Scene of Eve

[chapter 10] ; Canticle 2

[flashback]

“Nothing else matters. Right?” Lizel said as she cupped my cheeks with her warm hands. 

I leaned in her touch and gently kissed her palm. My eyes were closed as I listened to her quiet breathing beside me, her hands now hugging me by the waist and her head on my chest. 

“The moon is nowhere. The stars are too far. But you're here.” I laughed and kissed the top of her head in embarrassment.

“You remember that?” I ask, lips still lingering on her head.

She nodded with a hum and stared up at me. “How could I forget?” 

Indeed. How could I forget it myself? It was an unexpected night for both of us. Just like tonight. And just like that night, the moon was nowhere. The stars were shining but she was the only one I saw.

“Remember Mike?” Lizel asked as she let go of me and went towards the rail, breathing in the cold air of the night. 

I nodded in response, not knowing what’s coming. I followed Lizel and put my own hands on the rail, keeping her close in my arms.

“Your agent? What about him? Did he do any-” Lizel stopped me mid-sentence as she faced me and kissed my lips and giggled.

“He didn’t do anything, Ian. Actually,” She then took a deep breath and placed both of her hands on my shoulder. “He did something huge.” Lizel continued, her hands tracing a big invisible circle between us.

I flicked my eyebrows up in question, asking her to elaborate further.

“Well. He landed me a modeling gig in France, Ian. I don’t know how long I’ll have to be there. But-” She sounded worried then, her eyes searching for something in mine.

“Whoa. Hold up. When is this? And where?” I was not exactly furious. Just frustrated, I guess. After weeks of robotic replies, Lizel suddenly burst the bubble I’ve been forming since this morning. A bubble I would really like to live in for a few more days, at least. 

“In two weeks.” Lizel said in a tiny voice and made a v-shaped sign with her pointer and middle finger, like scissors. 

“And you don’t know how long you’ll be there?” I tried adding clearly even if her scissor-fingers were trapping my lips into an awkward pout.

Lizel shook her head ‘no’, her lips pressed into a thin line.

“But you agreed? I mean, you’re really going?” I added further, voice getting lower.

She nodded slowly before adding, “But I promise. I’ll call you in my free days. I’ll text you every morning and night. I promise I won’t lose contact.”

I sighed and put my head on Lizel’s shoulder, thinking of the inevitable. She was always up and about. This was one of the things that I always feared. Once she’s focused on something, she forgets everything and everyone. Even herself. Even me. She gets too immersed that the only time she comes back would be when she’s finally kicked out after being used.

“That’s not what I’m hinting at, Liz. It’s you getting so preoccupied that you forget that you’re human.” I sigh in annoyance, remembering how Mike had called me in the middle of the night just 2 days ago telling me how Lizel had fainted in the middle of her getting her measurements.

“I won’t go alone. Mike will be there with me.” She continues looking up at me, her eyes even bigger now.

Heaving a sigh, I smile down at her, secretly hating what’s coming in the next few days.

But what I hate more is that I was the one who introduced her to Mike. It was because there are some days I can’t accompany Lizel on her shoots. That led me to ask Xander for Mike’s number. Of course he agreed after hearing it was for Lizel. I hated the fact that he feels something for Lizel. But what I hate even more is that Lizel actually knows of this and she entertains his advances as if I’m not her boyfriend.

But am I her boyfriend? We didn’t really talk about what we have. Everything just fell into place smoothly with us. And like the i***t I always was, I assumed. Lizel never told me off when I introduced myself as her boyfriend to her friends. So, that must count.

[end flashback]

“We’re not together, Ian. We were never together. So, please. Let me be.”

That was the last that I heard of Lizel. She is still in France - or at least that was where she was during our last call - telling me how she would be staying longer because she was offered a contract by the runway manager she modeled for. She called me with the decision to stay. She called to tell me that she was just informing me that she has already signed the contract. 

She called to say ‘goodbye’. Ever since that day, I keep coming back here in this parking lot. My motorcycle was not even parked properly, instead, it was just laying on the floor. Like it was forgotten. In a way, it is forgotten. Because without thinking, I ran toward the rail tonight when I saw that the moon was there.

“f**k you!” I screamed as I threw my fists up in the night sky. “Why did you have to take her away from me? She was the only one who kept me going further, and then you just-” 

You just took her away too.

It was mocking me. It was too bright. Too full. Too complete. It showed it’s true form, and now I’m just hurting. I just want to run away from it. And that’s just what I am now. A crying heap of mess on the street. The cars passing me by honking as I continue running, the rain masking my tears. But no matter where I ran, the moon kept following me. My tears make it worse as I start seeing double. Double the moon. Double the mockery. Double the hurt.

While everything else doubles, the honking lessens. Or maybe I’ve gone deaf after shouting?

But as the honking lessens, so does my resolve. My legs grew tired from running away. The moon was too consistent. It was always ahead of me, but it was also always right behind me and beside me. It was everywhere. I am here. She is not. 

As if to console me after mocking me, the clouds decided to hide while the skies weep. It weeps with and for me, perhaps to make up from all the mocking the moon has done. But now I am left with more thoughts as the honking of cars stopped moments ago. It was as if the night really wanted me to battle with my thoughts, knowing that I could never win against the moon. I could at least distract myself at least. I am lost, literally. And even if my emotions are taking over my sanity, I know not to die in the streets where anyone could find me when day breaks. I, at least, want silence if it is the last thing I could give myself. 

