Tainted: Listening to the Silence

ELEVEN

Oliver

Sal looked so happy. My heart raced in my chest. I loved the fact that I was the one to make him that happy. He threw himself into my arms and hugged me tightly. Then he pulled back and kissed me as if we were alone. It embarrassed me to kiss him in front of his friends. That didn’t stop me from kissing him back though. For a few never-ending minutes I felt as happy as he felt. He pulled back and smiled that warm smile that I was starting to love. And I smiled back at him, happy that he looked so proud of me. The world consisted of him and only him.

And then I felt him tense. He stiffened up in my arms and he looked worried. He looked around at his friends and that was when I noticed the silence. It had never bothered me before. I had spent most of my life in near silence. But there was a difference between my silence and this silence. This silence was charged. I dared to look around and saw that everyone was looking at me. I couldn’t read their faces. I didn’t know what they were thinking. They probably hated the whole thing.

And that possibility hurt so badly. I had loved singing like this so much. My songs had so much depth. The rest of the instruments complimented and completed… me. I didn’t know how to explain it. But if they had liked it, they would’ve reacted like Sal. Instead they just stood there. They didn’t like it. How could they? My voice is horrible, nobody would like it. Except for Sal. Not only did I just make a fool out of myself. Now I had something I’d desire for the rest of my life. Something I would never have.

Gret took a shaky breath. A deep one. As if she hadn’t breathed in the last five minutes. She blinked several times, snapping out of her trance.

“Ollie that was…” Gret started to say, her voice a bit wobbly.

Horrible. Awful. Hideous. Terrible. Disastrous. And I could of about ten more adjectives.

“Incredible,” Dust ended for her, his voice a mere croak.

Gret nodded and sniffled. My eyes narrowed. There was something going on here that I was missing.

“That was… amazing.” Kevin said, awestruck. His voice sounded humble and taken aback. And that was the first time I’d seen him not arrogant. He was sitting in the couch that faced the little stage. Well, if two amps and one microphone on a sort of rug could be called that. He sniffled and turned to look elsewhere. His hand rubbed his eyes.

“I have to agree,” Em said, with a shaky sigh of frustration. Her hand went to the bridge of her nose again. Her index and thumb rubbed her eyes. “I have never seen anyone sing with that much emotion.”

“So… you liked it?” Sal looked as confused as I felt by their lack of response.

“Like it? That was amazing Oliver! The best version of Dear Agony I’ve ever heard,” Gret said, wiping her cheeks, tears running down them. “It was so beautiful, so heartfelt. You really know how to give songs emotions, I mean, I’m fighting the urge to break down sobbing.

“Yeah, I think we’re all fighting the waterworks right now, that’s how amazing your voice is, man!” Dust said, coming over.

“No kidding, here I thought I’d finally killed my heart for once and for all but you had to go and sing and make it hurt. I’ll need to work harder to kill it,” Kevin said.

“Well, he still needs training, but Sal is right, you’ve got lots of raw potential,” Em said her voice thoughtful.

I didn’t really know how to react. I couldn’t even believe they really liked it. I had been teased so badly. They must be as tone deaf as you boyfriend.

As if hearing my thoughts, Sal turned towards me. He gave me a big smile, his eyes dancing with happiness. Then he gave me a smug look and his eyes danced with mischief.

“I told you they would love it, I told you, but did you believe me? No, you didn’t, now here’s a little tip for the future, I’m always right. Even when I’m wrong, I’m right.”

I snorted and arched an eyebrow at him. Really? You’re going to quote Meet the Robinsons at me? Sal tried to look serious, but he ended up smiling and waggling his eyebrows at me. I laughed and smiled at him.

“Thank you,” I said quietly. Then pulled him in for a short kiss. Because I had mercy, unlike some people I knew.

Everyone looked a little surprised. Even after they’d heard me sing. Sal and I arched an eyebrow at them. They seemed to notice how absurd their reactions were and snapped out of it. Then they started praising me again. They told me how great my voice was and how I could be a professional singer.

“I’d send him off to singing classes, but I’m a lot cheaper. I’ll start training you from tomorrow on,” Em said firmly.

What? Seriously? They wanted me to be permanent part of the band? I had just done this for Sal. I wasn’t planning to stay or anything. My heart skipped a beat. They wanted me in their band. What if they don’t like you in the end? What if they decide they don’t want you after all? What if they leave you like everyone else? It would hurt, yes, because I really like singing with them. But if they wound up not wanting me to stay I’d live with it. That was no reason to refuse. Then how about your queasiness with attention? How about composing songs? How about being a public figure that had to speak all the time? Could you deal with that as well? My heart started to race but with panic this time. You’d have to get on stages and sing and talk to thousands of people. Well, but I could maybe… Could maybe what? Cure yourself from being a freak? If you take them up on it you’ll just wind up showing everyone and their mother just how damaged you are. Do you really want that to be on display, for everyone to point at and laugh?

“Ollie? I asked if when you wanted to meet. I thought about the weekends, but I really don’t want to spend my weekends with you. So, I asked you if we could meet after school ends, and then Sal and Dusty come over and we have band practice. Are you listening?” Em asked, getting very annoyed.

No. They wanted me to sing? No. I couldn’t even compose. They wouldn’t want me if they knew. No. I can’t sing. I can’t compose. No. I can’t sing. I can’t. But. Why can’t I sing? They clearly wanted me to. And I loved it so much. Almost as much playing the piano. I wanted to sing for Tainted more than anything ever. But part of Tainted, it meant I’d have to sing in front of other people. Strangers would hear my voice. My horrible voice. I’d have to get on a stage. No. I didn’t do concerts. Not since… Vivaldi’s winter started playing, very low, in the back of my mind. Since that. I’d tried it. I tried playing the violin. I tried going to recitals and concerts again. I’d tried to continue my life. But I couldn’t.

I’d wanted so badly to be the son they’d wanted me to be. But I couldn’t. Why did they have to die? I asked them. I asked them so many times. I begged. They didn’t listen. They didn’t care. They told you to shut up already. Nobody will ever listen. Nobody cares about you. They want you to shut up and stop whining. No. Sal listened. Mom and dad listened. Mina listened. They cared. They did. Who else listens? No one. Your voice isn’t important. Nobody wants to hear you. Just shut up already. Stop talking. Why don’t you give up? No. My voice is important. I’m important. I am. You’re a freak, who would care about you? No. Stop it. Shut up. But I was telling myself to shut up. Why was I constantly fighting myself? Why couldn’t I be normal again? Why was I like this? I hated it.

