Before I Sleep

Chapter 5 Road to Recovery

I was finally released about 5 hours later. Once I was out my parents asked what home I wanted to be at. I honestly didn't care. All I wanted was my bed. But I knew if I went to my moms Teresa would come over. Not wanting to see her I went to my dad's. My uncle drove my car while I was sitting in the passenger. He asked if I was hungry since I hadn't ate all day. But I couldn't eat. I honestly didn't have an appetite at all. Once we got to my dad's my uncle carried me up stairs and helped me get the tub ready for me. I had to bathe I couldn't take it any longer. He was the only person I could trust to be around besides my parents. He carried me to my bathroom and sat me on top of the toilet seat. He pulled open a towel and turned his head to the side so I can undress. I was only able to take off my top and bra and shoes and socks. He had to help me with my pants. Trying not to look he managed to take them off. Knowing I had to take a few steps into the tub. I got up whimpering at the pain. He kept talking to me and encouraging me to keep moving and that he'll lift me into the tub. Still wrapped in my towel I limped to my tub and as promised he held the towel open and held my hand as best as he could and helped me in. Once my body submerged into the warm bubbly water I sobbed harder. I wanted to feel clean. But no amount of hot water or soap can take it away. He told me he'll be in my room to call for him once I finished bathing. I think I changed my bath water 3xs. And the last time it was hotter than before. Once I scrubbed my body as hard as I was able to, I called for my uncle. He helped me stand and wrapped my body into a towel and carried me to my room. Placing me gently on my bed her gave me my clothes and turned around. I decided that I wouldn't bother with my sweats and my shirt was long enough to cover everything. Once I got into my blankets, I asked him to stay and watch TV with me. He laid next to me and I hugged on to him as tight as I was able to. As if I let go he would disappear. I had drifted off to sleep but not long after I woke up sweating and scared, forgetting where I was at for a split second I started to hyperventilate. My uncle immediately began rubbing my back and tried to calm me down. But it wasn't working. My dad coming into my room running came up to me and hugged me and kept soothing me til I was calm. Afterwards my brother walked in. Not knowing what to say I covered my face feeling ashamed. But he came upto me and hugged me and said that I shouldn't blame myself and he loved me.