Before I Sleep

Chapter 10 Lunch Date

Tossing and turning all night didn't help at all. So with very little sleep most likely none, I was pretty much a walking zombie. On top of it all my morning sickness hasn't gone away. Not knowing if it was from my pregnancy or from whats killing me. Trying everything and pretty much nothing is working makes it so frustrating. I force myself in the shower and get ready. My dad Charlie should be arriving soon for our lunch date. Even though its 11am, and I'm pretty much barely waking up. After my shower and getting dress, I put my hair up in a pony tail. I walk into the kitchen a grab some saltine crackers and grape juice. Alteast this will help feed my baby for now. All I can think of is what kind of quality of life will my baby have. And who will be there to raise him or her? So many questions and my time is limited. I have to really start making plans for long term care of my baby. And it all also depends on if the virus is passed on. Hopefully not, but not sure of what will happened. Maybe talking to Charlie can help me with narrowing down my decisions. I know for sure it won't be his wife. As much as it hurts me not to say mom, I can't forgive her for this. I need her the most and she refuses to be here for me. I understand she's scared and everything, but what about me? I'm literally giving my all for this baby to have a chance of life. Im giving up my life for this child that I haven't even held in my arms. But she can easily walk out on me. Not wanting to cry I finish up my crackers and juice. A bit after I hear a knock on the door. I already know who it is. I open the door and there is my dad Charlie standing there, he embraces me and I grab my purse and phone and we leave. Going to my favorite Cafe, we sit and wait to place our order. I start to think of how to start the conversation. Its now or never. "So, dad i wanted to pick your brain about something. Ummm I dont know how to say this so I'll just ask you." He just nodded waiting for me to say what I needed. "OK, so I need to figure out who will raise my baby when I'm no longer here. So far I have about 3 years. So I'm basically on borrowed time. I know my dad would be more than capable to do it. But I dont want to just make him feel forced. My brother I'm not sure, and Stephan he's always traveling for work. And I'm worried that he won't be able to give all his attention. And I know he loves his job. And obviously your wife is out of the question. And what's worrying me even more is if the baby does have the virus what kind of quality of life will it have? And who ever I give custody to, will they be able to handle it all? I don't know what to do?" I just start crying. All he can do was try to calm me down. Then once I calmed down a bit he starts to give me his advice. "OK, let's do this. Let's get you through this pregnancy and once your in the third trimester we will see how the baby is doing. And we will keep talking about who would be the better fit to raise the baby. And once that has been decided we will get it notarized and put in the paper work for them to be legal guardian as soon as you deliver. And they won't step in until you can no longer take care of your baby. And if the baby happens to be born with the virus that same person who will be the legal guardian, they will understand it all and accept the baby no matter what." Nodding and agreeing to finally seeing that i can do this. Made the stress go away a bit. It felt as if my stomach calmed down and I was finally able to be hungry and wanting to eat.