Someone touched me and I jumped. My eyes opened. When had I closed them? Sal stood in front of me, giving me this worried look. My chest got even tighter. What had I done? I looked around and everyone looked worried too. They’d seen it. They’d seen me break down. I felt stupid. Broken. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t sing. I felt so ashamed. Now they knew I couldn’t be what they wanted me to be. You could never be what they wanted you to be either. Shut up. I tried to get a hold of myself. I didn’t want this people to see. Too late. You’ve already showed them how much of a freak you are.

Sal touched me again, and again I jumped.

“Oliver focus on me ok? Look at me.”

I tried to calm down my breath and focus on Sal.

“Do you want to talk?”

Did I want to tell him? Did I want to explain? I had to at least. He had to understand. I wanted him to know. I didn’t want him to think I was crazy. Not him. I nodded.

“Do you want to talk here or go home?”

“Home,” I whispered only for him. My hands were shaking too much. I couldn’t sign. “Please, I need to go. They’re looking at me. They’re watching. I want my piano. Please.”

Sal looked into my eyes, holding them for a few seconds, trying to still my racing heart, trying to calm me down, give me support and nodded. He closed his eyes and sighed. He’s already tired of you. You’re so high maintenance. You’re a bother. He didn’t want to leave. He was going to leave because of me. But I wouldn’t make him leave. I didn’t want to be a bother.

I grabbed my bag and practically ran out the door. In the distance I thought people were protesting. I thought they might be telling me to stay. But I couldn’t, I really couldn’t. I needed my piano. I needed my privacy. Their attention on me made my skin crawl. Vivaldi’s winter was roaring by now. I couldn’t think clearly. I needed to go.

I walked to my house, quickly. I needed mi piano. My mind wouldn’t shut up. I wanted all this to end. I wanted to be normal. Talk. Compose. Sing. No more memories. No more Vivaldi tormenting me. No more endless song. I wanted silence in my mind. I wanted everything to just shut the hell up. I walked faster. I needed my music. My piano. I needed to play. No, what you need is a psychiatric hospital.

Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP! I stopped in the sidewalk and held my head in my hands. I willed the stupid voice to just shut the hell up already. Someone touched me. I thought my heart would jump out of my chest. I jumped about three feet away. It was very dark and I couldn’t see well. I could only see a shadow. Who was there? My eyes adjusted to the light of the moon and I saw Sal. Sal. He had followed me.

He got close to me again and touched my hand. I didn’t jump this time. He pulled me to him and hugged me tightly. I was an inch or two shorter than him and it had to look awkward. He was holding me and I was clinging on to him desperately. But it felt right for me. His touch was just what I needed. I needed the contact, the comfort. I needed someone. I needed Sal.

We stood on the sidewalk like that for a while. Sal didn’t pull back and I didn’t either. Until I felt like I had control over my emotions. Then I pulled back and Sal let me. But he kept an iron-like grip on my hand. Not that I was complaining or anything. He probably wanted to keep me from running away again. It was stupid, but the gesture made my heart melt. I felt cared for.

He started walking in the direction of our houses. He pulled me by the hand at first, but then and I went willingly. We didn’t talk, and we didn’t need to. I was content with just his hand in mine. His touch gave me the silent support I needed. We got to our street and he started walking towards my house. I pulled on his hand to stop him. I didn’t want to be in my house. My parents would be there. They’d notice something was wrong. They always did. And they’d ask too many questions. And give me too much attention. Right when I wanted to be alone. Don’t get me wrong. I really liked the Andels. They were great parents most of the time. Except when they pestered me with questions. But from what I understood that was their job. Sal turned to look at me with questioning eyes.

“Your house,” I said.

Sal looked at me for a few seconds before nodding. He turned to walk to his house instead. No questions asked. I liked that. Sal didn’t pressure me for answers. I guess I would tell him about my past at some point. As would he. But I loved that there was no pressure to know absolutely everything about each other. We walked into the house. Sal tried to escape his mothers but couldn’t.

“Hey, Ollie,” Mina said as she poked her head from the kitchen. She took a longer look at me and frowned. But then she gave me a warm smile. “Welcome.”

“Hey,” Ash said. She was just coming down the stairs.

She eyed me for a few seconds before turning to look at Sal.

“I want that door open.”

Sal rolled his eyes and nodded. He brushed past his mother and pulled me up the stairs. She continued to eye me. I gave her a small nervous smile. I kind of got the feeling that she didn’t like me. Like at all. But I also got the feeling that it had nothing to do with me. I didn’t think it was me personally that she didn’t like. It was what I represented. I wasn’t sure if her dislike was for anyone that got close to her precious boy. Or for potential boyfriends. Once inside Sal’s bedroom, he let go of my hand. He sighed in frustration.

“Ignore her Ollie, she just puts up a mean front to scare people, don’t let her fool you, she’s all mellow and sweet on the inside.”

I doubted that. Her dislike felt very real to be fake. But I didn’t say that, instead I offered Sal my hand again. I needed him. He grabbed it with a warm smile and I pulled him over to me. I hugged him tightly and he hugged me back. There was no need to talk. I didn’t need words. I pulled him over to the bed. I stared into his blue eyes. I felt everything in me settle. My chest fluttered. My eyes strayed to his very tempting mouth. I started leaning into him. I loved kissing Sal. I could do it for hours on end. Sal met me halfway. I kissed him gently at first, nipping gently on his lower lip. I played with his snake bites. I loved them so much. I loved his lips. I loved his kisses. I loved his touch. And then suddenly the kiss wasn’t as gentle anymore.

He bit my lip and I moaned softly. A shiver went through my body and I was hard. He took that opportunity to push his tongue into my mouth. The playful nipping turned to full out biting. I was vaguely aware of my tongue wrestling with his for dominance. My mind was overtaken by the intensity of the kiss, the need, and the desperation. And then it wasn’t enough. I wanted more. I wanted to feel more, see more. Images of Sal’s naked chest, the curve of his hips as they became thigh. The very obvious tent under the sheets. That day I’d wanted the sheet to slip a bit more. To show me more of his body. My hands moved under his shirt. His skin was so warm. Sal gasped against my lips. My d**k throbbed.

I heard steps getting closer. I couldn’t help but jump away like I’d been branded. My heart pounded hard in my chest. I felt like it would break my sternum. God. What had I been thinking about? We were in Sal’s house and both his moms where right here.

