Before I Sleep

Chapter 13 Surprised Babyshower

7MONTHS PREGNANT

I found out yesterday that I was having a baby girl. I was super excited and broken hearted even more. Knowing that her first heartbreak or when she gets her first kiss, period, becomes a mother I wont be here to give her the support she needs. Or lay in bed and binge watch whatever on Netflix and eat ice cream after she has a broken heart. Going to the movies, or just shopping together I won't be able experience all that with her. To lift my spirits up my dad decided to give me a baby shower. I pretended that I didn't know anything. I have been hiding the rags of blood that I have to clean my body with when my sores burst open. I had Dr. Rodriguez help me get some hospital garbage bags for toxic items. I was too embarrassed to tell him what has been happening to me. I've been having herpe like blisters burst open in my girl parts. I dont let anyone use my restroom. My room and bathroom smell of bleach all day. When I have uncontrollable diarrhea I just sit there on the toilet and cry from the pain I experience everyday. I soak my body in cool baths. I was prescribed some ointment to calm down the sores. I haven't gotten any on my legs or anywhere visible. Which I'm happy about. Giving my dad this one thing that means so much is the little bit I can do to show him my appreciation. Teresa hasn't been around since I told her about me having aids. For Bobby he texts me everyday and comes by the days that aren't too bad for me. Sometimes its weeks before I allow him to come by. There's times when he has came by that I have to be lying down because of how bad it hurts to sit up. I lay plastic on anything I sit on. Just in case I start to bleed. But without anyone knowing I wear diapers to not let any accidents happening. I put on concealer to hide how pale my skin has became. This morning I start to feel like I was coming down with something but I'm ignoring it the best is can. I finally heard my dad knocking on my door. I open it, he's standing there not being able to contain the smile on his face. He puts on a blind fold on me and takes me by my hand. I was so scared that I would fall. But I knew my dad wouldn't let that happen. As soon as we were outside in the backyard he slowly took off my blindfold. All I can see is everyone yelling "surprise!" I was taken by surprise. The whole club was here, my uncle Stephen, brother, and my dad Charlie as well. And to my surprise Bobby was here too. Everyone came up to me and hugged me and rubbed my belly. Trying my hardest not to flinch of the pain of the pressure of everyone touching my belly with the irritated rash I had on the center. I put a wrapping on guaze and medical tape to not let my dress to irritate it more. I guess I didn't hide my expressions too good, because my dad excuses me with him and pulls me into the kitchen and asked me if I was ok. I dont know if it was just my pregnancy or just me feeling overwhelmed but I burst into tears. "Dddh- dad (hiccup) you don't know how bad this is. Nobody knows the hell im going through. And all I want is to be here with you all until I grow old and see my grand kids. But I'm not ever going to. I won't see my little babygirl grow up and deal with all her changes in life. She won't know how it would feel to have me comfort her when she just needs a hug. She won't remember me, my face, my voice dad. How much I wish I can have more time. Dad how much I love you all to for not turning your backs on me. I love what you did today. Im so sorry I'm crying like a crazy person." All my dad did was embraced me and for the first time I heard him sob so hard I couldn't hold back. Together we held each other and cried it all out. We didn't noticed how everyone moved in and made the biggest group hug around us. And they all too were crying.