A Ticket to Heartbreak

Chapter 3:

The fresh, salty smell of the beach, watching sunrises from my aunt's Stella's beach house in Malibu, a mug of hot chocolate on a cold winter morning, butterflies in stomach.

I could name a million things Joshua's lips reminded me of and made me feel. However after the initial thoughts, my mind went blank and I could feel nothing but his touch; wetness parting my lips, his right hand at the back of my head, pulling me closer into the kiss, fingers entangled in my hair, his left hand caressing my legs.

I lost everything; My senses, my inhibitions, and I wanted nothing but more of his touch and kisses. Soon enough, I was responding back just as strongly as he led and my own fingers found themselves entangled in his messy mop of hair.

Order of nature called and we eventually had to break apart to catch our breaths, lips just inches apart and breathing heavily. Just in that instant, it hit me exactly what was happening, and while I normally would've shied away from it, I found out that there was no inhibition in me. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the way Joshua stared at me like I was the most beautiful thing he ever saw that gave me the confidence to initiate the kiss this time.

Joshua broke away from the kiss just enough time to pull me up with him and push me back on the bed behind us. Hovering over me, he looked through me in a way that made me feel very self conscious, and before I could have second thoughts about all this, he swooped down and I felt his teeth on the side of my neck. I felt this pleasurable tingle pass through my whole body and all I could think was how it could feel so good.

"Oh... Oh fuck." It took me a moment to realize that it was me moaning, and that I wouldn't stop. Joshua's hands and mouth were doing f*****g wonders to my body.

I couldn't decide which one to focus on; him sucking on that sweet spot on my neck, or the hand that slipped under my tube rubbing circles on my n*****s or his other hand that grabbed underneath my thigh and pulled me closer to him, making me hook my leg on his back.

I wove my fingers in his hair and gave it a light tug.

Joshua groaned and came up slightly to look at me. He was breathless when he spoke.

"You... you know what we're about to do, right?" His eyes searched mine and suddenly I was even more breathless. "I want to make sure we're on the same page."

Holding his steel grey gaze made me aware of everything once more and I had a lot of question. However, none of them made it out. One word did instead.

"Yes."

That loud party night, I lost everything I ever held onto to Joshua Rivierre.

JOSHUA

The loudest knock I ever heard in my life startled me out of one of the best dreams I've ever had. And the speed I used to sit up triggered a harder pounding in my head. It felt like tiny carpenters were in in my head, aggressively trying to break through my skull.

"Josh, man! You in there?" Not even the walls or the door could manage to muffle Connor William's booming voice, even by a bit. "Are you dead?"

"f**k off." I groaned, falling back on the bed and using a pillow to pres over my face in an attempt to relieve the hangover headache a bit. It didn't work.

"Guys, the asshole's in here!" Connor boomed to the side. "Dude, take your time, but remember the kitchen's yours to clean up."

I heard him walk away, loudly singing out of tune to a Taylor Swift's song and I wondered how the f**k he was so peachy and without a hangover this morning. Then again, I don't think I saw him drinking last night.

Last night....

Everything that went down last night suddenly came into my mind in HD color and I felt that weight on my chest again. Choking me.

"The only reason I keep up with him is because he's hot and his dad's my dad's boss."

"Yeah my mum supports us just 'cos that can make our dads friends, and then easy promotion for dearest daddy but like no, mum stop."

"Oh please, being with him is a chore. Boring two goodie shoes."

"Also he makes me keep researching on stupid, geeky stuff like space and all."

"No, no. Doesn't make me do it but he talks about it all the time because of this novel he's writing so I have to keep up. A chore, I said."

"What is he, ten? He doesn't even have fun, if the boys don't drag him along."

"Our babies would be cute though, don't you think?"

"Yeah, that was a joke. We definitely won't last that long."

"Yesss! Matt's amaaazing! Bad boy grr."

"Joshua's hotter though but I don't care anymore. Matt gives it better."

Biting down on my lips, I pressed the pillow harder to my face, wondering if I was actually by chance misheard all of this. If there was a chance that someone could be this vain and cruel.

Emily had been someone I saw still with me in the future. When my mind wandered and I imagined a house by tulip fields with two dogs and a toddler waddling around.

