. A tiny warmth enough to burn the boggling thoughts away for a night of peaceful sleep.

I snuggled deeper into Ian’s warmth and I smiled to myself when I heard his heart momentarily fasten when I discreetly kissed his exposed collar bone before settling down in a comfortable position. I can feel a smile on his lips and a quiet chuckle as he slightly shakes from the kiss.

I knew Ian was not asleep yet, not with how his hands gently moved up and down my back.

“Do you know what happened to the lonely red apple?” I asked, trying to distract myself from how Ian’s hand would stop momentarily on my waist before resuming his pattern of gentle caresses on my back.

“The last time I remember, the young boy left his basket of green apples for the lonely red apple to keep her company.” I smiled up at him, happy with the simple fact that he remembered where our story ended from nights ago. 

“You’ve got a good memory. But did you know, the apple’s story didn’t end there.” I replied. Ian looked down at me again, pulling away a little to look at me.

“Of course there’s more,” Ian chuckled, pulling me back close. “Tell me more?” He asked, finding a comfortable spot as well, with me snuggly held in his arms.

“The apple, even before the boy arrived, was already falling off the branch,” I started, trying to mimic my mother’s quiet voice during those nights I would cuddle up to her and ask for my usual bedtime story. “And the apple knew that no one was below to catch her. She was ready to fall on the ground, probably be eaten by worms. Or turn rotten.”

“But the boy caught the apple.” Ian added when I stopped and held on to him tighter.

“But the boy caught the apple.” I mirrored his words, hoping it was enough of a ‘thanks’ for today and all the other times he unintentionally caught me. 

“What a strong apple for holding on as long as she can.” 

“What a weak apple for choosing to let go.”

“She’s not weak. Her time on the tree was done. It was time to have an adventure away from what she was used to.”

Ian must have felt me shaking because he pulled away again to look down at me. His fingers catch the tears and wipe them away. He raises himself, an elbow supporting his body, so he can look down at me.

“Hey, I’m here, okay? I’ll keep catching you when you fall.” Ian was caressing my cheeks, thumb still wiping the flowing tears.

I hate this. I hate how weak I am right now. I hate how Ian had to see me in this state. I hate how I spiraled down tonight out of any other night. I hate-

My thoughts were silenced by lips landing on mine. 

And just like that, Ian silenced them. I’ve been trying for so many years to keep them quiet, but the only time I don’t hear them is when I’m in the midst of gigs where I am not Apple. In times where I can at least pretend that I am what I play in the scenes. But tonight, I am outside of any scenes. I am me. I am just Apple. They’re suddenly quiet. I’m suddenly at ease. The first time that I have been more eager to succumb to the night, knowing I’m surrounded by warmth.

I don’t need answers anymore. I just need him. I need Ian. Do I, really? I’ve lived my life pretty well without anyone. I’m honestly more lost than ever, not knowing where Ian and I stand. But at the same time, this sense of being lost feels like home. It’s like, it doesn’t matter where I really am because the only place that really gives me a sense of belonging is in Ian’s arms. My room suddenly feels superficial. Even though it held a lot of my tears and memories that are so familiar, it all seems like a scene that I played as. I look back and see someone else. It’s not me who quietly cries herself to sleep in this same room. It’s not me who got the many subtle rejections.

“Sorry. I- Everything was just overwhelming.” Ian was still leaving soft kisses all over my face, calming me down even further as my cries turned to hiccups.

“If I was a sane person, I’d tell you to sleep out. But I know how it is when everythings’ just overwhelming. So, just cry. Scream. Anything. I’m just here. I’ll listen or just accompany you.” I didn’t know the tight hold I had on his arm was. When I let go, that was when I saw fingernail dents on my own palms. The thick material of Ian’s shirt is not enough to keep my nails from leaving marks on my skin.

Everything was dark. The moon was nowhere then. At least that was one less judging presence. 

“Mike said Tyson visited the set. I didn’t see him though.” Ian said after my hiccups quieted down too. 

“Hmm. You were busy getting rained on the set.” 

“You met him then?”

“Hmm.”

“You must have been fangirling the whole time then.” Ian lightly laughed at the thought.