Sal looked a little confused and then he looked scared. My fear tripled as I took Sal in. His clothes were rumpled. His hair was a bit of a mess. His lips were red and swollen. The steps continued down the hall. When they faded away my heart finally began to calm down. And with the calm came the embarrassment. I felt my cheeks turn red. That hadn’t been a good idea. Definitely. Sal looked calmer too. He’d smoothed down his clothes and made his hair a bit less of a mess. He gave me sheepish smile when he noticed my gaze on him.

“Sorry about that.”

I didn’t really know what he was apologizing about but I nodded. He gave a warm smile for a few seconds. Then his eyes brightened with excitement and he went over to his guitar. I understood without him having to tell me. He wanted me to sing for him. And I would. I liked singing for him. I liked the way he looked when he heard my voice. I liked the effect I had on him. At first singing had been hard. I wasn’t used to using my voice so much. I was very insecure, even though I trusted Sal. But now it was second nature. I couldn’t imagine not singing for Sal. My thoughts took a dark turn. Why was it ok to sing for him? Why was it alright to sing for his friends, people I barely knew? But I panicked at the sole idea of singing for a crowd? I barely knew the people in that garage today. Just like I would barely know the people standing in front of me in a concert. So, why couldn’t I? Because you’re a freak.

“Sal,” I said involuntarily.

I had to talk to him. I had to explain what happened in band practice earlier. I need him to know that I wasn’t crazy. That there was a reason. He’ll think you’re a freak. No, he won’t. Sal turned around, his guitar in his hand, and gave me a questioning look. I opened my mouth but my throat closed up. He’ll think you’re crazy. You’re messed up. You’re damaged Ollie. You’re a broken toy. Nobody in their right mind would want you. Shut up. Sal’s not like that. My throat got so tight it hurt. Stupid f*****g voice. It always deserted me right when I needed it most. I resigned myself to sign language.

“Sorry about band practice today. I didn’t mean to… I had a… It’s just that… Look. I can’t sing.”

He frowned not understanding.

“I thought, we’d already talked about this, you can sing Ollie, and you do so beautifully, everyone in that room was impressed. You sing with such emotion, your voice is so great, that we were all moved to tears, even Kevin and Emerald who are impervious to feelings.”

I shook my head. He wasn’t understanding. I wasn’t talking about that.

“No. I mean I can’t sing for Tainted. Or any band. I can’t sing for a crowd. I can’t get on a stage. I can’t Sal. I’ve tried it before. It was a complete disaster. It’s been years since I last got on a stage.”

“But you sang in front of Em and Dust, and Ennie and Kev, and you did so without any type of problem or stutter. You were nervous in the beginning, yes, but that’s normal, everyone get nervous, but then you stopped thinking about them and focused on the music and you relaxed.”

I was momentarily confused. I played the signs he’d made again. There was the sign for Em, which was the letter m. Then there was the sign for Dusty and Dust, which was the literal sign for dust. Then he spelled… Ennie. He did. I was sure of it. And then he made the sign for arrogant, which stood for Kevin. But who was Ennie? Did he mean Gretchen? Was that his nickname for her? When had he come up with it?

“Ennie?” I asked simply, instead of giving voice to my thoughts.

“Yeah, Gretchen, I shortened it to En and then added the -ie because I didn’t want to confuse her with Em, plus her name is too f*****g long.”

I snorted. Sal always found nicknames for everyone. I had no doubt at all that he’d find a sign for Ennie if she stayed in our lives. About a week after I asked him to call me Ollie, he assigned the piano sign to me. It made me feel happy to be a piano in sign language. I felt like he somehow knew who many times I wished I could become a piano.

“I don’t know the logic behind it. My theory is this: Em, Dust, and Kevin are your friends. Ennie is becoming your friend too. You trust them, and I trust you. By extension I trust them too. Also, they aren’t a crowd. And the garage isn’t a true stage. But a venue? A hall filled with hundreds of people? I can’t do that Sal. I’ve tried and I can’t.”

Sal frowned at me for a few seconds. He looked like he had questions buzzing in his head. I thought he was going to make me explain further. I didn’t know how to feel. It was a mess. I didn’t want to explain what had happened. I liked the memories to stay away from me. At the same time I wanted him to ask. I wanted to tell him. I hadn’t ever told anyone what happened that day. The whole situation and circumstance. The desire to tell someone was a little unexpected. But I wanted to share the weight of my past with someone. It has felt so liberating when I talked to him the last time.

And then the mess was cleared. I wanted to tell him.

I patted the bed beside me. Sal understood and put his guitar down again. He came to sit by me, looking a bit confused. But that was alright. I would explain it all. I trusted him. He didn’t judge me. He cared about me. He always listened and tried to understand. My throat loosened and I took a deep breath. Thank you, voice.

“I told you my parents died nine years ago in a car accident,” I said quietly.

Sal nodded. Yes, I remember that, he seemed to be telling me.

“They died during the last concert I ever attended. That was the last time I ever played the violin, too,” I said quietly.

Sal did that thing he had done before. He didn’t say anything but he was looking into my eyes. Like before, I could tell that he was really listening. That he was hanging onto my every word.

“I wasn’t scheduled to play until after they played the Four Seasons by Vivaldi. It was around winter that a friend of my mother’s pulled me aside. She told me that my parents had been in an accident. That we needed to go to the hospital. I think I was shocked for the first few minutes. The woman tried to pull me, to make me walk. But I was frozen. And then I knew. I just knew that they had died. My heart hurt too much for them to be alive. And I began to cry. Loudly. I was aware of my screams travelling through the auditorium. I knew that I was ruining the concert. But I didn’t care. My pain was too big to keep it bottled. It was a disaster. The concert had to be paused while I left.”

Sal’s eyes widened. He was probably thinking the same thing I was. How could she tell me something like that in front of so many people? What had she expected from me? Did she expect my not to react to my parents death? I was only eight years old. It was obvious I would cry. And it was obvious that I’d cause a scene. A very embarrassing one. But I hadn’t cared at the time.

Then Sal’s eyes got teary. I felt my throat getting tight. But it wasn’t betraying me. I was just too close to tears. I swallowed to try dislodging the lump in my throat. I had more to say.

“After that I tried to carry on with their plans. I knew they wanted me to have a future in music. And I tried Sal. I really did try to play the violin again. I tried going to concerts. I tried to attend competitions again. I tried to compose. I tried to live like I had when they were alive. But I couldn’t. My body froze. My mind went blank. My fingers fumbled and tangled. At some point Vivaldi’s damn winter would start playing in my mind. It would start very soft and grow to a wall of sound. A wall that kept rational thought outside. It got to a point where just thinking about it makes me panic.”