I was so damn stupid.

I was supposed to pick her up by 8:30p.m so we could go together to Connor's house for the party but I'd arrived 30 minutes earlier, just so I could spend more time with her. Maybe continue our idea bouncing on a Sci-Fi book I was working on.

It felt amazing. I felt amazing, and lucky.

Having someone so beautiful. Someone who shared interests with me.

A chore, she said.

I had felt amazing. Now it was just pure embarrassment and pain.

I had been the only excited one in this relationship. I had been the only one living in a happy lie. And most probably, I was the only one in love.

Since I knew my parents planned a date night last night and literally almost shooed me and my sister away, I couldn't go back and ruin it. Moments like these were rare for them.

So I had come to Connor's house anyway and....

Suddenly it hit me and I threw the pillow from my face. I looked at both my sides but saw nobody. And I could only identify my clothes hanging messily on the edge of the bed, some on he floor.

Was it all a dream? Did I trigger a lucid dream with my heartbreak?

No, it wasn't. She was here. She was real. She was beautiful.

I looked in me and found out I felt no guilt for basically cheating on Emily. All I wanted right now was to cause her the pain she caused me. Even if she probably wouldn't care.

Many minutes later, I'd taken a shower and grabbed some joggers and a tee from the closet in this room which was basically Connor's second room. He never slept in one room.

The joggers were shorter than my legs but the tee fit, just a little loose. I didn't look too stupid in the mirror though.l

When I looked for the key around the bed, I couldn't find it and it made me wonder how exactly she got out. Through the window? That's impossible. I went to check if the door was open (why then would Connor knock?), and I saw the key on the floor, not too far from the space underneath the door.

Like she left, locked the door and slid the key back in for me.

The tiny act of consideration made me feel strangely warm. She could've chosen to even leave the door ajar on her way out but she chose to give me back my privacy.

Going downstairs, I realized I had no idea where my phone was. I hadn't spotted it in the room, so the next best option to search for it was my car.

The living room was almost immaculately clean, in preparation for Connor's dad arrival this evening. I found Kevin picking up cans in the kitchen, his hair a rival to my own mess and his round glasses perched onto his curved nose.

We called him "pretty angel", a name that annoyed him but his best option was to ignore us— not at all hard for his quiet self. However it was the perfect nickname for him; he was really pretty, for a typical guy and too kind, for a typical human.

Kind enough to do my own share of the chores we divided among ourselves before the party.

His eyes met mine and his eyebrows furrowed slightly. I smiled at him in thanks and went to join him, almost tripping over Harry's sleeping figure on the floor.

"You got us all worried." Kevin said, picking up the trash bag and tilting his head at me. "Everything okay?"

In search for what to do so I wouldn't look like an ungrateful swine, I started rearranging the plates in their racks. "Yeah."

"Stop, there's nothing left to do." Kevin gave a small smile and I sighed, leaning against the sink. "Emily said you were supposed to pick her up last night but left as soon as you came."

My heart tightened at her name. "Mmh."

"We thought you went home but you weren't picking your calls." Kevin went on, eyes on me. "Connor called your sister but she said you left before her."

"Yeah." I replied absentmindedly, hating the way Kevin was cunningly prying for information. He made me think he knew everything that was going on but wanted to hear it from me. "Yeah. Everything's fine though. I wasn't feeling it and I went to bed. Couldn't go home."

Kevin's eyes were fixed on me, and I felt uncomfortable. What did he know?

"Okay then." He finally spoke up. "I'll go throw the trash."

Only when he went out the backdoor did I relax. I don't know what it was about him but he always makes someone feel like he knows everything you're thinking. And so, compelling you to spill everything.

However, knowing what Emily really thought about me and our relationship really bruises my ego. And I'll end it with her as casually as possible to not arouse questions.

And I definitely don't want anyone finding out about her.

After escaping an angry 3 person inquisitive mob of my friends, Farouk and Peter led by Connor, I went outside to check my car for my phone. There it was on the passenger's seat.

I stayed in my car to go through the notifications, lots of missed calls and messages from my friends... and Emily.

There were two missed calls from her and several messages from her. However I froze before I could open the chat to see what she had to say. The message on display took every breath from me.

"I really think I'm pregnant, Joshua."