“I did not. I proudly kept my composure. Though I cannot say the same for Nessa and Hazel,” I found myself laughing as well, remembering how the two girls were trying to keep themselves occupied by tending to my blisters while Tyson was talking to me. “Besides. I’ve met big stars on the same level as Tyson. Some even bigger than he is in the industry.”

“Whoa. I’m lucky then. I’m with the biggest star.” My eyes were still adjusting to the dark, but even without seeing him clearly, I could see the twinkle in Ian’s eyes when I looked up with an astonished face.

“I’m no star. I’m-”

“My whole universe with galaxies in her eyes.”

I laughed and hit his chest lightly, not knowing how else to react to the fact that Ian, for the second time, quieted my thoughts and me - literally.

“Tyson said he wanted to cast me.” I said, thankful for the darkness that hides the blush I know I am currently sporting.

“That’s good, Apple! I’m confident Genesis will get you even bigger gigs than before.” I can feel the sincere excitement in Ian’s voice. His voice is a notch higher than his usual. 

“I’m scared, Ian. I mean, just overwhelmed. The contract. And then a new gig right after this. I haven’t even adjusted fully to having Tiana and the others around me all the time.” And Ian was indeed listening, as he said so. 

I told him how it was overwhelming to suddenly have real people around me. Real people who call me by my name and see a certain part of myself that no one really sees because it wasn’t in the scenes I had to do. I told him how I’m scared of how Mike, and him, was placing such a huge amount of trust in me when I can’t even place that same kind of trust in myself. Everything was still overwhelming and scary because suddenly I had a responsibility. I can’t just back out now because I am bound by Genesis. And though I have been wanting to get a stable company to at least house me, I didn’t think it would be a company this big. I may have worked with big stars. But my name was never even mentioned in the final product. I was just one of the many props they moved from one location to another. A prop that can be replaced if there was a scratch. A prop reused that it no longer has its shine. Instead, it's covered in scratches from all the past scenes it was part of. 

By the end of it all, I was a crying mess. All the tears I’ve stored gushing out as it washes away the words I have been drowning myself in. All the while, Ian never let go of me. His words replace what has washed away. 

“I’ll be with you through it all,” Ian reassured me as my tears dried up.

“Thank you.” I said in my tiniest voice as I held onto him. That was all I could do right now. Hold on.

_

The curtains were closed, but I could see little rays of light on the tiny opening of my curtains. Little shadows would occasionally pass along with the happiest chirps. 

I rubbed my eyes lightly and was about to turn to my other side to look at my bedside table for my alarm. But then arms were tightening around me as a warm body moved behind me with a grunt. I panicked momentarily only to calm back down after hearing Ian’s husky “Let’s sleep some more.”

Blinking my eyes, I remembered last night how I became a sudden sobbing mess. It’s been so long since I’ve cried. The past nights, I was either too tired or my minds’ too preoccupied with Ian. And on the nights before I met Ian? I was just too empty to cry anything out. 

“I’m parched.” I croaked out with my tired-from-crying voice.

“All right,” Ian kissed my forehead before standing up himself and stretching. His shirt crumpled mostly in his chest, from where I held onto him tightly last night. “Water. And then breakfast.” He reached out to me, pulling me up and carrying me bridal style towards the kitchen.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth.” I said, covering my mouth with a hand.

“So have I.” He retorted, enunciating the ‘ha’ for proof.

“Eeew! Ian!” I laughed as he placed me gently down on a chair. He went to get a glass of water for me before looking at the cabinets.

“Don’t you ever visit the market?” He was still opening one cabinet after the other. 

“I’m always out on gigs so I don’t have time. I don’t want to burden my parents either and make them drive this far just for groceries.” I shrugged as he sat in front of me with his own glass of water.

“Well, we have today and tomorrow to get your kitchen stocked up.” 

“You could’ve requested just a day off, you know. it’s just blisters. Not like I broke an ankle or something.” I chuckled.

“Want to get rid of me that fast?” Ian pouted as he placed his cheek on his palm and looked at me.

“If I do get rid of you, what would you do?” I asked as I tilted an eyebrow in challenge.

Not even a moment of hesitation, “I’d come crashing back, babe.” Ian said with a wink in my direction.