Sal touched my hand to get my attention. He looked so sad. Tears were running down his cheeks.

“You don’t have to sing for Tainted if you don’t want to.”

And I felt grateful that he understood. That he was giving me a way out. But it also broke my heart into a million little pieces. It hurt so badly. Because I truly wanted it. I felt like a part of me was being ripped out.

“I do. I want to sing for Tainted. I want to be part of Tainted. I want it so bad that it physically hurts, Sal. But I don’t want to panic like I did back then. It was so humiliating. I would just stand there in the middle of the stage. Doing nothing. The people were waiting for me to play. And I couldn’t. My fingers, my body, my mind wouldn’t cooperate. And they became angry and impatient. And told me to get off the stage if I wasn’t going to play. But I couldn’t even move. The panic wouldn’t let me. And someone would have to push me of drag me off the stage. It was a disaster. I can’t go through that again, Sal. I can’t. I can’t sing for you. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I can’t help you because I’m too broken,” I whispered, and my voice cracked at the end.

The sadness overwhelmed me. The tears rolled down my cheeks. My throat hurt from how tight it felt. I tried to keep things in. I tried to pull myself together. But when I felt Sal’s arms around me, I couldn’t. His touch, his care, his comprehension, broke down my walls. For the second time since I met him I sobbed and wailed in his arms. He caressed my back. Played with my hair. Wiped my tears. Every touch made a bit of the crushing sadness inside me leak out. Until it left my body completely.

I stopped crying after that, but Sal never took his arms off me. He’d pulled me little by little while I cried until we were spooning in his bed. He was the big spoon and I was the little one. My eyes were swollen and heavy. And I felt so tired. So safe, so warm in this bed. Sleep tried to drag me in. I had enough brain cells to grab my phone and text my mom. I think I told her I’d stay over at Sal’s today. But I don’t remember exactly. I was more asleep than awake when her reply arrived. She told me it was okay. I pushed the phone away and I cuddled further into Sal.

Somewhere along the way the embrace had stopped being about comfort. Now it was about being held by the most important person to me in the world.

I was a step away from deep sleep, when I felt Sal leave the bed. I opened my eyes and saw him standing beside the bed. I saw him leave. My mind asked him where he was going but my mouth never moved. Tiredness won the best of me. I had already fallen asleep when, what felt like a few seconds later, the bed moved. I opened my eyes again to see a smiling Sal. He climbed back into the bed. He pushed into my arms and cuddled contently into my chest. Instinctively, I held him tighter against me. I felt his body move with every breath. The movement was rhythmic and lulled me back to sleep.

I dreamed of the accident that night. The memories were too fresh. It was only natural that I’d dream about that. It was still torture. I would be eight again, wailing for my parents. Screaming at the woman. I’d tell her that she was lying, that my parents couldn’t be dead. The adults were telling me to be quiet. They were very polite at first. But then patience ran out. And they screamed at me to shut up. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.

I woke up a few times during the night, drenched in sweat. I was in near panic not knowing where I was. But Sal would be there, holding me. That was all it took to calm me down. Every time I woke and saw Sal, a sort of peace would come over me. My heart would slow down. I’d hold Sal tightly to me. I would feel him breathe. And I would go back to sleep again.

At some point of the night, I took off my jeans and shirt. The room felt stuffy. The clothes were soaked in sweat. I left my boxers on. Somewhere in my mind I was half aware this wasn’t my house or my bed. Somewhere I knew I couldn’t just take my clothes off. Even if they were sticky with sweat.

My biological clock woke me up and I tried to resist. I hadn’t slept well, and I was still tired. However, my body wouldn’t let me fall back asleep. I had to go to school. But I was so warm and comfy I didn’t really want to get up. Sal stirred in my arms and turned around to face me. He cuddled into my chest. Oh. I wanted to stay in this bed forever. But I had to wake up. I cracked my eyes open, confirming it actually was morning. Then I closed them again and yawned. I hugged Sal tighter and he stirred again.

“’Morning,” I whispered into Sal’s ear.

A shiver went through his body. I wondered what was up until I felt something hard twitch against my hip. I blushed, finally noticing how much skin was in contact right now. Sal was only wearing shirt and his boxer briefs. I also noticed that my erection was nestled in the hollow of Sal’s hip. I expected Sal to wake up. But he gave no sign of waking up. Nor of letting me go. Not that I was complaining.

“Sal. School. We need to wake up,” I whispered into his ear.

He made a strange sound. It sounded like garbled words. I wasn’t sure what was going on. But then sleep left my brain, and I understood. Sal was talking. Sal was mute but that didn’t mean he couldn’t make sound. He had to have vocal chords, like we all did. There was just something different with him and he couldn’t talk. My thoughts turned dark. I had functional vocal chords and just didn’t want to use them. Sal probably wished, constantly, for functioning vocal chords. I felt like an ungrateful piece of s**t. Sal had never said anything, but I knew that Ash saw the dark and sinister irony. An irony I had only just seen.

Sal stirred again and turned his head up to look at me with a frown. I knew already what he was asking. What’s wrong? Sal was so sensitive to the mood changes. To the posture of someone’s body. To someone’s silence. To the pauses in a conversation. He could tell what you wanted to say just by taking a look at your face. He probably felt me tense and knew something was going on in my head. I was too comfy holding Sal to use sign language. My throat was behaving, so I decided to talk. A thought popped into my head. When had talking to Sal become so easy? I pushed it away and focused on Sal’s disbelief.

“It’s nothing,” I lied. Sal arched his eyebrow at me. He was telling me he was not buying my act for a single second.

“It’s just…” I started and trailed off. I didn’t know how to express correctly what I had been thinking. “I feel horrible because I can talk but don’t,” I whispered feeling ashamed and horrible, like a monster or something. “And you…” But the words never made it out. I couldn’t say it. But I thought Sal could hear what I wasn’t saying.

Sal stared at me for long seconds. He held my eyes, searching them. I knew the pause lasted a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity. Sal looked away and sighed. Then he opened his mouth as if to say something. But all that came out was a horrible jumble of sounds. It sounded kind of like the yetis from Rise of the Guardians. But within those sounds I heard the tone and the intonation of words. They were garbled but I identified a few stray words. Sal was talking, or what he could do of it. He stopped and looked at me again. I gave him a questioning look. I didn’t really understand what the point was. He looked a little sad when he pulled back to explain.