With my thoughts, I walk aimlessly the road, hoping that my feet remember where it came from. Whether it be back to the parking lot or back home, I don’t mind. I just want some familiarity. 

_

I find myself climbing flights of metallic stairs and realize I’m back at the parking lot. A sneezing and coughing mess, I trudge up to the highest floor and see my motorcycle still lying on the ground. I kicked my helmet and it rolled down the stairs. I stared at it for a moment, thinking if I should go back down for it or just let it be.

I wanted to laugh, but instead, a cough came out as the memory does too. 

“Let me be.” She says. 

Alright. I’ll let you be. I walk back towards the rail, leaving my helmet from where it rolled down. 

Hoping that my phone did not get too wet, I pulled it out of my pocket. Thankfully, it’s still working. Just a little wipe off the screen and a little shake to get the water out of its holes, seems it’s still fine. Well, that’s one of us doing okay, at least. I tap on the screen and see a blurry wallpaper - an image of Lizel with a scrunched-up nose as she took the tiniest bit out of an already tiny blueberry.

[flashback]

“Ian, just let me be!” Lizel giggles across from me as I push back the blueberries that she rolled down her cake.

“What’s the meaning of ‘blueberry’ in a ‘blueberry cheesecake’?” I ask incredulously, still laughing as she decided to place a tissue beside her plate and flick the blueberries onto it.

“I enjoy blueberry…syrup.” She added the last word as she flicked the final blueberry out of her plate and finally took a bite out of the cake. Smiling, she scooped a slice out of my plate and flew it up like a plane.

“Say ‘ah’...” Her fork was already on the same height of lips, stuck in a smile as I watched her crazy antics. I shook my head and laughed before eating the cake. I then took my own fork and scooped up a blueberry off my slice and flew it up like a plane as well.

“Say ‘ah’,...” I said as I waited for her to open up. She closed her lips even tighter, puckering them in as she stubbornly shook her head ‘no’. “Come on. One bite? My arms are getting tired too.” I pouted at her while I made little circles with my fork, balancing the blueberry on it.

Finally, Lizel relented and opened her lips a little. 

“Are you serious?” I asked, awed, at her resolve as she took a really tiny bite from the already-tiny fruit. I then took out my phone and clicked one photo after the other hurriedly, trying to capture every second of her reaction. 

[end flashback]

My phone rang suddenly, showing Xander’s name on my screen. I ignored it and placed it beside me. I figured he'd get tired if he didn’t get an answer from me. After two more tries of calls, he stopped. But this time he started leaving message after message. I grabbed my phone back and looked at the messages.  A bunch of them just containing my name on it and a number of ‘!!!!!!!’. As if that would work to get me to answer. Xander, out of everyone else from our band, knows that I like receiving messages with nothing but my name on it. It bothers me. I prefer getting a long text message that contains every detail of what the person wishes to tell me. Or a call, even.

But of course, Xander knew how to get on my nerves. He is the only one after all who knows me more than the others. It was my fault for letting him in. I should have followed what Mike said not to get too personal with Xander. But how could I not let Xander in? He was the only one really supportive out of everyone else in the band. He was the only other one who believed that we, as Of Canticles Dying, would make it in the industry. Every time I was about to drop everything and walk away, he would pull me back and sit me down.

[flashback]

“We got this, Ian. Our canticles won’t die without being heard.” Xander said as he followed me out of our crumbling practice room.

“Canticles? Pfft. Xander, I think we’ve had enough warnings.” I retorted back, my steps never slowing down even as I heard Xander almost out of breath trying to catch up with my strides.

“What? Mrs. Norrison and her whining about the noise - which, by the way, is our music. Ian. Ours.” Xander caught up and tugged on my shoulder, urging me to stop. And I did stop to look back at him.

“It’s not just about the neighbors, Xander. Kevin is left. We have no bassist. Mike is busy with Tyson’s tight schedule. He won’t be able to find a replacement for Kevin in a matter of days. The band can’t go on with just two people-” I saw green spots as a fist hit me straight on my nose. 

Green spots on blue skies. 

“Ian! Sorry, I-” I didn’t mean to? I doubt it. I know Xander. Even before the Of Canticles Dying itself started crumbling like the practice room, he was already crumbling himself, inside out. I can hear it from the way he drums. His every beat is a beat of anger that he suppresses. And that’s not what Of Canticles Dying is about. Yes, we do this to release anger. But that’s the point. We release it and let it go. But Xander? He’s not letting anything go. He keeps everything to himself and he just explodes as we start playing one song after the other. It was also one reason why I felt like we should just stop. Of Canticles Dying is not doing its purpose for my best friend. I can’t do a one-man show. I need-

“I need to get up.” I said after the green spots faded and I felt raindrops - or is it tears? - on the tip of my nose. Xander reached his hand out and I awkwardly let him pull me back up.

“Don’t let our canticles die, bro. It’s the only thing I have.” He whispered with his head down, his eyes on the ground.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” I said once I felt the more raindrops heavier on my skin.

“See you! I knew you won’t let our canticles go unheard!” Xander’s voice was already muffled as I put on my helmet and revved my motorcycle to drive off to…

I don’t exactly know where. Somewhere I could, maybe, find the canticles. My canticles.

[end flashback]