Before I Sleep

Chapter 16 My 7 Months Left

After waking up in a private room with Kenneth and Stephen next to me. I wanted to see my baby but I felt much weaker. I started to feel too exposed. They noticed I started to raise my Blankets up alot more. My uncle just helped me get covered while my brother had a look of sadness and pity in his eyes. The looks I have been voiding all along. They must know about my diapers and sores. Couldn't talk since I had the tube down my throat and another tube so I can get some food in me. As well as my I.V lines. Hating the fact that I don't have the strength to even lift my head up. I start to cry and tears roll down the side of my face. My uncle tried to console me and my brother brought my baby up to me. He held her facing me. I wanted to reach out and touch her, but I wasn't feeling good. He asked if I wanted to hold her, but I shook my head no. After walking back to his seat with her in his arms, the doctor walks in. He introduced himself and confirmed my worst fears. That I have pneumonia. And then walked in Dr. Rodriguez and I knew immediately it wasn't good. He started to tell me what I feared. Because I have pneumonia that my time had decreased so much. That I have max 7months left. I started to sob so hard. My brother walked out the room crying. My uncle held on to my baby and held in his tears. I cant believe this. 7 months only. I won't be here for her 1st birthday. Dear God, universe anybody please please give me more time. I felt like I was choking. The doctor ran up to my side and had notice I some blood was coming out of my mouth. Paging for help. The space suit nurses where back. They had to take out my breathing tube and make a puncture in the side of my lungs. I guess my left side lungs collapsed. And they had to put a draining tube to drain out the blood and replace my breathing tube. About 3 days later I was released. I came home to my dad's with an oxygen tank and in diapers and a hospital bed. I was now going to live my final months in bed. Scared to get baby Reign sick. So I never held her. I had called my brother to please come in my room, but then I told him nevermind. I cant accept his look of pity for me. That was one thing I despised. So I called my dad and knew he would be able to help me. I had him bring in 2 voice recorders and my journal. I wanted to record my voice for her and the other one he would transcript it into my journal for me. Feeling so weak and helpless, I couldn't write so good. Just walking made some of my new sores burst open. I had gotten more on my bottom and on my lady parts. Also I noticed around my cuticles have started to look irritated and like they were about to bleed. So my dad looked so well prepared to do this for my little Reign.