“I was born with a speech disorder, there’s something wrong with the muscles of my tongue and my vocal chords, they didn’t develop right. I spent many years and money in speech therapy, which is something like physiotherapy, where they insisted that I could talk like everyone else if I worked hard. And I guess that if I had finished the program, if I had learned to control my muscles, if I had finished developing them, I would be able to sort of talk. But I gave up because it took me eight years to achieve something that sounded like words if you listened really hard but really just couldn’t be understood.

“No matter what the doctors said, how much they insisted, I knew that no matter how much I tried, I would never speak normally. And even though they denied it at first, I felt like the disorder got worse as time went by, I felt the muscles were moving even less. Two years after I’d given therapy up, I was ten, I’d taken my usual tests to see how my vocal chords were evolving, the doctor told me that my vocal chords were slowly but surely paralyzing. He said that at some point in time, as time went by, I wouldn’t be able to make sounds anymore, so I decided to live like I was mute and deal with that.”

I was a little taken aback. It had never occurred to me that he could talk. Albeit he would probably go completely mute before he could talk properly. But he had been given the choice and decided not to.

“I chose this myself, I knew what I was getting into when I refused to continue therapy, so don’t feel guilty and don’t feel bad for me. Yeah, when I listen to your voice, it reminds me of when I was little and wished I was normal and could talk like other people. My dream was to have a voice like yours and I guess I never really let go of those dreams, but it doesn’t mean I hold it against you. If anything, having the voice of my dreams is a benefit for you, because it makes me like you more.”

Sal smiled one of his warm smiles, his eyes dancing with mischief. I couldn’t help but feel a little tug in my chest. He was just something else. Something great. And I had the luck of being with him. It was so unbelievable. I didn’t know what deity decided to smile at me and put him in my life. Furthermore, I didn’t know how he could be falling in love with me. He hadn’t said anything, of course. It was too soon. But I could tell that’s what was happening. To both of us. I was falling for him too. And it scared me a little because we’d known each other for two months. But I also couldn’t help feeling happy at the same time. I knew now that I had never fallen in love before. Nothing had ever felt like this.

I pulled Sal into my chest again and hugged him tightly. He tilted his head up and asking for a kiss. So, I gave it to him. It started out innocent and gentle. I merely wanted to reassure him. To express my blooming love for him. But as the kiss continued things grew heated. Sal pressed against me. Our hips were flush against each other. I blushed even as I kept kissing him. This was the first time we felt each other’s erections consciously. My hands wandered under his shirt and I felt his heated skin. Sal gasped and shivered. His hips bucked, pushing his hard-on against mine. He reacted so beautifully. I couldn’t help but want to touch him more.

My hands moved up, trailing his back. I felt lean and firm muscle. Somewhere I was surprised. I’d been expecting to feel pointy bones. I touched and caressed him, mesmerized by the feel. The feel of his skin under my hands as I touched him. The way his body felt pressed against mine. The way his hands felt roaming all over my body. It was so erotic. My hands ended their exploration on the small of his back. I faltered when I felt the elastic of his underwear. I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to feel more skin. I wanted more of Sal. Out of their own accord my hands dipped under the elastic.

I felt him tremble in my arms. My erection throbbed. His reactions turned me on so much. My hands continued their path. I felt the rise of his ass cheeks and my hips bucked. I grabbed a cheek in each hand and him against me. I bucked again, feeling our erections brush against each other. Sal moaned into my mouth. It was the first time I ever heard him seriously moan. I became immediately addicted. It was the most sensual sound I had ever heard. I wanted to make him moan more.

One of my hands pulled out of his underwear. It went to the front of his boxers to feel his c**k, pushing against the cloth. Oh God. Sal moaned again. He pulled right off my mouth and laid his forehead on my shoulder. I felt his breath against my skin and tightened my hold on him. He moaned. So sexy. I wanted more. His neck was right there. I kissed it because it seemed lonely. Sal shivered in my arms. I opened my mouth, licking and nibbling on his neck. I needed more. I pulled down his waistband and set his c**k and balls free. I held him again. But Sal made no noise.

I pulled away from his neck, to look at him. He had a little frown and was biting his lower lip hard. I paused to grab his chin. He opened his eyes. They were unfocused from arousal. I kissed him and sucked on that poor lower lip. I nibbled on his lip and then played with his snake bites. Sal moaned into my mouth. All was right in the world again. My hands resumed what they had been doing. I tightened my hold and pressed my thumb against the tip. Sal gasped and writhed. His hips moved steadily now, forward and backward. I was jerking him off now. I pulled back a little. His eyes were half lidded and hazy. Lost in pleasure.

Beautiful. Everything about him was just beautiful.

My hips bucked. My erection was nestled in the hollow of Sal’s hip. I groaned wishing for more contact. Sal faltered. His eyes focused on mine. He seemed to snap out of his trance. His hands moved from my hips were they’d stopped. One hand pulled down the waistband of my boxers. The palm of the other pressed against me. Oh God. I moaned and kissed him with renewed passion. Sal wrapped his fingers around me. He started to slowly move up and down. My hand moved at his pace. Then our c***s touched and we both groaned.

Things got frantic, desperate. Both of us wanted more of that touch. But we didn’t have enough brain cells working to get there. My brain cooperated and I let go of him. My hand moved to his ass along with my other hand. I pulled him into me, moving my hips so we rubbed together. Sal understood my plan and pulled his hand away from me too. He grabbed my hips and held on for dear life. We both moaned when our erections rubbed together. Oh dear God. This was the best idea I’d ever had.

It felt so good. His skin as so hot. So silky and smooth. I loved feeling him against me. Not just because our skin rubbed against each other. Not just because my c**k felt good. No, it was because Sal’s c**k was touching my skin. That idea turned me on more than anything else. Our hips continued to move and buck. It wouldn’t take much longer. It felt too good. I could feel the tension in my body rise. My ball sack pulled up into my body. I started grinding harder, faster, against Sal. Just a bit more. Sal. I became frantic, my movements erratic. Sal. So close. Sal.

“Sal.” The words tumbled out without my consent.

Sal shivered and moaned. He bucked against me and I felt warmness spill between us. Maybe it was that feeling and the noise he made. Maybe it was the way he shuddered and trembled in my arms. Maybe it was all things together and finally pushed me over. I groaned and bucked my hips, getting a little more sensation. But then I became too sensitive.

I stopped moving. My breathing was labored. My body felt like jelly. Sal pressed closer to me. He was panting as well, his breath skating over my skin. He probably needed closeness and warmth. My arms wrapped around him and hugged him tightly. I didn’t care about the come drying between us. I didn’t care if it spilled onto the bed and we made a mess. I only cared about his skin against mine. I only cared about holding the boy I was beginning to love.