“I hate to break it to you. But if you think acting cute would feed you, it won’t.”

“No, but being beautiful would get you a credit card,” Ian took out his wallet from his back pocket and went to stand beside me, card in hand. “Let’s go shopping.”

“For food.” I laughed in surrender, knowing Ian would keep pushing at it.

So I got dressed up, Ian making me wear flip flops instead so my blisters can ‘breathe’, or so he says. The drive took only about ten minutes with the market literally just a few blocks away from my house. There was no traffic either, unexpectedly, on a Thursday morning. But there were a lot of people when we arrived. That reminded me of how Ian’s world is entirely different from mine. Whispers and looks soon followed us around the market, as I’m assuming, people were starting to recognize Ian. With his tattooed arm out, long strides, and his long hair tied in a bun, it’s pretty easy to recognize him. 

I held the cart, which was already halfway full, tightly in my hands as people in the market started to flock on isles, waiting for us - rather, Ian - to pass by. Their cameras ready, either hidden or out in the obvious, the flashes kept going. I felt my chest tightening. I know the attention isn’t on me entirely, but there are some stares that land on me in question.

Instead of staying beside Ian, I dragged the cart slower and waited for him to be a few steps in front of me. He must have sensed something was wrong already. He turned around and looked at me in question. But I was too scared to meet his eyes as I held my head lower. My hold on the cart only tightens when I hear Ian’s footsteps approaching me. Suddenly, gentle hands were peeling my own hands off the cart and into a calming warmth.

Taking over the cart entirely, Ian held it with one hand while the other held mine securely. “I think you have enough to last for a week or so.” He tugged on my hand gently to make me look up.

“Y-yeah. I guess so, too.” My eyes wandered away from his instantly, not wanting to see other eyes on us.

“All right then.” His voice was gentle as if he was scared to scare me away. 

Suddenly, it feels like I don’t know him. It’s like he’s Ian Miller, the rising star of Genesis and not just Ian. But then I remember. He was always Ian Miller. I’m just like any other fan who knows so little. I just happen to be a step closer because of what I do for a living.

“Hey, remember our first shoot?” Ian whispered, his breath hitting my ears and giving me goosebumps.

I looked up at him for a few seconds before letting my head fall back down, “hmm, yeah.” Of course, how can I simply forget? Even at our first meeting, Ian was already so reassuring. And even if I had my doubts and impressions about him with all the rumors, he was able to break all of those with just one scene together. It was like the firelights he played with illuminated a hidden part of him. It was as if the dark tunnel that was Ian Miller was suddenly lighted and I saw a different way out, showing me a different place, showing me Ian.

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna ride this and make me push you.” I laughed lightly, my shoulder bumping with his arm.

“Ahh! You caught me.” He laughed along, bringing our intertwined hands up to his lips. The lady at the cashier gasped as she saw the gesture. 

“Good morning.” She greeted us both, averting her eyes away from both Ian and me as she started taking the things from our cart and scanning. Ian let go of my hands to get his wallet and give his card to the lady. Instead of holding my hands again, his hands went around my shoulders instead, pulling me close.

“We’re almost done here, okay?” Ian whispered reassuringly. I nodded in response, letting him shield me from everything and everyone.

At least, even once, I want to be held and protected by someone else. At least, even once, I want to let go of being responsible for myself. I want to depend on someone again. 

It’s been so long since I’ve let my guard down. It got to the point that I got used to it that I wouldn’t let anyone, not even my parents, to see beyond the wall that I’ve built.

But maybe just this once, I could let my guard down.

I may not know much of Ian yet and I might regret letting him step beyond the wall. But just this once. Just this moment, at least, I want to be held and reassured. Sometimes reassurance from an outsider freshens you up and gets you back on your feet. Reassurance from yourself could get tiring.

Ian rubs my back soothingly as the lady grabs for paper bags and packs our groceries. 

I am tired of reassuring myself. 

“We’re okay.” Ian said though I don’t know if he meant that we’re okay to leave or-

“We’re okay.” And that was all the reassurance I needed to hear.

We’re okay. I’m okay. Or at least, I’d like to believe that I will be.