It was right then that his mom decided to knock on the door. I guessed it was Ash from the force of it.

“Sal! You’re going to be late for school! And I thought I said I wanted this door open!” Ash yelled.

Hey. I guessed right. I wished I’d been wrong. Having Mina knock would’ve been better. Ash tried the door. My heart stopped beating and I froze. In my mind. I saw the face she’d make when she saw us naked in bed. But the door was locked. Ash wouldn’t see us naked. My heart began to beat again. But with fear.

“Salvador!” Ash yelled, anger dripping from her voice. “Open this door right now!”

I pulled back and stared wide eyed at Sal. He’d locked the door! How could he! Did he want us both to be killed? Thank God he did though. Just the thought of Ash catching us like this made me want to die from shame. He gave me a devilish smile. And I understood that us having s*x had been the plan all along. I blushed, partly because I’d been played. Partly because I was glad I’d been played. God, he was going to be the death of me. And most probably the perpetrator would be his mom.

Sal told me to go shower and I ran. I did I admit it. Anything to get away from Ash’s demands of Sal to open the f*****g door right the f**k now. I got into the shower and cleaned myself quickly. I didn’t want to give myself time to think about what Sal and I had been doing. To think about what would’ve happened if that door hadn’t been locked. When I was done, I dried myself with a towel. I brushed my teeth and left the bathroom. Sal’s mom was there. She stood there, talking to him. And I was only wearing a towel. Ash looked at me and raised an eyebrow at Sal. Then turned back to glare at me.

My cheeks heated. My chest and abdomen got so tight it hurt. My mind screamed at me to go back to the bathroom. To run away. But my body was frozen. My muscles were too tense. Sal probably noticed that I was on the border of a panic attack. He ushered her out the room and closed the door behind her. Ash said she wanted us in the kitchen in twenty minutes. If not, she’d ban me from staying over completely. Sal turned to me and rolled his eyes.

“Just ignore her, she’s just putting up a mean front.”

He always told me that. I wasn’t a second closer to believing him. I was aware that she’d hate any boy that went out with Sal, but that boy was me. But I didn’t tell him that. I just nodded and went to get dressed. I realized then that once again I had no clothes to wear. I was just turning to Sal when a shirt and a pair of jeans hit me in the face. I grabbed them and saw him wink. Then he went into the bathroom.

I looked at the clothes Sal had chosen. I found myself taken aback. It was a tank top that had probably been a normal t-shirt before the sleeves were ripped off. The jeans looked like they wouldn’t even fit me. And well, I never wore clothes like this. I faltered. Then I shrugged and put the clothes on. I trusted Sal. He wouldn’t give me these clothes if he didn’t think they’d look good on me. Sal seemed to have a fixation with me trying new things. I guessed he was right. I did have to try new things. I’d spent too long stuck in my let’s-be-invisible clothes. This change might be good.

I ran a hand through my still wet hair thinking about what to do with it. It was a shaggy mess. But now that I analyzed it, it looked like a good shaggy mess. I normally wore it to one side, but I thought about Sal telling me to try new things. Maybe I should leave it like this for today? Trying another new thing wouldn’t hurt me. Yeah. I would leave it like this for today.

Right then Sal came out of the bathroom already dressed. His bangs draped over his forehead and pushed to one side. Like he always wore it. He was wearing his jean jacket. A band t-shirt that was ripped and held together with safety pins. A pair of skinny jeans that were ripped and frayed. And another pair of Chuck Taylors. He looked as gorgeous as ever. He eyed me and gave that devilish smirk of his. My cheeks blushed and mi d**k tried to stand up. I pleaded with him to behave. Sal’s devilish smile turned just that much sexier. He’d probably noticed I was halfway to hard. He sauntered over to me. Giving me another heated look over.

“You look hot.”

He winked at me. Then he wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me. I hugged him back, the kiss growing passionate. Then he pulled back, his eyes dancing with mischief. I blushed and gave him a small shy smile.

“Thanks,” I whispered.

“I want you both down here right now!” I heard Ash yell from downstairs.

Sal rolled his eyes and grabbed my hand, lacing our fingers together. We walked to the kitchen where both of his moms were waiting for us. Mina smiled and Ash glared at me. She knew. She knew what we had been doing. She somehow knew it. I was sure. I did my best not to show my nervousness. I gave them the best smile I could manage.

“Good morning Ollie. You want jam or butter with your toasts?” Mina asked in her sweet voice.

“Jam, please.”

Ash looked weirdly at me when I used sign language. I guess she was thinking about what an asshole I am for using sign language. She’s thinking that you’re a liar. Her glare made me nervous under and I started to fidget. My thoughts from before came back to me. I could talk but chose not to. I felt Sal squeeze my hand and turned to look at him. He gave me that warm smile that I was seriously starting to love. I looked at him for a few seconds. Finally, my breathing got easier. The nervousness left. In its place, I felt the calm Sal always seemed to feel. I remembered what Sal had told me today. He’d had a choice. He’d chosen not to talk all by himself. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to finish settling my thoughts. I opened them and smiled at him. A full smile, no limiting myself. I noticed that they were starting to feel more natural. Before they’d felt odd and awkward.

I heard Ash clear her throat and I turned to look at them again. Mina placed two plates on the island where we were eating. I reluctantly let go of Sal’s hand to grab my toasts and spread jam on them. My plan was to eat silently. Then Sal and I would go to school. And, somehow, I’d avoid his moms noticing my nervousness. But Ash had other plans for our morning.

“The next time he stays here he sleeps in the couch,” Ash said in her usual menacing tone. I felt like I was a very dangerous criminal that could kill his son in no time.

Sal choked on his toast and I handed him a glass of juice. I patted him on the back as he drank it. When he recovered, he turned to glare at his mom. Oh God. I had a bad feeling about this.

“Why does he have to stay in the couch when he can stay in my room?”

“Because I don’t trust him,” Ash said. She eyed me like I was something disgusting a cat dragged in. My heart rate began to climb again. No, calm down. Calm down Oliver.

“Well, news flash, he’s my boyfriend and I trust him, isn’t that enough for you?”

I felt myself blush at that. Boyfriend? Wow. I’d thought of him as my boyfriend but we hadn’t made it official. Then again after what we had done today, we were definitely boyfriends. I’d had boyfriends. But it felt a little different when Sal called me that. Not different bad. A different that made me feel like there where literal butterflies in my stomach.

“I don’t care who he is. I. Don’t. Trust. Him. For all I know he can be like that Brent kid was. Don’t you understand that I don’t want you to be hurt again?!” Ash said, clearly getting angry.

My eyes widened at that. Brent? Brent and Sal had history? But I didn’t understand what she meant. Sal getting hurt again? It had happened before? And then it sank in. Oh. Brent was the one responsible for what happened to Sal in freshman year. So, the homophobic asshole was gay. Not just that. He’d gone out with Sal. And then he’d gone and stuck him in a locker for almost two days. I suddenly felt a renewed hatred towards Brent. No matter the circumstances that led to it. That was a very dangerous thing he’d done. To the most important person in my life. I was so going to kill him the next time he even dared to look at Sal. Sal let out a garbled shout. I was startled out of my thoughts right one time to catch the end of what Sal was signing.

“Why? Why do you always have to bring that up? Why do keep reminding me of what happened? Do you think I don’t remember what that asshole did to me every single motherfucking day?”

Only then did I notice Sal was crying. Not just that, he also looked pissed. I had never seen him cry. Or that angry. Or curse in front of his mothers. This had to stop right now. No matter how much Ash scared me. I wouldn’t not let her hurt Sal.

“Salvador Rafael Dower you will not talk to me like that!” Ash yelled, getting angrier.

“Stop it! You’re hurting him!” I said firmly.

“¡Ya basta!” Mina said at the same time.

Sal and Ash stopped fighting and turned to look at us. Ash stared at her wife and Sal at me.

“School,” I said, getting up and dragging Salvador behind me.

“Where are you going? We’re not done-” Ash started to yell.

“Oh, you are done,” Mina said. Somehow, I managed not to turn around and stare. Through the same magic I managed to keep on walking towards the door. Mina sounded angry. Much like her son I had never seen her that mad. “Que sea la última vez, Ashlyn, que tú le haces esto a Salvador. ¿No viste como lloraba? ¿No viste cuanto daño le hiciste? ¡Pena es lo que debería darte! ¡Su novio tuvo que intervenir! ¡Ese niño no ha sido más que un santo! ¡Un pan de Dios! ¡Y tú vas y lo insultas en frente de Salvador como si no fuera nada!”

I closed the door behind us when we left. Mina’s screams were only slightly muffled. I could still hear her singing my praises as she chewed Ash out. I slowed down when we were at least two blocks away. I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I’d confronted Ash while she was angry. Oh my God. What a disaster. I’d have to tell my parents to start planning my funeral. Ash was going to kill me. She would. No doubt about it. But I’d been so brave. Stupid, yes, but brave.

The whole thing played all over again in my mind. Mina’s Spanish was perfect. Flawless. I was certain now. She was Latin American. Or her family was. I guess that explained Sal’s name. But I was still impressed. Mina’s English was just as flawless. Had she…

Sal’s sigh took me out of my mind. I turned and my heart broke. He looked miserable. He was still crying. He tried to wipe the tears away but he was too angry. He only managed to make a mess. I took his face in my hands and wiped them away carefully. I touched him tenderly, knowing he needed love and care right now. He pushed me away and held my gaze.

“Sorry about that.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. If it was me, I would’ve been angry too.”

“Yeah, I guess.” That was the first sign I got that Sal was very upset. He normally talked a lot. But he was only giving me short answers. I was worried but decided to smile instead. He needed me to give him support. I had to be strong for him. Like he’d been strong for me before.

We kept walking in silence. But this was not our usual companionable silence. This one was tense. Charged with energy. Like the smallest of movements would generate an explosion. I felt like there was a big elephant in the room that we were ignoring. And I also felt like I had to tip toe around it. Like if I woke it up, it would bring the whole house down. I guessed he was probably waiting for me to ask him about it. Like I had been waiting for him to ask me before. But I wasn’t going to pressure him to tell me anything. If he didn’t want to tell me, then he didn’t have to.

“Sal…” I started to whisper but Sal interrupted me. He turned around fast and stood in front of me looking angry.

“Look, I don’t want to talk about, and that’s it, I never pressured you about your past, so I expect you to give me space and allow me my privacy like I let you have yours.”

“Sal, You don’t have to-” I started to whisper again.

“What Ollie? I don’t have to what? Get mad? It’s not all that easy you know, talking about your past, and I respected that, why can’t you respect me like I respected you? You really-”

“You don’t have to tell me,” I interrupted him, talking loudly to make him listen. He clearly had a soap opera playing in his mind. And it was playing too loud for him to hear me.

Sal faltered. Probably preparing another angry rant. He stared at me for a few seconds looking perplexed. I finally had his attention.

“I won’t make you tell me. Not if you don’t want to,” I continued, lowering my voice a little.

“Really?”

“Yes, really. I won’t make you tell me if you don’t want to. I know talking about pasts isn’t easy. And I respect that. I was trying to tell you that before you snapped at me.”

I could see he was sorry for judging me. I could tell that in his mental soap opera I was an asshole. In the soap opera I pressured him for answer. But the real Oliver would never do that. Much less when it was clearly still an open wound.

“Ollie I’m so sorry, for snapping at you like that I was just so angry, I took it out on you and I even expected the worse from you. You don’t deserve it, I shouldn’t have done that, it’s just-”

I interrupted his rant by hugging him tightly.

“It’s alright,” I whispered in his ear.

Sal nodded and sniffled a bit. It was clear that he was a rollercoaster of feelings right now. I pulled back a little and just kissed him. Right there in the street. I wanted to reassure him. Making him feel cherished and cared for. When I pulled back, I smiled at him. The real smile again. He gave me one of his lazy smiles in response. I grabbed his hand and laced our fingers together. Then we began to walk towards school again. We were very close to running late. I prayed for nothing else to happen. But then I also hoped Brent would show up. I really wanted to beat him to pulp. f**k peacefully resolving things. I would punch him right in the nose and break it again.

We got to school, thankfully, without any further events. And without Brent showing up, sadly. I walked Sal to class.

“Hey!” I heard someone say. We turned to see Gret walking towards us with a big smile. My heart began to race. She’d seen me panic yesterday. She was acting normally, though. That calmed me a bit.

Both Sal and I waved at her. She practically skipped towards us. Then, when she was close enough, she threw herself into our arms. She hugged Sal first and then she hugged me. I felt a little awkward. I wasn’t a hugger. In fact, I didn’t really like touching people. I hugged mom and dad now that I felt more comfortable around them. And obviously I hugged Sal. But other than them I didn’t hug anyone else. Gret let me go and stood back, still smiling.

“Let’s go,” she told me.

I frowned not really understanding where she wanted to go. I looked at Sal and he had a frown too. He didn’t understand what she was talking about either. Gret saw our faces and chuckled.

“On Wednesdays we have first period together, i***t. Say bye to your boyfriend ‘cause we’re leaving,” Gret said, grabbing my hand. She pulled me away from Sal.

I looked at Sal and waved him bye as Gret dragged me to class. I felt a bit sad. I don’t know. I kind of wanted a kiss or a hug or something before going to class. Sal chuckled and winked at me. He gave me one of his devilish smiles before going into the classroom. I blushed and turned back to the front. That smile held a promise in it. I didn’t know when we’d be able to fulfill it, though. I had to admit I was inclined to skip class. I wanted to take Sal somewhere where we could be alone.

No. You can’t do that Oliver. If I did, then Ash would probably find out, somehow. And then she’d have an excuse to kill me. Maybe we could do something when we got off the school. Wait. We couldn’t. Sal had band practice. Right then I remembered all my problems. I still wanted to sing for Tainted. And Sal wanted me to. He hadn’t said anything, but I could tell. And I couldn’t. I’d bowed I would never make a fool of myself like that again. I’d promised myself I would never get on a stage. I panicked too much. Too badly. I couldn’t do it.

“You should sing for Tainted,” Gret told me as we sat down on the desks.

I sighed and looked at her. I really didn’t want to explain. Telling Sal was one thing. Maybe I’d even consider telling Em and Dusty. But not Gret. I didn’t know her.

“I can’t,” I wrote in the corner of my notebook.

“What do you mean you can’t? You sing beautifully, why don’t you want to sing?” She asked, looking determined to find out.

I was starting to get a bit angry. Why was this girl pushing me for answers? My own boyfriend didn’t push me for answers.

“None of your business,” I wrote in the bottom of my notebook. After that I turned to face the board. The teacher had entered the classroom.

I could see my reply made her angry. But I didn’t care. In the best way possible. That was my business. She was nothing of mine. If I didn’t tell her, I could choose not to. She had no right to pester me with questions. I blinked, a little surprised at myself. I analyzed my feelings. I wasn’t really angry at her. I just hated it when people got in my business. And when they thought they could tell me what to do. That’s what she was doing. She had good intentions. But she was being nosy.

I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. When that was done, I returned my attention to what the teacher explained. The class dragged on slowly. Gret was tense next to me and I couldn’t blame her. I felt like I had been unnecessarily mean to her. I still wouldn’t tell her anything. But I felt kind of guilty about the way I’d spoken to her. So, against my own better judgment, I wrote her a little note. I told her I was sorry. I told her I didn’t want to talk about it. That she was making me uncomfortable. She took the note stared at it for a few seconds. She looked at me from the corner of her eye and sighed. She wrote something on the piece of paper before passing it to me.

“Ok, but dn’t snap @ me like dat. I ws only qrius.”

It took me a few minutes to figure out what she’d written. When I understood, wrote that I wouldn’t do it again. I left the note on her desk. Gret took it in her hands and read it. She turned to give me a smile. She gave me back the note. Right as I was going to put it away, I saw a shadow appear in front of me. I looked up. Dread settled in my stomach. Sure enough, the teacher stood in front of my desk. She looked really pissed.

“Oliver, give that note to me in this instant,” the teacher said through gritted teeth.

I offered the small piece of paper to her. The teacher took it. She read it as she walked to the front of the classroom. She threw it into the trash can before resuming class. Once she was gone, I turned to look at Gret. She had the same oh-s**t expression on her face. I started laughing about the whole incident. I couldn’t help it. I don’t know why but the whole thing tickled me deeply. I guessed it was the irony that everyone passed notes in class. But she chose to focus on me. Instead of that pissing me off, it had the contrary effect today.

Gret looked at me like I was out of my mind and started making shushing motions. I just laughed even harder. The teacher turned to glare at me. She looked even more pissed. She told me to quiet down. And that just finished cracking me up but I bit my cheek to refrain from laughing. The rest of the class went on without event. When it finally ended the teacher called me to her desk. She gave me a detention slip and glared at me.

“Next time you’ll think it twice before disrupting my class and passing notes around.”

Like hell I would. I wanted really bad to tell her, “Not really.” But I held back. I just grabbed the paper and shoved it into my pocket. She glared at me for a few more seconds before telling me to go. Once I was out, I didn’t even try to hold my laughter in. Gret looked at me like I had finally gone crazy. This school was really f****d up. The first time I’d passed notes and laughed during class and I got detention. There were people that played games on their phones. And the teacher said nothing. But me? No, she couldn’t let me get off the hook.

God. Stupid, I tell you.

Gret shook her head. Like she thought I was a lost cause. I walked her to class. Once there, she took a good look at me a winked.

“You look hot, Ollie,” she said before going into her classroom. Just like that. She simply left me there blushing.

Hot? Me? Really? Sal told me constantly. I couldn’t figure out what he was talking about, for the life of me. I made my way to the next class, thinking about what Gret had said. Sexy? Me? No way. Someone touched my shoulder and I jumped a bit. Dust stood there smiling at me. I didn’t really understand how I kept running into people.

Dust was a few inches shorter than me but he was skinny. He sort of looked like a beanpole. Not like famished or anything. No. He was walking that thin line between skinny and lean. If he didn’t watch his step he’d cross irreparably into skinny. He was laid back, like Sal. A bit of an air head. Or so it seemed to me. I had to admit I didn’t really know him that well.

“Hey, man,” he said.

I smiled and waved at him. I started walking towards class again. Dusty walked beside me.

“I thought I’d see you around the halls since we have next period together,” he said, giving me a smile.

I hadn’t known that. Then again, I hadn’t really noticed with whom I shared a period or didn’t. Except for Sal obviously. I didn’t really know how to answer, so I didn’t.

“Listen man, I’m sorry about Em pressuring you yesterday. You don’t have to sing with us if you really don’t want to. But your voice is amazing, man. It kinda reminds me of Andy’s. It’s like one in a million. I just don’t get why you don’t wanna sing with us, though,” he said shrugging.

I understood then that this was no coincidence. He was curious. Like Gret had been. I really didn’t want to get into this again. I wondered if Em and Kevin would seek me out and interrogate me too. I really hoped they didn’t do it. At the same time, I knew I’d spend the day avoiding their questions. I could feel it. I sighed again. This was going to be a long day.